D_Cozy

Sat 11.02 Feliz Dia de Muertos ❤️ No compulsive social media use: 31 days No compulsive research: 31 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 34 days (calls ok? details below for why I'm up so late still) I'm up fairly late, but it's a weekend. Was up talking to our friend again, who is getting settled into his new place. He's going through a lot and there was quite a lot he wanted to discuss. He is seeing someone else, which surprised us! Due to how recent his split was from his previous partner (it was earlier this year!) I'm really hoping he is making good decisions. But well, I'm not here to judge, though concerned still I am cuz I care about him; we listened to him, and his whole day during his move and getting settled in his new place. Technically I'm posting this at 12:17am on Sunday... yeah I shouldn't do this often. I'll forgive myself because it was a Saturday, and well there was evidently a lot to keep me thinking tonight... but only because of that. Tomorrow it's to bed by 10pm. I caught up on Cams' emails earlier today, and the one which stood out to me was "the surprising truth." This is the one in which he says he has been working on a big project, how he spent 15 hours a day working; 7am to 10pm. As someone who struggles heavily with overworking themselves -> procrastinating -> overworking, my first reaction was concern reading this. He even details how he questioned himself, if he was just transferring one addiction with another; because this intense focus reminded him of his time spent gaming 16h straight. However, the key difference that Cam notes is that when gaming, nothing else mattered; but when working, he would be able to still look after his health, relationship, and nutrition. Even despite the long hours he was focusing his energy on; and when the project ended, he was able to return to his regular routine. This email was eye-opening to me, because I can relate and empathize, even if my experience is different. I know from my own experience that addiction transference has been a big problem for me. I went from playing fighting games competitively, and when I realized I wasn't good enough to make it pro, I focused on school and my girlfriend at the time. But to my own detriment, I gave up a lot of my other hobbies, started instead to also play mobile games on my off-time throughout this period. At first it was not to the point of affecting my grades, but I wasn't very present in a lot of other situations; my only focuses were school, my girlfriend at the time (my wife now) and the game. That's it! And it got worse from here with mobile games, which became the number 1 priority for me and my schedule. Fast-forward, but after I sobered myself from mobile games, and when I started "focusing" a my job a lot... I still didn't feel like I was hitting my production capability and potential. It has been a journey for me to realized that I was still stressed with work, procrastinating when things got hard, and then overworking myself to "catch up." My procrastination up to a few months ago was led by browsing social media and editing random articles that caught my interest, sometimes for the entire work day. So all that to say, that is why I became concerned and then curious about Cams email. Personally, mobile games and a few other types get me like this, where nothing else matters to me and they are the priority. That said, if I stay away from those, this is where I split off; other games, specially on a dedicated device, I'm able to schedule in time blocks and maintain a regular routine after putting them down. I am aware that everyone is unique, and I recognize that this uniqueness is real through my work on the sobriety worksheet; discovering the things I stay away from (my bottom lines), the things I can do with caution (my middle lines) and the things that I aspire to do and be (my top lines). I'm able to empathize as a result, even in spite of the differences. One other thing that I detected from Cam's email was that it sounded like he had a solid plan for balancing his day, even in-spite of the long work hours. He'd make sure to eat meals with his girlfriend. He'd make sure to still look after his health. These are crucial things that I neglected myself when I would overwork myself -> procrastinate -> overwork myself, and so forth the cycle goes. These are the crucial things that I'm now making a point to pay attention to; my physical health, my mental and spiritual wellbeing, and my social and emotional fulfillment. Things I will do to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 10pm last night and the baby woke up at 11:30am. From there I read some Hemingway short stories (his stories about Nick, a character of his), and then fell asleep by 12:30am. Then woke up at 6:30am; so a decent sleep overall by my estimations. Tonight... maybe not as good. It's past midnight now 😛 Well see above. Stretch - yessir, right after getting up to be with all kids and let my wife sleep in this morning. Meditate + deep breaths - I took some deep breaths in the morning, but I slacked on meditation. Weekends seem to be the tougher days for me to make time, so I will make an effort tomorrow to discuss this with my partner; even just 10min where I can focus on it. Go for walks / Exercise - brought all of the kiddos to the park, wagon ride + stroller push lol. I say that's a workout. Drink Water - I could've had more, but I did remember later in the day after my kids swimming lessons. Wash body + face - d'oh, I realized I totally deleted this part from my template by accident yesterday. Yes, I do review my posts 😛 Okay, I am fairly certain I did do these two things yesterday afternoon after the cardio workout (before my work meet). As for today, if midnight counts, well I will hop in the shower right after this post. Get back on track. Nutrition: * Breakfast; fruit salad * lunch; meatball sandwich (meatballs from yesterdays leftovers) * dinner; take-out, since my wife and I (mostly her) made the cake. There was leftover batter and she directed me with helping make cupcakes with said batter, which was fun. My decoration skills definitely could use some work though. Talk to my partner - Yes, and we spent a large amount of time together at night. Talk with kids + play with them - Yes, I gave them that trip to the park and later at night I was in charge of getting them ready for bed. Twas a fun night, although they did go to bed late and I think it's due to the candy rush from Halloween. It's already challenging for me to not eat the candy either (I do want to stay healthy) but it's even tougher to make sure the kids don't go nuts on it. I caught my middle one sneaking under the table to eat a chocolate lol. Read a book - While waiting for swimming lessons to be done, I did work on more of the Habits workbook and read it some more too. Last night I ended up reading some Hemingway short stories Practice French - Yes, this morning and talking with my wife too (mutual practice of Spanish <-> French conversations) Journal - I'm going to shower and then bed 😛 7 habits - proactivity test - day 15 My commitments: Make the Skull cake with my wife Yes, it was fun but laborious. So many dishes to wash afterwards too! I enjoyed it though. I felt like I earned my relaxation time afterwards. Do at least 2 more workbook exercise for the 2nd Habit (a for sure this time) What do I keep gravitating towards? Is it different from what I am currently doing? I suppose it is in a way, yeah. I do like database engineering, but I did find myself excited to get to this point and write my journal entry. Also I noted I was excited about the idea of writing my own book at some point. Or even a blog honestly. In fact, this is very likely why I find social media and compulsive research to be pretty addictive. I just like writing! But it's a matter of directing it in the right direction instead. Not just in social posts or message boards. Obviously this forum is the exception because I am finding the journaling process to be beneficial; this realization for instance. The act of writing these thoughts down made me realize that I should go into writing. Now that said, I do think I can do this without necessarily giving up my job in database work. I do get to "write" in this work too, in a sense; coding, documentation and technical writing. I do still like those things too. So nothing says I can't give a try to creative writing on the side either. What did I like to do as a child? Do those things still bring me satisfaction? My main satisfaction in play as a child came from being mentally and physically active, from what I remember. Going to the park and climbing the monkey bars, pulling myself up (learning pull-ups) and playing some sports. I do still like being active, and have been getting better at making it a routine for me; although I am a bit big for the park's playground, I get that wake-up call every time I play on it with my kids haha. In the mental aspect, I did learn how to work a computer at the age of 7yo, and learned Basic programming at 9. So obviously yes, that still does bring me satisfaction because it helped me become the person I am career-wise. I also still like doing puzzles (jigsaw puzzles) and building things (blocks, legos). But I've definitely neglected these latter ones in adulthood for myself. It is tough to find time for these things with kids; maybe a good idea would be to invest in a craft table though, one which lets us hide in-progress puzzles when the kids are up (for e.g.) What interests me the most right now? Actually I'm fired up about the creative writing aspect. So I'm going to make that my commitment tomorrow: * Brainstorm ideas with my wife about some possible book topics 3 exercises, which is more than I had committed to. Night everyone! Or whatever time it is where you all live 😄

Fri 11.01 No compulsive social media use: 30 days No compulsive research: 30 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 33 days The work day is winding down now. I had my 2nd last session with my ADHD coach. Next week is my last, because that is how much I paid for. I feel that I have cemented some really solid habits overall, but I know there's more work to be done too. So I'm not getting lax about this. This is another reason why I started journaling, and also why I'm continuing to practice the 7 Habits. ...hmm, maybe this is something I can actually use when reviewing my mission statement later today. Things I will do to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - to bed at 11pm, tended to the baby at 5:30am, went back to bed about 15min later, and then I woke up at 7am to my alarm. Good sleep overall. Glad to have my wife back too, as she handled an earlier wake-up from baby. Stretch - Something which helped with morning stretches is setting my alarm to a more calm ringtone. The one I had previously always made me feel rushed to get my phone, this one I set up last night let me just stretch and calmly get out of bed before it got too loud. That said, I think I will look at getting a separate alarm clock that isn't my phone. See it was after stretching to shut off my alarm today that I noticed cravings started coming in strong. I jumped right into the weather app - part of my necessary use - but I found that I was impulsively looking to click on an ad in the weather website; one for a really basic and dumb looking mobile "puzzle" game (p2w for sure) of all things. Now thankfully, I didn't follow through with that. Instead, I sat down and meditated. That helped me process those feelings for the cravings. Meditate + deep breaths - yes and it helped me ground myself after waking up. Learning to listen to the mind and witnessing what thoughts are arising (not acting on them) was the theme. This practice will also help me step back in conversations with others; like my wife a few days ago when I got reactive. Listening involves not just other people, but listening to my mind too. The things I thought about after mediation, for why then did I get a craving: We are approaching the end of a really important election year worldwide. And while important indeed, it's not like everything that happens is within my control, or even within my influence necessarily. I keep thinking to myself that if I can occupy my time talking online about these political events, I can make a difference. But I know that's not true; I've been alive long enough now to realize that most people online have already made up their minds, and there's so many who just look to argue for arguing sake. The way I can truly make a difference is to focus on the local level, of where I live, and then work from there in my Circle of Influence; not starting from the outside, from my Circle of Concern. At work yesterday, the project which I'm working on... well it is still in a trash-bin-on-fire state. Instead of escaping it, which is where my cravings definitely keep being triggered by, I need to treat this as a learning experience. This morning at work, I spent a good 45min talking to a more senior engineer about it, and it's led to switching tasks so that we can be more efficient. That is exactly what we both needed. Go for walks / Exercise - yes, at lunch I did cardio with my wife with that dance game again. Only 15min but enough to get me sweating, but still I know I can do more; I just didn't want to be late to a work meeting coming back directly after my lunch break. So, I will do more workout stuff later today. Drink Water - As I've detailed before, I work on these "wall-of-text" entries gradually throughout the day in small breaks. As I started typing in the morning, I realized I hadn't had much water. So this is a positive, and a good reminder to get water. And yes, I'm aware these are long entries compared to other journals; I like this template myself though. I like writing. Nutrition: * Breakfast; cereal with a side of banana * lunch; made a sandwich for a quick yet nutritious lunch * dinner; this will be meatballs and pasta, the former already in the slow cooker (the latter is super quick) Talk to my partner - I've been helping her out in between breaks with some small chores, I cleaned the kids bath and toilet already, and will focus on their sink + our bathroom later today after work. Also there's other tasks to do. Tonight we've invited a mutual friend over for a bit, he's the one going through separation right now (he just got a new house for himself). After he leaves for the night, I will discuss my mission statement later today with my wife, just to get her perspective (this was one of my commitments). Talk with kids + play with them - Trick or treating wiped them out, which was great. My focus with them tonight is to do similarly. Actually a good idea for working out, I could do push-ups as usually one of my kids climbs my back. That adds some nice weight to tire me out. And they think it's a game, so it's a good win-win. Getting creative with my exercise time here 😄 Read a book - I'll see how I feel tonight, but more likely I'm leaning towards just reading fiction. More Cervantes or Hemingway, one of those for tonight. 7 Habits workbook exercises, I'll continue those later in the weekend. Practice French - yes, this morning. I will get more practice tonight avec ma femme et mes enfants. I should also give more of a try to the story process indie_rok suggested too, if it's not too late after supper I'll do this with my kids. If not, tomorrow for sure. Journal - Here's my entry with reflection. Grateful for the weekend and for the clarity I gained with next steps at work. 7 habits - proactivity test - day 14 My commitments for today: * work on personal mission statement and discuss with my wife -> Yes, I'll be doing this later tonight, and post about it tomorrow if there's anything that I feel is worth mentioning here for accountability. * expand on my goals from the previous entry -> Yes, the meat of this entry is here. So for my previous entry, I stated five general areas in which I find personal fulfillment; my direct family, friends and extended family, my career, my hobbies (expanding and working on them), and volunteering. Under my family - which I'll condense as direct and extended - I cover my role as an individual, a husband and father. I think these are the most important ones to me. I'm also a (grand)son, a cousin, a nephew, and so forth. Even though I know there is still work for me to do so that I may fulfill the image I have of myself in my head, I do feel fulfilled with my role as a father, a husband, and an individual. Or at least, I should say that I feel this way from the past month that I've started journaling regularly, along with working on the 7 Habits, detoxing myself from my compulsive tech uses, and being part of the ITAA community. Under Career, this also covers part of myself, as I do like the aspect of computer programming and problem solving. This also covers my role as an employee, a colleague, a software engineer, and at times the role of a technical writer and a task manager of sorts too. One thing which my manager says is that "we wear many hats when we work, not just one; we are not just tied down to our roles." I like that choice of words, because it frees me from falling into traps of not doing something just because it's "outside my area." And it puts the onus on me to make that step for growth opportunities. I would say that I'm fulfilled to an extent here. We do regular reviews and checkins, my manager and I, and the areas of self-improvement which I'm working on right now are the ones which will also help me grow in my career; being proactive, being a better listener to my mind and to others, and also managing with stressful changing and vague situations. All these help me personally, but also career-wise. So I'm working on this. Under Hobbies, I only put down two of the most immediate ones I could think of that I want to progress in; baking and writing. Well I have a lot more hobbies than those, but these are the ones I thought of first. Maybe what that tells me is that, if I'm gravitating towards them, I should do these things first. Then define the rest later if I get more ideas. These both fall under self-improvement too, learning new things, and expanding my skillsets. Baking-wise, my wife and I are planning to make a Skull cake for Día de Muertos; she will be guiding me and getting her to help out with the process. So I'm already taking steps here to learn, baby steps. Writing wise, well I love writing as you can tell. Sorry for those who see these monster updates, but this is how I like to write; this is really moreso for myself, so I can re-read at a later date and reflect on my journey. I do actually review my journal entries regularly, throughout weekends. I make some time to reflect on my reflections, because that is valuable too for identifying areas which I may not have noticed I need work on. But at some point, I would love to have a book to write; and that's something which I'll be working on at some point with my wife, to brainstorm ideas (this was her suggestion too, which I agreed with). Under volunteering, I think this covers my need to want to help others. This is a main reason to why I gravitate so much towards social media; when someone asks a question about a topic I'm familiar with (even if trite), I will jump at the opportunity because I'm "helping." Now don't get me wrong; I do think it can be valuable to help and answer questions online, just not to the extent I was doing that 8h a day, to the point of neglecting myself and others IRL around me. So this is why I thought that volunteering in-person would be valuable to add to my repertoire. I will admit, I have not given it much more thought than that. I should get around to doing that, figuring out where I would like to help besides the civic tech club. * help my wife with chores around the house -> Yes, I've done a few and will keep going on others after work. * (maybe) work on more exercises from the workbook -> Well this was a maybe, I did say that last entry, and I am most likely not doing that tonight. It's looking busy in a good way, so I'd rather curl up with some good fiction to read in bed tonight. --------- For tomorrow, these will be my commitments: Make the Skull cake with my wife Read books in French to my kids Do at least 2 more workbook exercise for the 2nd Habit (a for sure this time) I'm embracing the business of life; I feel like I have a purpose, like I have a mission.

Thu 10.31 - Happy Halloween! No compulsive social media use: 29 days No compulsive research: 29 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 32 days Long entry today. I have a lot on my mind. I worked on this throughout my work breaks. Taking a half day worked out yesterday, in the sense that I didn't have to work in the afternoon because I was feeling quite unwell after the vaccines. I still had to drive my wife to an appointment, then pick up my kids, and then make dinner later in the day; it was busy, but my mind definitely wasn't going to be doing deep thinking and problem solving. I did end up having a disagreement with my wife, which led to me being reactive. Having a lot to do is tough, but I recognize that I still have a lot of work to improve in how I view these situations. I'm reminded again of yesterdays meditation, about how hard things still happen; meditation doesn't make them go away, they will still happen, meditation instead helps with practicing awareness. What I could've done better is first to have listened, before seeking to get my point across. ...I also still don't think that the combination of having felt sick + cravings that came with that were helping though. From the ITAA meetings, I've heard others say about how they struggle the most with their compulsive behaviors when they are feeling sick. Well this is something I noticed with me too; I did reach for my phone after lying down in bed, only to put it back down and tell myself to not cheat with my Stayfree limits. I don't think it's a reason or excuse though, but I was cranky overall. The important things I'm taking away; * to recognize these vulnerable situations for me (being / feeling sick) * reflect (what better way than journaling!) * apologize for my mistakes promptly * allow time for the other person whom I hurt to process my apology * listen to the others needs, so we can best be on the same wavelength to meeting and anticipating those needs Things I will do to stay healthy Well technically I wasn't healthy yesterday, I guess, but I did my best to fulfill all the things I wanted to do. Since I posted early yesterday, I'll try to summarize some of the things I missed to my best memory; Sleep around 8h - went to bed quite early at 10:30pm, I would've preferred earlier but it was just me again that night. The baby is still waking up through the night (11:30am and 4am) but I think the park time yesterday helped, he only needed soothing for 15min to fall back asleep. I woke up at 6:30am, all things considered not bad sleep. My wife is also back now for the nights, her parents (my in-laws) are back in town so she doesn't have to stay at their place with their dogs anymore. I also had a REALLY ODD dream. I was at a friends cottage, with the layout being really modern. I had to make a lot of room to set up my stuff to sleep there. The cottage only had a few rooms; fewer than there usually are. It's like the whole place was sectioned off with a big courtyard in the middle (it does not look like this at all either, this is just the dream). I saw people there which I am not in touch with anymore (from high school), although funny enough most of my direct family wasn't there besides my wife. I am not sure why my dream left them out... even my extended family, I'm surprised I didn't see there. What I vividly remember asking too was for a bigger room, so that my wife could also sleep with me in the same bed; but I was told by my friend that I was overthinking things, that I still overfocus on details and should remember what has happened before. Then I woke up. ... yeah I was not quite sure what to make of this dream. My subconscious or my conscience telling me something? Maybe the key point is what was said right before waking up; maybe the stuff before that doesn't even matter and I'm overthinking it (as my dream said). Yesterday I did face cravings before going to sleep, but maybe I forced the feelings down rather than giving myself enough time to observe and process them. So when I next face cravings... I need to keep a level head, continue working on the 7 Habits and 12 Steps, using the MASTER list and mission statement for e.g., and stay on track with my priorities. Well that's how I'm reading it right now anyways. Stretch - not as much yesterday, but I was feeling pretty sick. This morning I woke up a lot better and gave myself a good back stretch. Go for walks / Exercise - yesterday instead of cardio, I did my best to go outside with my kids and took them to the park right after school, as it was before that which I felt chills. So cardio in a way~ish, just not the gym treadmill kind. But it's ok. A bit of outdoor time is good when sick (and I wore a mask). Today I ended up going to the gym in the morning, resumed with a leg day (squats, leg curls and leg extensions), as well as ab twists. My arms still a bit sore from the shots. Drink Water - yes, and I made some carbonated water the night before to save me the trouble for today in the morning. Wash Face + Body - After workout yeah. Meditate + deep breaths - yea I did quite a bit today actually, even engaged in one about being distracted and staying focus. It was interesting; "focus is not the lack of distractions, but the noticing when distractions arise and when the mind wanders." I never thought of it that way; I guess if we are aware enough to observe how we feel when distracted, it is a good way to gently recenter ourselves, rather than forcing the mind to do something. I liked it. Nutrition: * Breakfast; this morning was a yogurt with raisins, nuts and blueberries * lunch; leftovers from the chicken I made yesterday * dinner; air-fried hot dogs again, cuz we need something quick before trick or treating with the kids Talk to my partner - last night I talked with her in the night again. I was reviewing some of the 7 Habits work I had done in prior days with her. And I asked her the introductory question of the "End in Mind part" as well. Today she told me that she wants to do a whole rearrangement of my kids room at some point; which I'm actually excited about. They have too many damn toys! Lol. I want to find all the ones they do not use anymore and donate them or chuck them, depending on the condition. This seems to be a common struggle with every parent, all kids have too many toys. So we have to plan when we'll do that, but I'm looking forward to it. Talk with kids + play with them - I brought them out to the park yesterday and additionally they helped with cooking after that. well, "helped" haha. Tonight was going trick or treating, and it was a blast. We went with one of my oldest kids friends and their parents around the neighborhood. They have a ton of candy, enough to last them until next year May lol. Read a book - As per a little ago, I re-read the 7 Habits work with my wife, up to the first questions of Habit 2 in the workbook. I will also post the ones I have done so far in todays entry... been meaning to do that, but feeling sick is not fun. Tonight... I'm either gonna do more exercises, or read Don Quixote after posting this. We'll see. Practice French - I'll talk with my wife in French during the trick or treating walk. I did one review of words this morning on the green owl app, but I don't feel like doing more of that tonight. Journal - Here's my entry with reflection. I'm glad to feel better. 7 habits - proactivity test - day 13 My commitment yesterday was to talk with my other grandmother (check) and also do my best to feel better. For my grandmother in Mexico, she is doing well, and I talked to her about the upcoming wedding my brother is having. She's also excited to do the trip, and hoping nothing bad happens between now and then (me too). I also took some time to send her pictures of the kids, since she lives so far away it's not often we talk, so I do my best to keep her updated with pictures. Same with my other grandmother. I actually want to keep making an effort to talk to them weekly. So I'll set up some recurring reminders on my calendar. 7 Habits workbook - Habit 2; Begin with the End in Mind Okay I've delayed putting this here quite a bit. Let's get on with it. Checking Your Vision What do you want to be when you grow up? That question may seem trite at first, but give it some honest thought; Are you - right now - who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be doing, what you always wanted to do? I like this question (it's kinda cute) because it asks me to really think about what I have always wanted, if I'm where I wanted to be now. To begin with the end in mind, as has been stated in the book before, means to begin each day, task or porject with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination.... then continue to flex your proactive muscles. -> I'm excited tomorrow to start working and reviewing my own personal mission statement. I plan on talking about it with my wife. And I also hope to get one started for our family; while our kids are still young. So what am I doing right now with my life? Does it make me happy? Do I feel fulfilled? I broke down each area of my life to answer these questions: Family; yes, I'm very glad to be a father, a husband, have pets. I know there is still improvement, but I'm working towards that in these roles. Career; I'd say yes for this, although I know I can still keep growing. As a kid I wanted to go into design; at first it was houses, then later it was video games (lol) and now it's databases! So in a way, I'm a designer, an architect-in-the-making if you will. I think my eventual goal is to get to the architecture point of my career for databases. Friends and extended family; eeh, in a way but not fully honestly. I have a small but close circle of friends, and I'm reaching out more to my extended family. I think I can still be better at this, but hence why I've made more efforts recently to reach out to them and just catch up, even if on the phone. I wouldn't mind being closer to my friends as well, offering to be more social with them instead of waiting for them to reach out. Hobbies Learn to bake sweets; my wife told me yesterday that technically, the breaded chicken I made counts as baking. I told her "well yeah, but I want to make sweets" haha. Well she is willing to help me out with this. Have a recipe this weekend we'll be trying. Writing: I would like to give starting a blog, or writing a story a go at some point. This is probably why I like journaling so much, and I think I could transfer a lot of my writing skillset to these hobbies. My wife has book ideas herself, so heck even just joining our minds together and making one together. Why not? I brought it up to her. Volunteering; finally, I would like to volunteer more in person. I like and enjoy volunteering at the online civic tech club I'm part of, but would enjoy being more present in an org. I should make time, at some point... I keep telling myself that I'll do it when the kids are a bit older, but it's always gonna be busy one way or another. I should just make the time. There is a lot to unpack here, so for my commitment tomorrow, I'll update tomorrow following up on these, and maybe work on more exercises. I'll also make more of an effort to help my wife out with chores around the house during my work breaks; these past few days have been absolutely packed and we need to catch up on them.

Very well said ❤️ these are supremely important foundations imo; that includes your identity (self-respect), those around you (treating others kindly), your body (looking after your health) and your mental and spiritual health (fulfilling activities). I think that fulfilling all these areas, every day to the best of our abilities, is what matters the most to really live life to its fullest.

No part 2 for today, I'm getting chills from my flu and covid shots. Will leave my entry at that for tonight and rest instead. I am hoping this passes tonight with sleep.

Oh yeah, I wanted to share the pumpkin carvings we made. The first one is of Jack Skellington from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas, which is my oldest kids favorite movie. The other is of Dragonite, which is my wife's favorite pokemon; her and my kids likes the series, though I personally don't (but the carving was challenging and fun). Carving designs into pumpkins is one of my favorite things to do this time of year. It's a lot of busy but very fun work, it looks cool, the kids like it, it gets me active while I do them, and the process taps into my creative thinking process. Overall a very fun family activity. ❤️ Both will be placed on quote blocks, so expand at your own comfort level.

Thu 10.30 (part 1) No compulsive social media use: 28 days No compulsive research: 28 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 31 days I feel weak today. I got both my flu and covid shots yesterday, one per arm, and the covid arm specifically (my left) is very limp. I called both my grandmothers yesterday. One of them picked up, the other one said we should talk tomorrow (which is today). Posting early today, have appointments to get to in the afternoon. I'll call my other grandmother in-between those appointments. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - As I was tired last night, I went to bed at 1015pm. Baby woke up twice at 2am and 4am, but he went back to sleep within 15min. So that wasn't too bad. I got about 8h total, not straight, but total. Tonight is the last night that my wife sleeps at my in-laws to care for the puppy, we are both very much so looking forward to get some rest this weekend. Stretch - yeah, and this is when I realized how sore my shoulders were haha... Go for walks / Exercise - I'm gonna do cardio later today, I have a half day at work. Won't be doing weights with arms today, will see how I feel tomorrow. Drink Water - I'm drinking some right now and will keep it up Wash face + body - I'll do that after my cardio Nutrition: breakfast - yogurt with nuts and blueberries lunch - yesterday I had the last of the pumpkin lasagna leftovers. Today probably a sandwhich dinner - I'm cooking tonight, parmesan breadcrumbed chicken breasts Talk to my partner - yeah, this morning about the schedule for the afternoon. Last night we talked on the phone, which I will admit is very helpful for me to not go down a spiral with my addictive behaviors. This reminds me, that back in May this past year I went on a business trip by myself. Partly due to different timezones, but also mostly because I was alone; I'd be up until 3am on my phone, watching something or just browsing around the internet forums and apps which I am abstaining from now. Then I'd wake up at 8am, hit the gym (at least I still did that) and walked to the office there for 9am. It was a crazy dumb schedule and I have zero clue how I did that for a week straight. When I got back home, I was jetlagged but I was also more irritable. Surprise surprise... it's because I got used to bad habits that week, and my kids certainly aren't gonna let me muck around. So yeah, all this to say that it's helpful that I've been talking to my wife on the phone at night, while she sleeps at my in-laws as they are out of town. I go to bed at good times. Talk with my kids + play with them - my middle kid was really attached to me this morning when dropping him off, he didn't want me to go ❤️ I've got the baby on my as I'm typing this. I'll see if my older kids want to help me with cooking as well (basic things like passing me a bowl + a pan, etc). And I'll try some French with them tonight. Read a book - I did a few more workbook exercises last night. I'll be posting them after all my appointments tonight in a part 2 Meditate + deep breaths - yes to deep breaths. I'll make time for meditating after my shower (or before during a short break). Practice French - Oui, dans le matin. By the way, @indie_rok thank you for that storytelling breakdown. I gave it a go with my kids yesterday, as they have quite a few French books (my wife is fluent). So I'll be doing that again tonight 🙂 I do agree that Duolingo is kinda meh, it is repetitive with its own biased keywords; but I've mentioned this in other posts, that I think what helps me is not just that I use that app, it's also that I have other francophone speakers to talk with IRL. Merci beaucoup! Journal (gratitude and reflection) - I'm so glad that I'm staying out of my bottom lines despite how hectic this week is. Actually, during a meditation yesterday, one of the guided ones from Headspace said something along the lines of; "meditation doesn't fix difficult situations, it helps us look at them through new perspectives. Life will keep throwing those difficult situations, but we will find that we see them and observe them differently as we keep practicing meditation." I think I get that finally, that greater awareness has helped me recognize unimportant distractions which I should not engage with, as well as important situations which are hard but I can engage with in a better proactive manner. Part 2 will be 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 12 I'll be back later tonight, as I am going back to work now. Sending lots of support to everyone! edit; as per my latest post, I'm not feeling well. I'll say that I kept my commitment to talk with my grandmother at night, that was good to do and hear how she is doing. She is also looking forward to go to my brothers wedding next year. On my end today, my commitment will be to get better and call my other grandmother back.

Tue 10.29 No compulsive social media use: 27 days No compulsive research: 27 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 30 days Noon post today, because I'm getting my flu shot and COVID shot tonight. Merci beacoup pour vos suggestions! Ma femme est franco-ontarien et mes enfants vont dans un école français. Je pense que mon espagnol m'aide pour entendre le français. C'est un belle langue. To be clear, my goals are no social media, no compulsive research, and generally no passive screen time first thing in the morning, during work, and before bed. I went through an exercise called the "Sobriety Worksheet" to identify what I could still do while maintaining my sobriety, and what was off-limits for me. Journaling has been something that I've identified to help keep me sober. Keep in mind that my sobriety is what I've discovered for myself; doesn't mean that it's the same for anyone here. I would recommend everybody try the exercise to discover what their sobriety looks like. Important to mention that we are "discovering" it, not "defining" it; we don't get to choose what to put in which line... we discover what belongs in each line. You can read more about that in the October 1st post of my journal: Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - Yes, this was a good sleep despite the baby waking up twice in the night. He went to sleep after I soothed him for 15min each time. Overall 8h; to bed at 10pm and woke up at 6:30am. Stretch - yes this morning and before the workout. Although a good reminder that I should keep taking my breaks for working out. Go for walks / Exercise - gym in the morning, my wife didn't come along again, due to taking care of her parents dogs. I did standing rows, push-ups, tricep extensions, ab twists, and planks (2min first one, and then second for 1min). Two sets total each for all the former ones. Good workout Drink Water - Yes, throughout my workout and also a good reminder that I should have my water bottle by me during the workday. Wash face + body - yes, after the workout to both. Nutrition: breakfast - another muffin with coffee lunch - oh yeah, I should have that haha. It's already noon dinner - air-fried hot dogs Talk to my partner - yeah, and she wants to talk tonight after bringing my in-laws puppy out again. Which will be soon. Talk with my kids + play with them - Again, my wife was out a few times taking care of the puppy, I was on kid fun duty. Today I gave them baths later and played with their bath toys with them. Read a book - finished Hemingways Kilimanjaro story; for a sec, it seemed like the main character who got gangrene was saved and then took off on a plane to get priority surgery. Welp he didn't, the "plane" taking off was actually the spirit of "death" flying him over to the top of Kilimanjaro. The story then abruptly cuts to the next day with his camp finding him dead. Or at least that is what I understood; Hemingway had quite the style to throw you off suddenly, to let you come up with your own interpretation of the story he presented. Tonight, I'll do more exercises from the workbook. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, before my shower again. Keeping it up! Practice French - Yes, last night before bedtime. Journal (gratitude and reflection) - again, I am grateful for journaling and my increased proactivity. It's been keeping me straight on the path I want to be on. 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 11 Okay after finishing this journal entry, I will call my grandparents. One of them at least. I will update here if there's anything of note in the conversations, but that will be later tonight or tomorrow. I've started the workbook exercises as well, although I'll also post about those later today too. Need to get back to work. Keep on trucking everyone!

Mon 10.28 No compulsive social media use: 26 days No compulsive research: 26 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 29 days I am glad I started this journal, because I don't have the time to be wasting on my addictions and compulsive behaviors. A few months ago, I would not have liked the next few days; my in-laws are out of town again, this time for a few days. My wife is taking care of their dogs (she is sleeping at their place tonight). Now it's not a problem, I want to emphasize that, but I'm saying that I would've treated it like one a few months ago, when i was not really taking care of myself. I feel confident I can handle the kids for 3 nights now. My in-laws live a short walk away, so it's not necessarily a problem to go back and forth, my wife will come back in the morning after she lets her dogs out. But I will be going to bed early tonight, to get as much sleep as I can. For the proactivity test... well I did forget totally to call my grandparents. I should've known that I need to make calendar reminders for myself so I don't forget. Oooops. So I'm going to commit again to trying that tomorrow; calendar reminders around my lunch time already created. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - To bed at midnight, which wasn't great; I stayed up reading the Snows of Kilimanjaro story by Hemingway. I am almost done it, but I should've just read for a little bit. I was a bit tired today. Woke up at 7:15am. Still within the range of sleep I'd like but it could be better. Stretch - when I woke up, before working out, and while taking my breaks. Go for walks / Exercise - gym in the morning, my wife didn't come along due to taking care of her parents dogs (she got a good walk in with them though). I did rows, pull-ups, walking lunges, and dips. An active workout overall. Drink Water - Yes, throughout the day and I kept it filled up. I also made some more carbonated water; I have four bottles that can go into the soda streamer, so I should make all four. I only drink carbonated water out of that. Wash face + body - yes, after the workout to both. Nutrition: breakfast - apple cinnamon muffins that my mother in-law made (she's another good person to ask for baking btw, making a note of that for myself) lunch - pumpkin lasagna leftovers dinner - chicken wings and more of the spicy bread rolls Talk to my partner - yeah, and she wants to talk tonight after bringing my in-laws puppy out again. Which will be soon. Talk with my kids + play with them - As my wife was out a few times taking care of the puppy, I was on kid fun duty. I was doing tongue twisters with them, rolling the R in Spanish as well. I showed them how I do it. Read a book - I'll finish Hemingways Kilimanjaro story tonight. Someone always seems to die so far in his stories, very depressing stuff, but well written. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, before my shower again. Seems like between workouts and shower, there is a good time for me to mindfully breathe and meditate. I'll keep it up. Practice French - At night and will do a bit more after posting this Journal (gratitude and reflection) - grateful for journaling and my increased proactivity 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 11 As I said, I've made calendar reminders for myself, so that I now don't forget by the end of my shift to call my grandparents. I only have my grandmothers who are alive, I want to make the best of talking to them regularly. Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities and work on your personal mission statement. I have also set up a recurring event each Friday to work on my Mission statement, and review it. So come Friday, I'll do work on it in the mornings. Start a collection of notes, quotes and ideas you want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement I actually already had a lot of quotes saved up in my computer. They are all about... procrastination lol. Yeah sometimes I really need to look at these more regularly. I should put the file with them on my desktop. I am going to copy and paste them in a quote block, so it doesn't elongate the length of this post: Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation [imagination and visualization]. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results. Man this project I'm at with work is certainly one which needs it. So the whole thing is a dashboard, with reports and charts and filters that other partners use. Except the whole thing has this "held together by twigs and strings" sorta vibe. Yeah it's that bad. The beginning of the data flow is a database function that, if I were to print it, it would take 9 feet worth of pages laid straight to read in one go. It's that long! And the worst thing is that a lot of the code is duplicated. Now I could easily throw my hands in the air and say "welp I didn't write it" but that's the reactive way out. I don't want to exit. I'm here in this company to make a difference. I want to be proactive. Although at the same time, I do think that this shouldn't ultimately be part of our team, because this data is more important to the partners; so there is a better team longterm that can care for it. BUt for now, we are the ones who should fix it up. So the future state I see here is, in rough terms (to also not overshare my work here): Refactor the whole thing to remove the unnecessary duplication of code blocks Make a plan to move all of this report out of the old tenant and into a new one Then after this is cleaned up, it can be handed over to a team which cares more about it This is the plan I proposed earlier today and which all of my colleagues present agreed with. So I put this question into a real application at work. It was good and cathartic to get that out. The last question is this one: And that is something I'll discuss with my wife closer on Friday. She and I are too busy with her parents out of town and their dogs to care for. Tomorrow I'll read and do the workbook exercises. These ones are just the ones on the book itself; there is more to go through. Oh and ofc I'll call my grandmas. I have calendar reminders now so I don't forget. Good night everyone!

Sun 10.27 No compulsive social media use: 25 days No compulsive research: 25 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 28 days Carved another pumpkin today and made dinner with the insides; I mean, why not use the whole pumpkin you know. It was a pretty busy day with the kids overall. Otherwise today was more of a cleaning day. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - All the kids slept better last night; probably due to all the stimulation from driving out of town, being at a party, meeting and playing with other kids, etc. We slept about 7.5h, waking up at 7:30; which is a win for us. Stretch - waking up yeah, but I kept moving a lot today. Go for walks / Exercise - brought dogs out with my 2 older kids, about a 25min walk. Also moved some furniture around for the mentioned cleaning tasks, which my kids "helped out" with (what matters is they think they did). I'll get back to the gym tomorrow morning. Drink Water - Yes, throughout the day. We went to do errands and I remembered this time to bring my water bottle. Wash face + body - yes, afternoon shower Nutrition: breakfast - quesadillas lunch - spicy bread rolls dinner - pumpkin lasagna, which was delicious! I'm absolutely going to be doing more with pumpkins moving forward. My wife and I really like carving together. Talk to my partner - yes, while doing errands and doing the pumpkin as well. I mostly carved while my wife mostly handled the lasagna, but I helped out with whisking (which gets me more confident to try baking) and she ended up getting the final details of the stencil. Talk with my kids + play with them - Some outside time with them as well as inside time with the chores. It was a vacuum and clean the rugs chores mostly with them, on top of my other regular weekend chores. Read a book - Ah, I knew I was forgetting something. Yeah I'm ready to go to be now, so I'll curl up reading a short story from Ernest Hemingway after this entry is done. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, before my shower in the afternoon. I use an app called Headspace btw, in case anyone is curious. It does require a subscription, but I find it excellent for myself because sometimes a guided meditation is exactly what I need to get started. Practice French - I did 30min of French this morning. I also indirectly influenced my brother to start practicing Chinese; his fiancé speaks the language, and I think my influence (part of the 1st Habit) gave him some encouragement. Journal (gratitude and reflection) - grateful for my family. 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 10 Take the time to record the impressions you had in the funeral visualization at the beginning of this chapter. The previous entry, linked as promised. Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them. Are you satisfied with that mirror image of yourself? My roles are that of a: Father Husband Employee Volunteer Son Extended family member; grandson, cousin, etc. Individual (personal) I think I could do a better job as an employee, and as an extended family member too. I recall thinking that I should call my grandmothers more, for instance; both of them in their late 80s. They have both met my kids, my 2 older ones at least, though the distance makes it tricky to visit them (one of them is an 8h drive away, the other one lives in Mexico). But I should make an effort to call them. The employee part is regarding how I procrastinate. I'm going to be kind to myself and also acknowledge that I'm making progress. But will be keeping it up. Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities and work on your personal mission statement. This will be my commitment for this upcoming week overall. The mission statement is something I could work on each night after work. Even if for a brief moment. Go through the chart in Appendix A showing different centers and circle all those you can identify with Do they form a pattern for the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications of your analysis? The alternative centers which I had identified myself were Work (role), Possession (intangible ones like being well known or liked), Pleasure (chasing the next high), and Enemy (trolling and flaming). These alternative centers definitely form a pattern of reactivity, which I'm doing my best to instead be aware of and practice my proactiveness. Meditation has definitely been helping me with that, staying more aware and grounded lets me choose better responses. Confident in my analysis of myself, comfortable on that part; not necessarily on staying this way though. I also wanting to keep working on myself, as I have been detailing on this journal. --------- Y'know, I just said how I could be a more frequent extended family member. How about I call my grandmothers tomorrow? Both of them (not at the same time). Let's make that my commitment for tomorrow. I might also answer more of the questions from the previous post, though that is more of a stretch. Tomorrow my wife is helping out with my in-laws dogs so I'll be busy with my kids; I will only commit to calling my grandmothers and working a bit on my mission statement. For my reference in a later entry, the other questions: Good night everyone!

Sat 10.26 No compulsive social media use: 24 days No compulsive research: 24 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 27 days The whole family went to a Halloween party, drove out of town for 1h and 30min to get there. A bunch of our mutual friends were there. This was hosted by 1 of those friends + his girlfriend who now live together in this house. His girlfriend's family, who has cousins with kids the same age as ours, was there too. So even the kids had fun, they got to bust a piñata that had candy even! Kids slept throughout the car ride. We got back home late, so I'm keeping this entry short. All kids are asleep. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - My 8mo baby is going through a sleep regression 🫠 So last night I went to bed at 10:30pm, originally I had meant to go to bed at 10pm but the baby woke up right then. My wife and I took turns waking up to get to the baby. I woke up at 2am and then 6am. In my estimate, I got closer to 7h of sleep. Better than yesterday, but I'm still feeling tired. I hope tonight is better; we did keep all the kids really busy after all. Stretch - Big stretch when I got up to check on the baby at 2am. Then waking up at 6am. Go for walks / Exercise - early morning the whole family went to the park, which was basically my cardio workout; pulled a wagon with 2 kids to the park and back, also played tag with my two older kids. Drink Water - Yes, although I forgot to bring my water bottle in the car ride, so I drank a lot of carbonated water when I got there. I stuck to drinking only carbonated water; no alcohol, as I was driving back later. Wash face + body - yes, before heading out to the drive. I'll have one tomorrow morning though, I could use another shower and wash. Nutrition: breakfast - cereal lunch - chicken drumsticks dinner - pizza + snacks at the party Talk to my partner - yep, I talked to her about the 7 Habits book and workbook I've been reading and doing, respectively. Summarized everything from the paradigms and principles, Habit 1 about being Proactive, and Habit 2 about beginning with the end in mind. We actually did an exercise together too relating to the 2nd Habit; I asked her to imagine what our life would look like together by our 25th wedding anniversary. We discussed financial goals, vacation goals, personal goals (career and individually), and so forth. And ofc we talked a lot at my friends party too. Talk with my kids + play with them - Park time this morning, also they had a lot of fun at the party. They are all hopefully gonna have a good nights sleep tonight! Read a book - early in the morning, when my baby woke up, I read Don Quixote while rocking him back to sleep. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, in the morning and before going out on the drive Practice French - I did a solid 1h of French practice while my wife was getting ready before leaving to the Halloween party. Kids allowed it because they were tired and calm after the park. Journal (gratitude and reflection) - today was a great day overall. 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 10 Since I knew I was going to be busier today, I wrote a simple commitment for today; to post the exercises from the 7 Habits on Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. Questions are as follows: Take the time to record the impressions you had in the funeral visualization at the beginning of this chapter. I've done this one before in a previous entry, it was the first exercise the book asked from this Habit. Just have to link it at some point; easy todo. Take a few moments and write down your roles as you now see them. Are you satisfied with that mirror image of yourself? TODO Set up time to completely separate yourself from daily activities and work on your personal mission statement. I do have that first draft, but I should review it. So I'll add this as a todo still Go through the chart in Appendix A showing different centers and circle all those you can identify with Do they form a pattern for the behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications of your analysis? I'll have to summarize these, but I did highlight which ones I identified with in a previous post. Easy TODO Start a collection of notes, quotes and ideas you want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement I have a bunch of these I use for motivation already. Another quicker TODO Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation [imagination and visualization]. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results. TODO Share the principles of Habit 2 with your family or work group, and suggest that together you begin the process of developing a family or group mission statement. I am definitely going to start with my family on this; my wife specifically. I think I used the car ride time well, talking about this book with my wife. Should make it easier to start it. --------- For tomorrow, I want to work on at least 2 of the above questions from the book. Good night everyone, I'm pretty tired. Bonne nuit!

My 8mo started going through a sleep regression just a few days ago. Baby is back to waking up every 3h. Normally this happens around the 8mo period, I forgot about it because my middle kid never really slept through the night (apparently my oldest did go through it too, my wife recalled to me). Sleep regressions happen because babies hit a lot of milestones at the same time; teething continues, they crawl more actively, they are sitting / attempting to sit/stand, but most of all emotional development accelerates -> they start understanding happiness, silliness, fear, sadness, etc. at a basic level, and which also comes with separation anxiety due to that greater awareness. All this is overwhelming to them, and so they struggle sleeping again. This period doesn't last forever though, it will go away in a few days to a few weeks. ... For that explanation, I'm channeling my wife haha. She has education in early childhood development. But yeah, I'm circling back here since your kid and my youngest are about the same age; you may still notice a "sleep regression" even in spite of those steps you both take. Just so you know that it's completely normal.

Fri 10.25 No compulsive social media use: 23 days No compulsive research: 23 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 26 days I'm close to a month in with these goals of mine, which is really cool to see how far I'm coming. Was checking to see my screen time and it's trending greatly downwards. Not something I forced either, naturally downwards instead. Being busy with kids, my wife, my friends, my dogs, enjoying life; real life that is. True, I do still have interactions with technology, but I am not making it a point to just find pleasure. I am sticking to screen time that also benefits me; such as my work, journaling here, or if it involves spending time with my IRL friends and family to further foster my relationships with them. Something I'm noting that has greatly shifted for me, is that I feel like I'm using technology with intention and with awareness now. October 2024 is the first month... nay, the first time ever since I've felt this. I no longer think in terms of showing off while playing a game or sharing on the internet, these are just not important at all. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - Ehhh~~ well, I went to bed at 11pm, a bit late but not usually terrible... however, last night was one of those nights where kids just weren't staying in bed. The baby woke up 3 times, 2 of which my wife wanted to handle, and 1 which I did myself. My oldest joined us at 12am, entered our room upset. And my middle kid also woke up at 5:30am and did not want to go back to bed. So I got about 6.5h of sleep, and I'm really feeling it today. I'll be going to bed earlier today for sure; reminder for myself to talk to my wife about that. Bad sleep means cravings, usually with procrastination. I'm glad to say that I did not sink to my bottom lines, but there were times where I thought about it. I grounded myself with meditation and deep breathing to help me here, as well as taking a break to refill my water bottle and do some quick chores around the house; these things ground me. I still was not super productive at work, to be fully honest, but I think it also could've been much worse too. Ok day overall. I'm glad it's Friday. Stretch - Big stretch when I got up to check on the baby at 4am. Then waking up at 6am (begrudgingly) and before working out today, and through my breaks; admittedly, I didn't take as many breaks as I could have. Skipped a few pomodoro breaks, specially near the end of the day feeling like I had to "crunch" my output, and it did cause some pain in my back. Go for walks / Exercise - my oldest had a PD day, my wife let me go to the gym by myself. I used the treadmill for a 30min incline walk, then I went to shower afterwards. Drink Water - Yes, I did drink a lot, mostly because I've also gotten used to drinking water whenever I find my mind is racing, as a way of grounding myself. Similar results to deep breathing and meditating. Wash face + body - yes, both after working out. Nutrition: breakfast - cereal lunch - crackers with hummus dinner - flatbread pizzas Talk to my partner - yes, I also talked to her about next week, it's going to be busy with my in-laws away from Monday to Wednesday. I actually got this idea to talk about it with my wife from my ADHD coach earlier today; this is a good reminder from her, as it's a proactive way for me to plan ahead for a week where my work will have to be made up at odd hours. Also, reminder about the sleep thing for me to bring up later. Talk with my kids + play with them - Outside time while I let the dogs out; this is a fun way for them to get outside time, while I also let my pups stretch out and supervise my kids at the park across the street. Read a book - I finished reading the 2nd Habit. There's quite a few exercises to do still, but I'll get to those over the weekend. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, see the above section on sleep. Practice French - still have to practice, will do it before my bed routine Journal (gratitude and reflection) - kids can be tough, but it's worth it! 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 9 My commitment yesterday was to finish up to Habit 2. I finished reading, but there are 7 exercises. Technically I already did two of them; one being that initial funeral visualization exercise, and the second one being the alternative centers which I identified closest with. I'll edit this post to link them, at some point later in the weekend. Something neat that Covey writes in the 7 Habits; "Just as breathing exercises help integrate body and mind, writing is a kind of psycho-neural muscular activity which helps bridge and integrate the conscious and subconscious minds. Writing distills, crystallizes, and clarifies thought" He says this in regards to the writing of our Mission Statement. But it hit me then that he's also describing meditation, deep breathing and journaling too. Ah, so that makes sense to me, why these two things are so helpful; indeed, I do think it's healthy to sort out our thoughts and put them down on paper. Writing, even typing, is helpful just for noting what we want to remember later. A bit of a tangent here, but I think this is why I prefer writing with a pen / stylus, or typing on a physical keyboard at least, over typing in a touchscreen. With a pen / stylus, I can feel the shapes of the letters, symbols and numbers that I'm writing out in paper; I can feel how much pressure I'm putting, and physically see how the pen leaves stronger marks. Even in my phone, while using my notes app with the stylus, that also leaves a darker shade if I press it harder against the screen (really neat detail). With a keyboard, not as satisfying as writing by hand imo, but my hands are always in a specific position, as are my fingers within reach of the keys I hit. I also get tactile feedback, I know by how my fingers are extended (through just practicing a lot and getting used to the keyboard layout) exactly which key my fingers are about to hit. I just... miss all that when I type on my phone. I'm not saying this is the only reason either, but it's probably part of why I also negatively associate hopping on social media on my phone now. I know I'm not really wanting to type anything on my phone, so I tend to default to just doomscrolling and posting low effort nonsense. I mean, even without the touch screen keyboard reason, I can think of many other reasons why it's not a good use of time, haha. But anyways, I digress. Just a cool thing I thought about after reading that part. --------- This is all I have to share for today; I'm tired. Tomorrow, I have a Halloween party at a friends place, so I will keep tomorrows post short. My commitment will be to circle back with the exercises from Habit 2, just maybe the questions. I won't answer all of them tomorrow.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep any passive screentime out of your bedtime routine. I've noticed for myself that it takes me about 1h after using screens to fall asleep. In practice and from my own experience, I know it can be very tempting to reach for your device though, particularly if you've made it a consistent habit. It's hard to break bad habits. But give it a go; put your phone away from your nightstand / bed at night, if you text your partner at night you can offer to do a call instead, and generally keep tech out of the bedroom (or all screens off at least). Focus on a more calming set of activities, like reading a book, do a nightly hygiene routine (shower, brush teeth, etc), even eating a light snack like a banana or yogurt (keep it low-carbs and protein).

Yeah, Mission Statements are hard to write. I'm not familiar with that book, the one I'm reading is from Stephen R. Covey on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." But the idea sounds similar; you want to create a base, a foundation that is built on correct principles like honesty, integrity, fairness, quality, and accountability (these are the ones I'm remembering atm). Covey also states in the book I'm reading that it isn't just a once-and-done kinda thing to write a Mission Statement, it can take several weeks or months before we feel comfortable with it, and even after that it's something we want to keep reviewing to align it as our understanding of principles evolves. As my signature says, one day at a time. I'm not rushing the process; it's certainly hard to find time some days with 3 kids, but it's been worth it for me to carve out the time to do the work. Mission Statements can be written to be personal, for a family, for a community, and for a business. I'm starting with writing my own mission statement, but at some point I would like to write one with my wife for our family. We have a whiteboard that I think would make a good drawing board for it.

Thu 10.24 (part 2) 7 Habits - Proactivity Test - day 8 Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind - Centers Our Center is what is a concept for where our self-awareness, our conscience and compass in life. Whatever is at the center of our life is the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power. Security is our sense of worth; Guidance is our source of direction in life; Wisdom is our perspective on life; and Power is our capacity to act and accomplish something. These four factors are what underscore every other dimensions of our life, Covey states in the book. With that, he starts talking about some of the different alternative centers that people have; this list is not limited to just these centers necessarily either. Spouse Centeredness - although it may sound good to center around ones partner, Covey argues that too much weight on our spouse can cause us to become highly dependent on the relationship for our own sense of emotional worth. Family Centeredness - similar to the spouse one, except the sense of personal worth is based on family traditions and reputation. Similarly, centering our decisions around family can make us vulnerable to any changes to tradition or culture, or any outside influences that would affect family reputation. Money Centeredness - While it is important to take money into account, centering around money can cause people to put aside other priorities; like a good time out with family, or even regretting those times because of "how expensive" they were. This is what Covey argues. Work Centeredness - I've absolutely fallen into work centeredness myself; I will introduce myself as my role, "I'm a software engineer", many times, unaware that I put too much weight about what I do for work as my identity. I've procrastinated before when the work got tough (with mobile games, social media, compulsive research...), and these cycles have then led to overworking myself after hours for 2 weeks straight. This is no way to live, because I am afraid of "failing" at the role I've been given constantly. Now to be clear, work is definitely important; but focusing only on work as the basis of my decisions has caused burnout in my case, and it is actually a trigger for my bottom lines (my addictions) as well. Possession Centeredness - This is so much me. Possessions aren't just material things you can physically have, like a car or jewelry; but also intangible things like fame or social prominence. On my end, it's the latter immaterial things - such as being recognized in an online community for a game or for a fandom - where I've attached my sense of identity too strongly to. While it's good to take care of your things, it's not good to center all your security and decisions around possessions; because they can just as easily be lost as they are gained. It's definitely a reason why I'm so easily addicted to social media, same with mobile and online competitive games where I can "show off" my skill and knowledge. Pleasure Centeredness - Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation and foster relationships; but there is no deep lasting fulfillment if we just engage in pleasures continually. So the pleasure-centered paradigm leads to being too soon bored with each succeeding level of "fun," on to the next new pleasure which has to be better, more exciting, with a bigger "high." ... kinda sounds familiar, doesn't it? 😉 I've definitely been guilty of centering my decisions and life around the next thing that could bring me the most pleasure. Friend/Enemy Centeredness - these two were very common when I was a teen. I'd see a lot of my friends base their worth on where they were in the "social totem pole" (word-for-word I've heard one of my high school classmates say that). And similarly, a lot of bitter drama focused on one person, almost to the point of obsessing over someone you don't like and doing things because you know it would irk that enemy of yours. I've even seen it online, something which I've partly done too; things like "flaming" and "trolling" arise due to enemy centeredness, even if you have to go online to find an enemy. Personally, I've definitely fallen into the latter. Church Centeredness - I am not religious, but according to the author, this is when an individual bases their entire worth around the teachings of their religious faith. Now keep in mind this was written from the point of view of a Christian, so hence the name; the important thing to understand is the idea. And he argues that, while religion is great for leaning on a permanent sense of security and intrinsic worth, it is the principles they teach which do that, not the religious organization. It's another thing to center your decisions solely on what you think a community would prefer you to do, and make all your decisions based on that organization rather than the principles it teaches. Self-Centeredness - this is basically selfishness, although I will say this could wrap around a lot of the above centers he has described. What I found most interesting about this one is that he highlighted how excessive reliance on independence is essentially self-centeredness; that you can only rely on yourself, and it leads to lack of collaboration and interdependent values. The author also states that there are more alternative centers than this, but these are the most common ones; I'm guessing the most common ones he could identify. At a glance, I'll admit I can't think of others myself. He also states that it is possible to lean towards multiple of the above alternative centers too, so a combination is possible too. Covey then introduces the concept of the Principle Center; specifically centering our lives on correct principles. This is the one Covey argues is where we can center our lives, to create a solid foundation for development of security, guidance, wisdom and power. All of the above, except for our power, are limitless; and our power is only truly limited by natural consequences of following or ignoring the principles. I briefly covered these principles on the October 10th post (linking also for my own reference), but they are the principles of growth and change which he talked about in the intro of the book: fairness, honesty and integrity, dignity, service and quality (personal growth). ==== Long part 2! But I did my best to summarize these as best as I could in my own words. Again, I do really recommend reading Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People if you want to get more insight; it's really quite a good book with effective self-work exercises you can integrate into your daily activities and interactions. Having read all this last night, and having typed it out here, I can now see what he means in terms of needing to review and revise your Mission Statement. I'll keep it in mind. For tomorrow, my commitment is going to be to finish the Habit 2 chapter. I have about 25 pages left by my eyeballing. I do see that I have other notifications, I'll reply to them tomorrow as well 🙂 Have a good night everyone!

Sending you and your partner a lot of support. My middle kid was like that, he'd be up every 2h, only learned to self-soothe by the time he was 12mo. Every kid is different. And dang... 3 weeks is really early to be letting a baby cry it out. My youngest (he is 8mo) didn't fall asleep for long stretches at night until he was 3mo, and even then it was for six-hour stretches at best. He was also still on the bassinet until he got too heavy for it, at which point he went in his room in a crib. So yeah, that's crazy!

Thu 10.24 (part 1) No compulsive social media use: 22 days No compulsive research: 22 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 25 days Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - My wife and I went to bed at 11pm, she was making invitations for my oldest kids birthday party, and I was reading. I woke up at 6:45am, despite being in bed late I still woke up energized. Not using screens before bed really makes a difference! Stretch - I forgot to stretch when I got out of bed and I felt a bit of sharp pain on my right leg. I stretched it out and it felt better, but it just shows here that it is important for me to make sure I get some blood flowing on my body first, before jumping out of bed. Also stretched before the gym Go for walks / Exercise - went with my wife after dropping off my middle kid. Today was a leg day; leg curls, leg extensions, squats. We also threw in some chest press and flys. Good overall workout. Drink Water - Yes, but I do have to remember to drink water with every meal as well. That is important too, it helps with digestion (or so I've been told by my brother, who studied sports science) Wash face + body - yes, after the workout Nutrition: breakfast - made two sunny-side up eggs and put them on top of a bowl of reheated brown rice lunch - tbd, I'll check the fridge later to see what I can make dinner - tbd, will checkin with my wife later Talk to my partner - this morning getting the kids ready and at the gym. I gave her a spook by accident, opened the door to my kids room very quickly, where she was in getting their clothes, and scared her. I felt bad, didn't realize she was there! I was also trying to get clothes for my kids. I still apologized too, showing that I want to take responsibility for me spooking her. Talk with my kids + play with them - yesterday I read books to all my kids, so that was fun. Literacy is really important imo, and preferably I try to keep it with physical books over digital content. Will see what to do more with them tonight. Read a book - did I ever 😄 I read out loud the 2nd Habits centers with my wife last night, as she was making the invites. We had a good discussion around them too. I'll be reading more tonight. Meditate + deep breaths - deep breaths this morning. I'll carve out some time to meditate later today during my lunch break Practice French - je parla avec ma femme ce matin en français, aussi la educatrice de mon enfant. Just learning past tense right now 😄 I have yet to do Duolingo; I seem to have a habit of keeping that for later in the day instead, which is fine by me, because I'd rather not get too distracted with it in the morning. I'll do that one tonight. Journal (gratitude and reflection) - grateful for being able to work out in the morning before work, it makes a big difference to my productivity starting the day. ---- I'll be back with part 2 later today, with the 7 Habits workbook and the insights on the centers I talked with my wife about yesterday. Hey Mohammad, thanks for your feedback on my mission statement summary. For the phone; right now I have a Samsung Fold Z4, it's a foldable. Has a cover screen, and can open up with a bigger inside screen (basically turn into a tablet). It's a really expensive phone, despite that I chose it because of the ability to use a stylus and take notes with it. The problem I've had with it, though, is that the inner screen is prone to breaking after about 3 years of constant use. It is not cheap to replace either! So I'm moving to the Samsung S24 Ultra instead, which is more like a traditional smartphone. It is still pricey, just not as pricey as the foldable, and still supports a stylus which is really the most important thing for me; even has a slot at the bottom to store the stylus inside the phone itself.

Wed 10.23 (part 2) Better half of the morning and afternoon, I immediately dove into those diagrams to figure out what I wanted the current state of this ambiguous project to look like. Also attended an ITAA meeting on meditation, and we discussed bottom line cravings. If you are curious about what I shared in ITAA, you can read this other post I made today on another topic; it's the same points of dealing with cravings I made in that post. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 10:30pm, slept soundly until it was 6am when the baby woke up. Good sleep overall, though feeling stiff cuz of kids. Stretch - morning getting out of bed, in particular really needed that because the 2 older kids joined us at some point in the night (I didn't wake up, must have adjusted in my sleep to be in a not-so-comfortable position) Go for walks / Exercise - no gym this morning, instead went for two 20min walks with my dogs (for a total of 40min) outside. I tired both of them out. I don't do that enough, so I thought that for today I would focus on cardio with my doggies. Pets need exercise too! Later today, I'll work on some push-ups and crunches; after all my kids are asleep. Drink Water - throughout the day Wash face + body - still need to do. Will commit tonight Nutrition: breakfast - cereal (cheerios) with fruit and coffee lunch - pan fried mushrooms with eggs dinner - to do, but will be chicken and cucumber salad Talk to my partner - she tagged along with me to drop off my middle kid, and I helped her out throughout my breaks with laundry tasks at home. I don't mind using my breaks for off-screen chores, it's something I've found to actually benefit me because those micro-victories at home can carry over to how I perform at work. Talk with my kids + play with them - My oldest kid mentioned he wanted to do some game together after school, though I can't remember exactly what he mentioned at the moment, so I'll ask him later 😛 and we will do that as long as it doesn't interfere with their bedtime routines. My oldest also has a PD day on Friday, something he's been looking forward to as a way for us to spend time together. I'm looking forward to it as I can do stuff with him in between my breaks. Read a book - yes indeed, I read more of the 7 Habits. Got to a really interesting part about the centers we tend to focus on. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, at the meeting this morning, afterwards as well during a break Practice French - to do still, I'll carve some time out when my kids get home and speak to them in French Journal (gratitude and reflection) - I'm pretty grateful for that Master checklist. ----- 7 Habits 30 day proactivity test - day 7 My commitment today is to expand on what a Mission Statement is and make my own. Well, it takes time to make your own mission statement. The website that the Covey book links me to says so itself. So that is something I'm working on. My first draft of my own personal Mission Statement currently is: I will be an honest, loving, kind, supportive and present family member, coworker, volunteer and friend. In all walks of life, my journey is to be a loving husband and father, so that those which I care for may remember me as someone who was there to help them, support them, guide them and listen to them. I like this because it represents 5 things which I think are very important; love, honesty, kindness, support, and awareness. All of these things are traits that I want to live up to, as well as verbs (actions) that I want to practice everyday. There is a lot more that goes into a Mission Statement than just this, but I don't necessarily want to bog down this post with all my personal details either. It is still in a rough draft, and I'd like to share it with my wife first too; I may eventually post it here, but that day will not be today. So instead, I'll shift to briefly explain what a Mission Statement is as I understand it. A Mission Statement is the center for what we stand for; it is our basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the situations and emotions that affect our lives. Whatever is a the center of our life is the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power. I think what really helped me put this Mission Statement together, as is summarized above anyways, is having worked on two things. First, the Sobriety Worksheet; that exercise has been pivotal for identifying what addictive behaviors I'm prone to, and also identifying situations and emotions which are triggering for me, and which I would reactively submit to my urges to browse Reddit or (this is going back years) spinning pokestops and starting auto-battles to "keep up with the grind". The second thing is the things which I keep doing every day to keep myself physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and mentally healthy; "the things which I will do every day to stay healthy." They are honestly so helpful at ensuring that my needs are met in healthy ways. Every day that I do them, I feel fulfilled, no matter how hard the cravings may have been that day. If I were to still be deep into my addictive behaviors, I know I wouldn't feel this way; I'd be too busy looking at my phone, either playing a game and not noticing how beautiful the fall scenery was while walking (instead I'd be too busy with something like Pokemon Go or E&P). My mind would be too distracted, wondering about my Reddit karma or my post likes. I wouldn't be living life; I would simply be floating by life. My top lines from the sobriety sheet naturally guided me towards those things, and I think that is what has helped me truly get to know myself; my roles, the scripts that I was following rather than writing my own, and what situations and emotions bring up my weaknesses. MASTER (exercises post-week) What is the stimulus of your frustration or unhappiness? How do you respond? Having used the checklist, as well as having worked on my Mission Statement, I see now that (at least one of) my weaknesses lies in ambiguous tasks; open ended problems that are not very well defined. It makes sense then that I tend to thrive with closed problems, those which are well defined and have a list of steps. Being faced with an open-ended task tends to be the stimulus for my frustration, which then leads to me responding by procrastinating or putting the task off. It doesn't really address it though. What other choices might exist between the stimulus and the response? I see now that I can use the MASTER checklist to think through those situations where I react with frustration, anger, retreat, fear and so on. Sometimes it does make sense to exit too; if the task is not particularly important or if it's not worth chasing an empty victory. I like how that first Measure step allows me to put in perspective the importance by thinking about it first. I also see that I am allowed to ask for help, and that I can work on defining a blueprint; what I want the end to look like (Thinking with the End in Mind) for an ambiguous task or project. Habit 2 is going to help me a lot with this, to be proactive and grow myself in this area that I'm not comfortable in. --- Anyway. I'm at very interesting part of the book now, which talks about the different centers that everyone has, which their paradigms are based out of. There are parts of life like marriage and work are very healthy to have; but they are not good to center your life around. What does the book mean by that? I'll write about it tomorrow; there's a lot to cover! Consider that my commitment to share here for the proactivity test, The Alternate Centers.

I'm currently on a detox from social media and compulsive research, and I've been free of mobile games for several years now. In my experience, maintaining a balance of activities in these 4 areas of life helps a lot with keeping me on track: Physical: exercise, walking outside, playing a sport, eating healthy (prepping and cooking healthy meals) Social / emotional: spending time IRL with family (partner, kids, parents, grandparents and so forth), friends, respecting my breaks Mental (stimulation): reading books, creative tasks, learning new skills or an new language, working on your job Spiritual (mental health): meditation, deep breathing, connecting with nature, journaling and reflecting, volunteering, attending services for a spiritual community you are part of I recommend having around 12 activities that you can do daily and fulfill you in these 4 areas every day; some activities will overlap and that's fine too (for e.g. playing a sport can be physically fulfilling, and can also be socially and mentally stimulating too depending on the sport). I also recommend that you plan for weekends, holidays and any time off you will have. Not all of these have to be time consuming either; even something as simple and quick as drinking water regularly (which can be surprisingly easy to neglect) is a good way to stay physically healthy and ground yourself. Reading and exercise are great, but not enough to fulfill you daily. You need more social and emotional connections daily, and you need to take care of your spiritual wellbeing too (not a religious concept necessarily; this is basically covering mental health). I still get cravings too. But resisting cravings is counter-productive in my experience; what I mean by that is, when I fight a craving, it is similar to suppressing my emotions and feelings. Bottled up cravings come back a lot stronger. Instead I let myself feel the craving; not submit to it, just feel it out. Ask yourself: why now is the craving coming? How does your body and mind feel? What is the environment or situation you are in? What is bringing up the urge to game? Pay attention to your cravings, because they tend to arise from situations or emotions. These are triggers, and identifying them has been really helpful for me, because then it lets me either: avoid those situations and environments, if possible (for e.g. hanging out with people who only talk about video games). Or if it's a situation like work stress that isn't realistically always avoidable, then I can plan for different and more healthy choices as responses to those situations, rather than submitting to my urges to compulsively doomscroll or game on my phone. Hope that helps!

Wed 10.23 (part 1) No compulsive social media use: 21 days No compulsive research: 21 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 24 days Yesterday was hard, but this morning felt even more difficult with cravings. My mind really "misses" (that's how it feels) going on Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, Discord, etc. and also it "misses" just sporadically looking something up, going on wikis and editing articles that I follow. Yesterday night, I did some supervised research - my wife being the one supervising, set up a 10min timer so I didn't fall into a rabbit hole - on a new phone that I'd like to get; my lease for the current one is almost up. I'm looking at a phone that supports a stylus, since I tend to use the stylus in my current phone to take notes throughout the day (I much prefer and I find it faster to just jot down messy notes, over typing on a touch screen). This approach worked mostly I'd say, but this may be one of the sources for why I felt strong cravings afterwards. It felt so easy after that to try and justify looking up something else that catches my curiosity, it'll be "quick" is what it felt like I was hearing. Gosh, I sound insane 😛 But it's how I felt. I allowed myself to just put my phone down and start meditating instead. After meditating this morning, I also think it's because of the MASTER problem from yesterday that I typed out; it's an ambiguous work task, a trigger for me to crave a bottom line because they are "easy" to do. Struggling with procrastination is something I've had to "power" through my entire life, having ADHD. Reflecting though, I think that powering through something has been precisely the problem. So for today, I'm going to be very respectful of my Pomodoros. I have more to post later, but I'm keeping it at this for now. Quick 5min post for this morning. Will be back later.

Oct 10.22 (part 1) No compulsive social media use: 20 days No compulsive research: 20 days No passive screentime during work: 23 days ITAA meeting on 2-way prayer today. Lately I've been feeling like I wasn't making much of an impact to my kids. So I spoke about that to my HP (my conscience) during this meeting, and what I got was to be patient; that change in yourself leads to influence on others, but it doesn't happen immediately either. I think I knew that already too, but it's a good reminder to meditate and really listen. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - I went to bed around 10pm after posting, but I then woke up wanting to read more. So I read more 7 Habits until 11:15pm give or take, then went to bed shortly after and woke up at 6:30am. Stretch - morning getting out of bed, before workout, and during standing breaks from work Go for walks / Exercise - gym workout with my wife; weighted lunges, bicep curls (new milestone; 35lbs per hand), ab twists, and planks to finish (new milestone for both of us; 2min). Drink Water - yeah I keep drinking water all day. Basic goal but so easy to forget. It's a good reminder to keep here, specially as I am finishing work Wash face + body - yes, after working out, I did both. I am noting that I used to forget doing this, would wait until nighttime. Now it's starting to be habit to do it in the shower, right after workout. It's just easier and less likely that I will forget. Nutrition: breakfast - 2 apples (we have tons) and yogurt with cashews lunch - leftover rice + more apples (seriously, we still have like 30+ left) dinner - chicken from a place down the street Talk to my partner - yeah we've been talking about gifts for the holidays (she is done, she shops really early; I'll be waiting till next month). Also we have a party coming up we are going to with all the kids; a friend of ours is hosting. Him and his girlfriend moved in together early this year, they're now having a combined house-warming and Halloween party this weekend. Very nice of them to invite our kids too, they will be having relatives over who also have kids. I'm happy to go. Talk with my kids + play with them - later today after work I'll be playing with them. During lunch I had a moment of playtime with my youngest, him crawling on the floor and me just sitting beside him, engaged on what he was playing with. Read a book - yep, 7 Habits this morning, and will continue later today. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this morning and during ITAA. I am starting to make it a more active response of mine to meditate when I start to feel overwhelmed or stressed, rather than waiting for these emotions to "take over" Practice French - Oui, talked with my middle kids educator, although no Duolingo yet. I'll do some tonight Journal (gratitude and reflection) - entry is here 🙂 ----- 7 Habits 30 day proactivity test - day 6 My commitment yesterday was to keep reading Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind and as usual, I'm going to keep sharing here. There is a part in this chapter of the book that focuses on leadership and management. They are both different, Covey writes. To use the ladder example from the previous entry; "Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall." The author then uses a humorous story of an expedition team, which is cutting through a thick jungle using machetes. He calls the ones who are cutting the producers, the ones who problem solve; and behind them is a group of managers, who are sharpening the producers machetes and setting up compensation for them. The leader is the one who climbs to the tallest tree and surveys the entire situation; the leader yells "wrong jungle!" - to which managers and producers often respond with a "we're busy! we're making progress!" This allegory is used to illustrate that point he was making earlier, of how it's entirely possible to be very busy by focusing on the wrong things. So "to begin with the end in mind" essentially deals with Leadership. The book then provides a way for me to create my own mission statement. That's something I will likely be doing tonight and posting tomorrow though. I want to read more from the book and more from the website it linked me to for making my own mission statement (there's a free tool apparently). So my commitment tomorrow will be to expand on what a Mission Statement is and make my own. Oh and I'll post later with the MASTER checklist, and its application, for the 7th and final day. Consider this the majority of the entry today though. Updated with MASTER checklist: MASTER (day 7) I think this is going to be a tool I use moving forward, whenever I'm mentally blocked or stuck, and to review any reactive responses I have moving forward. It's very helpful. Today I experienced a mental block starting an old task; this task for work was put on hold 2 weeks ago, it took a backseat due to an issue that arose and broke a pipeline. This project has no clear "blueprint"... to use the example of what I'm reading with 7 Habits on "begin with the end in mind" Measure = 5 / 5 - this is a project that I know can benefit the entire company, it is in a bit of a rough state but still valuable as a whole and still used. Assess = procrastinate when the beginning steps are unclear; braindump my flow of thoughts or sit with the boredom ... Problem is, I can't force my mind to suddenly focus. It actually makes things worse, and that is what I was trying for a while; my mind kept fighting me, because it really felt uncomfortable That is when I tend to really crave my bottom lines; social media scrolling, quickly picking up my phone, switching to an easier and unrelated task compulsively, cycling through emails which can lead to researching compulsively. I want to state, that I did not engage in my bottom lines; I caught myself, meditated to clear my head, and then worked on this MASTER list See stimulus -> Response model Ambiguous task -> struggling to start -> leads to response of procrastination Think of another response Definitely use the MASTER checklist first and foremost when feeling blocked The other responses I thought of for this specific situation: I can message the chat for the project I'm working on; let someone know I need guidance. I know I shouldn't feel shame doing this. It's okay to ask for help, that goes for work too. I can also work on clarifying the future state; practicing Habit 2 that is. The blueprint of where I'd like the project to be at, rather than just the "current state" Engage or exit = Engage Review = much more confident approach to starting, let me type a message after applying the checklist and working through it. I'll send it tomorrow. For today, I focused on the blueprint of where I'd like the project to be at. And I have gained clarity. Just because it's my last day practicing it - according to the book - doesn't mean I won't post about this MASTER list again. In fact, I know there are some exercises it asks me to come back to at the end of day 7 and reflect on. But I'll leave that for tomorrow's journal as well. ---- Hey Matt, For me, it's about making every day count, not necessarily every second. There will be bursts of time when we aren't doing much, and that can actually still be productive too; the times when we are bored or not doing much are what we make of them. There is an episode of Bluey, an animated show about a family of anthropomorphic dogs for preschoolers, where they go on a road trip. The dad is too focused on making good time to get to a campsite with his family, but they keep making pit stops because they have young kids who need more regular breaks. Eventually they end up stuck behind traffic; but his kids are happy nonetheless, pretend-playing in the backseat. The dad is sad for driving slowly; he says "we were making such good time..." to which his wife then responds "but look (gesturing to the kids); we're making good times." I like that a lot. Mind you, Bluey is a children's show lol, but I love it; it appeals to adults too thanks to also having lessons like this one. This episode in particular, it reminds me that sometimes you'll just be bored and that's okay; being bored is still a valuable experience, it can be a great opportunity to check-in with yourself, or to notice or think about something new. In regards to timers, you certainly don't have to use one always, same with a clock. Not everything needs minutes or notes. I will use my Pomodoro timer for my work and for my breaks, because I've learned that I will overwork myself otherwise. But I will not use one when I spend time with my family or friends, and for appointments I will use a calendar with notifications to alert me. I'm not perfect at this either, but I am practicing everyday with mindfulness and meditation, to ensure that I am more attentive at the areas of which I may want to adjust. The reason why I know I'll need to revisit my sleep requirement is precisely because of practice; I do have 3 kids at this point! 😄 But yeah, I don't necessarily look at a clock and make sure that I go to bed at an exact second necessarily, it has become a habit of mine instead. I know that, when we have another one, it will depend on their personality and whether they sleep through the night or not. That is when I'll adjust when I go to bed and when I wake up. My 1st and 3rd kids started to sleep soundly after they were 2mo. My 2nd one however did not, he was up every 2h throughout the entire infant stage. So I take advantage of parental leave, and use that period to learn what works best. I've gotten the practice to learn at this point, knowing to expect this. What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us. In regards to this section; it's not so much about what we want people to say to us, I worded it this way because it was directed to the funeral exercise of what the 4 assumed speakers would say after we pass. Rather, the idea here is that it's about the impact we would have liked to make; that the idea we have of ourselves, and what we would like to live up to, and that we would also be imprinted onto people who knew us closely in that idea. So that's more driven to the point that Covey is making with the 7 Habits. Let me know if I misunderstood anything you asked, or if you want more clarity. I appreciate your discussion and questions 🙂

Mon 10.21 (part 2) 30 day proactivity test - day 5 So my commitment was to keep reading Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. I like one of the metaphors which Covey used with a ladder, saying that "it is possible to keep climbing a very long ladder, only to get to the top and find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall." The argument here is that chasing success and victories isn't always worth it; some victories are empty (like achievements from video games), and some successes coming at the expense of far more valuable things (like putting work over family and friendships). That is why he started with the funeral exercise. What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us. Brilliant and insightful, and really helped me understand this better. Reflecting again on Mohammad's question earlier, this is also why journaling matters so much to me. I know I could journal privately, but it helps me to post here too because of the accountability. That is also why I don't mind spending a good chunk of time writing and typing. Another metaphor I really liked from the book: The carpenters rule is "Measure twice, cut once." You want to make sure that the blueprint, ... is really what you want, that you've thought everything through." He uses this metaphor to illustrate how a house is built; that before it is even built, it is a concept. Covey argues that we too, can be thought of that way; first we have to visualize where we want to eventually go (our blueprint of what kind of person we would like to be), and only after that can we start walking and taking steps towards achieving that vision of ourselves. We refer to that blueprint every day. Otherwise, the house built will require very expensive changes later; and similarly, if we keep taking the steps in the wrong direction, it will only get us to the wrong destination. He uses this metaphor of the house to introduce the concept of a Mission Statement, which is basically a blueprint of what we want to be for ourselves. I'm going to put the book down now though, and go to bed; almost 10pm. My commitment tomorrow is the same as last one; I will continue reading Habit 2. I imagine that I'll be writing a Mission Statement for myself too, so probably tomorrow I'll work on that. I have a whiteboard at home actually, so I'll probably use that. Aww yeah, it's always tough when babies get shots. Mine also woke up throughout the night after his shot. We've been giving him infant medicine for teething as well, that has been helping with staying on track with sleep each night (mostly...) My wife and I are trying to have a 4th child as well. That will be the last one for sure. So next year (we're hoping) I'll probably revisit my "sleep ~8h" goal haha

Mon 10.21 (Part 1) No compulsive social media use - 19 days No compulsive research - 19 days No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 23 days I'm winding down from work, this period tends to be a good opportunity for me during weekdays to put together my journal entry. I attended the top lines meeting today with ITAA, I'm keeping this one in my rotation. I shared with them how Pomodoro has been working well for me as a top line. I lead the conversation with the fact that I'm in a tough position being a software engineer, but addicted to compulsive use of social media and research, so that my goal is to cut out the biggest time wasters (my bottom lines). I've gotten to 19 days of no social media and compulsive research so far, and Pomodoro has been a big help because of the way it structures me; 25min of work followed with a quick 5min offscreen break, or 50min of work followed by a 10min offscreen break. I also emphasized the offscreen part for the breaks, because this is what is really helping me stay away from "just a quick scroll or game" on my phone. It also helps avoid overworking myself, which is also a problem for me because exhaustion can lead to my bottom lines (the feeling of "rewarding" myself with something that is very compulsive and distracting for me). Reflecting now, I see that keeping my life in balance is what is helping me the most with this attempt at sobriety. Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - closer to 7.5h, due to kids waking up throughout the night. To bed at 11pm and woke up at 5:50am with the baby, then fell back asleep at 6:30am and woke up at 7:10am. So added together it's about 7.5h Stretch - yeah this morning and during the ITAA meeting (I turn my camera off when I move around to avoid distracting others), also before workout Go for walks / Exercise - this morning my wife had an appointment that I drove her to. So instead, I did some weights during lunch (standing rows and walking lunges). After that, I had a big team meeting, which didn't really require my participation, so I did an Incline walk on the treadmill for 65min while listening to it. Yeah, this was a really good gym day overall. I am going to make a note of this for future big team meetings that don't really require my participation, now I know I can be going to the treadmill while still attending the meeting. Drink Water - yes, throughout the day I kept filling up my water. Wash face + body - yes, after working out; I get really sweaty. Nutrition: breakfast - 2 apples from the farm and an omelet after coming back from the appointment lunch - sandwich, I made one for everyone at home dinner - tbd Talk to my partner - yes, during the car ride this morning on the way to the appointment and back. Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, my middle kid had daycare closed today so he stayed home. He is quite energetic, helped me bring the dogs outside during breaks (helped in his 3yo way). He also ate a whole sandwich to himself. I'll be spending more time with the others later after work. Read a book - yep, I'm going to continue the 7 Habits later today. Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this morning. I'm making it a routine to practice meditation and deep breaths during a 5min work break Practice French - Oui, je parle avec ma femme en la matin, et autre membre de ITAA (elle parle français aussi). This other ITAA member shared a tartar apple recipe for baking with me after the meeting, cuz she offered and I asked. The recipe is written in French, but no problem for me; more reason to practice French and more reason to start trying baking! Journal (gratitude and reflection) - entry is here 🙂 7 Habits workbook MASTER (day 6) As promised, I'll reflect on yesterdays MASTER situation. Which was going on a trip early in the morning before having breakfast (i.e. driving "hangry") Measure = 5 / 5 - yea eating well matters a lot to me Assess = I tend to be more short when hangry Think of a proactive response = make coffee in advance and pour into travel mug. Bring 2 apples from the farm, have plenty, so that I at least had something. Also make plan for food after getting back (which was eggs -> omelet) Engage or exit = Engage with above Review = More clear-headed, better driving all around and no outbursts. Success! ---- I will also post a part 2 later today, with my 30 day proactivity test - day 5. My commitment tomorrow is the same as last one; I will continue reading Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind.

Hey Mohammad, yeah I spend more time than that; about 30~45min a day. That one which you quoted was 45min. For the website here, I allocate 1h a day, so 15min extra (minimum) to read others entries and comment (if I have time). I adjusted this limit as I kept learning about how long it took me to post. Writing is something that I personally really enjoy, so I don't mind spending about 30~45min a day personally. However, a few things: I don't necessarily sit down to write my journal in one go. As the day goes by, I'll write notes in my phone of things that catch my interest or attention; then when I get to the end of the day I look over my notes and put my journal entry together. This is a habit I formed while I studied English Literature in University; writing essays was a big part of the coursework, and that practice has carried over with me. The things I want to do to stay healthy has really helped me; I find that all those things cover my physical health, mental stimulation, spiritual wellbeing and social/emotional wellbeing. So I commit to doing them, and also journaling about them to stay accountable. It's a neat way for me to break up the day, and also to put my experiences in an order. Oh and also, I copy-paste the template from the main post. So that makes it a lot quicker to put together; I don't go line by line bolding each section that needs it lol. So that is where templates help with there. Also I'm adding the 7 Habits questions from the book and the workbook to my entry. I'm committing to sharing what I learn and going through the exercises for that every day; while I don't have to necessarily share them here, I want to do it. The 7 Habits are having a big impact on me. Partly this is why it's important for me to write in this much detail, because reflection is part of my wellbeing. I would take a lot less time, about 15min, if I wasn't adding this to my journal; but I prefer adding them because it helps keep me accountable and because it helps show my growth for myself.