Marquess

I'm happy; at the moment, I'm settled into a cozy routine that consists of getting up at 6-7 AM, going for a walk, writing at least thousand words, then two hours of studying. One hour PHP and one hour copywriting. I suck and PHP, but I want to learn it since I think not having at least some kind of programming knowledge makes you a pleb (and it's useful for Wordpress). Copywriting goes a lot better. This is the max of what I'm capable right now as I have trouble sleeping and seem to feel a little worse every day. Going keto in a few days in hopes of improving it all and also making a psychiatrist appointment, ugh, tonight. (I don't intend to go on any kind of meds right now; I'd just like to see what are the options. I'm confident I can solve this without that crap.) I managed to come up with about thousand more words on it if someone's interested: https://uncannythoughts.wordpress.com/2016/08/18/ungood/

Idea proved to be bad. Even so, a successful day.

Please don't cry -- I'm sorry it was that awful to listen to! I made it in Cubase. its beautiful it will play on my wedding and also funeral :^^^^)

When I started my detox, I didn't try to cut back on porn in any way. However, I find myself watching it less and less even so; I'd almost say the issue is with the lack of quality porn as it all seems more banal now. Similar happened to my attitude towards social networks. Tbh, my general opinion is stay off video games and fap away. Not gaming itself is hard enough.

Day 85. Ugh. The best thing about yesterday was watching Stranger Things. Amazing show in every aspect including music. Also Cernovich gave me an idea for money making. Idk how big it can be, but I have to move fast and have something going by the end of today. Also poor bears:

GZ on level 60 :^^^^). Also your dream game being laggy and having bad graphics is a great sign, imo. It could signal that the entire thing is becoming less important to you.

On the other hand, my Australian friend is facing a much worse situation; she's basically going to lose her income soon with no proper way, if she remains at the uni, of replacing it. I can't help her at all. Which isn't great since she's helped me a lot by talking me through some rough stuff (completely unrelated to anything here) not long ago. Even so, it does put things into a perspective, I suppose ... (Actual quote from C.S. Lewis, lol.)

I also seem to get way too emotional the second something goes wrong. Internal drama today again. Now I looked at it one more time & realized I forgot to a set of parenthesis. Code runs fine now, heh. Fucking terrible. In general I'm worse off than I was before I started the 90 day detox, and I now understand why I started gaming (and drinking) in the first place on a very direct, deep level. This is insufferable. I continue to write every day, taking a walk, and studying for 2-3 hours. After that, I'm usually so tired I just go lay in bed and mostly nap or listen to some podcast. Now it's 8 PM and I'm here. My best bet right now is to hope this somehow gets better through a proper routine and that keto diet will help. If nothing of note happens, I'm open to give meds another go as much as I hate the idea for a variety of reasons.

People have no idea. Game Quitters makes around than $1,000/month and I've been working hard on it for the past 20+ months. It's very difficult to break through to the next levels. Yeah, and you couldn't have done it without doing other stuff as well. GQ only makes sense in your case because there's far more to it than money.

The evil that men do.

I mean, it depends on what you define as an "asshole". If you reach any amount of success, some people are bound to call you that no matter what :3. Especially if you're ready to defend your beliefs in public.

But h-hey, I'm sure that getting depressed after studying PHP for 30 minutes could make for a great programming joke :^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^). I'll keep trying; I'll keep doing it every day. However, for fuck's sake, something's off.

To be fair, making any sort of tangible money with blogging takes a huge amount of time and effort. Usually years. And if you're not Good Looking Looser, you still won't make a lot even after all that effort. There are basically two ways to make money online: sell your products or promote other people's products. I'm going with the latter, and you don't have to spend 2 years blogging for that. That is ... if I ever become capable of not being so depressed and studying for more than 30 minutes without wanting to jump out the window. I literally studied PHP for 30 minutes today and then had to take a 30 min break because I was overwhelmed with anxiety and all kinds of destructive thoughts. Worst part: it's so, so fucking easy. I look at the fucking code and it's completely obvious what it does. But I struggle with remembering any of it. And so I make detailed notes, and that helps, and even so I find it difficult to put it into practice. Once I get it, it's all great, but everything before that is torture. I don't believe most people have so many problems. Otherwise no one would ever study anything. Basically, I have no problems understanding complex concepts and being creative with my present knowledge. It's the memorization part that completely wrecks me. And it's not due to alcohol either. I've always been like that. I remember my high school very distinctly. I dream of failing it still (sometimes several times a week).

“The best time to start anything was yesterday. The 2nd best time to do it, is always today.” You're still very early in your detox; you don't have to face anything right now. Just relax, tbh. Keep active and work on positive habits, but imo it doesn't make sense to even attempt anything too great before day 30 or even later. What you're doing can be extremely difficult; it's so important not to underestimate your addiction to gaming. Personally, I view it in a similar way as society typically sees the addiction to heroin. And I say this without trying to be dramatic. Hang in there, man.

What kind of people are trying to encourage you to game again, ffs. Are these your supposed friends? About being special. That's all very well, but you can't expect any benefits for it if you don't demonstrate that. The only way of doing it is by providing value for other people. I'm not saying that anyone should bother with providing value for anyone though; this is just what happens to work. This is how you become Donald Trump. (Which is a great thing as everyone will agree.)

Money making method 3: Videogame addiction blog with an affiliate program for Cam´s ebooks. There's not a lot of money in self improvement, tbh.

I don't believe the pineapple pizza meme. I'll never believe it. That said, I've developed the most degenerate pizza imaginable. Will post a picture when I order the thing; it's bizarre.

Very much this. We'll outdo him though :^^^^^^^^). I hope so! We won't forget you when we're famous.

Where's the rap part and everything else from, lol? I'm crying IRL listening to this. :'')

I guess it's time to explore the Wiki alternatives. I heard "Encyclopedia Dramatica" is really good. (Not linking or I'll get hit with NSFW again.) Also lol on you managing to block everything :^). I hope Cam puts this at the front page or something :^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^).

Very much this. We'll outdo him though :^^^^^^^^).

If you want immersion back, I suggest you start drinking while gaming. Works really well. :^) I honestly believe that when the thoughts about gaming come, and they will sooner or later, it's best not to resist them too hard. I find it easier to let them run out by themselves instead of trying to suppress their presence, and it's been working fine for me; I think about gaming a lot less than I did a month ago. But if it happens, that's fine too. (And by gaming I mean the actual act of gaming.)

then a 27 yo girl walks up to him and hes like um no ty sweetie #StopAgeism

Gonna write a more detailed post on studying / attention next week. Been monitoring my thoughts & emotions during studying closely and writing it down as it all happens. Does anyone actually eat pineapple on pizza or is that just a meme?

We play games because we feel miserable, but playing games itself contributes to our misery as well. It affects both our physical and mental health; it stalls our progress, so we find ourselves far behind our peers when we finally stop playing. Seeing that, we feel even worse, which then makes us game even more because fuck everything. Vicious cycle. The blog will focus on general personal development with more focus on video game addiction + an odd shitpost here and there because I find them fun. I'd also like to start writing about ketogenic diet a bit as I don't like the way it's being presented. Too much focus on fat loss. Not enough on mental benefits. The thing is basically the drug from that movie Limitless. At least for me. But you need to give up the carb/sugar rush in exchange; it's not an easy deal to make. (For me as well.)