Bagradain's Journal

[Bagradain]

Sunday, October 8. I had a relapse tonight. I felt lonely, anxious, couldn't sleep, I had high blood pressure. I really wanted to talk to someone, but outside the window it was already late at night.

I downloaded my favorite MMORPG, created a character, made a few in-game purchases. Then vent through several chapters of the plot.

I don't know why, but while I was playing, I was able to relax, think calmly. A few new ideas came to my mind. I want to live again, to try new things in real life. I even figured out how to get even closer to the image of my game character in real life.

I had a pretty productive day, I finally cleaned the room, made the bed. I found a new favorite music that improved my mood. And importantly, I controlled my screen time.

For some reason, today's relapse worked for me as a favorite hobby that gave me energy and the desire to continue living. Maybe I just like everything about Knights. I decided that I would look for the "golden balance" between my favorite game and real life, if it is not possible to completely quit gaming yet. My girlfriend also supported me in this.

 I don't recommend repeating my relapse experience. I just got lucky for some reason. There's no guarantee it will work for you.

For myself, I understood one thing: it is useless to force and torture myself with streaks, blockers, apps with motivational quotes, that pop up every time. It's easier for me to manage my time, constantly asking myself "What's more important: The game or ...?" , and set the right priorities. For example, instead of playing during the day, I spend time with my girlfriend, because she is more important to me.

Instead, I play for 1.5 hours in the evening, when I feel completely lonely and sad, can't sleep, when I can't stand it anymore.

I wish everyone a peaceful and quiet night.

 

[BooksandTrees]

You might also be among people who can moderate gaming. Not many can do this, but you'll have to keep tabs on it because it still seems like this is your main coping mechanism for stress and loneliness. 

[Bagradain]

Thanks, I'll think about it.

Have a nice day.