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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened

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Hello everyone.

My name is Daniel. I'm 31 years old, I live in my mother's basement, and my relationship with video games has detoriated to a point that I am forced to recognize a simple truth; I am addicted. I'm not really a new hat to this thing, I've been sober from alcohol (and any other mood/mind-altering substances) for the better part of 6 years now. It's kind of funny looking back at it, I remember thinking back in my drinking days that I had reached a really bad point when I stopped playing video games and just drank instead.

A lot of the time in AA, people talk about like, an 'aha!' moment with alcohol. This almost magical moment where all the emotional turmoil and shitty feelings just kind of melt away, and you feel blissful from their absence. I can't really remember with clarity having that moment with booze, but I can with video games. It was in elementary school, I can't remember the exact grade I was in, but I do remember it was a good friend's birthday and we were taking turns playing Mortal Kombat on the Nintendo 64. When it was my turn to play, it was like all the anxiety, sadness, fear, self-consciousness, just... all the shitty feelings, they just disappeared. I was reluctant to give up the controller, but we were taking turns, so I did relent. But having experienced that, it was very difficult to let go of the idea of playing video games.

Over the years, video games have played a vital role in keeping me sane. They've provided me with fond memories with friends, given me a sense of accomplishment, and provided countless hours of entertainment that I felt was meaningful experiences. However, it seems that it really isn't the case as much anymore. Where once I would be moved to tears from the ending of a video game, lamenting that my time with the various characters and my journey was at an end, now I am just, numb. Flat. It's almost out of a habit more than anything at this point. The highs and lows, while I'm sure are still there to some extent, have become dulled to the point where I don't really feel them anymore.

When my now ex-girlfriend would come over, I'd make sure to be a 'good boyfriend' by not playing video games while she was 'awake', but wake up at the crack of dawn to squeeze in some video game time. When I came back home from BC after having a mental breakdown (full-blown manic), I essentially spent a year doing nothing but play video games and hide in the basement. I had a great opportunity at a technical college to pursue computer software development, but Monster Hunter World came out around Spring Break (Reading Week?), and I ended up just playing that instead of going back to classes afterwards. I was still pretty in denial at that point, or perhaps not as far down the path as I am now, so I chalked it up to part of the build-up to my manic episode. I have had good spurts, especially the 2 years after coming out of treatment for alcoholism, which makes it more difficult to pinpoint and fully accept my condition. My mind can easily cling to and rationalize stuff, as most addicts' minds can, so hopefully I might be able to get more insight and help sort out some of my thinking here.

My mom read a book about someone Cam helped out, written by his mom. It's been a struggle, trying to wrestle with the idea that I'm really addicted to video games. They've played a pretty prominent role in most of my adult life. We'll see how it plays out, though. I guess I want to keep improving myself, and learn a way to live a healthy, balanced life without video games. Hopefully you learned a bit about me, and perhaps can relate with where I'm at.

Edited by DanielG
spelling errors, whoops!
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