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DeathandOpportunity

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Hey, call me Kay. 29 year old, from northern Wisconsin, prior military, college student with delusions of grandeur. First system was a Sega Genesis at age five. Shortly after, life became a shitstorm with one brother landing in juvenile detention, one sister running away, and parents splitting up. From then forward, gaming was one of the few things where I had any control or consistency. My mom moved my two other sisters and I every year till I was 15, so I never stuck with a curriculum or social group. Thus, my consistency came from Green Hill Zones and my autonomy came from choosing my route to Eggman.

I always planned to do great things as soon as I was free, as soon as I wasn't chained to an irresponsible parent. So, I joined the army right after school, traveled a bit, but had no damn idea what to do with freedom. So, I spent my years in the reserve working odd jobs, hosting D&D, and building alcohol tolerance.

Moved away from home town to Missouri at 20, drank and partied lots, but didn't game socially. Also, met a great girl. Once I got back on my feet, I returned to odd jobs, drinking, and hosting D&D between video game binges. Still, I'd made progress from Wisconsin. I wasn't stuck supporting a deadbeat mom. Of course, working two jobs plus reserve weekends with no sense of structure wasn't sustainable. Plus, I'd proposed to that girl after a couple years and I wanted to be a respectable man to marry. So, I worked my way towards community college while getting certified as a nursing assistant. Transferred after two years to a better college in a bigger town.

Anniversary with my girl was two months after start of semester at new school. She was supposed to be bringing her son with to visit. I'd scheduled work off and arranged to miss classes. She didn't show. She didn't answer her phone. When I finally drove four hours to talk to her, she explained that the distant relationship was too hard for her. She would not sustain our relationship.

I broke.

Video games pulled me out of the bottle and gave me something enjoyable to talk about with friends over the next year.

Been 4 years since. Got a pretty righteous relationship that's two years old. Trying to graduate this summer.

Though I don't drown in booze anymore, I do get lost in games (10 hours/daily). I know they've protected me from some pretty terrible stuff before, so I appreciate that. However, I'm not tied to all the stupid terrible stuff that happened in my past so I don't need such a safe haven. Hell, I'm told I'm a pretty awesome guy and I constantly impress people. Still, I compulsively feel that the smartest, safest, and best decision is to don headphones, grab a controller, and let the world fuck off and die. I'm smart enough to know that's crap, but leaving games feels utterly self-destructive and dumb.

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Yo Kay! I know gaming was something that really helped me during my own dark times after tough breakups, but over time I realized escaping and numbing my pains were only prolonging them, and since then learning to process things without numbing has helped me a lot. Whether that's gaming, porn, drugs, or anything else.

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Welcome mate :) I think games have helped a lot of us here, but as you have realized we no longer need them anymore and they are just holding us back! Good job on starting your journey.

My advice would be to keep your day's busy and start developing at-least one thing, for me it's another language, my mind and body. Remember to start your journal too as it helps out a lot! :)

All the best!

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Hey,  games were my safe haven from life too.  Like yourself, I realized I was not in the warzone of my past but my coping/gaming patterns did not change.  You have broke one addiction so you know the way and the same tools will help you.  We tend to move our unhealthy coping strategies around from one habit to another until we finally learn to crawl on our own without a crutch. Then one day all we can do is stand and then one day we realize we are free and walk away.  That journey is different for each of us all but we learn to make ourselves feel better and that our emotions/thoughts are not the enemy just information about what we need, worry about or want.  We choose what we do and when....because we deserve it or its best for our plans etc.  You are the things you say and awesome too.  Believe it and then ask yourself, what does this awesome guy need? then let yourself know you deserve it and then start the crawl to it.  Fix the problems in the way and celebrate your victories....like what you did with your post.  Seeing what you want and seeking the path to get there.  If you fall down...smile...go oops and get back up....cause this is living and sometimes its pretty and sometimes its not and it is always worth it.

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