Disappointed and Embarrassed

[Colin]

It's 2:21 AM and I wasn't up completely playing games but I gamed all day and into the night. Netflix took me a few more hours and here I am. 

I had quit gaming for a long time. I deleted all my accounts, sold my console and PS4 account. It was hard... if I'm being honest, it really sucked. It was more painful than I'd like to admit but I was free. 

I was free for... I'm not sure of the exact timeline but it was at least 6 months. In that time I had some life changing experiences. A meditation retreat had me rethinking life and that lead to a new job. A good job. A job that allowed me more than enough money to "treat myself" with a shiny new PS4 and new account to go with it.

This new job didn't just allow me a new PS4, but also the ability to rebuy almost my entire library of games again. 

I wish I could say that I'm doing great and only gaming sometimes or that I'm planning on stopping but I preordered Destiny 2...

I don't want gaming to negatively impact my life but I know it does and one of the most anticipated games of the last few years is coming out in 5 days. 

I know the two paths in front of me and I almost assuredly know which one I'm taking... head held in shame, but walking it just the same. 

?

Edited September 2, 2017 by Colin
Times

[mli]

At least you are here.

From your previous posts it looks like you've had a couple of minor relapses. And I suppose that's the answer for you. You think of game quitting as of loosing something great. From this point of view you can never be free.

Here comes my strange advice. Read any of Allen Carr's books. I've personally quit smoking using his book 5 years ago (in around 5 tries, not a single relapse since). But the most important point in his books is that you are free the moment you get rid of a bad habit. Not in a month, not in a year, but right away. And that what makes quitting permanent.

And even if you get overwhelmed by gaming — just be honest with you. Are you having the ball every minute spent playing? How are you feeling in the morning? Is it really worth it?

[Colin]

I can't thank you enough just for the response. I'll take a look at that book right now. 

[Cam Adair]

Glad to have you back with us Colin!

[Daniel]

If you did it once you can do it again, this time for good.

[Colin]

Glad to have you back with us Colin!

It's bittersweet to be sure Cam, but I'm so appreciative that this exists to help me get back on track. Shoot me an email sometime and we can setup a time to chat if you want. 

[Colin]

If you did it once you can do it again, this time for good.

Thank you Daniel, the second time feels harder because I have the failure of the first on my mind. I'm glad you're here supporting me though. I hope I can return the favor. 

[imquitgaming]

Hi my friend

I can't say as much because I may be very new. But you I've noticed through struggling with both gaming addiction and drug addiction it's always about getting back up that will make you stronger. These struggles are what shape us. And you shouldn't be down on yourself for failing. You didn't fail, because you're back here trying again. You fell down. But if you get back up, that's what makes you strong.

I don't know you but I have a lot of respect for you for coming back.

 

Why don't you try selling your console again? And I know it sounds like a waste, but you already spent the money. Either A) you keep it and you risk continuing gaming or B) you sell it and you get something out of it.

[Daniel]

If you did it once you can do it again, this time for good.

Thank you Daniel, the second time feels harder because I have the failure of the first on my mind. I'm glad you're here supporting me though. I hope I can return the favor. 

It's all about how you think about it. I am doing a second detox because I failed the first detox. However I fee a lot more confident this time, like all my heart, soul and mind are actually on this second detox. The second time you can learn from the mistakes of the first time. Keep going.