Ikar

There's a nice article about dreams here. Reading the article, I also got a thought that there is a meta-dream (that likely most people share) of having a "good life", but indeed you cannot have a "good life" without all the struggles that you actually have to love in order to get it - eating well, having tough talks from time to time, exercising, feeling well at a job etc. I also think those examples are just universal. Good luck with the date!

Day 144: I watched a lecture of Peterson in the morning, some M&W, did some small research and wrote emails, went outside and finished The Subtle Art by Mark Manson. My next book is gonna be Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn. After lunch, I visited my grandma and went shopping for some new T-shirts.

When I was addicted, the normal 5/2 workweek was alright for me. The real hell began when I was idle for more than a week. I dreaded vacations, because I just got decimated by the thought that I would just game through all of it, because what better was there? I actually feel like the experience you are having is fairly common among people in general. Myself, though I hated my jobs back then, they kept me away from just gaming all day long and gave me a greater purpose than one I could actually create for myself. Being employed without a plan sucks less than being unemployed without a plan and I learnt that the hard way. I think that is what is gonna happen to you if you stay stressed too long - you'll either just be constantly in a fit of rage about something, or you'll just grow apathetic. I do not think any of that is healthy to perform for some 40 hours a week consistently. Oh yeah, I have had that feeling too, but sometimes some days are slower and you nail just the basic stuff and some days are faster and you nail twice the stuff you normally do. And sometimes you just decide to take a break from it all for a few months and find it hard to get back into the old track. We gotta relax somehow as well.

Day 143: I got it nailed today. I watched a discussion/lecture with Peterson after a long time and I feel it inspired me throughout the rest of the day. I watched Mitchell and Webb, did Duolingo, watched a documentary about WWI and wrote emails. I also got off and went reading outside and walked a bit. I wrote with a friend in the evening as well. I also notice I actually like to eat and just focus on eating. Eating and multitasking something else just feels dismal.

Day 142: I did about half the stuff I had scheduled for myself for today which is totally fine. I actually nailed all of those I needed to be home for, while for reading and meditation I can do outside. I would like to do them inside, but I just have this constant feeling in the back of my head that parents are gonna interrupt me when I immerse myself into something for an hour, but I might also be making half-assed excuses why to shirk responsibility, so I will just pick myself up and go out tomorrow to get these things done. Off-schedule I wrote quite a bit and I also watched some more Mitchell and Webb, I put a video of them into the spoiler too!

Depends on your background. I mean, aside from eating and drinking, virtually everything else in your life is arbitrary. I use Duolingo for Russian regularly and a few days back I threw in Spanish (because I had it on high school) and German (randomly). I try to teach English in my home area (it helped out a lot to stream to be really fluent back when I was gaming), so I think picking up additional languages makes sense, as I have no idea if my English teaching business will be successful. I think I like languages too and I think Spanish and English are still more related to each other than English and e.g. plumbing, so I justify it by that. I agree with @TwoSidedLife on the fact that if you do not have a strong reason to learn, then you will hardly ever become competent in a language. Good reasons to become competent in a language include, e.g. moving to a foreign country (for more than a few years, let's say more than 5) or building a career in languages. But obviously there is nothing wrong with doing a hobby for the sake of doing it, because it brings you some joy, mental or physical stimulation, social interaction etc. Myself, I never cared for the game aspect of Duolingo. I enjoy to drop by daily for some minutes, combining all three languages and enjoying the steady graph of daily language learning routine :D

Yeah, a Q&A of some sorts on those topics, primarily bound to my ongoing detox. It is probably not gonna be anything shocking, if you used my diary as a basis for that. That said, I have been in sometimes in the mood for a game a bit since I got back home, but just a quick glance over my schedule/things I want to do to re-adjust back to my home schedule is just making me think I would just dodge my responsibility.

It seems to work that way indeed! As for my home adjustment, it is challenging. I gotta remind my parents sometimes that I have to spend some time on my own. They both have a full-time job, whereas I am basically working whenever I want, searching for opportunities either myself or through proxies. I believe it'll get better once the reconstruction is over, so I will be home alone for the mornings and afternoons, free to do whatever I want without interruptions during that time. Day 141: Today, I did Duolingo, watched some Mitchell and Webb comedy shows on YT, wrote to friends and here, helped around the house, took a short walk and had a family meeting. I got a schedule for tomorrow and some other parts of the week, but it is so far more of a to-do list, both because I just got back to scheduling and the current situation at home. The meeting yesterday went nicely, I was slightly surprised I did not have a hangover in the morning. I also want to stream on Twitch on Thursday, topic being life/psychology/philosophy. I am not expecting large amounts of people watching me, but I will try it anyway.

My thoughts: She feels chemistry, because she wants to force the relationship, even through desperation. I think nobody truly mature is going to kiss (or even accept the kiss) someone they know for 4 days. I do not think she does this consciously, but her actions speak for themselves I think with the right values, two people can connect even if they have fairly different interests. It is something that brings some consistent stream of novelty into the relationship. Diversity and willingness to learn. My ex loved nature and I think I came to appreciate nature more when I was with her. When I was in Iceland, it reached the extent where I just laid outside for an hour in the grass, just relaxing and watching the ocean and I did that daily. Sex is obviously a great lure to get into a relationship with someone, but building up the relationship purely on it consciously does not sound like a bright idea. It is good you are aware of it. I also discovered that my sex drive is greater than I thought, after my relationship.

I would positively describe it as desperation as well. I know, because I let that girl kiss me before. I am single now! I think you made the right decision here, especially given the fact you already feel overwhelmed.

Day 140: Writing a bit earlier, because I am going out tonight. I was helping out around the house, as we are currently reconstructing the bathroom. As a result, I got my day fragmented to an extent I only got small things done. I sorted out some things in my room, did Duolingo and watched a TED talk. I also got a bit of my planning for the next week done, I will finish it tomorrow. Getting back on track after two months is somewhat difficult! I am gonna do some shopping for good food while I am out.

Day 139: I dodged the entry on Day 138. I came home at about 3 in the morning, so there were no thoughts about doing that. I had two nice little chats with Icelanders I managed to meet on my way to the airport. One of them was a retired pilot and the other one was a retired airport worker who drove me to the airport! Today, I checked on some school things, job things, money, Duolingo (I started Spanish and even German, for whatever reason, alongside Russian), went for a walk and unpacked my stuff from Iceland. I actually felt some small cravings to game. They went as quickly as they came, but it was interesting to notice them regardless. They were probably caused by the second large change in environment in the past several days (Iceland work -> Iceland camp -> home), because I kept my days largely unstructured. ----- I was wondering whether one of life's mechanisms is that the stream of pain/problems is more or less constant. For example, if you go daily through the pain/problem of staying fit, you will not have to face a bigger pain/problem later in the future, like getting obese and having your let cut off because of diabetes. I believe that to be the case, so doing your homework daily pays off, once you have identified it, which proves to be quite difficult. ----- Tomorrow: I will try to nail some one-timers tomorrow, alongside with planning the next week. I have a lot of stuff I marked down in Iceland (and even here) to mess around with. I am going to an event in the evening too, so it will be nice to get social.

I have found that unless you do something terribly stupid, people will give you the benefit of the doubt. Whether you are more of a compassion black hole or more genuine (or a mix of the two), that is up to you to decide and act upon! I just re-read the first days of my journal. I started out small and stupid, just dodging games. Later out I think I managed to build a nice beginning for my new life out of the time of "dodging games". Do not worry and start small!

Welcome to my diary Lea! I think the point is that nobody really wants to work those jobs, not by default anyway. It still does not change the fact that they chose the job themselves. I think you are in some trouble if you choose to do something you really dislike, especially if that goes over the years. I think a nice symptom of that is when you come off work, then watch TV/stay on computer for 6 hours straight and then do the same thing the next day. That seems to me like the recipe for disaster (spoiler alert: I lived like that). I am not sure if resilience and courage are something that is built up, rather than discovered. I am inclined to think to think that I am (and actually everyone is) capable of doing anything, except a few things I have troubles doing. Making decisions and being responsible is scary, but if you do not do that, you are just gonna end up bitter and resentful about how everything is out of your control. So while it is hard, it gives your life some meaning and that is worth the effort in my opinion (unless the whole of humanity plans a mass suicide!). I am at home already, but thanks anyway :)

Not at all. They were both people I just met. If it happens too often, I will try to think about it, but I believe they were the exceptions. Good luck with the girl!

Day 137: I went for a walk, did the groceries, wrote, went to the swimming pool and wrote more. Pretty happy with how today went. One more night here and I am going home. Mission accomplished.

Good job man, crush it! Good luck with the girls too. If I learnt something from Peterson, then it is that any reasonable woman loves responsible men ?

Learning when to say "no" is very important. I both said "no" and got said "no" in the past three days, meaning I will not speak to these two people ever again. I will live and I am fine with that. I cannot be friends with everyone, in fact, nobody can. Saying "no" also saves a lot of time for both sides. Good luck with your hobbies/goals and building good habits! Good downtime is as important as good uptime.

Day 136: I visited a museum in the town today. I have a weird thought that I actually do not spend enough time on my phone to research my money investing options. It is kind of strange to come back to having all the time for yourself again!

I also grew to like SP games more and more later on. I had a feeling my teammates would generally let me down in MP games, as I think I always put in more hours than the average player into the game. There is some comfort in screwing up in an SP game and not having anyone to blame. It is kinda like real life! ?

Day 135: I relaxed pretty nicely today. Visited a museum, swimming pool, had an interesting encounter and wrote a bit. Gonna relax tomorrow as well, with more writing though.

Day 134: It was a long walk today, so I am gonna relax tomorrow.

Day 133: In the morning, I went for a short hike. Then I cooked lunch, went for another small hike, visited the swimming pool and sauna. I think I am fairly justified to feel trashed after all this. I have a longer hike planned for tomorrow with all my gear, so I hope everything will go fine!

I never cared for it too much either. I think I was mostly looking for something I am good at. It turns out that if you put enough time into something, you become good at it! I used fear of the abyss that would make my life insufferable after what I knew what the correct decision was. Something just had to go.

Here's my monthly summary. I actually already wrote it a week before, but I forgot to post it after a day or two. Game Quitters - I'm still reading the journals I am subbed to, I subbed to a few more even. physical development - The work was generally not very physically demanding, but I keep moving for the majority of it. I take a longer walk once a week, but make sure I spend at least an hour outside every day, except when the weather is horrible. mental development - I read some of the "Subtle Art" from Mark Manson, I generally get around to read an article or few a day about psychology/philosophy/self-help. I am currently focusing personal finance though. going out/screen time reduction - Since using a phone for anything (compared to desktop computer) feels obnoxious, I try to put in the time I have generally into something substantial. I learn, read and write a lot, while not watching almost any videos. There is not anything to do as for events outside though. uni - I feel happy for it. I can see some connections between "economic geography" and "personal finance" as well. Semester starts in less than a month. English teaching/my business - This has to be tackled when I return, perhaps even more than the university. I did some job scans this month, I plan to do some paperwork to make it official when I get home. family - I have been keeping in touch every few days. We are gonna do a small late birthday celebration and I will have something small to say about my past four months. dating - Quiet, for now. Takeaways from Iceland: Tourism - I had the opportunity to be in Reykjavik for a week, so I am sure I saw most of the interesting stuff there. I will have a few days after I am done working. However, my gear is somewhat clunky and I generally prefer to set up my tent, grab a bag with a few kilos, go for a hike and then return back. I do not think I ever seriously planned for week-long hikes or renting a car to drive around. Neither did I make a list of things I wanted to see. Work - I worked a dirty job in a meat factory. It helps a ton I am fairly disgust insensitive. I have a feeling this is not a job for me, however I am grateful for the experience and, of course, for that hard cash. I am convinced that university education will still be the better path for me over the long run though. I cannot change people. People generally try to be good (even if we lack the self-awareness to sometimes tell what that "good" is). I am fairly adaptable. I can work hard enough for a goal (job) and get decent results. Diversity or work/life balance is important. I spent the first week in a tent, with searching jobs in the morning and walking around/touring later. I will spread out my personality even further when I get home. I have put all my eggs into one or two baskets before and the result was not pretty. I plan to invest most of my money during the next 30 days/a month. I learnt how to cook on a basic level! :V AFTER ICELAND - priorities: hobbies: modeling (WWII stuff), paintball, geocache, drumming (yoga?) Meditate my business/English teaching - schools (both state and private), websites for teachers, jobs university (whatever happens and springs to mind while there) Self-authoring Money investment