Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Mert's Journal


Mert Gunes
 Share

Recommended Posts

I wish to write this journal as I walk alongside all of you on the 90-day road to freedom. Yes, I am determined to take a 90-day detox from games. I believe that, at the end of it, I will grow out of gaming. I also believe that writing this journal will help me accomplish this as I reflect on each one of my days. I am thankful for this space that Game Quitters is providing. I also thank Cam Adair who started it all and is an inspiration to me. Here I go.

Day 0

Today was supposed to be day 1 since I decided to take the 90-day detox last night but I already relapsed today and played 3 rounds in League of Legends. I swear that game is my archenemy. A while ago I blocked myself out from my main level 30 account by changing its password and connecting to an e-mail account to which I did not know the password of. I actually recovered this account using Riot support by pretending somebody hacked me. I did that twice. On the second time they recovered it, they said they would not recover it again :D. So I finally got away from my main account by 'blocking myself' for the third time. Anyway, I was playing on a new account lately. I gave my Summoner the name of "Capt Day" where the Capt is short for Captain. The meaning behind this name was that I would play the League only to get the First Win of the Day meaning that I would stop playing after I won once in a day. It did not work. Capt Day was my last attempt to play games in moderation. I have to stop. I mean, I have even gotten addicted to playing Pinball 3D which was supposed to act as a 'bridge' to freedom. I'm attaching a picture for those who are reading; who here has heard of a Pinball 3D addict :D?

6738042.png

Joking aside, today is the beginning of a new chapter for me. I am very determined. I hope this determination will not falter too quickly. Now, I'll plan for the coming week and perhaps spend some time designing a device that would power street light posts using rain. I had this idea a while ago but just did not have the time to explore it. It gets quite rainy here in Manchester :)

Edited by Mert Gunes
I decided I want smileys
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there. I myself just started (am on day 2) and what you described is what I've taken steps to avoid. Delete all games but be ready to exercise restraint because once you open the browser, well lol, you know what's gonna happen.

 

The thing about us is we're addicts and we'll find excuses, rationalizations, whatever, to "take a hit of the stuff, just a little one". Maybe a 10 minute break for a short game or something like that. Never give in to that urge or you'll soon find yourself in a nice slippery slope. Also, shame about that account, do you plan to stop for good or just for a few months till you gain some restraint ?

 

Anyway good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there. I myself just started (am on day 2) and what you described is what I've taken steps to avoid. Delete all games but be ready to exercise restraint because once you open the browser, well lol, you know what's gonna happen.

 

The thing about us is we're addicts and we'll find excuses, rationalizations, whatever, to "take a hit of the stuff, just a little one". Maybe a 10 minute break for a short game or something like that. Never give in to that urge or you'll soon find yourself in a nice slippery slope. Also, shame about that account, do you plan to stop for good or just for a few months till you gain some restraint ?

 

Anyway good luck

Hey DuckyMcDuck. We all know what's gonna happen :)

You are right about the rationalisations. Personally, I always substituted Youtube videos or Twitch streams of League of Legends which eventually made me relapse, because I thought "If I am gonna spend time watching people play, I might as well play it myself". So I am including such videos and streams in the detox, and I recommend you do the same. By the way, good luck to you!

I plan on stopping for good. The thing is, I have tried to stop for a while now and at times I realised that I really want to do other things. So I believe that, if I can get through these 90 days, I will naturally grow out of gaming. What about you, are you planning to stop for good or taking some time off?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guest pinned this topic

I sort of do the youtube thing myself(music, comedy) but, with the exception of one player, I've stopped doing that too (since I anticipated I'd try to WATCH games I can't play anymore, I've tried to control myself to lesser extents in the past, I sort of know how retarded I can get).

 

As for me no, i don't plan to stop for good at all. The way I see it games are good, relaxing, fun, the problem is not games, the problem is me. It's clear that at the current moment I lack the impulse control to stop myself from playing too much if I play at all so, at least until some things are put in order and I manage to gain some restraint (be it by meditation, by finding other hobbies/occupations) I will stop playing. I also have a fixed deadline when it comes to the release of a game I've waited a literal decade for (I will just binge for 1 week ).

 

Anyway, if it helps you at all, this is just my second day and my productivity has sky rocketed. I am finally tired at night and it's not even 00 00 yet (I used to play till like 2 and not be tired). I used to think i can't do anything intellectual at night. Today I managed till about now. So if you want to increase your productivity this may well be a holy grail

Edited by DuckyMcDuck
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe that games are at least a part of the problem. Whether its the sense of accomplishment they give or a way to escape they provide, games can take priority above anything else that you thought would give you the power to control. At least that's what happened to me many times.

I am glad to hear your productivity is skyrocketing! Keep up your journal too, DuckyMcDuck, because I'll be reading it. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@DuckyMcDuck

I would recommend trying to quit games altogether. I don't know if this is a problem for you, but in my experience, when I play games at all, I found myself thinking about them all day in school (I still go to school) and then I just have to play them when I get home, and I spend hours playing them before I do my homework. Gaming just has a more addictive quality than any other hobby. I've found that when I am not playing games, there are still things I want to do, but I don't feel like I have to do those things as soon as I get home; I can still get the things done that I need to get done, before I do the things I want. I mean, it's all up to you what you choose to do, but that's just what I would recommend. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 1

Firstly I want to say that the forum helped me quite a bit last night to ease my desire to play games by acting as an alternate way for me to use my computer. As for today, I started off strong, but I am struggling now.

In the morning, I spent some time setting up apps on my phone so I can read the news and technology reviews. I thought of this as an idea to break my bad habit of watching Youtube videos of League of Legends entertainers. Then I worked for my part time job as an exam invigilator, which actually gives me a lot of time to think since the students are quite tamed :). I gave a little bit of thought to my idea of energy generation from rain, and realised that gutters are structures that already gather and amplify rain water. I'm pretty sure the idea is inviable, but I enjoy imagining it. After work, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and had a chance to catch up with them. It was all nice until I headed back home in the afternoon.

How-to-choose-rain-gutters-aluminum-gutt

When I returned to my room, I instantly had urges to install the League and play some rounds. I am at a time where I have little work left to do for university, so I find more reasons to play games. Still, I refused to give up. At first I watched a few episodes of Big Bang Theory, because I felt like all my energy was going in to not playing games. Later I decided to collect all my change that has been aggregating over the years, and go to the supermarket to buy grapes and yogurt with them. On the way back, I stopped to stare at a seagull flying high above me and the trees in the city that I too often ignore. I smiled as I remembered myself looking at trees even in virtual realms such as the likes of Mount & Blade Warband. I think I miss nature.

Right now, I am writing this journal mostly to distract myself from wanting to reinstall League. When I'm done, I think I'll watch a bit more of Big Bang Theory. I am really finding hard to stop my mind from constantly drifting to the Summoner's Rift. For a second I even thought I heard the Windows sound that pops up when I install the League. I know this sound because I have uninstalled and reinstalled it countless times :D. Anyway, I remember Cam saying in one of his videos that we should take each day at a time. That's what I'll do. All I want is to just make it through this night.

Edited by Mert Gunes
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

When I returned to my room, I instantly had urges to install the League and play some rounds. I am at a time where I have little work left to do for university, so I find more reasons to play games. Still, I refused to give up. At first I watched a few episodes of Big Bang Theory, because I felt like all my energy was going in to not playing games. Later I decided to collect all my change that has been aggregating over the years, and go to the supermarket to buy grapes and yogurt with them. On the way back, I stopped to stare at a seagull flying high above me and the trees in the city that I too often ignore. I smiled as I remembered myself looking at trees even in virtual realms such as the likes of Mount & Blade Warband. I think I miss nature.

Right now, I am writing this journal mostly to distract myself from wanting to reinstall League. When I'm done, I think I'll watch a bit more of Big Bang Theory. I am really finding hard to stop my mind from constantly drifting to the Summoner's Rift. For a second I even thought I heard the Windows sound that pops up when I install the League. I know this sound because I have uninstalled and reinstalled it countless times :D. Anyway, I remember Cam saying in one of his videos that we should take each day at a time. That's what I'll do. All I want is to just make it through this night.

Whatever you do do not install league. I myself am a dota player and I've tried uninstalling and reinstalling the game "for just a match" in the past. I mean i installed and uninstalled a couple gigs game a few times a day until I decided to just keep it. There is no moderation with MOBAS until you get some serious self control. 

Also, focus on the negatives maybe ? I mean DOTA often gave me quite a bit of rage, didn't LOL do the same to you ? Does this forum have a chat ? I am quite curious to see how different our experience was in this regard.

 

Now I just had that stellaris game come out and I am making excuses myself but most importantly remember : you made a promise to YOURSELF.I have a feeling you had to be pushed quite hard to make it so just remember the pain it gave you, remember the reason you decided this, remember the misery those things caused. Again, I am not against playing video games and I think we are to blame not the games themselves, but a promise to yourself is the most important sort of promise and anyway, it's clear at this point in time you lack the control to play in moderation. This is withdrawal, it will suck, try focusing on other stuff.


Speaking of other stuff, try duolingo, it could be fun for a while. Or khan academy. Coursera.

 

Also, for TV shows, not sure what you're into but do consider Lucifer since it's one of the funniest shows out there (low brow humor but still, the one liners are just golden).
 

Anyway, be strong and remember why you're doing this

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for the support @DuckyMcDuck, I appreciate it. You are right about MOBAS. I always tried to be the calm and cool player in LOL :D, but nonetheless I see your point and yes there are many things I also don't like about LOL like how it forces me to see unfair games through to their end even when players disconnect. I am interested in your experience with DOTA. We could use the messaging system of the forum, or a chat system outside the forum. What do you prefer?

I now see your point about how its down to us at the end of the day and not the game. I don't want to distrust myself by breaking this promise that I've broken all too many times in the past. I ended up finishing the few episodes I had left from Big Bang Theory's new season so I might check out Lucifer next time I want to watch a series. As regards to duolingo etc., I found out about Memrise, a similar platform, on the forum and so I was practicing my French in these last hours of the night before I can happily hit the sick after a day without gaming. I hope to talk to you soon.

Edited by Mert Gunes
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guest unpinned this topic

One day or even one hour at a time for sure. It's not that you won't have urges, it's that you are learning how to be mindful of your feelings and conscious choose how you want to respond. That's the secret.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 2

Questions are running loose in my head, questions like "Do I really want to stop playing games?". I cycled around the city running errands today until the afternoon. For a while now I have been lying in bed watching comedic scripts on Youtube which, to be frank, I find only ever so slightly funny. At some point I was looking at League of Legends images on Google, thinking about reinstalling. I have to sort out some food for myself, but I feel like I am depleted of energy and the only way to regain it is to start the installation. I know that this feeling is deceptive, but the reasons as to why I am fighting it are becoming blurrier by the hour. I'm thinking that I'll order takeaway tonight as a way to help fight these digital temptations. Then again that could be just another excuse looking to trigger others. Anyway, this is day 2, and I hope my promises will make it to their trilogy. By the way, I think I use befuddling phrases to avoid making reality-reflecting-remarks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 2

Questions are running loose in my head, questions like "Do I really want to stop playing games?". I cycled around the city running errands today until the afternoon. For a while now I have been lying in bed watching comedic scripts on Youtube which, to be frank, I find only ever so slightly funny. At some point I was looking at League of Legends images on Google, thinking about reinstalling. I have to sort out some food for myself, but I feel like I am depleted of energy and the only way to regain it is to start the installation. I know that this feeling is deceptive, but the reasons as to why I am fighting it are becoming blurrier by the hour. I'm thinking that I'll order takeaway tonight as a way to help fight these digital temptations. Then again that could be just another excuse looking to trigger others. Anyway, this is day 2, and I hope my promises will make it to their trilogy. By the way, I think I use befuddling phrases to avoid making reality-reflecting-remarks.

that's actually a legitimate question you should answer. If you can control yourself and can stop them from becoming a problem again (or are ready to do this again and stop any potential problems in the bud) I don't see why you'd stop for good AFTER the initial detox (I am in the minority here and I think this is a decision everyone has to make for themselves). If you don't trust your self control (again, really think this trough) then quit them for good.Also, no idea about the energy thing, I have way more energy now so for me it's the opposite in this regard. Also, I know this is a personal question, but WHY are you actually doing this ? (it may help to write it down and read it ).

 

I am not sure if this is allowed but you can pm me a skype chat or something like that and just message me if you're about to fuck up and install/play (I myself am solid for 30 days, then I will evaluate things further, considering recent results I may very well end up going the full 90, I sort of like this in a weird way)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 2

Questions are running loose in my head, questions like "Do I really want to stop playing games?". I cycled around the city running errands today until the afternoon. For a while now I have been lying in bed watching comedic scripts on Youtube which, to be frank, I find only ever so slightly funny. At some point I was looking at League of Legends images on Google, thinking about reinstalling. I have to sort out some food for myself, but I feel like I am depleted of energy and the only way to regain it is to start the installation. I know that this feeling is deceptive, but the reasons as to why I am fighting it are becoming blurrier by the hour. I'm thinking that I'll order takeaway tonight as a way to help fight these digital temptations. Then again that could be just another excuse looking to trigger others. Anyway, this is day 2, and I hope my promises will make it to their trilogy. By the way, I think I use befuddling phrases to avoid making reality-reflecting-remarks.

that's actually a legitimate question you should answer. If you can control yourself and can stop them from becoming a problem again (or are ready to do this again and stop any potential problems in the bud) I don't see why you'd stop for good AFTER the initial detox (I am in the minority here and I think this is a decision everyone has to make for themselves). If you don't trust your self control (again, really think this trough) then quit them for good.Also, no idea about the energy thing, I have way more energy now so for me it's the opposite in this regard. Also, I know this is a personal question, but WHY are you actually doing this ? (it may help to write it down and read it ).

 

I am not sure if this is allowed but you can pm me a skype chat or something like that and just message me if you're about to fuck up and install/play (I myself am solid for 30 days, then I will evaluate things further, considering recent results I may very well end up going the full 90, I sort of like this in a weird way)

Totally allowed! Encouraged! Maybe accountability partners? :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share