Introducing myself - tx.ares

[tx.ares]

Hi everyone, 

I'll go by Ares.  I like others here wanted to make a change in my life.  I'm 34,  in a committed relationship, employed in tech, and I consider myself a happy person for the most part.  

I have had this nagging feeling in my life to BE someone.   To achieve and the need to be "good" at things is something I've felt since I was very young.   I was pretty socially awkward growing up even though I was told I was attractive and never had that much of problem getting a girlfriend / dates.   My problem was always around connecting and building relationships with new people.  I struggle to maintain and create new friendships and so I've always hovered close to my same circles as I grew up with or "fell" into. 

I still fear rejection very much and struggle to put myself out there especially if I risk looking like a fool / weak / etc.  I hate it because I feel as my emotional intelligence has suffered because of how I repress how I feel so much.  I feel as though I was given a lot in life through either my looks, or me being born an identical twin... I knew most people gave me respect / attention without me having "earned" it if that makes sense.  And so I sook activities I could be GOOD at while minimizing my social interactions with people...  Thus began my addiction to competitive video games.   Maybe if I put down video games for good,  I can actually start to become this "ultimate" version of myself I keep envisioning.  I realize that this sounds sort of unhealthy maybe even egotistical but I want to see how strong / witty / skilled / attractive I can actually be if I just put my all into myself instead of gaming.   We all have one shot at this life... why not try to make it the best?

Edited August 2, 2022 by tx.ares
elaborating

[Amphibian220]

Welcome to the forum.

i will challenge your statement by saying gamers aren't egotistical enough. In fact, they are so unaware they cause liabilities for their families.

putting more energy into caring about needs in a better and wiser way helps in solving character issues and is a way out of conflicts.