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Hello, I'm continually working on My Story which is encompassing more and more of my journey as I add to it. I hope to turn it into a memoir about overcoming gaming addiction, mental health disorders and living my life as fully as I can. It’s 11/14/19 and I decided to recommit to quit today after just thirty minutes of gaming. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that I’m 31 and single. I’ve wanted to be stable with someone forever so it’s dismaying for me. I just feel like it’s really difficult for me to find someone. I have a job but haven’t saved much money. I’m kind of thin and don’t have the best skin. And I have schizoaffective disorder. That’s a combination of depression and schizophrenia. It means I’m at risk for getting depressed and sometimes have delusions that people are out to get me. My therapist recommended me to a group for people who are chronically mentally ill because I was continually having suicidal ideation for months while working with her. I’ve really got to continue with that group. Anyways. Things didn’t workout with a couple of romantic prospects and I got pretty down. Then I was playing a game and realized. “Playing isn’t making me feel better. It’s making me feel worse.” That led me back on here and now I’m adding to the forums. I've never been an online poster, I don’t even use social media. But for some reason this site has given me the power to quit gaming when I felt completely hopeless. When I get paid I’m thinking I’ll try to complete the respawn guide. If you read my intro you know I’ve been on vacation trying to quit again. It’s hard, it hurts and I’m not really sure what my identity is. “Who am I?” Is a question I’m trying to answer now. I am a Christian. I workout, I practice yoga and mindfulness. I love to read, especially the Bible. I love my family and even though it’s challenging for me to get along with them sometimes. I keep trying. I’m a counselor and I hope to become a licensed therapist some day. I used to be a gaming addict. I just feel like my whole life is at risk when I play a game for even a second. It’s a pretty intense reality, but I think it’s true for any gaming addict. The only solution for me is to stop gaming for life. Sincerely, Erik
So I'm 28 right now, and it's been a long time that I don't get in a relationship (5 years or so). I thought that by moving to Canada things would change, I mean, myself basically. But I feel like it's getting worse with time, to the point that I feel lonely but I don't have the WILL to get into a relationship or to approach girls.. The last girl that I approached with the intention of getting a date? I can't remember. The last time I kissed a girl was last year was in this big festival in Brazil, 3 days of partying and free booze, with around 10k people. Everyone on that party was there to hook up, but I couldn't do shit. Luckily I hooked up with some random girl that I wasn't even attracted to - for a few seconds. The thing that annoyed the hell of me is, in this party, I remember that I was there with the intent of doing what everyone else wanted, but even if girls would stare at me, I couldn't do SHIT, even being a little bit drunk, I would just freeze and "enjoy the music". My point is.. I don't know how to date anymore, how to seduce, how to stop having this fear of rejection and just enjoy, you know? It's been 18 days that I haven't played games, and soon I will be starting dancing classes which I think is gonna help me. And I also have been going to gym for the past 5 months. But I feel like I didn't change a bit in matter of dating life since I haven't done anything focused on this matter. Have any of you guys gone through this? I wanna hear your stories and tips would also be appreciated ? Thanks for reading all this drama
GOAL: Fully Detox and Get Back what I lost. 4/9/19 "I break the people around me...Who did she date for a Year...Did I Ever Show her the real me for any considerable amount of time?" These are the questions I ask myself on the day I put gaming to an end...looking back on the damage I caused...the thick fog blurring my vision as I shot shots into the dark and shot the ones I loved the most. I lost the one who kissed me and made me feel human for the first time. I lost valuable friends as I ghosted and didn't make the effort to keep in touch. I lost valuable time that could've went to school. I lost a lot. But I still got chips in the game of life and I'm not giving them up. I'm going all in. I gave my PC Plug to my father and admitted I needed help. He was happy to acknowledge it but the reference to her reminds me of her...how our beautiful comforting fire of romance turned into a damn funeral pyre. But... Did I really have a relationship with her? Yes or No. It's Action Time. Quit or Bust. Day 1 Emotions: Bowling ball? Mourning... Depressed. Accomplished Hopeful. Actions Taken: Going to Afterschool for Academic Studies. PC Power Plug Removed. Apology sent to Ex. Joined GQ.
Never in my life would I expect to find myself on a forum like this but. I guess life truly has no roadmap. I'd normally use an Alias but...seeing as how that usually ends up, I'll keep this personal and use my Real Name only and the names of those if permission if given and I apologize if it's hard to read. I tend awful when writing from the heart at times. With that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Giancarlo. A Highschool Junior In the Big City who's trying to crawl his way out to freedom after realizing what gaming is doing, I started off on PS2 But slowly transitioned to other platforms and stuck as a multi-platformed gamer. I got into gaming at an early age since I lived in a bad neighborhood and my parents feared the worst. I was autistic and back then was often bullied and targeted...so I was kept in a small safe haven of the Nintendo Gamecube and PlayStation 2. The Nights of NSX and Simpsons Home And Run, happy memories of youth and killing time until My Uncle picked me up to visit my grandmother or playing against my cousins until dinner time! It was a time when gaming was that. A Simple game to kill time and then put down. But that's not where my story takes it dark turn. That happens sometime around middle school. This was when my hobby started to turn into the addiction it once was. It was when I was finally allowed to go online and interact with the world. This was the PS3 Era. When Bo1 and CoD MW2 Were the Games to have and own. I was this pudgy and F A T. Kid Growing up, so I was often bullied and left alone. at the time. My Parents finally decided to put the internet into the house for work purposes and by looking up videos online hooked my PS3 Online and Got a Headset from my cousin and soon I was on a fast track to talking and making friends. It felt...nice. Finally being able to hold an actual conversation with someone outside of my Special Ed Classes. Talking about common interests and having good laughs over the smallest and dumbest things...It helped my escape my brutal life in school. My Parents were naturally concerned but my father got into tech and supported it...from 5th Grade to 8th. It was Video Games Every Night and Day. Talking to the Same Peeps and finally feeling greatful. Then...I started to make them my priority. After All. It was just a simple algebra assignment. What's one little missing HW. Thing is. They tend to stack when you look at the long term. Little did I know the first stages were setting in. I became irritable when the internet was down, I stopped leaving the house and just scootering around in the park. I became a couch pillow and liked that way until high school started. I'll skip 9th and 10th Year as they were much of the same but worse...It nearly costed me to be held back and lose my position within my cohort. 11th Grade Year. I found what I thought was fucking impossible. A Girl who actually liked me...for me. I learned alot about putting up a front but...when I was with her. I didn't want to mask up and shield. I wanted to be a naked mind for her, just as she was for me but...gaming after so many years took its toll, I was socially recluse and often ghosted when we chatted on discord. Usually paying attention to a War Thunder Match or CS:GO Match, I was doing what had been done on to me...and little did I know at the time that I was hurting her. I let my internet persona take the lead and act like this giant Brochado, when she loved my sensitive and intelligent side that came and went in flashes. She eventually left me after I caused her "Stress" but we remain close friends. It wasn't until the last few months that I started to realize that I needed to lose the systems as I had bigger dreams. I found a school I wanted to go to (USNA!) but My grades after years of gaming, hold me back and after a heavy conversation with my Ex. I realized something... A Decade in my life was coming back to bite me with no punches pulled...My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber. I was poisoned and living in my own reality instead of being apart of the real world...the world with her, the world where we watched movies, the World where I left and explored New York City. I lived in a Virutal World. Devoid of Life. I need Help. I know what I want out of life...and I don't want to cross the Rubicon and become a shell... I want to fight this and finally be free.