Quest's quest for independency over his life

[Quest]

Welcome to my journal, reader!

This journal is one of my poor attemps to regain control over my life, that videogames and internet had taken away. I'm already almost 18 days into a gaming detox, but after some days of productivity I fell into an abyss of mindless YouTube watching and staying at Game Quitters' Discord for unthinkable amounts of time.

And this is why I am blocking YouTube, Facebook and Discord for 5 days when I finish writing this post. I am also planning on making daily journal entries, just to keep myself accountable. So yeah, I am gonna make an entry in this thread in the evening. I hope I will have enough courage not to open Discord app on PC (I can't block it in any way) or YouTube on phone browser and I will stay strong. I have to finally be independent over my life so internet won't be controlling me anymore by the end of June. I know this is possible, I set myself free from Facebook by going cold turkey over a week ago, so Discord and YouTube shouldn't be difrent.

Just after I posted this thread I felt a great sad feeling of not being able to share any thought with anyone. Well, at least I can store them and share them all in this journal by the end of the day.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Quest

[Onlysoul]

Hi,
I wish you much power as you can possess. For me blocking sites or internet wasnt a solution. You must discover why do you do these things. When you know why, you can understand your situation and change you paradigm. 

[Quest]

 Well, I do mindless browsing because it's almost as engaging as videogames I gave up on.

[Ridingsplosh]

Congratz on starting a new journal! Look forward to see your progress 

[Quest]

 Thank you.

Today not much happened, I visited my family and went out for a workout with friends I spent some great time with. I spent much less time on my phone.

[Cam Adair]

This journal is one of my poor attemps to regain control over my life

It all begins by being kinder to yourself. You won't shame yourself into success. Read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown or The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Both will help! 

[Quest]

Sorry for not posting for the past days, they were kind of busy, but in a good way. Well, excluding this one in a little bit. Let me explain.

I was spending a lot of times outside wtih friends. Started going to sleep early and waking up at 7 or 8 and going around my town meeting friends and having fun with them. I went to gym and pool with them, done some shopping etc. It was great. Almost full days without any need for use of my phone or PC for any mindless browsing etc. I didn't even turn on my PC excluding this day! But everything had changed to day.

My mate wants me to get into streetwear (I have some decent shoes etc but most of my clothing is kinda crappy), so he told me that he is gonna add me to some Facebook group where this kind of clothing is sold, so I can know it better and find some nice occasions and discounts. I deleted my Facebook app some time before gaming detox to limit time spent on it, but it was still blocked by my app locker app. I thought that I had already changed and have a rewired brain, I won't fall into this trap. I'm just gonna check if I was added yet. And it turned out I wasn't and I spent like over 1 hour in the late eveing on my phone yesterday, when I was supposed to read a book and go to sleep, and today's morning and this evening were also disrupted by refreshing my Facebook wall and watching some videos when eating breakfast or in bed. I went outside for a long time and spent some quality hours with my friend, but still I failed my challenge.

I thought it was so easy, that I can control myself better now. But when I showed ot myself my most minor weakness, I was sucked in back again. I'm going on vacations this Sunday with my family and friends to sail sailboats in Mazury, so I hope I will focus on sailing and spending cool time (I used to visit this place annualy 2 years before, but everything is still chaning a bit). I think this is the greatest proof that I shouldn't try moderate gaming after my detox is finished, like I planned before. I've also noticed, that without being in touch with the community on Discord, I could not keep myself accountable. Chatting takes a lot less effort than writing a post. 

Thanks to all the people above. I do use RescueTime app for my phone, app lock app and also Cold Turkey (I deleted it like half an hour ago because I wanted to watch some video online with my friend when he was still here, I don't think I'm gonna use PC before the trip in Sunday anyway, and when I come back I will return to using it moderately) for PC, hycniejszy. Thanks for the advice Cam, my self-worth is low even with my greatest efforts put into it.

[Quest]

This day wasn't good for me either. I woke up late and spent the whole morning and noon in bed mindlessly browsing my phone. I left my house at 16 just to go get a haircut and get home shortly after so I can mow my lawn and go back to browsing. At least I was browsing some educational stuff this evening.

I think that leaving Discord community before finishing my detox for even as short time as it may seem was bad for me, since my brain still is not fully rewired and I need advices and keep myself accountable just by chatting with this community.

[Guest]

You're writing a good Story here, keep it up!

Some days really won't work, but you can always seek back for what you have learnt from it!

[Quest]

Thanks. I could not agree more. Failure is a failure only when you don't learn from it. Because the only people who don't fail are those, who don't do anything.

[Quest]

Yeah, I live close to Sudety in Dolny Śląsk. I used to go for sailing annually, but I had a break recently. In July I am going to go on the sailing camp for 2 weeks to get my own sailing license, like my dad did. As far as this day goes, I got my school diploma for finishing the 1st class of high school and then browsed some very interesting subreddits and discussed some topics, now I am heading towards gym where my friends are waiting for me. @hycniejszy your font on mobile is hard to read, when on PC it looks like normal. Just so you know.