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Deku
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Posts posted by Deku
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Welcome back. It looks like you've had quite the struggle with gaming over the years, but the fact you've come back here means that you're tracking in the right direction.
I'd love to hear about your goals for the future. What is it you want to achieve? Who do you want to become? What's going to take the place of gaming besides reading on the internet?
I hope I'll find out these answers in your future posts. ? See you tomorrow!
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I like the fact that you're finding hobbies other than gaming, and holy f*** as a filthy casual 3x3 cuber myself that behemoth looks intimidating af. The only advice I'd have for you is to just make sure that you're getting enough human contact. I know you go to school so obviously you're meeting people there, but if your "fun time" for the foreseeable future consists of you cubing at home then it's possible you could relapse out of sheer boredom and loneliness.
I see you've listed exercise and sports as one of your goals, and I think that's a wonderful idea. What kind of sports did you have in mind?
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You're doing great! I think making the decision to start your own project is a huge step for you. I hear that's what the software companies value most in new hires.
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Mol Bio grades came back today! Looks like all my stressing was for nothing...
4.0 is looking like more and more of a possibility for this semester!
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Quick update--Got the A+ in Stem Cell lecture! ?
It remains to be seen what becomes of the Mol Bio grades though...
Edit: And an A+ in Stem Cell lab! ?
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Shane and I had our poster session for our project today. Got first overall among all the presenters, so that was nice!
Got the Mol Bio final tomorrow. I'm sitting comfortably at 148/150 total points right now after maxing out participation and worksheets, but not even half the points have been put in the gradebook yet (notebook and final, both worth 100 points each). To get an A in the class I can afford to lose 22.5 more points, so the goal is to come as close as possible to 100 points on the final to support my undoubtedly terrible notebook score. Finished going over the review sheet today and I'm just flat out ready to end this semester at this point.
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@karabas 120 days sounds lovely. I'll do my best!
4/5 finals done now. Honestly I feel pretty ehhhh about all of them, but that's why I worked my tail off early on--so that I could take pressure off this point of the semester when the burnout sets in. Just have my poster session on Monday, the Mol Bio final on Tuesday, and then...that's it. 5 weeks that I can use to work on other stuff for med school applications. Can't wait!
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@karabas I am off games again! Hopefully for another 90 days at the very least.
Finals continue! Got Stem Cell Journal Club tomorrow, an open materials exam which shouldn't be too bad (although I am ashamed to admit it is almost 10:30 and I am reading some of these papers for the first time -__-). Biggest stressor is, once again, Molecular Biology. I am stressing HARD about the lab notebook, which I turned in last Tuesday after pulling a true all-nighter to write 71 pages of notes. I was in the peak of my gaming fever then, and if the games cost me yet another good grade in a class after all the hell I've already been through in the first few months, I don't think I can ever forgive myself.
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Back into it now, and not a minute too soon. Unbelievably it's already time for finals and I have five in the next two weeks.
Took the first one today for Stem Cell lecture...don't know how to feel about it. Definitely didn't fail but I don't think I aced it either. Honestly I'm glad midterms went very well, it really takes the pressure off this point this semester. I know I should study hard and finish strong but it's so easy to just take it easy now and cruise my way to the finish line.
Research poster for the poster session on the 10th is done, and there's quite a lot of good stuff on there. Shane and I made a unique reporter stem cell line and differentiated them into motor neurons. Some choice pictures I'm super proud of are attached.
A massive colony of neurons...you can see the projections and stuff coming out from it.
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Staining! (Done on Dr. Abramson's crappy microscope). You can see the motor neurons in red and their projections in green.
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I’m back after quite a long hiatus and...this is a long overdue post now. The truth is I relapsed quite quickly after hitting 90 days, going back to my old ways of playing League of Legends and pretty much any other game I could get my hands on. And immediately after starting to game, my life went right back into the shitter. I’ve been staying up way too late, procrastinating, all the terrible shit that got me here in the first place. I don’t know why I went back to gaming, but all I know is that it has to stop. Who knows if I can still get to medical school at this point, but I’m only going to live once so I guess I may as well try.
I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.
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Life's been pretty unremarkable the past few days. There's a poster session that I'm trying to present at that's taking place on December 11th, so I've been spending most of my time in the lab, really only leaving to eat, sleep and study the bible.
The only really interesting thing was my optometry appointment this week; I needed a refill on my contact lenses and apparently you're required to get an eye exam as well before they can order you more. Anyways, the optometrist (who was admittedly very young, maybe 27 or 28?) spent the entire time talking with me and asking all these questions about my life, stretching our appointment from 30 minutes to well over an hour. At the end she also called me back into her office and wrote her personal number on the back of her business card, saying "I'd love to hear about how your medical school applications go." I haven't the faintest idea how I would go about trying to pick up a girl that's several years older than me and quite successful, so I'm probably not going to do anything, but it's quite the amusing story that I thought I'd share.
And hey, 90 days! I would be more excited if I didn't feel...exactly the same. I'm focusing more on the next 90 days, and what I can use them for in order to bring myself closer to applying to medical school.
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My mom has come back to town, and naturally that means that I'm once again spending all my time in the library. Actually got quite a lot done today--read the papers for Stem Cell lecture and journal club this afternoon, and update quite a decent chunk of my lab notebook for Stem Cell lab. Thanks mom!
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Welcome to the forums and good luck with your challenge. The first week is pretty darn hard, so be sure to go easy on yourself and take things slow. You'll be much more successful if you work on yourself a little bit every day, rather than go hard at first and burn out quickly.
3D Printing and Guitar sound like incredibly dope hobbies. I can't wait to see what you do with them going forwards.
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Holy crap! Day 26 already? It feels like just last week you were just starting up this journal for the first time.
You've come incredibly far from your Day 1 in less than a month's time. I'm excited to see how much more you'll grow on the way to 90 days!
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Because of the smoke pollution from the wildfires near my area, the University is shut down for the next couple days. No rest for the weary though, as I still had to show up at the lab by 9 to get the work for the day done. Went to bible study after to learn more about the symbology used in the scriptures, had a pop quiz today as well which went very well. Even got dinner with some members of the group afterwards. I feel very good about my decision joining that group. It may not help at all for getting into medical school, but between all the interesting things I'm learning about Christianity and all the friends I've made, I don't at all feel like my time there has been wasted.
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Hey, welcome! I think you’ve made the right choice coming to these forums.
I love the goals you’ve set for yourself. I only have two suggestions for you. The first would be to take it slow and be forgiving on yourself. You are going from a lifetime of unbridled gaming straight to cold turkey, so don’t worry if you miss a few days at the gym, cheat on your keto, etc. You’ll have a much better chance of reaching the end of 2019 clean if you do a little bit for yourself every day, versus going extremely hard at first and quickly burning out. The second suggestion would be to prioritize socializing with other people, rather than a new workout plan or a fancy diet. At the end of the day we’re all social creatures, and without enough social stimulation there’s a good chance that you could relapse out of sheer boredom.
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Woke up at the crack of dawn today to go to a support group meeting for Sickle Cell Anemia 50 miles from my house. It was a really valuable opportunity and I'm glad I went. Not only did I get to meet with patients and hear their stories, but I also got to learn so much about what has to be one of the most underrated diseases in the world.
I'm still feeling a bit down, but I forced myself to be positive today rather than wallowing in self-pity, and I think it helped a bit. I'm starting to worry less about things beyond my control (ie, the attraction women feel towards me) and more on the things I can control (ie continued self-improvement). I think that's a pretty healthy mindset to take moving forwards.
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Less than 10 days now from 90 days of game-free life. It's crazy how fast the time has gone by.
Still feeling a bit down, but I've worked out a temporary solution to keep myself productive until I can get the ball rolling again. I'll sit in a comfy spot, close my eyes, take some deep breaths, and slowly turn off the noise in my head. Then I'll blast some music on my headphones to hype myself up. With this method I can usually get a couple of good hours in before I have to take a break, which is certainly not nothing.
Here's some stuff I've done in the past couple days:
-I rewrote my notes for bible study, and actually learned a lot from doing it. I guess there was a lot of information that just slipped through the cracks in my mind, which isn't surprising given my previous level of motivation to actively review the content. Turns out that the course content is actually pretty darn interesting, and I'm actively looking forward to class on Monday.
-Made an appointment with my university's premed advisor to get my bearings straight for the next few months of my life.
-Randomly won a beanie from a Youtube giveaway!
-Continuing to attend all my classes and review my notes for them. I am falling a bit behind on all my lab notebooks though, so I think I can use my time this weekend to square those away.
-Finally, somehow managed to blow my chance with Hayde, which is remarkable given that she asked me out. I don't know what I did wrong, and frankly I don't have the time or energy to reflect on my actions and figure it out. I'm just going to chalk up another one on the extensive list of L's and hope that it can get turned around someday. Heck, with so many L's in just this semester alone, I'm probably due for a W at least sometime soon.
That's all for now; have to go to a sickle cell support group meeting tomorrow, so hitting the hay early tonight. See y'all again in the near future.
P.S. Thanks to @Silverlining and @karabas for the advice; I've written it before but I think it's important to restate that it's really amazing to know that there are actually people out there who read my many ramblings and take the time to give their thoughts about it. So thank you very much for helping me out during this period of my life ?. I would love to get away for a weekend and go on a vacation, but unfortunately my cells won't feed themselves! It would definitely be nice to visit the Redwood forests up North, Yosemite to the East, or Big Sur to the South though. I've been in California all my life and somehow haven't been to any of the three.
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Haven't been diligent at all about writing on here recently, so I guess I'll try to pick that up moving forwards.
After the high from midterms came down, it's become a lot harder for me to stay focused on getting work done. There just isn't a lot to do anymore in terms of schoolwork, so it's really easy to rationalize going home early and watching anime for an entire afternoon. Because of that, I've stalled out in terms of productivity of late. The last few days have ended up just being: go to class -> go to lab -> go home and watch anime. I would like to hit the library again, but without too much homework on the docket I'm not sure what exactly I'd be doing there. Maybe I'll start up studying for my medical school exams, or catch up on my lab notebook entries. Heck, maybe I can even get some studying done for Bible study (we had a pop quiz on Monday and I got absolutely massacred, guess I need to read my notes after all).
I suppose recently I've just been...off. I seem to always be tired, never hungry, and never really in a mood to do anything at all. Maybe it's because after slaying all my midterms I've looked at my life again and...it just doesn't seem like I'm anywhere closer to where I want to be, even after putting in all that hard work. The list of stuff to do for medical schools is still impossibly long, and I've gotten remarkably little done this semester aside from studying. For the first time in my life I'm starting to think that maybe I can't get my white coat after all.
I don't know when or why I started feeling this way (guess that happens when you stop journaling regulary for a while). Maybe it's just the depression coming back, or some kind of temporary chemical imbalance in my body. Maybe I can only unlock beast mode when there's a clear objective for me to overcome, which hasn't been the case since midterms ended. Whatever the reason, I hope I can get back on track soon. I won't make it to medical school with my current mental state.
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Days until SF Biofreeze: 268
Midterms for Stem Cell Lecture and Journal Club returned today (see below). That makes A's in all 6 midterms, with the 96 in Mol Bio being my lowest score. Not bad, Deku. Not bad.
On Wednesday I went on a date with the lovely lass from bible study that asked me out (Hayde btw). Ngl, I'm not terribly crazy about her, but that's okay. I wasn't crazy about Clarisse at first either, but wound up catching major feels once I got to know her better. Maybe that'll be true for Hayle as well.
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Aw I love the fact your husband helps you learn. That's totally relationship goals right there ?
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Yay, great work so far, keep it up!!
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As expected, the cute girl from bible study was definitely not interested in me whatsoever. I racked every neuron in my brain to figure out a creative scheme to talk to her, but from the first moment of class she planted herself next to the tall white guy in the class and was joined to him at the hip from then on. I was crushed. Halfheartedly, I resigned myself to yet another romantic failure and turned my attention to the instructor's teachings instead. Rather than trying to talk to cute bible girl during the breaktime, I sat next to Clarisse instead and made it clear that I was definitely okay with just being friends. And when class ended, I packed up and my stuff and started heading to the train station, ready to go home after a long day.
That's when one of the girls from the class (that I had gotten to know at the party) walked right up to me and asked "Um, Deku? If you aren't busy I was wondering if you'd like to get Boba with me sometime this week."
And that's when I knew everything was going to be just fine.
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Days until SF Biofreeze: 272
It was another good day for the gradebook, as I received full marks for my lab notebook in Stem Cell lab. Also had a pretty productive day in the library, catching up on a lot of the work that I fell behind on while studying for midterms.
I've discovered today that in the wake of the Halloween party I've become quite popular among the ladies of bible study, and there is no shortage of giggling and playful hitting that goes on whenever I run into one of them on campus. Of course, as my luck would have it this popularity doesn't seem to extend to the girl I'm actually interested in--I happened to run into the very cute girl in bible study as well today, and all I got was a quick wave before she turned her attention elsewhere.
I'm not too bothered by it (I guess I'm acclimated after all the trauma my heart has taken over the course of the last couple months), but damn, I wish that just once one of these stupid crushes could break in my favor. Maybe it's just the universe's way of telling me that it's not the right time yet, and that I've got to use my time right now to stay in my lane and keep my eyes on the prize. Or maybe it's just a sign that my game could really, really use some more work.
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The Person I want to be
in Daily Journals
Posted
As a fellow aspiring adventurer, I loved reading your intro post. I'm glad you made the decision to quit gaming and I think it was definitely the correct one. The world is an awesome and beautiful place, and I definitely hope that there comes a day when you (**obligatory pun alert**) find you aren't in Kansas anymore. ?