Ikar

Day 638: I studied, visited my family and then my grandma and played desktops in the evening. Day 639: I had English classes, washed the dishes, had the uni exam and spent the evening together with the Spanish girl. Day 640: I had English classes, I relaxed, did some minor things around, talked to a friend and played desktops, but went to bed very early. Day 641: I had English classes (8 hours) and played desktops in the evening. Day 642: I had English classes, wrote this and went shopping, walk with a friend. --- I'm starting to have more free time, as I successfully got through all my uni exams and my substitution teaching is ending on Monday. I'm going to put some time towards the bachelor thesis now. I've noticed I started going to bed a bit earlier the past week. I practice chess puzzles for 30 minutes or an hour daily often. I had a crazy good evening with the Spanish girl on Monday. I'm putting some effort into knowing her better intellectually - we often play chess or talk about various topics. I'm finding that I just would not have the time to do all this with multiple women. While I will miss the time I spend with her, I will not die or anything similar. I also noticed that my headache after masturbation/ejaculation comes from poor hydration and/or lack of food after. I'm going to keep that in mind.

@Amphibian220brings up some good points and questions. Your partner might be aware that there are some things that are "not going great", but that alone is apparently not enough incentive for him to change much. I also agree with the fact that this is a matter for couple's counseling and that all the people here can provide only layman's observations/suggestions about what worked for us in our specific situations. As his partner, and one who's been with him for 11 years, you should be a big part of his life and you likely know the most about him, besides himself. When/why did he start gaming excessively? What were the things you could've done differently so that he didn't fall down this rabbit hole this deep? How did you/do you enable his addictive behavior? How do you plan improve the relationship and yourself? If things do not improve, hen are you going to give him the "real" last chance? Addiction isn't a lighting out of clear sky. It's a defense mechanism against the unbearable "real" environment. You are a part of his "real" environment and you play your role (be it positive or negative). Give him all the love and support that you can. There's a point however where the loving thing is to let the other person go. My father's friend kicked his son out of the flat, because he did nothing else than game all day - he eventually got his thinking together, found a job and started doing other useful things in life. My X left me, because I gamed all day without realizing there was ever a problem. It was extremely painful and confusing, because I wasn't even aware there was a problem to begin with. I didn't want to part with her. It seems that your partner is aware that you are parting ways (regarding the mortgage) and he seems to be okay with it though. Again, I am not a professional, but this is how the things seem to me.

I did a recount of the days and I must have missed some in my calculations. Day 636: I had English classes, washed the dishes, read a bit on the NMMNG forum, went for a walk with the Spanish girl, played chess and spent the evening together and I went to bed early. Day 637: I studied, did the groceries, watched an interview with Peterson and McConaughey, did the laundry and got through some messages. --- I have an exam Monday, but I haven't seriously started studying for it yet. I today I got a day-long headache from ejaculating "too often" (I didn't ejaculate for 3 weeks up until Wednesday and then Saturday). Things with the girl are interesting, though I have to put my duties first and that's not done easily after feeling satisfied after ejaculating. I have to strike the balance.

Day 627: I studied in the morning, visited my brother and my grandma, went for a jog with friends, prepared for my English classes and watched "City of God" by Meirelles. Day 628: I had English classes, studied, cleaned my room, washed the dishes and played desktops in the evening. Day 629: I had English classes, had an interview, studied and played desktops in the evening. Day 630: I had English classes, studied and spent the night together with the Spanish girl. Day 631: I had English classes, wrote and exam and now I'm writing this. --- These days have been going by in a blur. I regularly have days where I teach at least five hours, while at the same time I have university exams to deal with, so there's not much time left to be doing even relatively undemanding hobbies/habits, such as going for a walk or a bit of writing like this one. I experienced a few thrusts of uncertainty regarding the Spanish girl prior to her coming here. I didn't really ruminate over it though. I accepted it as it was and carried on teaching/studying as usual. I have no time to be worrying about things outside of my control. The uni exams have been going well so far and I have only one remaining now.

The answer to your question is to take action. Are you done with your assignments for the day too early? Think of the other stuff you can do and do it. Watch a film, play chess, do archery... whatever! Sometimes it's not a bad idea to just lounge about for half a day and do nothing in particular, as long as you don't do it every day. Friends are not organizing anything? Organize something yourself and invite them! It can be a BBQ, playing golf, going for a run... again, it's up to you. Want to have more relationship experience? Go somewhere, have fun, be yourself and talk to women who you'd like to date with in a way to let them know that you are interested them. Is that too daunting? Are you afraid of rejection? No problem; just walk around the city, make eye contact with strangers and smile. Some will reciprocate, some won't. You can work yourself up from there.

Day 626: I had an exam in the morning, had English classes, had an interview, went for a walk, made a few calls and played cards in the evening. Day 627: I got up late, studied for another upcoming exam, got through some newsletters in my mail, watched a Peterson lecture, checked out a few things that came into my mind during it, went for a run with a guy from the dorm and now I am writing this. --- I finished the first week out of three as a daily substitute teacher. I noticed I like to encourage and motivate the students and that I like to put some thought into the classes to make them coherent. As it's three hours every day, I take some time to go through and revise some of the articles/videos I found interesting in the past with them and adding something new to the mix here and there. A lot of the times I realize I fall short of the ideas and ideals depicted, so I naturally started asking myself whether am I a fake for bringing these ideas forth. I think the answer to that is no. While a lot of the things I do/started doing are still in the embryo or nascent, they are there. I'm much more better off now compared to when I was gaming. I was also much better off being in the military compared to when I was in high school. Whatever I am doing in life in general seems to be working well for now and I want to stay on that path. Today my body is overall quite sore, so I was not very active. Yesterday, I carried two 12-packs of milk for a few minutes and it feels as if I did 100 pull-ups. I think I am just out of shape a bit, because the gym is closed. The Spanish girl also wrote that she's returning back on Tuesday and we already made plans to meet. It is good news after a busy week of teach/study/relax/sleep, even though I was left somewhat clueless about what to do today. Tomorrow I'm getting up early, studying for the next test, cleaning the room, preparing for the English classes, visiting my brother and my grandma and then going for a run again, before I head into the challenges of the next week.

I agree with @BooksandTrees. I don't have a record of how many times and when I tried to "curb" gaming by an hour or two to get some exercise or studying done, but it eventually came to the point where I had enough pain and quit cold turkey. I had to take responsibility for my life and I wanted to explore in more depth the things in life I got a glimpse of while still gaming. The progress of quitting is more continual than most people think. Maybe you cut your gaming time in half the last year. That's fair progress! Compare yourself to who you were before, not someone else.

Day 621: I studied, visited my family, finished reading "Extreme Ownership", got through mails and spent the evening socially. Day 622: I had English classes, had the exam at the uni and spent the evening socially. Day 623: I studied, had English classes, did the groceries, worked out with a friend and spent the evening socially. Day 624: I had English classes, I studied, sang along with a few songs and spent the evening socially. Day 625: I had English classes, went for a walk, studied and now I am writing this. --- I think this week I'll amount around 25 hours spent working - either teaching or organizing stuff related to the classes. I got a last-minute offer from my boss to substitute about 15 hours worth of classes this week. The coming two weeks will be the same. It's a good opportunity to get a bit more money, experience with teaching daily and to build rapport with my boss. The funny thing is, it's also my exam term at the university, so I have to spend few hours a day studying as well. So far, the exams have been going well and I'm trying to be done with them ASAP. If all goes well, I could be done with them in two weeks and start working on my bachelor thesis again. My last exam was a grind and I took some flak from the prof that I focus on and talk about things that are not important. I agreed with his observation in the end. I take this as training for the graduation exams. As a result of the above, I've been often feeling beat, exhausted and stressed these days. I escaped a bit. I had some degree of trouble sleeping, masturbating and napping. I'm confident I'll overcome all the challenges that are pitted against me regardless. I'm over 2 weeks without ejaculation. The last thing is that the Spanish girl I slept with might not return due to the situation around CV. This situation is beyond my control though. No matter how this situation unfolds, I'm going to be in a better position.

If they are scared, then to just chat they can use 4chan or Reddit. Dating apps were invented to set up dates. End of story. Go shoot some photos where you look unbeatable, so they subconsciously feel that you can beat CV! 😄 I had goosebumps a few times this year, but all of it was rather momentary. I don't think I gravitate towards people who are overly scared. I'd live back home with my parents if that was the case, but I'd rather some social life and other things that stem from the more attractive position in the city (although currently limited). If they turn out to be flakes in the long run, that's on them and you can go looking for more reliable people. All of this possibly added to the fact you had a strange Sunday afternoon. Be vigilant. I think the main thing is that you tried though.

Good for you on hitting the gym! I wish they opened it here. I go for a walk frequently or do some exercise outside, but it's not the same. Then again, I am grateful that the dorms are open and that I can meet people normally and do some stuff together, even if it's just a fraction of what I used to meet a year ago. How are the dating apps working out for you?

Yup, there is a lot of things we have to keep in balance, so that we do not go overboard with them and then feel bad about it. I think the ideal (end?) state for me in this is to have sex at will while trusting myself with those decisions. I think I built a solid foundation for that by not having sex with obviously drunk or obviously desperate women in the past. I think you are exactly right. My parents gave me just about no blueprints on how to run a relationship, let alone when/how to use the thing between my thighs and I had next to no friends on high school. No wonder my sex life was nonexistent for a long while. I had to figure a lot of this on my own and it's not easy to admit ignorance/insecurity in this topic.

I think my attitude changed towards being more accepting of masturbation since I had sex three weeks ago. I started feeling more united and peaceful in that regard. It took a bit of time to assure and trust myself that I am not going to have sex at all costs. I think needed to prove to myself that I can do sex in a way that I can look at myself in the mirror. I am happy that I was able to do that. I also started noticing the abundance in this regard too. I think there are currently a few women that are showing me signs of attraction and that I could have sex with if I wanted to, but I think I am wise enough now to not let my sexual desire disrupt my schedule and ruin my life by trying to have sex with multiple women at once. I need to incorporate the desire smartly.

Day 618: I studied, read, helped my friends to get some supplies for the new year's party and we organized a table of food and drinks for everyone. I had some good conversations too. Day 619: I got up somewhat late, but I got it together. I studied, read, went for a run with a friend and spent the evening socially again. Day 620: I got up on time, studied, read, went for a walk and now I am writing this. --- I sort of slipped on masturbation the past two days, but I didn't ejaculate for the past 11 days. Gratitude: I'm grateful for being proven time and again that I have more in common with other people. It keeps me from becoming arrogant.

Day 614: I studied, visited my family, went for a walk, read and installed the new headphones I got for Christmas from my brother. Day 615: I studied, went for a walk and watched "Black Hawk Down" in the evening. Day 616: I studied, went for a walk and shopping with a friend, had dinner with her and played desktops in the evening. Day 617: I studied, visited my grandma, read and now I am writing. --- These days have been tough. I consistently get up about an hour later than I'd like to. Once I get up I am fine, but December with it's bleak weather and no sunlight... I have another opportunity tomorrow. This is my second day of no dry masturbation. I had a day here or there where I didn't do it, but I did it most days for several weeks or months. It is easier to resist when I wear underwear to bed, so I am doing that. I also didn't ejaculate for over a week. I have been putting together study materials for the exam on Monday and it's a slog. What I am doing is skimming through 6-7 A4s of text, searching for relevant information about a region and copying a few paragraphs from the text. I think it usually takes several minutes and there's around 150-200 regions. I'm probably around halfway through the job, but I still need to actually start studying. At least I might utilize these materials for the final degree examinations. Sometimes it's more about "how" to do the exam rather than "what" is the exam about. Writing this, I realized I might get some assistance from/ask a friend regarding the exam. Hooray for journaling! I guess a part of the equation is also that I didn't have an English class for almost two weeks and that there weren't any social events at the dormitory for about a week. There's also going to be a small party tomorrow at the dormitory for the new year. It's definitely going to be smaller than the last year, but it is happening. Tomorrow I'm also writing the Spanish girl to know when/if she's coming back to the dorm. We can talk about the rest once we see each other. Hope you have a good 2021 everyone!

@BooksandTrees I guess that's the pitfall of online dating, a lot of the people are there primarily for the attention. I call bullshit. I do not think she wanted to meet and just used CV as an excuse. I think it was even a bad excuse in your case, since you are so hardcore on isolation. My point is that online dating is meant to lead to sexual situations and if she isn't onboard with all the "current" risks (CV's been around for 9 months?), then she had plenty of time to get off of dating apps if she doesn't think it's safe. Good for you that you got rid of her.

I agree with your reasoning in the first two paragraphs; even if she doesn't write back, you have the experience and the opportunity to text less the next time. I think you are trying for a change of the dynamic in a good direction, though I got the impression that it was abrupt. We'll see whether she's onboard or not soon. I think it always comes back to the mindset of having options in any area of life, whether it is regarding my job, friends or romantic relationships, internally knowing that and acting from the position of power based on that. I desperately hinged on gaming (and later on my X), because I believed there were no other options. I was wrong.

Good observation. I'm also struggling with trying to chat/chatting over the Internet with women over the Internet, but then I remember that if I have a conceivable sexual thought regarding her, I try to keep it to a minimum; just asking what's up and whether she is going to be around in X or at Y. Chatting should be used in a clear and concise manner, not for conversations that drag for days and end nowhere and in nothing. I do not think you are being congruent with your plan though. You wrote her daily (or multiple times a day from the way you phrased the sentence?). Then you set some covert condition that she has to fulfill, otherwise she won't hear from you anymore. The reason you set that plan up was because you were unhappy about your own actions, not because she did you wrong, so she won't have a clue as to why you suddenly stopped writing her.

Day 611: I worked on the monthly report, read a few articles/newsletters by Manson, contacted a few friends to wish them Merry Christmas and a good new year, watched a documentary called "Everything is a Remix" (about how nothing is new, but only restructured in a "fresh" way) and visited my parents for the Christmas Eve. We unwrapped the gifts and watched fairly tales. Day 612: I slept over at my parents' house and then we went to visit grandma for a family lunch. After returning, I wrote here and went for a walk. Day 613: I started preparing and studying for the exam, finished the monthly report, checked out some old files on my HDD, watched videos of Peterson and Willink, worked on Self-Authoring, cleaned my room, did laundry, read "Extreme Ownership" and watched a "Christmas" movie in the evening - Die Hard with Willis. --- I received some cool presents from my family and they all were a good cross-over between a surprise and something I wanted. Regardless, after returning to the dorms after a day, I had quite a headache and was feeling extremely tired. I am extremely unhappy to laze around and do next to nothing for extended periods of time. It might also be environment related - I want to talk to a friend and try to approach the situation in the family in a smart way and with a plan, so I use the right words when talking to my family members. I enjoyed yesterday with all the activities I did, although I wasn't physically exhausted and couldn't fall asleep at the time I wanted to.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 27/11/20 - 26/12/20 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. --- Active writing (blogs/writings/journal): L: I'll be working on my bachelor thesis, so a lot of the writing will have to go there. I want to continue writing Past Authoring and I'm going to at least finish that this month. T: I worked on Self-Authoring - Past Authoring and I am nearing the end of it. N: I want to continue writing Past Authoring and I'm going to finish it by the end of the year. Books/Reading articles: L: I finished reading "Iron John". Now I'm reading a book by Viktor Frankl a friend gifted me, but it's the same as with writing; I didn't find time to read in about three weeks. I read the odd newsletter or a Wiki article, especially about military conflicts (lately about the 2020 conflicts in Nagorno-Karabakh and Ethiopia). Finish the book by Frankl. It's a thin book. T: I finished the book by Frankl and I started reading "Extreme Ownership" by Willink and Babin. I also read a lot of the stories of guys of "No More Mr Nice Guy" forums where they primarily deal with relationship issues. N: I want to finish "Extreme Ownership" and read through the newsletters that accumulated in my mail. Family: L: I feel an increasing feeling of unease regarding my family. I feel there are talks to be had together with resolutions and absolutions. T: Mom is home again. N: - University: L: Keep working on the bachelor thesis and pass the upcoming exams. I could have the first one in three weeks. I am planning to go to Canada the next year using my university's mobility program. T: I continue to work on my school duties during the mornings and I put in the hours every other day. I planned to get through some of the exams before Christmas and it's worked out well for me in both cases. Ideally, I should be done with the exams in a month. I didn't spend a lot of time on the bachelor thesis, as I am dealing with the exams now. I'm also already working out the field of study of my masters and Erasmus/VIA for the next year. N: I want to be done with the exams in a month. Start working on the bachelor thesis right after the exams. I'm also already working out the field of study of my masters and Erasmus/VIA for the next year. Exercise/movement: L: Move thrice a week. Martial art and gym on hold. T: The gym was open for a short time period, so I worked out several times there. Otherwise I have been going for walks. I didn't go for a run, mainly because I feel it's too cold for that nowadays. N: - Social: L: This category includes meeting with friends 1-1, socializing in groups, philosophy courses, English discussion clubs. I’m basically up for any event that interests me. Sometimes I have a good time and sometimes I wish I stayed at home and worked on something of value. I do say “no” quite a bit nowadays, especially if the event collides with my work obligations and I have no problem leaving early if it collides with my sleep schedule. I don’t want to become too "common" either. T: The evenings have been less social than this month, but the bowling was nice for a while. N: - English: L: This term's been pretty great for English. I think I average a bit over 10 hours a week nowadays. I updated my website (added a page for references and new photos) and got the FB page up as well. I attended an online seminar on how to run online classes to get some inspiration for activities I could do with students. I spent a day with my English mentor and his students. These objectives are the ones left over: I am going to send out some mails again to language schools and various other subjects to set up interviews. I am going to pursue closer co-operation with my English mentor. I am going to check out a few more seminars on how to run online courses. T: My workload remains roughly the same which I am happy with. I sent out the mails. The response to them was next to nothing (just one online interview), but there might be an interview or two coming up. I met up once or twice with my friend, but the cooperation thing is not really viable at the moment due to CV. N: I'm gonna work on my skills by checking out YT seminars and other resources. The idea of asking for a raise has been on my mind for a while as well, but I do not feel that I have enough leverage (and possible replacements of my current courses) for that as of yet. Women/dating: L: I learnt that perhaps I do not have as hard-core of a monogamous mentality as I thought I would have. I'm also probably more aware than ever that everybody is fucked up, including myself. There are a few women I could think of in the romantic plane in my area. I don't think it makes much sense to be writing about specific women though. I came to the realization that planning in this area is usually cumbersome and counterproductive. T: I cut one of the relationships, did sex and I'm keeping my eyes peeled. I was predicting the change in my sexual mindset and behavior for a long time. I behaved and acted in line with it. I just needed the reality to catch up on it; similarly to that when I was gaming, I got fired from the post office several days after I quit gaming, because most of my (unsatisfactory) work there was done when I was still gaming. In the past, I believe I looked at the more obvious sexual displays of others with both distaste and envy at the same time. Especially when I thought that I have no other option than to sit and do nothing or to get drunk and hope that something happens. It just took some time to internalize that the thing standing between me and a good (even if only sexual) relationship with a woman is... me. As long as there are two consenting adults, whatever goes. Whether it's a good idea or not is another question (given the circumstances), but I won't villanify that behavior a priori anymore. That said, a horrible relationship is better than none at all. The cataclysmic end of my last one was likely the trigger for me to quit games for good. Nothing is forcing anyone to stay and die in a horrible relationship, except the lack of options in one's head. N: - ----- Masturbation - reminder: L: I think it'll be as with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste. Ejaculation is easy for me to handle, it's just that masturbation overall is difficult to get rid of. It's a process. This term was quite rough, especially with all the female attention that I've been getting recently. Masturbation is taking a toll on my sleep schedule, but I believe I will manage to handle it in a more healthy way. I'd like to think that I wouldn't do such a thing if I had a girl with whom I could have sex every (other) day, but my sexuality still my own responsibility even in that case and I have to deal with it in a way that doesn't screw me over. T: After having sex, I found out that I am more accepting of masturbation and that I do not hinge on it as much. Maybe because I already internalized the belief that sex in "just another" (yet important) thing in my life or because it's easier to get than I thought. Either way, I sense more peace in myself in this area. Meditation: L: I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm. I meditated a few times and I enjoyed the calmness. I gotta step up the relaxing activities, even though it sounds like an oxymoron 😄 I think reading + meditation might be a good combo, it’s just that I have to remember to do it when I have enough time to read, but not enough time to go for a walk at the same time. It's getting cold outside though, so I will not read outside too much anymore. T: - Gratitude: L: I managed to sneak it in into my journal a couple of times, so that's good. I'm grateful for all the new relationships and opportunities that flew into my life the last month. I'm going to make sure this continues. T: - Additional thoughts: Find out in greater detail what it is that I am exactly aiming at - finish the Self-Authoring exercise. The division of the day for me is usually this: uni work in the morning, self-care (walks, reading, writing etc.) in the afternoon and fun in the evening with English classes scattered throughout the day randomly. I began experiencing the feeling of inadequacy whenever somebody brings up "responsibility" or "discipline" as one of my virtues and I think that's good, because it means I have room for progress in the area (mainly in the area of masturbation). I don't think I am a complete hypocrite - I think I am reasonably responsible in my life and I'm not dependent on anyone else. I'm placing extreme attention to this area and I'm extremely supportive when people decide to make the "responsible" decisions, act nobly despite tragedy and so on. Related to that, I think both my "fun" time went up, as well as the the "responsibility" time. I sense I do both of these things better than ever before. I seem to be happy with the balance of my life at the moment. --- Additional projects/misc/cool stuff finished last month: Additional projects/misc/cool stuff upcoming this month: --- Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

Day 607: I studied, read (I started the "Extreme Ownership" by Willink and Babin), went for a walk and washed the dishes. Day 608: I studied, read, worked on Self-Authoring, reorganized my room and watched a bit of Jocko's Podcast, read about McNamara's folly - sending low IQ US troops to fight in Vietnam and played desktops in the evening. Day 609: I wrote the test, visited my grandma and went to a small get-together from high school. Day 610: I got up super late, checked the forums, cooked went for a walk, had a nap and had an English class. I am writing now. --- I'm holding strong behind this idea. It's as if when I decided to have sex, the amount of effort I am willing to put into my own improvement in other areas also increased. I also worked out a few times at the gym in December, got rid of a relationship that wasn't working well and a few other things I felt were not good for me. I also normalized my sleeping schedule the last few days. I think it's this confluence of good things that allows me to do more things and better. --- @BooksandTrees To add to my previous reply, I can think of two instances where I could've had sex in the past few months, but in a) the girl was drunk as a skunk and in b) the girl tried to chain/guilt me into the relationship using sex (while not knowing me at all). I wanted to do sex with someone who wasn't gonna attach barbed wires to it and in a way that's not gonna make me feel disgusting, so I waited until the last week. I think my issue is that I placed sex on a pedestal for a long time, together with the idea it's not good to behave sexually around women. I think I still do both of these things though, looking at my masturbation habits. Maybe the habits are actually OK and I just need to transmute them into interpersonal sexuality with others. Whatever that is, I learnt and progressed a lot in these things in the past three months, mainly by going through and living these situations and not trying to "think" my way around/into them.

I agree with the idea. It would explain why that if people cheat, they normally don't go and have sex with five other people. I believe the "end goal" most people are after is to find one person they can be together with and share their life with on the deepest level. It's a strange situation with the Spanish girl, because realistically all we did was to have good conversations and have sex. It will take at least two more weeks until she returns (and if she returns, because who knows these days). We weren't drunk and I only realized things might get sexual when we started touching and kissing in my bed. It's so interesting how natural and spontaneous these situations are that they can make us "snap out" of this mode after a few hours. Whether it's realistic to try and build a long-term relationship off of this is unknown, but I like talking to her and I think it's a decent idea to do some things together regardless.

That's the obsession with youth & beauty in today's world. Through porn actresses, through comics to a 25-year old in a TV ad featuring the newest anti-wrinkle solution (as if she needed one at that age anyway). "Real world" women might not be as staggeringly beautiful, but they are actually what we can choose from, plus they can treat us nicely. Do you have a plan to meet her in person? I think it's not a question if you want meet her, but when do you want to meet her. You can set this up smartly (say, no contact for both of you with other people for 7-10-14 days before you two meet for a normal date) to counter the CV threat. I think the longer this "online+texting" phase continues, the more you are going to put her on pedestal. I don't think it's possible to "think" yourself out of it, unless you have other women around you whom you could date. Good luck!

I fasted once for a day back in January. I got up late from my bed and realized I hadn't eaten for over 12 hours already, so I rolled with it. The "worst" thing about it was that I found I had no way to relax and that I felt I needed to do something all the time! So I slept for the last hour or two of the fast. The food was tastier afterwards 😄 Good luck!

Day 603: I had an English class, visited my grandma, had a light workout at the gym, had classes and went to bed early. Day 604: I studied, wrote on the NMMNG forum, worked out at the gym, planned a "blank" day, helped a friend move chairs from his office by car, read and socialized in the evening. Day 605: I studied, went for a walk, worked out with a friend outside, had an English class and played cards in the evening. Day 606: I studied, wrote on the NMMNG forum, visited my family and started watching the second season of "The Mandalorian". --- I've recently come back on the NMMNG forums and just reading about the issues guys solve in regards to (but not only) their intimate relationships helps me keep level headed in my own situation. Besides the Spanish girl, I'm aware of one Czech girl with whom we're making rounds around each other for some time quite consistently. They are both gone until at least the rest of the year, so that gives me some respite in this area for now... or does it? I've been thinking that it's not possible to have an entirely fulfilling/regular sexual life with multiple people. My idea is that one can't possibly "administer" too many people, simply because there's not enough time for that. It could be one of the reasons why not too many people have three and more sexual partners at once. I'm currently feeling that I am taking both fun and responsibility to the next level at the same time and it feels great. I actually want to follow more structured daily routines. That's why I created a "blank day" - a day, where I am free of any obligation to others and where I have activities to do/goals to work on in front of my eyes. I'm also currently studying for a test on Tuesday, it looks like a tough one, but I'll give it my best shot. The gym is unfortunately closed again. I guess I'll be going for walks more. I'm getting my sleeping rhythm back slowly but surely. It's been a bit crazy lately, but I need the time to study for exams and to work on my own life.

How is the conversation going with the woman online? How many of your criteria do you think she fits? I think that your list makes sense and that everybody wants these things in a woman. I think everybody compromises in some things though, because nobody is flawless and everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Whether you continue to date a woman ultimately depends on your gut and not on your checklist. She might be great in 3 things, be okay in 6 and be horrible in 2 and you can still roll with her. Remember that a lot of the qualities are double-edged, so if she's overly responsible, she might be unable to relax and you will have to help her with that.