Marquess

Care to elaborate what do these things mean in concrete terms? I mean for you personally. What are we even talking about.

I'm so glad that it's finally autumn. Or at least it's September; idk when exactly is it supposed to start. As far as I'm concerned, it's autumn. And good things happen in autumn, especially if I show a minimum amount of cooperation. Shared a post from GQ's Facebook page on my feed yesterday, and it triggered one person. His reaction was basically that okay, you've quit video games, but why are you now preaching to others to do the same. Do you think you're better than us? But because most of my FB contacts are intelligent and self reflective, he soon realized the post just annoyed him due to his own personal issues and admitted it. But most people aren't like that. So I'm not even sure what can be done in terms of GQ related activism if we don't want to run into a brick wall everywhere we go. Cam's approach has been very friendly sometimes even to a point of being too friendly for my taste. But it's working. The problem is that every criticism of video games, as far as the mainstream narrative goes, means the person either doesn't understand video games (90s/early 00s debate about violence) or is a SJW (thanks GamerGate). Does anyone have any ideas? I think there's a good amount of fair criticism to be made against the gaming industry as it's very deliberately trying to create more addicts. And besides that, we do need to start going out and saying look, this shit is bad. A more aggressive approach. But maybe I'm wrong. What do you guys think? PS: I've made a post about my recent slip and current overall life situation. Longer post, so not posting it here.

Well, it does make you more relatable, but you don't want to look like you're actually struggling, or people won't have anything to look up to :^). I don't know.

Holy shit. Before the email, your campaign was at about 35% the goal and now you're $835 short of 5K. But if I understand this correctly, there are only 3 days left to reach the goal, and if you don't reach it, you end up with nothing after all? EDIT: Nope, you can keep it going indefinitely. And people are still donating, so you should be good as you already have more than 3K. I'm impressed that you managed to pull it off, tbh. Donating for some water well in Africa is a really abstract goal that doesn't have any relation to your audience's lives. EDIT2: I remember that other e-mail, yeah.

Looks like free money. There is no free money. But looking into it now as I'm kinda curious where the catch is. EDIT: Oh, I see. They're basically counting on enough people to get hooked on betting, so they make these initial offers that pretty much give you free money to bet with. And it seems to be working too, or they wouldn't still be doing it. But yeah, definitely an interesting way to earn some cash; I'll look into it more. Thanks.

By the way, Cam, that was some monstrous copywriting in your last e-mail. Probably because it was honest too, but you're also really, really good at the craft. I hope to get on that level in time. I can see why you didn't address the selfless accusation in what was essentially (a very sincere) sales letter. But this is my safe space shitposting corner so let's go. Everything we do is done for selfish reasons. People have children for selfish reasons; it's not like they want to be a parent to some specific person -- that person hasn't even been formed yet, and there's no telling what they'll be like -- they want the experience of having a family. We could also argue that there's a certain biological drive, a compulsion, especially in women. When you give some change to a homeless person, you also do it for selfish reasons; helping others makes you feel good. If helping others felt like being stabbed in the gut or someone throwing a brick in your face, would you still help those in need just because "it's a right thing to to"? There is no reason not to accept that as the reality of our existence; this is how we're built and how we function. By trying to deny the very simple fact that all our actions are motivated by selfishness (and that all human relations are transactional), we risk forcing ourselves to make decisions that go against our self interest, decisions which will only make us -- and others -- miserable on a long run. Maybe you're struggling to get by, but you give 5 € to a beggar just because you think you ought to. Maybe it still makes you feel a little happy, but now you can't eat for one day, which in turn means less energy to turn your situation around, which then means 1 more day of being miserable, and one day of your finite life LESS that you'll spend as a happy, fulfilled person. Or having children just because your partner/parents/society want you to. It may turn out alright, and you may not regret it, but you may also turn out to be an absent or even abusive father because now you're forced into a life you never wanted. This is what happens when people stop being selfish. People aren't neither good nor bad; they are selfish and they respond to incentives. It just so happens that building relationships and helping others makes us feel great. And look what truly selfish people end up doing: they go and raise money for building wells in Africa.

So yes, to confirm, gaming after the completed 90 day detox in fact didn't feel as great as it did before. At this point, I could probably still get hooked again if I continued to play long enough; I doubt the danger of that will ever go away. However, what motivates me not to play now are all those other things I can spend my time & energy on; I don't have to use a lot, if any, willpower to hold myself back from re-installing.

Hello and why is my journal now a Mallorca discussion thread :^). So perhaps predictably, I've fucked up somewhat. I've played WoW again, and I've had a few beers a few times. What happened is that one day I basically went to the store, bought a new mouse, a sixpack, and lots of comfort food. It was great. But it was never meant to last more than a few days; it, of course, ended up with a slight disaster of me just being rude to people for no reason and a severe hangover. As far as the actual game goes, I logged in to a well populated private server and played some battlegrounds while chatting with people. The latter was rather boring since a lot of them were very young and not all that bright (with maybe 2 exceptions). The gameplay itself was ok and what I expected; it was nice. Nice, but no longer as alluring as I though it would be. I ended up AFK-ing half the time while listening to a documentary about cultural marxism and looking up various other things. I really thought that I'll be hooked after a few days, but that didn't happen. The game's deleted now, and the mouse I bought just to relapse wasn't even working (tried all the usual tips to sort it out but nothing rip 17 €). I then found some ancient mouse with cable that did actually work ... for two days until the right button died. Now I'm back to my previous half-functioning mouse that's fine for normal usage, but not for gaming, lol. If there are some sort of divine beings that regulate this stuff, they don't seem to want me to relapse. And they're right. But in a way, it feels to me like I was destined to be a failure for me entire life, but I'm now trolling the fate and continue to improve every day. I'm back to my routine, I'm back to my everything. It doesn't feel forced, and I don't have any pronounced urges to continue playing WoW.

Yeah, it did come off as a little awkward to me too. But I used a smug anime face, so I win.

Thanks everyone. I'm not sure how much I still want to write about how miserable I am, and how terrible is my life. I've been meaning to get back into keto for more than a week now, but I've been instead blasting my body with high carb, high fat, high protein diet + tons of green tea to somewhat offset the negative mental effects, heh. Other than that, everything is more or less the same. I slacked a little bit after reaching 90 days, but I'm back now. I'm really pained by not having enough money. I'm still not spending even remotely enough time working on it though I continue to write every day. WoW is releasing the new xpac tonight, and I may or may not check it out on Twitch. But I'm not terribly interested in it truth be told; it's no longer a game I loved so much. I think all modern mainstream gaming is utter trash, really. But on the other hand, I think I'll continue posting here every day now. This would be the worst possible time to start slipping away in any sense.

Next time you want people to read your stuff, you should use paragraphs :^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^). It's not hard to be a raper. Rappers rap. They write lyrics and then record them. Are you a rapper?

ty 4 guide. I'll study it carefully.

OOOK GUSY with 90 days under my belt, I can now play video games casually like a normal person :^^^^^^^). Thanks and goodbye jk. Yeah, I don't exactly feel like I have the time to even play right now. I have so much other stuff to do. Things I should have done years ago, too. The key change happened around day 80 when I realized what the situation regarding depression and learning problems is. But I had another realization soon after, and I'd like to make that the main point of my 90 day detox. All you have to do is quit games and introduce two to max. three positive habits into your life. You don't have to quit every single bad habit; you don't have to adopt a series of great activities to turn your life around. Changing your life is a process, and it's always slow and difficult so don't make it even harder by trying to do everything at once. By just making some positive changes, you will, as time passes, automatically start abandoning your other destructive habits and start thinking about what more you can do to improve your life. This will happen without having to use force, motivation, willpower; it's an automatic process that requires no effort whatsoever. This is, in my opinion, the best way to improve your life. I'd also argue that it's the only way; the reason why most people fail to change for the better is because they try to do too much at once. They expect improvement to come overnight, and they're also not prepared to fail. You will fail. You may even relapse, but this is all just a part of a process. The most important part, apart from finding others who struggle with the same problems, is to keep trying until something works. I played WoW for 9 years; I thought about it while I wasn't playing, and I often dreamed about it as well. It took me almost a year of posting here to finally get through the 90 day detox. I'm absolutely convinced that if I can do it, anyone else can too. I'm too well aware of what gaming does to my brain to relapse. I could go and reinstall now, and I'd be back to my old patterns in a matter of ways. There's no way around it, but luckily I have so many others important and exciting things to do with my life. I'm happy. I'm also grateful for this website and everyone on it. Cam and everyone who posted in my journal; there are too many to list, but you know who you are. This could never ever happen without your support. What also helped me was my previous knowledge about alcohol addiction. There's little difference between the two. I drank twice during my 90 day gaming detox; however, and this brings me back to my main point, I drank far less than I normally would, and I also feel no urge to drink anytime soon. That said, it is something I'll have to face again in a few weeks, but I'm now ready to finally put this part of my life behind me as well. I have tons of experience and knowledge about it (including several months long bouts of sobriety and the xp of going through what was essentially rehab), and with gaming out of my life, I've never been more prepared. With that, I begin my 90 day no drinking detox. Currently on day 3.

Yeah, kids nowadays. Back in my days, you had to get creative to play video games: wake up at 4 AM to occupy the computer in the dorm and play for 2-3 hours before class, etc, lol. Or find ways to get money to spend on arcade machines.

But at the same time, most people who are rich (and didn't inherit their wealth) think and live in a way that leaves no space for video games. I don't think most gamers suffer from actual clinical depression though, but one can still be very miserable.

Also what the hell is Discord. Is this one of them weird new things kids now use like Snapchat?

How shit, dude. This looks really dangerous. Thanks for the heads up!

Day 89. Gonna be day 90 in less than 11 hours ... I got wasted on Friday, which isn't great. However, eating mostly fruit for about a week prior somehow got me close to being keto adapted. I'm not even sure how since things like apples have too much sugar to allow for that, but it happened somehow. I can tell from how I felt and also from the terrible hangover I had to suffer through the day after. Basically wake up dehydrated, go drink water, vomit it all out 10 minutes later. Too tired to sit, too tired to even lay in bed. However, and this is where I return to my previous point, I only drank for 1 day (down from 2 last time, and that was down from usual 3) and felt absolutely no need to continue drinking. As far as I can tell, I also avoided a meltdown; YouTube history looks fine, no raging anywhere, etc. It's Sunday and I feel pretty ok; I also have to say that I didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do. So the point is that what I'm doing works. Even without actively trying to cut every single negative/destructive activity out of my life, they are fading away on their own. I think this is an incredibly important point that needs to be emphasized more. We have people coming here all pumped up and declaring how they'll quit everything right this instance and fuck yeah future is looking awesome. This then lasts maybe a few weeks. The drop out rate, if I remember correctly, is around 45%. With the gaming detox nearly out of the way, I'll now focus on not drinking at all too. Absolutely none of it. I feel I'm ready now. I already did 59 days not too long ago; this time I'm going for 90.

WE ACCEPT YOU WE ACCEPT YOU /patpat

Buying Genesis Framework and webhosting on Dreamhost today. Hypehype. 60$ (the framework) is not a negligible sum for me, yet I think it's worth it; I want to start learning how to use it asap, and it'll also further motivate me to learn PHP, which I'm terrible at. I honestly don't believe I have the potential to be a great programmer in any way (neither I want to be), but I can still massively benefit from it.

Ah, envy, a spaniard's staple. Success in Spain is much more valuable than anywhere else. It means having crushed all opposition, without any kind of help or simpathy from their peers. Perhaps that's why we only succeed in highly individual enterprises (usually in exile), or those which work through unquestioned authority. Not exactly, what I meant is people like Nietzsche or Dalí aren't considered assholes only because their achievements. They were assholes. But people turn a blind eye because who they were. And don't get me started with Columbus... Oh, it's the same here in Slovenistanlandia. A Slovene catches a goldfish and it tells him, "I'll grant you three wishes if you let me go!" He replies, "that's very good, but I only have one wish: I want the neighbor's cow to die." It's also fairly common that Slovenes who achieve international success are (to some degree intentionally I'd assume) ignored in Slovenia itself. Btw, have you considered about posting more often perhaps even daily? I read most of your posts, but posting every day and making shorter entries would get you read by more people.

What helps me when it comes to writing is just writing perhaps 100-300 words on my random thoughts; it's a good way to warm up just like you would for any physical exercise. The other thing is, and idk if that's generally a good idea, is to go and spend about 20 minutes on social networks (while having green tea) to satisfy the curiosity, but then I block everything in Cold Turkey and get to work so to speak. It would probably make sense, if you have any further ambitions, to focus on writing in your native language. The only reason I don't is because Slovene is literally spoken by 2 million people, which is not exactly the case with Spanish :PP. (Also, and I may be completely wrong in this, it still somehow looks to me like you're trying to do too much at once. Addressed this in my other post, I'd just focus on not gaming and fap away, lol.)

I suppose 1 day could be viewed as a slip and not a relapse. An actual relapse would mean you'd have to reset the day counter at least if you want to your 90 days to mean anything. We've had this debate before here, and Cam basically said he won't police anyone, and that it's on each individual to decide what counts as a relapse (and not a slip). Personally I'd say that a slip lasts a few hours, one gaming session, and that anything more that one day is in the relapse territory. If there were a person who came by and said "hey gusy, I had a slip for 3 days teehee", I'd correct them. Your attitude seems really good though. Almost getting excited about your progress especially since I played WoW myself as well. (And I know the joys and pains of being an officer/GM; I think it got me qualified to work in a kindergarten.) Ditto on Daniel's treatment question.

No one is joining me. Why would they? I was on Zoloft and Zyprexa for about two months two years ago; I have an idea what these meds do, and I hated it since they did turn me into a sort of zombie. The meds clouded my negative emotions and made me feel better, but they also diminished all the positives. It was like experiencing the world through a filter. Besides, I like to believe that I can do more than just treat the symptoms. I'd say the whole idea of depression in our (popular) culture that's now heavily influenced by social media has been wretched into something anyone can claim to have for attention and perhaps even monetary gain (if you're a cute girl on YouTube that cries into the camera). It's become a sort of a meme. So that makes it even harder to admit to yourself that you are in fact depressed even after you realize that you're not an inherently bad, lazy person who just needs to try harder. (Not that you need to stop trying; it's just that there's far more to it.) Depression is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Dude, your cycle sounds exactly like mine minus the girlfriend. I'd have some girls during those, uh, years but always short term, and all of them were girls who were, just like me, not sure what to do with themselves. Did you also write down elaborate plans and get all pumped up about it? (Btw, as far as goals go, check this out: http://blog.dilbert.com/post/102964992706/goals-vs-systems) (It's basically about how it's better to have a certain system, a routine, than focus too much on concrete goals. You can follow a system and win at that every day, but if you obsess with a goal, every day is a failure until you reach that goal. And even when you do reach it, the satisfaction is almost always short lived.) In my experience, it makes a lot more sense to quit the most destructive habit and instill some positive ones while leaving the other parts of your live as they are. For example, I stopped playing games and developed a, to be fair, a very modest routine while making no attempt to cut things like porn or social networks (apart from using Cold Turkey when I study and write). And even so, my interest in both porn and shitposting on social networks has dropped in those 90 days -- without spending any effort on it or beating myself for enjoying those things. Not everything is a crippling addiction.