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Simon E

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Everything posted by Simon E

  1. I really like your financial paragraphs! I'm only 18 and still studying, but I would like to take actions to improve my financial status too. In a world that's almost ruled by money, such things are essential. I'm not completely certain where to begin, but I'll figure something out.
  2. Day 10: Thank you! (Both for your comment and for the fact that I probably wouldn't be doing quite so well without your efforts.) Thanks! I've had my fair share of struggle, so I can really appreciate good times. If I struggle with anything, I'll let you guys know. Today I just checked in to say how grateful I am for: Cold showers. I know people are talking about this everywhere, and it can get rather tedious, but man do they make you feel alive. School of life (a youtube channel - go check them out), and philosophy in general. Another thing that really makes you come alive. That's it for aujourd'hui. Go in peace, my friends :^)
  3. Day 9: Yoooooooooo guys! Checking in. Everything is going well. Feels good to say that. I'm basically gathering momentum in almost every area; however slow it might be happening, I'm progressing. (I won't be journaling as much as long as everything goes well, because I feel like I'd rather be doing stuff than writing about what I did here. Nothing personal ) I hope it's going well for you guys too.
  4. Day 7: Happy new years? Kinda? Yeah! I checked my coach.me statistics, and do you know what I realized? This year, I've spent more days game free than I have spent days gaming. That's amazing! Probably the first time that has happened since I began playing, honestly. 189 days free, and thus 176 days gaming. Next year, I'll aim for 365 days free from games. What? It's good to be ambitious. Also, I got interested in NoFap a couple days ago, when an irl friend brought the subject up. I'm kinda sceptical, but why not? I doubt this would be too hard, since I am pretty disciplined already. Does anyone have any experience on the subject? I'm hyped for 2017! You know this corny analogy about life being the true game? It feels like that right now, corny or not. I'm going to master this game of life. Going into the new year by bringing back an old promise: no youtube or netflix at all, no matter what. That'll be hard, but I think I can do it, with some grit and discipline. It also helps to know that by writing here, you guys will hold me accountable (right?). That's it for now, only 40 min left here. Hope you're all having an amazing evening.
  5. Day 4: All is well. I feel I am using my winter holidays properly. I've set my eyes on a few short-story competitions, which will bring me motivation to write (something I've been lacking lately). I desperately need to rebuild my writing habit. Not much to say other than that. I'd rather be doing things (no offense <3). Peace.
  6. Hey @Reno. I have a question; what do you mean by roleplay? The first thing that comes to mind is people dressing up in weird costumes and enacting some kind of scene, but I soon figured it has to do with writing. I don't know if I'm being slow, but as another writer it got me interested.
  7. That yin-yang balance That was the most scandinavian thing I've read today, haha.
  8. Day 3: @hycniejsy Thanks for your thorough answer. Yeah, you're right about the family thing. What you described is pretty insane, but as for the habits I do daily, it sucks to lose a long streak simply because it's christmas or whatever, so these I struggle to get done anyways. You should slap me with some botolinum toxin or would that be too hardcore? Days are going well right now, to be honest, although I tend to procrastinate my work and my creative business. I'm really good at making sure I get my ass to the gym, and I've taken daily walks for like 80 consecutive days now. Taking care of my diet is also easy for me - if something, I struggle to eat enough calories haha. I guess I should be grateful for this. I find that the physical aspects are the easiest to manage, because they do not require mental effort, which is the hard part. Discipline, focus, creativity. But it won't become any easier if I procrastinate. Nothing worth having comes easy, right? I guess I should begin to do these things earlier in the day, and say no to the ever so tempting netflix. That's it for today (it feels silly to journal about stuff that I haven't done, instead of actually going and doing them. Makes sense?) Haha. Feeling well and optimistic atleast. Life isn't to be taken too seriously. Go in peace, peeps!
  9. Day 2: Hello friends! Forgot to journal yesterday, but somehow the world didn't end The christmas holidays is messing with my habits and stuff, but I suppose that's to be expected. It's manageable, and after all, christmas is only once a year Another thing - I'm actually feeling cravings now. It was so long since the previous time. I guess I created them for myself by trying out gaming again. There's the usual "Maybe I should just decide to not give a fuck about anything and game? It wouldn't be that bad of a life..." I'm right, to a certain degree. It wouldn't be bad, but I want so much more! That's why I'll join @hycniejsy on the 1000 days challenge. Honestly, I don't think I will be able to go back to gaming even after a 1000 days, which is painful to accept, but I still want to do the challenge. I feel like it'll make the days matter more, you know? Like the days will become more special, like every single one of these 1000 days will be an achievement on its own. "What gets measured gets managed." In addition to being game free, I'll add a lot of other goals too, and measure my progress. I've been watching Thomas Frank for quite a while, and I like his idea (not really his, but whatever) of an "Impossible List", so today I thought I'd make one for myself. It feels good to write down a bunch of big, ambitious goals. The first step in the 1000 miles journey is writing down where you want to go. Short-term challenges: TV-series/youtube. Whenever I quit games, this is my second choice, and even if they do not pose as big of a problem, it's still easy to waste hours upon hours infront of the screen. I'll fight this by choosing to read a book instead of bringing my iPad whenever I sit down to eat, so I won't have to finish the episode afterwards. That's it for today. Feeling positive for the future! Au revoir, mes amis.
  10. So first off: Merry Christmas! (We Swedes - and probably a few other European countries - celebrate the 24th. Yeah, we're weird like that.) I'm reporting in from behind enemy lines. The 21st of December I downloaded league, wrote to my one and only gaming companion, and thus broke my 94 days-streak. The first day went well. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Sure, it was enjoyable, but not mind-blowing. That first day I managed to leave the computer at my designated bedtime too - even if I played slightly more than I would have liked, I still got other things done and I felt in control. Despite this, I didn't need more than one day to realize that I couldn't go back, not for real. It was painful to accept this, because I so badly wanted it to work. How did I know it wouldn't? Because the act of gaming is at violent opposition with who I want to become. You cannot have a growth mindset and play video games 4 hours a day. These are oxymorons. I cannot look life in the eyes and truthfully say I am on the right path when gaming. It's like trying to run a marathon while having a big rock tied to your body. Sure, it can be done, and you are moving forward, but at a much slower pace than if you'd cut it off. "But I've had some great memories together with this stone..." Cut it off. Burn every bridge and watch the wind carry away the ashes. The following two days were just pure indulgence - "since I am going to quit again, I might aswell let myself have some fun first, right?" It wasn't terrible, as I managed to finish a few actually meaningful tasks before I got hypnotized by the games, but I can't say it was pretty. The second day I went past my scheduled bedtime by two hours, on the third (this night) I stayed up until 4 am, exceeding the time limit with like 7 hours. Yeah... So today, on christmas eve, I'm leaving it behind me again. I feel like a complete, utter dick in regards to my friend, as I probably brought his hopes up. In fact, this isn't the first time it's been like that. I game, then disappear for weeks/months, only to come back with plans for us that can stretch months into the future, only to yet again disappear as I recoil from the gaming. Kinda like manic/depressive cycles. I know it's my life, and I shouldn't keep gaming and thus remaining unhappy for anyone else's sake. Honestly, he'll probably fare better without me/games aswell, so maybe I'm doing him a favor. Enough with the rambling. Conclusion: I'm back. Even though the last three days left me feeling like shit, I've gotten some healthy insights: time is so valuable, and I actually have loads of it. Also, working on the right mindset is such a big deal too. I only have one last term left with my "high-school" class, (feels like I just met them) and I'm determined to make it a great one. Since I played tonight, I won't count this day as gamefree. This'll be Day 0. Hope you're all having a kickass christmas (or whatever it is you celebrate). Keep growing stronger, people!
  11. Day 94: @Aleks Yeah, there's a significant probability it'll go to shit. But if it does, the harm isn't that big. @dandielionous Well, techniqually I do not need to do anything. I want to give it a try, because I thought it through and came to the conclusion that it could be fun, if I can manage to control it. If it doesn't work, I'll accept that. I finished the last two exams today. Tomorrow is just a quick finishing then I'm free from school for 2+ weeks. yaaaaaaaaaaay. Today I'll make a plan for the holidays (even if I do game, I have a lot of other things to do). That's it for me now. Signing out.
  12. @dandielionous It might be like that, but I doubt it. I do not feel any cravings at all - in fact, I feel completely "sober". My brain isn't screaming at me to go and play, I simply think it would be fun. That's why I could see this work out. We'll see. I'll be cautious.
  13. Day 93: Alright, so in theory, I could be able to play again this wednesday if I wanted to. Since I do not want to rush the desicion, I need to thoroughly think this through, something that is best done with a list. Reasons it might be a good idea to game I'm a curious guy, so I don't think I'd be able to rest until I had given gaming a shot again.It might serve as a motivating factor. Right now, I spend a lot of time doing shit I do not really enjoy; facebook, youtube, league videos etc. If I had league to look forward to, I think I would be able to eliminate all these "Low Density-Fun activities" with the promise of something really enjoyable later in the day. Basically, I will be productive now, so that I can play later. (This might be a cop-out/band aid solution).It would add another layer/dimension to life. This is something I've discussed earlier in my detox. If I have productive, meaningful activities (writing, guitar, drawing) combined with a project that is purely fun (league), it would add a nice tension to life (if I am able to maintain balance between these two).Reasons it might not be a really bad idea I've quit for 90 days now, which means, I know that I am able to quit. Sure it was a struggle, but I have changed now, and so has my brain. If I go back, and it turns to shit, and I can use all my knowledge (and this forum), to quit again.Even when I were in the midst of my gaming addiction, I never did let myself sink beneath a certain point. I still maintained good grades, exercised, and on average never exceeded four hours of gaming per day (that still wasn't ideal, but it wasn't purely shit). I trust that I'm still like that.Reasons it might be a really bad idea I might become addicted again, play 10 hours a day and waste a shit ton of my life. Yay. Tbh, I don't think this will happen, because I'll see it coming before it gets serious. My plan if I actually do game Make sure to get the high priority activities done before gaming (writing and exercising), and the other habits after/inbetween sessions. Make sure to not let it interfere with my sleep schedule. Make sure it doesn't exceed a certain time limit every day? (I hate setting time limits at all, for any activity, because it makes it feel... Meh. It might be necessary in this case though). So. Right now I am leaning towards giving it a try during the holidays. I have some studying to do during that time aswell (it never ends), so it would be nice to alternate between studying and gaming. I would still journal here, to map out my feelings and eventually spot out if it's going to shit. (I could write out a trigger-warning if you guys might get cravings of your own from reading about it). Let me know what you think of this. I'll take note of your insights, but since I'm stubborn and dense (not entirely joking), I will probably make a decision of my own anyways. Peace.
  14. Day 92: @dandielionous Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I'm a curious guy, so I want to see if I'm able to play again. I'll elaborate on this more soon, and then I would welcome any insights you guys might have. Today I realized how important control is for me (disregard the irony in me contemplating to go back to gaming). I want to feel like I have a say in how I feel and what's going on. Feeling down, greasy and unproductive is killing me. I need to have plans, goals, habits etc. The first half of the day I felt like shit, but then I took hold of myself, took a shower and did some exercise, and suddenly everything got so much better. I should get up and study now. There's only two days left (the third day barely counts, it's only 1 hour tops), but god is there alot left to do. Yep, I've been procrastinating. Don't judge. Alright, I'm out. Feeling alot happier today than yesterday. Found a list of actions you can take to increase your levels of happiness "permanently" (if you keep doing them). I'll give that a shot the coming days. Peace.
  15. @SpiNips Could you give me a final grade when you're done with "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck?" I've been wanting to read it, but I'm not sure if it's worth the time and money.
  16. Okay, so I've also crossed the 90 day treshold now - finally I spend time with the cool kids! My post can be found here. Cam wanted me to add my name here aswell, so I did. My achievement is now being eternalized Hope more people will join the VIP club - I don't wanna be the newest member! Peace.
  17. Day 91: Thank you so much for the congrats everyone! I spent the first day on the other side by arriving home at 2, sleeping way too little, metamorphing into a burrito and at last feeling sorry for myself! JK, I'm actually happy. Ironically though, I'm not as happy about quitting for 90 days now as I would have been if I still felt the way I did when I was gaming, because now I've already grown used to a life free from games. Did anyone understand that sentence? Also, I'm still feeling sad after tomorrow (read above: funeral). The world feels smaller and colder now, and I get teary-eyed whenever I think about it. I shouldn't judge myself for feeling like this, right? I think it's natural, and I hope it'll pass. (At the same time I wish it would stay forever, because not feeling sad anymore means having accepted it, and I don't want to accept this shit. It shouldn't have happened, and life is cruel). I'll stop there - my sadness may be contagious, and we wouldn't want that shit to spread, would we? Moving on. @Aleks It's something I will have to think about. There's a few things that makes not think this is such a bad idea - even if I go back, I won't lose control completely. I never let myself sink below a certain point, even in the midst of gaming. I'll bring this up in a future post again, since it's not an option until school's over anyway. So, the first half of today wasn't good. (Read above: burrito). But then I kind of regained control, and I've managed to pull of some studying. To make sure I keep my shit together tomorrow too, I'll have to plan for it. Actually, that's something I have to do more of at any time. It's important. I'm in a small funk atm, but at the same time, I know the possibility to bounce back is there within my reach, waiting for the time when I have enough energy to go for it. That's reassuring. Okay, enough of the rambling. To summarize; feeling slightly down right now, but ready to get back into business at any moment. Peace. We have the rest of our lives
  18. Day 90: aaaaaaand it's here! Day 90! *fireworks and fanfares* Ironically, I haven't been able to celebrate all that much today, since I pretty much just got home from a rather tough funeral (not someone too close to me, but kind of). That was hard, and it left me feeling sad and angry. Despite that, I somehow managed to squeeze some happiness in today aswell (yep, my mind is a mess). It would be a shame to walk around depressed on a day like this, right? In fact, I'm off to see the new star wars movie with a group of friends soon, which is awesome, but it means that I'm in a slight hurry. As a result of the above, I don't think I'll write a massive post - I don't feel like it. I do not have any groundbreaking wisdom to share either, hehe. Sorry to disappoint. What I do want to do is thank you guys. Everyone who has read, written or appreciated any of my posts here on the forum. (Special shoutout to Cam for starting it in the first place). I said in one of my very first posts that I was scared of depending on others, but that has changed. I wouldn't have managed to come this far without you guys, and I'm glad to have you to depend on. @Aleks The hero wins! I didn't disappoint you @Tatu92 I blew up some fireworks for you, hope you saw them @Piotr Thanks alot! I've come far from when I were gaming consistently. (*Cough* beware of bragging). I've written more than 40 000 words since I began the detox, I have been playing the guitar for almost everyday, and performed on a concert, solo. I've begun studying seriously. I've switched entirely to a vegan diet. These are a few accomplishments that I wouldn't have been able to achieve if I still were controlled by gaming. Whether or not I try it out again in the future, I have learned things that won't leave me. Most importantly, I've learned that I was able to quit games. I am a gamequitter. Thank you.
  19. Day 89: Okay so NVM. Slept 6h last night, which is just one bad night of many this week. I don't know what's up. Probably a combination of stress and physical factors (screens, too much fluids) etc. So basically, I'm off to sleep now. Kind of an anticlimactic report for my second last day of detox, but ehhhh. Despite my lack of sleep, I've felt really good - up until today. I have a lot of studying left, and some personal business to take care off, and unless I get my shit together, that may overwhel me. SO, plan for tomorrow: get my shit together. Also, I supposed I'll write a long fancy post about what I've learned during my detox, woohoo. (I've passed 200 posts now?? Feels like I signed up yesterday.) My bed is calling. Now I'ma get a solid 10h of sleep, and then tomorrow I'll piece everything together. G'night.
  20. Day 88: /Literally sleeping Thank you all for your inputs and encouragement! Will answer tomorrow.
  21. Day 87: The soreness... Actually, I love the feeling of sore muscle. Embrace the pain! I've worked out four times in three days (that sounded more impressive in my head). I like it though. The more I read and learn about my body and health and taking care of yourself, the more interested I become. Everything is correlated, and everything is important. If you guys aren't sleep, exercising and taking care of your diet (*cough* go vegan *cough* - who said that?), you should definitely begin. You'll feel more in control, and you'll feel physically better. @Tatu92 Thank you! I remember you hoping things would look up for me soon - they definitely do now! @WorkInProgress I'd say the strength is more important, but the looks really matter too Also, yeah #90dayshype @Reno F Apology accepted don't let that 5th grader die! I'm soon free from the stress-inducing place of burnouts and breakdowns called Hell... Wait, it's called school? Oh. Well, I'm soon out of there atleast. There's just two things left now; a big ass physics test and a big ass swedish assignment. Me no gusta. Je n'aime pas. I think I'll survive though. Having a really fun time exercising, and playing the guitar. THe writing and drawing is lacking somewhat, but idk... I don't feel like doing that for the moment, and I think that's okay. The things I'm prioritizing instead are definitely not a waste of time. Also, I'm going to try going to bed and waking up at the same time every day (or atleast 5 out of 7 days, when having late martial art trainings. Preferably 7/7.) Supposedly this will help me go to sleep easier, and also improve the quality of the sleep. Has anyone tried doing this? Does it help? Talking about sleep, it's time for that now (soonTM). Peace people.
  22. Day 85: Wow. I honestly do not know where to begin today's journal. I woke up this morning and I felt... Alive. It's strange and fantastic how things just work out sometimes - how one tiny decision sets off a chain of events. Here's my chain: Late last night I decided to sit down and stretch (after playing the guitar). I chose an odd spot on the floor, and so, I got an odd view of one of my bookshelves. I spotted a book I read years ago, a rather silly young adult love story, and I picked it up on a whim. Love story means... You guessed it, love! Ain't it amazing. I began reading, and thoughts about love in my own life came floating to the surface, from whatever depth they've been lurking in. Love equals girls (atleast for me), and with the thought of girls comes thoughts about my body (it's not that I'm too self-conscious, but those two subjects seem to be connected in my brain). That's it for the evening; a seed planted in my mind. At 6 am (went to sleep at 1am), I wake up and I'm struck by this massive urge to workout. Lately, I've been only working on things such as explosiveness and flexibility (for my martial art), and this rather aimlessly. There's been no clear goal for atleast a year. Tonight I thought; why not mix things up? It would be pretty nice to actually grow bigger. (I am pretty fit already, but kinda small). So as I laid in bed, unable to get back to sleep, I picked up my journal and began designing a whole new exercise program and diet plan (= eat more, especially protein). The hype was real, and I couldn't lay still. So I left bed, and having slept less than 5 hours, I prepared a cup of strong coffee (I used to be kinda addicted to coffee, but I quit a few months ago), and well, now I feel like I'm on cocaine (12 hours after me drinking it). I don't know if I'm high because of the coffee or because of life, it doesn't really matter. (Quick note: I'm a pretty experienced lifter (that sounds so pretentious. I mean, I like exercising, and I've done alot of it), so this new plan isn't some kind of full gas, crash and give up in a week-thing. I (think) I know what I'm doing.) Everything is exciting and amazing. No way I'm going back to gaming if I can feel like this. Literally everything seems nice atm. I'm soon done with the school term, and I'll get kickass grades. Eventually, sometime, I'll get a kickass job (whatever I choose to do; police officer, writer, doctor - it doesn't matter). I'll get a kickass girl and I'll get some kickass children. (I'll wait a while with that one though). Only bad thing is that I'm completely unable to sit down and concentrate on my chemistry studies. But no matter, it'll work out! Also, I found this channel called Alpha M. Actually, it was more of a re-descover. I've watched a video of him before, but then I didn't like it. I've always thought that style and fixing your hair and taking care of your skin and stuff was superficial, but I was wrong. To spend like 5 mins a day making yourself look better, it's so worth it. You'll be happier with yourself if you think you look good, and if you're happier you'll be more confident, and if you're confident... Magic! Now I really need to study. (Spoiler alert: I probably won't). Today I won't actually aplogize for writing I bible, since I liked writing this stuff, and it's pretty exciting. I hope you're all feeling as good as I do. I'll end this post with a beautiful, sliiightly sarcastic quote: Education is important, but big biceps are importanter Peace!
  23. Woot! (Stealing @Cam signature expression - I don't actually know what it means, but it's fitting in this situation). 532 days, that's insane. I know Cam is probably further along the road, but still. He is the Gamequitter with a big G - you're slightly more relatable. (This <3 is for you if you're reading this Cam). That makes me inspired. One day I'm going to tell a newbie gamequitter that I'm 532 days free from games aswell, making them jealous. Thanks!
  24. It's simultaneously awesome and depressing to hear about other people writing. It makes me happy for you (since writing is magic), but it also reminds me that I've neglected my own writing habit for about a week. Ugh. (I should stop feeling sorry for myself and just do it, shouldn't I?) I hope we'll get to the point where we can call ourselves writers someday.
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