Grogu's Journal

[Antoni]

Day 78 - No Video Games

Just signed up for this forum, but I've been following the discord channel for a while. I'm 78 days now without video games, I still feel lost and anxious.  I think it's not just video games that I had problems with. I'm addicted to all types of procrastination, from YouTube, reddit, to movies, even searching about anything in google. I tried a YouTube and social media detox as well but relapsed about day 40. I tried to get back on it but I always relapse on day 6 or 7. I also tried building habits like running, meditating, but after several days when I got stressed at work, I can't seem to do it and my body is finding something comforting like these dopamine addicting sites. Im also having a hard time following a schedule. 

 I've been trying to solve this procrastination problem for around 2 years now, but I cannot seem to find the solution. I tried several days of complete detox, but once I come back, I always binge again on what I needed to watch on YouTube or to read on social media. I cannot also limit these things as I ended up several hours binging something. 

This procrastination is also the reason on why I have a very slow growth in my career. I haven't even tried to learn something for upskill to improve my career. I'm an independent contractor in a certain field that is known for its overwork and underpaid individuals, maybe this is one of the reasons, being unhappy in career, as well as being overworked and underpaid. Earlier this year, I joined a coding bootcamp in order to try to switch careers, ended up quitting the bootcamp and wasting so much money because I cannot handle the extreme stress of learning it, and having so much anxiety about the future.

I've been trying to be better, but it is clearly not enough.

Edited August 22, 2023 by Grogu
Updated streak

[wheatbiscuit]

78 days is plenty far! You'll be due to celebrate detoxing for 90 soon like @DanielG and I - if you believe in the timing of it. 😛 

Procrastination is a tough topic for me too. I like to find and decide beforehand how much value there's gonna be per visit in Youtube videos, social media, movies and browsing, because they can help you feel connected and 'up to speed'. I mean, unless there's a real journey you feel like you have to go on (which was an at-the-time lengthy 90 days' no gaming for me), there might not be a need to cut all of those things out entirely.

I also worked in a kitchen for 10 years, and they didn't even get me to do half of the prep-work (too many eggs in one basket, perhaps). However, I've done walking and weightlifting the whole time - both of which can help with a sense of achievement and organising one's thoughts, as opposed to jogging and running (more relentless) - if those interest you!

-- All that said, you've typed out your challenges really well, and it's resonated with my experiences. Feel free to message me on here or in GQ's Discord!

~ ausmatt (Matt)

[Antoni]

I appreciate your message @wheatbiscuit, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, apparently, it's easier for me to quit video games since I only played single player games before, but I played a lot back then. It's harder for me to quit the social aspect that social media or YouTube gives me. Maybe the reason is that I don't get to hang out with my friend group that much, most of them goes on with their lives and some left the country. I feel like I'm alone, without a tribe. 

I actually regularly run months ago, but for some reason I stopped, and I just run now for time to time.  I need to get back on it. I really liked it a lot, especially early in the morning before the sun rises.
I'm almost in 90 days detoxing video games, but I still have a lot to improve. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely much better now than when I was still playing video games. 

I'll try to post here from time to time and update my progress. Thanks @wheatbiscuit, I appreciate it.

[Antoni]

Day 88 - No video Games

Been away for a while, I'm almost at 90 days without video games but I still feel like shit. I feel like I'm still not developing myself to achieve and fulfill my true potential. I'm almost 30 years old but I still don't know what the hell should I do with my career and life. I wasted so many years of my life doing non-sense shit like watching videos I don't even enjoy just to avoid work and to avoid developing myself. I'm also very insecure person, I envy seeing others being happy with their choices or have some progress in their careers. I know I can be that person as well, but I all my life I always chose the short-term rewards and I'll take responsibility for that.

I've seen the disciplined version of myself for some days, and I'm happier and more fulfilled with that. Starting now I'll be starting a hard dopamine detox. 30 days without social media, YouTube, reddit, and video games.  I'll also focus on building better habits and systems, first to my list is to sleep and wake up at the same time. I always like waking up early in the morning and run. I'll make that as a priority, and will try building other habits along the way.

Edited August 22, 2023 by Grogu

[Ace92]

 

2 hours ago, Grogu said:

I wasted so many years of my life doing non-sense shit like watching videos I don't even enjoy just to avoid work and to avoid developing myself. I'm also very insecure person, I envy seeing others being happy with their choices or have some progress in their careers. I know I can be that person as well, but I all my life I always chose the short-term reward

I struggle with this as well. I was afraid of trying new activities because I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of failure because I was afraid of being mocked. If I never tried I would never be mocked. 

I don't know if this will help as everyone is different, but what helped me overcome my fear of failure was thinking about how sad I was just sitting around wasting my time. If I never failed then, I would never become comfortable with failure. I would always be insecure. 
 

Doing a dopamine detox is a good idea. Those instant gratification activities are dangerous. 

 

2 hours ago, Grogu said:

I'm almost 30 years old but I still don't know what the hell should I do with my career and life.

 what helped me start new hobbies was taking that useless junk and finding the alternative for it. for example, sitting around all day listening to music (through headphones), was a big problem for me. It kept me in my comfort zone. It made me have dreams of me doing amazing things. Though nothing was getting done. So, when I said goodbye to headphones. I turned to reading, which filled my mind with amazing stories. I'm also starting to learn guitar. 
 

i don't know what you are interested in but you could turn gaming into learning how to code. reading is also a great option. another suggestion i have is learning a language.

Hope all goes well with your journey.

 

best, 

ace

[Antoni]

7 hours ago, Ace92 said:

I don't know if this will help as everyone is different, but what helped me overcome my fear of failure was thinking about how sad I was just sitting around wasting my time. If I never failed then, I would never become comfortable with failure. I would always be insecure. 
 

Thanks @Ace92, I appreciate your thoughts. Yup, this could be one of the reasons. I'm always in my comfort zone, being anxious with the future, and always remunerating what mistakes I've made in the past. I'm always thinking of what ifs, what if I pursued this instead of this, what if I went to another country, what if I was not wasting my time back then. Then ended up with wasting a lot of time in the present and stayed the same for a long time.

 

8 hours ago, Ace92 said:

what helped me start new hobbies was taking that useless junk and finding the alternative for it. for example, sitting around all day listening to music (through headphones), was a big problem for me. It kept me in my comfort zone. It made me have dreams of me doing amazing things. Though nothing was getting done. So, when I said goodbye to headphones. I turned to reading, which filled my mind with amazing stories. I'm also starting to learn guitar. 

I'm currently working on this, I found out nearly in my 90 days without video games that I'm not just addicted to video games alone. I'm addicted to anything that could take my mind off and living another life other than mine. Video games has the same effects of me as binging on YouTube, social media, and even watching movies. That may be the reason that I'm still sad and feeling like shit. I had my phase of being disciplined earlier this year but sadly I didn't sustain it. I like reading books, running early in the morning, and being disciplined with money and time. I'll restart those habits and take it day by day. I also plan to start learning new things like upskilling to improve my current career and try learning Japanese as I plan to have a vacation there next year.

Thanks @Ace92, I appreciate you starting a conversation with me.

[Antoni]

Detox: 
Day 92 : Video Games Detox
Day 0 - Social Media & Youtube Detox (Relapsed 😞) Last streak: 40 days


Habits: 
Waking up at 5am: 1/7
Meditation: 1/7

Reflection: 

Being disciplined:
I've been disciplined on my first 60 days in my video games detox, but after that, things just went downhill. One reason is because of too much stress at work and my mental health was deteriorating since I wasn't able to do the habits I was doing to keep me sane. I do like exercise, meditating, reading, and waking up early in the morning. For the next few weeks, I'll prioritize myself more, try to follow my schedule, and avoid working overtime. 

Being perfectionist: 
I have this bad habit of not doing anything because I can't do it perfectly or "I don't have time to do it." I realized that it's okay to not perfectly do a single task, just show up and do the thing. I'll fix it anyway or improve it next time. One example is doing meditation, I always have a goal to have a 10 min meditation, if things don't go well, It's okay to do 5 mins. I'll do this with all the habits and systems I want to improve.

 

 

Edited August 22, 2023 by Grogu

[D_Cozy]

On 8/22/2023 at 5:55 PM, Grogu said:

 For the next few weeks, I'll prioritize myself more, try to follow my schedule, and avoid working overtime. 

Definitely, overtime work is actually rarely ever productive. Burn out is real, and that leads to more productivity issues. "Face-time" (as called in the corporate world) will not necessarily make you the best worker you can be. Something I'm working on as well on my end.

If it helps, I am using a browser extension called "StayFocusd" to keep me in check from browsing around the net too much. For my phone I set screen limits for app categories. I think it's worth taking time to set these up, because they'll offer a "stop, read the notification, and think" opportunity if you do ever kick them off; I know it helped me when I went from vacation -> back to work, when I went into Wikipedia looking into who knows what at the time (I honestly forget and it probably wasn't important). The extension intervened, and redirected me out of the site.

[Antoni]

2 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Definitely, overtime work is actually rarely ever productive. Burn out is real, and that leads to more productivity issues. "Face-time" (as called in the corporate world) will not necessarily make you the best worker you can be. Something I'm working on as well on my end.

I just realized working overtime is the opposite of a keystone habit, it pulled me from all other aspects of my life. This month was rough, I accepted too many projects at a time. I work as an independent contractor, so I clearly had a choice to accept or not. But I was not taking care of myself, I wasn't meditating, exercising, and sleeping well. Definitely a learning experience, I have to improve in managing my time.

Thanks for the recommendation, will check it out!