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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 158: I taught English for 4 hours, cycled some 15 kilometers, read a bit about money, visited my grandma and hammered some facade off in the bathroom. I feel fairly tired after such a day.
  2. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 157: I talked with mom, played Scrabble and prepared for my English teaching class tomorrow. I also exercised, checked out Bioenergetics I've seen on @LordArjuna 's diary, did Duolingo and watched Peterson on existentialism. I've also seen a bit of sketch shows.
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 156: I did Duolingo, watched another Peterson lecture and cleaned my room a bit in the morning. I watched some Mitchell and Webb, wrote for about two hours in the afternoon. I also exercised outside with my basketball. I met some small kids on the playground and they immediately wanted to play with me. It was fun!
  4. Interesting video, thanks for sharing it. I keep hearing about these physical exercises aimed primarily at improving your mental well-being, so I'll try to give it a shot too.
  5. Moaning and facial expression (if genuine) are still rewards for the work you put in and I would hazard a guess that it should stay that way. Myself, I do not watch porn per se, but to be honest with myself, there are some similar elements to what I sometimes do and watch compared to porn. My thinking what do I want to do about (P)MO is still somewhat hazy, though it might be that it's just a more insidious addiction than gaming, even if it takes far less time compared to gaming in my case. I have done some short no-faps in the past, so I know I could have sex once a week (preferably as a part of a relationship that's not based solely on sex), I'd most likely be able to toss it completely. As for porn setting the example, it really only sets the primordial motivations in place. You can have a great body and be good at sex, but if you do not exercise or have sex for a year, you are gonna get worse. That's why a (reasonable) woman should be interested rather in the man's constant stream of effort (regular exercise over time), rather than the end product (perfect body). If you do that across the board of life (work, exercise, reading, hobbies, etc.), maybe then you can convince a woman that you are reliable enough to raise a child with you. It works the other way as well, but the ratio of childless women is lower than the ratio of childless men. As for the hobbies, I discovered I like psychology. I also like to write with people a lot. Exercising and reading are sort of half and half for me; I mostly enjoy them when I do them, but it generally takes some effort to get me going on them. I did not really start on any of the hobbies I had planned on starting after Iceland yet. Learning to enjoy the process is difficult, especially if the thing naturally does not grip you. I'm still horrible at enjoying planning my days - not that I would do nothing useful the whole day if I did not do it, but it would help me to put things into perspective and prioritize them better.
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 155: I played Scrabble with mom, did my daily Duolingo and went outside for a walk and to read Gulag Archipelago a little bit. I also finished That Mitchell and Webb Look, it was a great sketch show! For the rest of the day, I wrote to people and thought. I thought about my parents, about my relationships, my past. I think I am asking better questions nowadays and that I am also getting better answers. I am intently drawing corollaries where there have been none before. Only time will tell to what extent I was correct in my assumptions.
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 154: I watched a short Peterson lecture (2017 Personality videos) and demolished tiles in the bathroom, so the reconstruction can progress. After lunch, we visited the grandma for her name-day. That was pretty much it for today. It's gonna be time for a monthly report soon and perhaps even for a half-year report.
  8. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 153: I watched Peterson explaining the Lion King as an archetypal story. I've also read up on some of the Jungian concepts of "anima" and "animus" and it was fairly interesting. I also hoovered, cleared out some mails and tabs, sent several emails, mowed the rest of the lawn and checked out additional uni courses. I also had a light meditation in the bath.
  9. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 152: I went to an interview, did some paperwork in the town and mails, Duolingo, got my leaflets around the village and also researched something about my further education. Tomorrow I have a day off, I'm quite happy about it.
  10. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 151: I taught English for 5 hours today and it was mentally draining, but because I am not used to it, rather than someone making some trouble. I wrote with a few friends today, did Duolingo, cycled on my bike and even wrote a few emails in the evening. I think I deserve to relax for the rest of the day.
  11. Welcome back! I'm gonna quote myself 3 months ago, because I think it is relevant. What worked in my case (after the breakup) was to acknowledge that there was something good and something bad in the relationship and be really mindful about what did I consider "good" and what did I consider "bad". I had some things do a 180 when I realized my ex unconsciously hates me, to put it shortly. It felt like only then I could come to terms with my past and not be traumatized by it, if it somehow manifests in my everyday life, either directly or as an innocent association. Otherwise I think self-pity and bitterness would do me in, slowly and painfully.
  12. @Blab Good for you that you realized that you use it primarily for something else than learning a language! I think some 30 months ago when I started out on Duolingo learning Russian, there were streaks and XP already in place, but I'm not sure about the medals. Myself, I think Duolingo is still a perfectly valid resource and possibly one of the best ways to really start off learning a language - to hammer in some basic grammar and vocabulary for survival level abroad. I mean, of course they "rigged" it a to try and keep your attention, but it's still on you just how much attention are you willing to give it. In a broader sense, everything that can take advantage of the play/gaming aspect, does so, because it's naturally appealing to humans. Tinder works that way. News (either on TV or paper) are also trying to "steal" your attention by the fact that e.g. a bombing happened that in some remote location you've never been to. It's definitely more interesting than the fact that e.g. firefighters rescued 12 kittens from trees in your city in the past year. So all I can say is just that we should be aware and I think any self-convicted gaming addict has some basic form of self-awareness. Your eyes are yours only.
  13. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I currently work once a week and I will go to university once a week soon as well. The university is on a normal workday though and, for whatever reason, most employers here cringe at the idea someone would not go to work five times a week, even if they say there's not enough people to fill in all the empty positions. That's the reason I am adding my work from from "0" hours, rather than subtracting from "40" or "50" hours a week, taking days off just so I could go to work etc. I've also come to terms with having all that free time and trying to use it more wisely. It took me half a year and a breakup. I'd say most people are not faced with that situation until they are retired. Obviously, I will not know what's up until I actually start streaming games, but it's like that with everything. I've been learning three languages on Duolingo for over a week now (I'm also aware of the fact that I will just grasp the basics like that). I do not know if I will ever have the chance to realistically use them. Every hobby seems to be like that when you start it and most hobbies just stay hobbies until you quit them. I also feel like a bit of a special potato when I'm reading most of the journals, because the average "quitter" seems to have more, longer and stronger cravings than me. I've experienced some minor cravings perhaps the first week, but I was mostly excited about actually having time to get other stuff done, rather than cowering in the corner and looking at the clock. There have been some thoughts about gaming along the way of the detox, but it was the same as with thoughts about my ex or the army - I just accepted them, thought about them a little bit and let them go, primarily because I think it is a very good idea to be at peace with your past. I am a strong believer that if something in your past makes you uncomfortable, sad or angry, then that is exactly the reason to focus on sorting your past out. I think it is ideally done the best with someone you can trust (the diary is pretty cool as well), but the main incentive has to come from within you anyway.
  14. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 150 = 5 months: Today felt like a really long day which is good, because that means I got a lot of things done. I did my languages, watched Peterson lectures for a few hours, rode on my bike + visited and talked to my grandma, did the groceries, wrote with a friend for quite a while and prepared for English teaching tomorrow (after some 10 weeks or so). I also had a thought about re-establishing my gaming stream. x1-x2 a week for 2-3 hours. Always planned a few days in advance. I already thought of some both positive and negative implications of actually doing this. I will keep the idea in the back of my head for a few weeks, as I want to be able to nail days in their "basic" form (as I did today and yesterday) at the very least on a regular basis. I can definitely say today was good as well.
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 149: I had done most of the things I had planned for today. It was mostly maintenance/low-stress stuff, but it was THE routine day as I want it to be. It was a good day.
  16. If you are already having doubts about gaming affecting you literally everywhere else, then go for it and try the detox and see how you do. What's there to lose?
  17. I remember @Ambassador once mentioned this site, as to get ratings on photos for the apps. If you are more successful just approaching women on your own IRL, then definitely focus on that option more. And remember; you just have to get lucky once (at a time anyway). I have a different experience. I stayed in touch with one of my viewers even after I quit gaming and we're still in contact. I also streamed as I planned on Thursday and several regulars showed up, asked how I've been after those 5 months and even checked out my diary here. I was really just setting up my phone as webcam for the first hour of the stream and showed photos from Iceland for the rest of it, for some 3 hours total. All that makes me think I could handle gaming in moderation and enjoy streaming. However, I'd only like to do it only after I get my scheduling skills back on track.
  18. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 148: I helped around the house, watched some That Mitchell and Webb Look, but I felt pretty tired after going out yesterday. I got the schedule for tomorrow and Tuesday, I will get it finished tomorrow. I'm also gonna be home alone tomorrow!
  19. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 147: I was social again today. I did some minor stuff, I am gonna do my schedule for the next week tomorrow.
  20. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 146: I got more things done today, again an early entry because I have a meetup in the evening. I cleaned my room too, hooray!
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 145: Today was a mess. Streaming tonight was one of the few things that actually went according to the plan. I am also fairly tired, so I will try to gather my feelings about it tomorrow.
  22. There's a nice article about dreams here. Reading the article, I also got a thought that there is a meta-dream (that likely most people share) of having a "good life", but indeed you cannot have a "good life" without all the struggles that you actually have to love in order to get it - eating well, having tough talks from time to time, exercising, feeling well at a job etc. I also think those examples are just universal. Good luck with the date!
  23. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 144: I watched a lecture of Peterson in the morning, some M&W, did some small research and wrote emails, went outside and finished The Subtle Art by Mark Manson. My next book is gonna be Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn. After lunch, I visited my grandma and went shopping for some new T-shirts.
  24. When I was addicted, the normal 5/2 workweek was alright for me. The real hell began when I was idle for more than a week. I dreaded vacations, because I just got decimated by the thought that I would just game through all of it, because what better was there? I actually feel like the experience you are having is fairly common among people in general. Myself, though I hated my jobs back then, they kept me away from just gaming all day long and gave me a greater purpose than one I could actually create for myself. Being employed without a plan sucks less than being unemployed without a plan and I learnt that the hard way. I think that is what is gonna happen to you if you stay stressed too long - you'll either just be constantly in a fit of rage about something, or you'll just grow apathetic. I do not think any of that is healthy to perform for some 40 hours a week consistently. Oh yeah, I have had that feeling too, but sometimes some days are slower and you nail just the basic stuff and some days are faster and you nail twice the stuff you normally do. And sometimes you just decide to take a break from it all for a few months and find it hard to get back into the old track. We gotta relax somehow as well.
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