Ikar

Day 433: I had an English class in the morning, I worked out, studied, took a nap, wrote to my friends and went out for a dinner with one of them. --- It was a bit bumpy with masturbation the past few days, but I got through this night without issues. I suppose it would be easier if I quit completely, but if I am to have a regular sex life, I don't think it would make sense to have sex less than once a week.

I like your line of thinking that her X is not an evil being. I think there is always something crucial to be understood about the person through one's Xs, both in what they love and what they hate. Are those people the only friends your SO has? It seems they chose him over her at one point, so I don't see the logic why any of them would want to meet again. Her comment to not provoke her X seems desperate (in the way that she wants the evening not to go poorly, rather than to go amazing) and misplaced given the attitude in your post.

Day 432: I studied extensively, watched a Forex stream, hopped around with basketball, went for a walk, did the groceries and went to an English speaking event in the evening. --- I ejaculated after 5 days yesterday, although I did "dry" masturbation a few times the days before. Now I want to be masturbation-free until next Monday, so that's at least 10 days. I think I also felt a bit tired during the day because I masturbated the night before.

When talking to women, the thing I am most interested in is their story, which is completely independent of their looks. I remember getting somewhat intimidated if I was to approach a truly beautiful woman, even though I got myself into situations to talk to her afterwards. I think I wrote about this before, but the stigma with beautiful women is that they know they can have any other guy if they at least remotely try, so it's hard for them to settle until they find a guy who meets their all of their expectations, so they are more promiscuous on average. Us, ex-gamers, with non-existent/bad relationship experience, rather sympathize with women who want to be loyal, never had much experience with men either (because of their looks), but found out they want to do something about their situation (lose weight, quit SM dramas, watching soap operas for hours etc.) and generally do it once and do it right.

Day 430: I wrote some mails, thought about and planned my course of action regarding relationship with "Girl A", watched the FX stream, hopped around with basketball, went for a walk, read, met with a friend from the military I haven't seen in 2 years and had a philosophy seminar in the evening. Day 431: I studied, watched the FX stream, worked out, visited my grandma, taught an English class and wrote my friends. --- My volunteer English class is growing. I had three ladies join today, with two of them being pensioners but having decent English. They're very talkative and the class is easygoing because of that. Even though "Girl A" didn't reply to my message for a few days, she did invite me to her cottage party the next weekend, along with 30 or so people (I'd expect probably half will show up), of which I know just a few. It effectively made my contingency plans futile, however it might be a better plan than the one I had in mind. Besides, I get to meet new people and that's always helpful. I'm happy with how this is turning out.

It is! The weird thing about this all is that here in central Europe, the quarantine is basically gone at this point. I hope the trend continues, where people get infected slowly enough to not overcrowd the hospitals, if they have severe complications. I think the virus eventually finds us all and that it's just a dice roll whether our bodies have good defense against it or not.

100%. Guys just make for more stable friends, just because there's no sexual tension. Getting to know people to know who to care about is crucial and if you know next to none, then you'll do with whomever is at hand. This "village/closed community" mindset is not necessarily bad by default, but I think one misses out on a lot of life if they just decide to stay where they've been since they were born. 100%. Happened to me and I do not want to go back. Women don't want men who are useless without them. It's only 1 year and 2 months, but you are right on the money. I had my gaming addiction and no income (but savings to get me through for a year or two). I just managed to get through the first semester at the university. I spent three months sorting myself out. I didn't see a lot of people during this period either, but I was thinking about the habits and values I wanted to get into my life. I started small, just by doing household chores while parents were out, teaching a few hours of English, marking down what I did during the day in Excel, reading, taking walks etc. Afterwards, I went to Iceland to find a job, because I wanted to go somewhere during the summer. I think it was a promise I made to my X and I decided to honor it. Another two and a half months gone by and I made good money. I returned home and another three months have gone by. I started feeling too isolated being in the suburbs with my parents and not knowing anyone outside university and English classes, both of which were held once a week. So six months ago, I moved to the university dorms, started talking to people (both guys and girls alike) and going to events that interested me. I know the good things are coming my way now, because I keep putting in the effort to work on myself. Thanks for reminding me of that @BooksandTrees . You're doing a stellar job as well; searching for a girlfriend, exploring hobbies, getting even with your family and other things 🙂

Day 429: I went to get my bike fixed and bought gear to fix it myself the next time. I got my hair cut, worked out, drummed with the band, shopped with my mom for some summer clothes, organized an event on FB for late July and wrote to friends.

I think I've been living that life ever since I broke up with my ex. I rather do things in advance and smoothly, rather than waiting for something to hit me with pain like a truck and it seems to be working for me so far, since I didn't have such a strong traumatic experience since. Becoming aware of the unaware before it deals too much damage is vital in life.

If you think you can't handle dating apps with all their pros and cons, then quit them. One of the cons is being hyper-aroused, because the girls want to look hot, hence your sexual dreams. I had that too. I agree 100% with @BooksandTrees (again). It's nonsensical to think that being bad at dating apps means you die alone. That's horse shit. Quite the contrary, I think if you have an active and balanced enough lifestyle, you will meet interesting women through it, so a dating app would be redundant (I'm aware of CV, but we're not gonna be quarantined/restricted forever, no matter where we are at.) I remember @BooksandTrees also wrote a guide to a good dating profile that gets hits, so it's up to you if you decide to follow the recipe and use it. An example: My brother lived with parents up until 28, as far as I know, his only dating experience was one teenage mingle. He moved into his own apartment, found a girlfriend through playing Pokémon Go a few months later. He'll be 30 soon and they are still together. As a side thought, I urge you to examine the relationship you have with your mom (who you seem to adore) and with your dad (who you seem to detest). It's speculative, but I think your relationship with your mom might be too close to even let a girlfriend into your life. You will need to let her go in a way to make room for another woman in your life. Just talk to girls, observe and try to make some sense of the way they react to you, ideally via hobbies. We're no experts here (it's in our diaries) who would date hundreds of women and had sex with tens of them.

Day 427: I did Duolingo, did the laundry, a few other chores, planned my next week, wrote a bit, had a long session with the band and went to bed early. Day 428: I wrote here, went for a walk in the rain, read, visited my family, worked out, wrote a bit and wrote my friends.

Thanks! Good luck on your detox as well 🙂

I dislike just writing over Internet/phone. I am generally able to reply the same day, although there's nothing else to do than to respect the speed they are writing at or just quit writing them completely. Writing is the minimum level of interaction required to stay relevant and hence only good to set up times/location, perhaps convey some basic facts that happened recently and images + videos. I hope you'll be able to move over to phone/meet in person soon. Be proactive, lead and charge rather than hold back, but don't be desperate. I'm currently sitting in the same spot. If she writes, she writes. If she doesn't, then she doesn't. There's plenty of women out there 🙂

24 hours a day. I think I had that feeling my days are shortening about a month into quitting. There's always something to do. Got two hours? Hit the gym. Got half an hour? Clean the room. Even then, I sometimes like to be "creatively bored" when I think of new ideas and activities. I started getting up at 6 consistently at the beginning of quarantine. I notice I am hardcore about it even now, because whenever I am out, I make an effort to hit the sack around midnight, so I get up before 8. People sometimes almost reflexively ask me/poke fun at me as to why I get up so early and don't drink much and I tell them every time: "Because that's how I want it." I am not a fan of making schedules in advance for myself, but I write what I do every day every 30 minutes. Sometimes there are weeks where my ideally "daily" habits turn into "1-2x a week" habits (e.g. no time to take a walk in the park + read), so its a good reminder as to whether I am doing what am I supposed to do. I don't think anything can be seriously considered as a habit if it's done less than once a week. I got rid of YT from my phone about 9 months ago and effectively ended my "sex video coupled with masturbation" habit. Using the browser was too much hassle for me 😄

Two weeks ago, I checked out an online game about financial literacy a couple of times, because it was relevant to the book I was reading. I also checked out the landing scene from MoH:AA I got to remember the date of the D-Day landing from and I checked out the Wiki pages of Worms games. When I quit in April '19, I got rid of the games on my computer and blocked Twitch. I ended up blocking the site with the game, even though I don't remember trying to access it since. It honestly felt reflexive. I agree watching gaming content regularly (e.g. at least once a week) is like shooting yourself in the foot, since it's the closest thing to gaming itself. It's like a difference between smoking cigarettes and smoking cigarettes using using only matches while standing in the shadow. Wouldn't it be easier to not buy any cigarettes?

I agree with @BooksandTrees . I think one only ever gets the first chance to repair and rethink the way they want their future romantic relationships to be after they fail their first one and what got them to fail it was imitating their parents, regardless of whether it worked for them well or not. I wouldn't worry about looking for certain types of women as a pre-condition, whether she does this or does that. It makes more sense to find a woman you enjoy spending your time with and then figure out why do you think that is. Be aware of the things that peeve you about her too. She won't be perfect. But to even find some eligible woman, you need to get to know people and broaden your horizons. There's also one thorny thing - to date someone who reminds you of your mom, you need to become someone like your dad. He dated her. They created your family. They are both responsible for how things are now. It's naive to adore one and detest the other. It might be possible you only ever get a different outlook once you live on your own though.

Day 424: I studied, watched a Forex stream, read Martin Luther King's letter from Birmingham jail, read, visited my grandma, taught an English class and played desktops in the evening. --- I had a new student join me on this class. She seemed excited and said she would be back next week. Day 425: I watched a Forex stream, met with "Girl A" for a small chat, studied, wrote my friend and worked out. --- My mind was racing after meeting "Girl A", because I always get inspired and write down at least a few thoughts afterwards, but it's hard to focus on anything else. I tried a few things, but in the evening I decided to masturbate after 12 days and I relieved myself from the stimulation. I came up with a plan for approaching the relationship I have with her. Whatever the result may be, I am grateful I met her. Day 426: I taught an English class, worked out, went to the shop, wrote the exam and went out in the evening. --- One of my former high school classmates (I see him once every few months) told me he noticed a shift in my behavior for the better since I quit high school. I told him that he's correct and that I am happier too.

That's great attitude and I practice it as well, whenever it comes to setting up things with others and them failing to show up. I think anyone who is quitting games eventually needs to make the decision to leave some of the old people behind, because they are part of the reason why one got addicted in the first place. It's terrifying to make a solo run for it to discover people you click better with, but literally your life is at stake.

I never watched porn per se, though I watched a substitute up until 9 months ago or so. I never felt angry about it. I just figured there's no point in doing things the same old way once I started talking with women more and using my time in a smarter way.

Day 423: I did Duolingo, studied for the exam on Friday, went through mails, watched a Forex stream, did the dishes, checked up on my bike, worked out, went for a walk and read, did the laundry and went out for dinner with a friend. --- I find the past two days that I have some time to be bored and just exist, which is actually welcome overall after the hectic term. I might start getting creative again. I'm consolidating and recharging. I'm also on a no masturbation streak since Friday 5th, even though it was close on Thursday 11th.

I think most people do not bother with going after someone from the get-go, at least not until they think it's the best choice. The best example could be your Xes (as is in my case), although maybe you could find some from professional life as well. Hence, I am not worried about getting hurt by someone until I let them close to me and if I let them close to me, there have to be good reasons as to why I did that in the first place. If those good reasons turn out to be wrong reasons, then it's learning experience for me. I also love figuring people out, though not primarily to protect myself (so that when they trespass some boundary, I can think "I knew it.", because everybody will do that at some point), but to find out if I can trust them long-term with some reasonable percentage (so that when they trespass some boundary, I can give them the benefit of the doubt). So once I "detect" a vulnerability in a person, I realize I found something that I myself had gone through and that I am familiar with. Some of it can be learnt, especially the physical signs (e.g. you read multiple times that biting fingers is a sign of nervousness/imbalance), but you can also learn it if you did it yourself, quit and then become more sensitive to such sign in others. Regardless, it's up to you whether you will love or hate this vulnerability you have detected in others. I think it's better to love it, at least at first, before you figure out more about the person. It's why both love and hate are so intensely entwined.

Day 422: I drove my car to have it serviced, drove it back, took a nap, cooked, played with the band and attended the philosophy seminar. I also managed to blow the tire on my bike after having it fixed, so I'll have to look into that tomorrow, because blowing a tire twice in two weeks is not usual.

I can see that and I like it, although I come from the extreme of gaming 10 hours a day and not doing anything novel.

Day 419: I taught an English class in the morning, had a meeting regarding autumn excursion with the uni, had the exam and in the evening I went to a shooting range to get some information regarding the gun license. Day 420: I got through mails and went to spend the day at the English outdoor event organized by my friend. Day 421: I came back from the English outdoor, visited my parents, moved my drums to the test room with my band-mates, planned the next week and checked out e-mails. --- I decided to postpone getting the gun license by a month (starting early July) and the business idea (same date, even though I might get rejected because of that). I mentioned the reasons above - doing everything at once just makes me feel stressed. The weekend event was nice. I met some like-minded people, some known and some unknown, and I was happy to do something I am great at and help others during it too.

The idea is I am not used to it and my lifestyle would fall apart if I were to keep overwhelming myself. I like being stable and balanced, perhaps even at the cost of sometimes being rigid.