Tons of wasted time and money.

[Alkan]

Games, as well as internet addiction, particularly forums (ironic, isn't it?) have left a path of destruction in my life that, quite frankly, horrifies me. I can see so clearly the damage that has been done by my addiction. On and off, my greatest productivity has been in periods of least distraction. I've been on a path of self-improvement for about a year now. Yet, I've managed to delude myself about the elephant in my room - games and the internet. I've gradually come to understand the effect that these things have had on me, and the misery produced by getting stuck in them.

Here I sit, exam tomorrow, not enough time to study, probably going to go poorly. It's my avoidance pattern - "I don't want to do this right now but I should. Well, this (insert game/youtube/etc.) won't take long..." and we all know how that inevitably ends. Every day, that has happened for the past few weeks. I got burned out and that caused the relapse. FFS, I had the first real migraine I've ever had in my life - all from poor sleep and staring at a screen for too long. I've gained back a lot of weight that I had lost. I'm just realizing, I should really list out the damage I've done, it's cathartic, like it's showing me how unworthy these menial things are of my time.

I went cold turkey for two months early in the year. It was one of my most productive periods. I was able to get done in 6 hours what one would normally do in a couple of days. Think of the pomodoro technique (blocking time into 25 to 45 minute intervals). I was basically functioning like that for 6 hours straight with no breaks. It was glorious. I feel like my brain is still connected better from that session alone - and that was in February! Lol.

My most productive period before that was a period where I took a very, very hard class (a math class with a ridiculous instructor). I mean, half of the class dropped out, and of the remaining 50%, half of them got a D or lower. I got a B. I wasn't playing games, I wasn't using the internet much. I wasn't perfectly optimized, I could have achieved an A otherwise. But, most of my grades are absolute garbage or mediocre. Games and internet are the things that correlate most strongly with screwing up. Shortly after this semester, I got complacent. "Oh, well, other classes are easy in comparison to this one because that teacher was ridiculous. I'm more clear headed now, I can probably handle World of Warcraft." That was nearly four years ago, and I'm still in school - that was sophomore year. Granted, my major is hard. But, if I can do that in a class like that, I could have cleaned up this degree a year ago.

I'm here because I think that having a place to discuss this problem and get feedback from like-minded people is going to allow me to really quit for good. I want that two months to be my whole life - established routine, no worthless distractions, moving towards creating a legacy for myself, feeling confident, etc. I'm also here because it's incredibly relieving to be in a group of people who see it as a serious problem and take it seriously as something to avoid.

Validation is an incredibly potent psychological mechanism - and that's why I think that this community will end up being an important factor in me making a much more lasting, permanent change.

[Cam Adair]

Hey Alkan! It's great to have you join us here. Being a part of a supportive community is one of the best ways to improve your chance of success. As you'll see, we all have your back and are here to help. Consider starting a journal and posting regularly - it has major benefits.

[Alkan]

I will do that. I'm Opus from the YouTube comments, btw.

[Cam Adair]

I will do that. I'm Opus from the YouTube comments, btw.

Thought so.

[kortheo]

I will echo Cam's comment about journaling having major benefits... it's really surprising. It's almost taken for granted around here rather than discussed explicitly, but I think journaling here is one of the most effect things you can do to quit.

I would also recommend committing to a 90 day detox and picking up Respawn - at least, that worked really well for me!

Best of luck and welcome to the forum.

[AlexTheGrape]

Thanks for joining the community Alkan! I hope the best for your recovery, and look forward to seeing a journal started from you!

Through my own journal I was able to reflect on what I had done right and wrong, and may have been the leading factor to what made me come back quickly after relapse: a record of my progress in recovery, and continuous support from the community within my journal.

[Kyle]

Hi Alkan—I'm also new around here. Quite a bit of what you said resonates with me. Similar patterns of behavior, reasoning, and feelings. Hang in there!

Something that has struck me in the little time I've been reading these forums: there are quite a few smart people congregating here. That's a good sign that we can put our heads together and fight the good fight.

Keep it up!

Kyle