Hi everyone,
I'll go by Ares. I like others here wanted to make a change in my life. I'm 34, in a committed relationship, employed in tech, and I consider myself a happy person for the most part.
I have had this nagging feeling in my life to BE someone. To achieve and the need to be "good" at things is something I've felt since I was very young. I was pretty socially awkward growing up even though I was told I was attractive and never had that much of problem getting a girlfriend / dates. My problem was always around connecting and building relationships with new people. I struggle to maintain and create new friendships and so I've always hovered close to my same circles as I grew up with or "fell" into.
I still fear rejection very much and struggle to put myself out there especially if I risk looking like a fool / weak / etc. I hate it because I feel as my emotional intelligence has suffered because of how I repress how I feel so much. I feel as though I was given a lot in life through either my looks, or me being born an identical twin... I knew most people gave me respect / attention without me having "earned" it if that makes sense. And so I sook activities I could be GOOD at while minimizing my social interactions with people... Thus began my addiction to competitive video games. Maybe if I put down video games for good, I can actually start to become this "ultimate" version of myself I keep envisioning. I realize that this sounds sort of unhealthy maybe even egotistical but I want to see how strong / witty / skilled / attractive I can actually be if I just put my all into myself instead of gaming. We all have one shot at this life... why not try to make it the best?