notKosmic

Day 0. Starting again... That was tougher than I thought. I had a great morning. Put my phone away. It was great... then, I drifted into the same old patterns later into the day. This morning I was playing a game on my phone. I feel defeated just as I am getting started. Perhaps I need to change the start. No video games. But I can watch YouTube this month or something. Then, I will wean myself off of YouTube a month out. Going cold turkey on both may be a lot to ask of me right now with all of the major stress happening... This has been the toughest two weeks I've had in the past year. I need to be kind to myself.

Day 0. My goal is to be fit, focused, and faithful each day. I will expand on what those three words mean to me in the days ahead. They are meaningful to me. To do so, I need to begin by stopping a few things: video games (which always hurt my neck and distract my mind completely) and YouTube which does similar things. I almost titled this daily journal "No More Videos" but I thought it was too negative. This will be one of my boundaries but that doesn't define what my life should be or will be. Let's see how the first day goes! No watching videos solo or playing video games. Instead, I will focus on my fitness, being outside in nature, family, and faith on this fine weekend. May this not be the mere start of something that falls off in a few days or weeks... again... but the beginning of the life I truly desire.

@Zeno thank you! My brain keeps thinking now about playing in moderation. "Just limit it to one hour a day. No watching videos about it, or anything other than one hour." I don't know if I could do that though. Yikes. D2 is Diablo 2. I play on PC. What program can block the game? Couldn't the person just uninstall that program from blocking?

I started playing d2 again. Just for the last several days. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I'm thinking about the game. Then I've been starting to wake up after only four hours and my mind is racing with the game. Moderation ain't going to work with this game. I need to quit cold turkey with this one. What would you do? Can you guys encourage me?! I don't like where this is headed... It is miserable.

Day 1 starts again! I'm back. Starting over. I played again and got sucked right back into a game. I've tried to quit a few times in the last few weeks with no success. I need the accountability right now. I'm going through a big time of change and transition. I don't know how to cope very well with that stress and the stomach pain I'm experiencing. So I go to video games again. Time to share the journey. Last time I think I went to hard. I overdid it on the productivity side of things and exhausted myself. I need to find balance and a way to rest and enjoy life without overdoing it and going into fatigue again.

Chess is becoming a problem for me. It is masking the problem. Am I okay to be with myself and not seek instant gratification? No. Not yet. Not at all. Chess online is filling the gap. Time to include that in the detox too.

Reminds me of a message by John Piper that I listened to called Don't waste your life. God thoughts

Day 7 - 1 week Aches. Today I am aching after a vaccine. Not going to give in. I'm still helping some around the house with chores. Just resting today and being a bit grumpy. I should feel better tomorrow. A little more chess.com probably today. RescueTime - 56 No exercise. Did some reading first thing this morning at the table and journaled in a journal. It was a good way to start the day.

Day 6 Presence. For work, I talk to people a lot, caring for people, leading and recruiting people. Yesterday I was more present with them. I enjoyed the conversations with each person. I wasn't thinking about other things easily distracted as much. I remember reading a book called the attentive life where the author defines love as being attentive. Before when I was distracted much of the time I was half paying attention or less than half. If someone shared a time, a name, or something detailed I was having to ask them later, "what time will that be tomorrow again?" "Who's brother needs a phone call?" Shows a lack of love and care. I know I'll have greater capacity to care and love by paying attention to the people around me. Thank God for this change. Rescue Time: 62. 1 hour on chess.com today Youtube etc. 0 time Calisthenics, two mile walk I started reading a new fun book. The second book in the stormlight archive. I also started a book called the soul at rest by Tricia Rhodes.

Thank you Jason. I was a music major in college, then I got married in college and changed careers. I am so grateful for how everything worked out. I was passionate about music for a long time and practiced with tenacity for several years. That practice wasn't a waste even though I don't touch my french horn much anymore. That hard work and diligence helps me now to get out of the home and back in the groove. I believe whatever we major in in college if we love it and learn the value or hard work and how to learn there is a huge benefit there. I appreciate your kindness. Keep up the great work!

Day 5 Days off were being filled more and more with video games. While my wife was homeschooling the kids, there would be times when I was playing Hearthstone and distracting the kids. She has asked me many times not to play while the kids were doing schoolwork. I would retort that it was my day off and I forgot again. Back and forth we went... Thru my last two days on detox I wasn't playing games and I wasn't on YouTube all day. I did play some on chess.com over the last two days but more time was spent with family and helping around the house than before. For sure! Part of detoxing from games and YouTube/Twitch is the fear of finding who you really are again. Who am I really? What am I like? Will I be able to handle life? I am finding, even with medical problems and pain, stress, life transition, new job on the horizon, move across the county, etc. life is worth living "sober." The distractions I went to for comfort were merely chains tightening around me and my potential. I am not happy with where I am at at the moment, but I at least I have an idea. My mind is more clear. The things I want to focus on are still hard to get to, but at least I have a shot. The road ahead won't be easy, but I can face it with strength, instead of from a place of weakness, distraction, and excuses. RescueTime Score: 58 Exercise: calisthenics and two-mile walk Youtube/Netflix time: 0. I finished reading The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. Great read the second time around! I am looking forward to the next one. I have been listening to an autobiography of George Muller during workouts and walking. I am reading a life planning book called Younique as well.

Day 4 My wife and I are talking a lot more. I thought that would be more stressful. Usually, when I am in the digital fog, talking to her about stressful matters is something I just want to get over with. It was irritating to me in that state of mind, a matter to be solved quickly with as little stress as possible. Of course, I wasn't like this all of the time, but more than I want to think about. Now, we talk, hum songs, dance, talk, and enjoy each other again much more. A permanent digital detox may be in order... I have greatly enjoyed talking with her, accomplishing things around the house on my day off, and being more present with my kids. Deep down I had thought that if I went this route I wouldn't be able to take the stress... "I need games or YouTube to dull the stress" Those things don't help though, they are merely a Band-Aid on a sucking chest wound. Some creeping problems. I think about D2 sometimes... where my character would be... odd. I have that twitch where I reach for my phone during those everyday moments to fill the time, nearly clicking on YouTube and watching for a while. Thus far, I have repressed those moments, but Chess.com is sneaking in to fill the gap. I played nearly two hours on Chess.com throughout the day. And, not a lot of "productive" chess, but a lot of blitz games that don't really improve my game. I have some chess books I'd love to work through as an ambitious beginner (1300) that I should focus on. I will be taking the Chess.com app off of my phone and try being more intentional the rest of today. (I remember it being said around here that games, youtube, etc. are like a hydra, repress one, another sprouts up to take its place. Keep chopping the heads off the hydra...) RescueTime Score: 59 (Chess.com issue) Exercise - went for a run/walk. Walked the second half because of some soreness. YouTube/Netflix etc.: 0 time. Went to sleep at 9:30pm reading a book instead of watching a movie for a few hours. That's a win!

Day 3 Story: I played chess over the board with my daughters yesterday. They are getting quite good at the game. I played at their level and intentionally made some bad moves to see how they would capitalize. My oldest daughter did a nice mate in three which I saw and hoped she would see. She just turned 10. She's probably at a 600 ish level now in real chess. She's 1050 on a chess kid website. I was more attentive today with my kids and wife. The other day, the day before the detox, I overheard my 7year old say something that broke my heart. My wife was going to go drop my son off at his therapy sessions and I was going to be with the rest of our kids to help with homework in the morning. She said, "No daddy isn't going to help us. He's going to be playing his game." She was probably right. But that's the day I quit, again, for the last time I hope and pray. Rescue Time score: 62. More time on chess.com, 26 minutes. Time in YouTube, scrolling, etc.: A few minutes scrolling through news, and watched another action movie before bed on Netflix. This could become a pattern. I will try not watching a show or movie period for a few days and just go to bed and read instead. I didn't get enough sleep because I watched the dumb movie. Scratch that... No streaming or tv or movies period. It is a digital detox, not merely a replacement of something else. What I did instead of games and YouTube: nearly finished reading the way of kings. I probably read a few hundred pages. It is epic! Exercise: calesthenics for about 10 minutes with some dumbbell exercises.

A story of intentionality, aka. Adventures in Reality: Date night without the kids yesterday. My wife and I just bought a tee, some t-ball bats, gloves for the kids and myself, and balls for baseball and softball for the kids and us. We played catch together in the yard and on the street. Then we went on a walk around the neighborhood without our kids. We haven't been able to do that in so long! It was so refreshing to not be on my phone showing her the latest "cool video" or whatever I found. We are actually talking. I'm not treating her in my mind like some annoyance away from the phone. It is refreshing to say the least. A stray dog ran up to us as we were walking, barking and acting tough. I got to be a hero and keep him back while the neighbor ran out and got the dog. Baseball gloves are handy for keeping in between you and another animal, especially one with teeth. Day 2 - How did it go yesterday? On a roll! A good day! The Stats: RescueTime score: 68 Time on YouTube, scrolling, etc.: 0 What did you do instead? Yesterday, I read The Way of Kings for a while instead of YouTube or gaming. Exercise: Walking for a mile.

Thank you @TheNewMe2.0 I was doing well for a while there. Life and stress, pain and suffering hit. 2016 I was on these forums for 90 days. Now I am back! I'm glad to be here. You all inspire me. Thank you for helping to encourage me with my detox. It has been incredible thus far. YouTube has been tough to get out of my life, period. It has been liberating already to be away from it. D2, was a recent "fling" with an old "relationship." I just had my wisdom teeth taken out about 10 days ago. Pain tends to bring me back and stress. I will definitely need to be focused on those downs in life to stay on track here. Thanks again!