karpet

Earlier in the year, so like a month ago, I had the thought that I wanted to re-engage with twitter. Previously I used twitter for wine stuffs, and trying to showcase my "cool", it was fine until I realized I wasn't "cool" and I didn't want to focus on wine. That didn't negate the value of twitter, just the value to me at the time. So, for the last few weeks, I've just been having fun on twitter. It really is fun.

'grats on the job! making money is good! have you looked at saylor academy? I'm a huge fan of them.

still just chillin. had class work. it was exhausting. did some twitter chatting. also exhausting. kinda exhausted. doing dishes, making house clean. this is all part of growing. ups and downs. take it in stride.

@SegaCity what are you doing on khanAcadamy? I relearned most of my early math thanks to khan Academy. I'm thinking of finally getting calculus under my belt, so I've been spending some more time there.

I feel like I've maxed out my energy for the while. I was lying in bed last night, no happier than I've ever been, but I didn't have that triumphant glow I've had over the last 2 weeks or so. Upon reflection, I gathered it was because I hadn't challenged myself yesterday. It's weird that I need recharge cycles, but that those recharge cycles make me feel like a less than great person. Maybe that is the point, like I do a bunch of stuff, then I feel like I'm not doing a bunch of stuff, so I do a bunch of stuff. Anyways. Classes today, only one class tomorrow. then... le weekend. I think I only have two more weeks of study before reading week. so, I can start thinking about all the awesomeness I want to accomplish over reading week. Normally I have great plans, and then sleep for a week and a half. Not really a bad out come, but, I still like thinking about what I could do. maybe I'll do it. okay, ciao.

nothing remarkable to report. After doing my work, I just sat around and watched youtube videos, made dinner, ate, listened to music and read news articles. kinda tired. have class all day today.

Got my work done, and I got a very very terrible mock up of the app put together in Android studio. Android studio is pissed at some of the structures I made, but the XML code is there, so I just have to make it look prettier. Time to get on with the coding, or rather figuring out how to get on with the coding. but that is a chapter for another day. It was a good day. or it felt like a good day.

@kortheo I think this was an awesome exercise! I can totally see where you are coming from, and I do agree with you on all the points you brought up. I think one of the issues with my original post is that I used very broad terms. Once we got granular, things became much more clear. Thanks again for this.

Journal Yesterday was up and down. I got about half as much done as I had hoped, and I did not work on the app. I've come to the realization that I am spending too much time attention seeking and/or networking. The upside is that I am sharing ideas, and grappling with big questions. The downside is that I'm seeking ping-backs from it. Obviously, if I'm challenging myself with new ideas about the world, I want feedback. I need to do more work, so I can make more concrete ideas. I guess that is the ultimate upside of this, that from my feedback I have learned that I need to do more digging, and more application from that digging. I do not know what will come of today. I have one assignment left to do, there is the hope that I may be able to work on the app. I am up earlier than I was today. good luck guys.

Hey Alex, thanks for the awesome words! i'll certainly look into your journal! -keep being awesome.

Hey, there were a ton of gems in your response and I wanted to capitalize on them and break them down with further thinking. I really enjoyed your response. I'm really bad at using forums and my fancy quoting ability is limited. my responses are tabbed, again sorry for the ugliness. I would feel this depends on why we failed. I don’t think it’s correct to assume that all failure is the same, nor is all success the same. Sometimes situation and luck are a major contributor, and other times it’s because we did or didn’t do something. Identifying those elements, the ones we control or have control over, make it easier to replicate for future growth later on. This is also why I am a huge fan of not doing as much as possible because for me, it’s easier to evaluate my actions and outcomes. I agree we shouldn’t beat ourselves up, but at the same time how can we improve if we don’t identify the areas we have failed at, or could have done better at? I certainly don’t advocate perfectionism, and totally think those with a perfectionist mindset need to look at that. This is probably a statement that I will have to look at more deeply, I feel that it is correct in isolation or as held in absolute terms. I can also see that this is probably true. And I did say “If I do fail to achieve greatness, if I fail to live up to my standards then I really have failed the world and people should look down on me.” That ultimately is a harsh statement. I should probably lighten up on that. On some level, I believe this to be correct, but I also feel it is a slippery slope. Where does one draw the line on accepting yourself. I mean if I were to completely accept myself, where would my incentive to grow come from? Why would I want to say –quit playing video games? I suppose then, if we are happy and we will want to achieve what we are capable of, what would be the motivation behind that? Where would that come from? If I’ve just accepted myself as happy, and I’m not basing my self worth on achievement, what is driving me to achieve what I am capable of? Could it not be “my duty to achieve that [greatness] and positively affect the world around me”. Again, why if I am naturally happy am I doing what I am capable of? Just because Agreed, “now this leads to the idea that I may not be great, and if the cards play out that way, I can at least be happy that I made the effort to test my assumptions of myself and my abilities.” No? Sure, I think it would be terribly hard to make that jump, and it would be a total nighmere to try and make those connections. I think this is why I like the existential view as highlighted by Sartre of ones choosing their own project, that project being their life and its purpose. It is likely then that no matter what happens “success” or “failure” these conditions would hold, so it’s not as if this fact negates the desire to be great? In fact, because I do see this point as universal, it should be the guiding light saying “Hey, no matter what happens, people love me” and should encourage me to push forward. “I feel it is short sighted to assume my personal comfort is the highest concern when literally billions of people are in danger.” I think it takes very little to be “happy”, gratitude, something many people on this forum practice certainly helps with that, but it makes sense that if we are happy, and we are capable, that it will take work of some effort to get there. I feel like the summation above renders work and effort invalid, no? Improving the world (or human condition) is a noble pursuit, simply in and of its self, is it not? I think if things can be elevated by one, we could continue the elevation further. I do agree with this, but again, I think it’s a slippery slope, leading to the potential for inaction.

I liked the youtube video, it made it clear that "success" is very much a personal thing, IE there is no generalization. I need to spend more time thinking about everything you said. I think most of it is quite sound.

hi, I have this problem too. In no way am I suggesting you should take my thoughts on this matter, but I feel compelled to share them. I feel compelled to share them to create dialog, because maybe there is a chance I have missed something in my train of thought. so, here we go. In a world of participation awards and a congratulatory acceptance of mediocrity, I am hard on myself because no one ultimately will be. I have to set my own standards. I hope to set my standards high, because generally, high standards lead to high accomplishment, and with high accomplishment comes a greater ability to affect positive outcomes in the world. I feel it is short sighted to assume my personal comfort is the highest concern when literally billions of people are in danger. If I truly believe that I am special and deserved of greatness, then it is my duty to to achieve that and positively affect the world around me. My standards and my success should not be a reflection of who I am, but rather what I can do (to change the world?). If I do fail to achieve greatness, if I fail to live up to my standards then I really have failed the world and people should look down on me. now this leads to the idea that I may not be great, and if the cards play out that way, I can at least be happy that I made the effort to test my assumptions of myself and my abilities. I'd love to discuss this further.

Did absolutely nothing yesterday, it was rad. Going to go get some coffee, and then crush some school work. I've simplified the app, so I can probably finish the design today if I want. It would be really awesome having it all mocked up for real. we'll see. have fun guys!

thx im just re-reading it now.

Just wanted to showcase the process of breaking down a thought or a belief as to allow me the process to move forward with something. "Making funny sounds with my mouth bothers me" - is an example of a train of though that halts my ability to progress with something. After about an hour of sitting, thinking and writing I was able to bring myself to "I can make the sounds, they are human sounds, I am human". Attached below is the workflow I went through. What is interesting is I wrote a question: How do I make repetition bearable? <- The issue is that that is the wrong question coming from a wrong frame of mind regarding the progress needed to get where I want to go. The section labelled: But there is something more. begins to address the shifting mindset required to move forward beneficially. I just thought it was nifty and wanted to share it. Have a great day.

Yesterday was super chill. I feel like I did very little. I had an 8 am class. I really like the class. After class I went home and felt like I wanted to do something, but I couldn't actually think of anything. I sat for a while contemplating that state. Then I remembered what I had written about design being a big challenge for me and the app. I also remembered that I was really excited to get cracking on the app. I fired up android studio, watched a few youtube videos on design and got a very rough home-screen for the app completed. After that was completed I took a 30 minute nap and went to my last class for the day. After class I didn't do anything at all, all day, nothing. One thing that struck me as profound was this new found sense of overall well being. Obviously if you've been doing drugs and alcohol at a dangerous self harm level there's a few things that happen to your body and your brain. I don't concretely know the specifics, but I can tell you for a very long time something in my life felt amiss. I think amiss could best be described as a measurable sense of imbalance in all things. For no reason what so ever I would get a wound up fiery raging in my core, then I'd be asleep for 16 hours, I'd spend 2 months working 6 hours everyday on a project, and then do nothing for 4 months. I am cautionary in saying my body and mind has recovered, but likely this is the best explanation. It feels good regardless. I feel good. Putting the above paragraph in context though, I have basically just gotten myself to zero. While that is worthy of a celebration in and of it's self, it's not the point. The point is to go further, and thus more work is required.

Journal I lean towards saying nothing spectacular happened yesterday, but I realize that that is merely how I chose to see it. I choose what is exciting, and what isn't. With that, heres a recap of my day. So, I've been intentionally starving myself. In the past any time I have begun a sort of "sober" plan, the first thing I do is eat like a monster. Usually I gain 20-30 pounds and feel quite sluggish. The issue here isn't the weight gain or the sluggishness, rather the primary concern is that I turn to eating as a sense of relief from the pains of the world. So, in saying "Oh, I am hungry" it isn't a particularly earth shattering awareness. Yesterday in class though, I had an interesting moment. Sitting there in total calm, stomach not growling in its normal sense I realized I was hungry, but that realization seemed so pure. I don't know if it marks a turning, a realization that I no longer need to starve myself, or what, but it felt really good. I've spent a great deal of time thinking about that outcome. Whilst waiting for a class to begin, I got restless thinking about the app. Again, I purposely don't want to dive in and tear it apart and make a giant mess. While I was thinking about it, i was pensive regarding taking action. As outlined earlier I had mapped my next step, so I knew what I had to do. I sat there, I reviewed my break down of reasons I made the other day in my head, and figured I could get started on the next step. I made a more detailed vision of the first pannel, I broke down the functionality of each button in pseudo code. I ran into problems regarding the functionality, but the solution came easily. Having fully mocked up the first panel, I got really excited and opened android studio. Sadly, class was about to begin in 10 minutes and I couldn't get to it. One thing I realize I don't know anything about is design and once I break down the functionality in pseudo code, I'm going to have to spend some time learning design. The next step is to mark-up the next panel. Post class, I had to do a reading for another class today. The class has a required textbook, but the text book is just a compilation of cases. These cases are published else where. I couldn't find the specific case I was looking for anywhere online, I couldn't find the textbook anywhere online, and the library didn't have the textbook on reserve. #bummer. so I googled once more, mostly to console myself, but maybe I missed something. I did find the textbook on google books, but in true google books fashion most of what I needed to read for the case was unavailable, BUT, the first page was available, and the first page stated the original source of the article. While I couldn't find a free copy of the source online in PDF format, the library DID have a physical copy of the source. So I went to the library, checked out the source and read the case! that felt good. Good Luck guys.

If you can find some I highly recommend barley tea.

I think its also pretty funny that through me another person became a head roaster for a notable coffee company.

shady: I did an analysis of actual dollars offered to me that I've turned down while in university and its (50+50+70+10) so $180,000 plus money spent going to school (60) is $240,000. Then in my most recent job I probably had 50 people prospect me (average say $50k/yr*50) so that's like $2.5million I've said no to hypothetically plus the $240,000 is like an opportunity cost of ~> $2.74 Million. $10,000 not like the biggest deal.

Journal entry: pretty down tempo day. as I mentioned yesterday I woke up super early and got some work done. It paid off because in class we had to do some assignments and it made it easier to communicate my ideas technically versus my normal vague description speak. I use a kanban system, and its above my laptop, so at all times I know what I have to be doing school wise. Courses are color coded post-it notes, and the specifics of what I have to do for an assignment are posted on each one. I simply have to move the post-it notes from to do -> doing -> done. It's made doing more courses easier. I'm not too sure how I am going to implement this system at my mothers house when I move there at the end of April. But one step at a time. I just need to get through this semester. yesterday I had the app on my mind so I broke down all the reasons I may not complete the app. From there I tackled each individual reason in depth and framed the issue in the larger context of what I was trying to achieve. I've identified my next step, and when the app comes and dominates my thoughts I can tackle the next challenge. I don't want to get hyper action-oriented regarding the app because school is a priority, and I want everything I do regarding the app -if I continue with it; to be rooted in a stable mind. My school had posters for a stock trading competition where $10,000 was the main prize. Coincidentally, $10,000 was the exact some of money I required to get through the last leg of my studies exactly the way I wanted to. What I mean by this is that I have had to make decisions to complete school that are less than ideal, and the $10,000 would be the way to not have to make the sacrifices. The issue with the competition is the amount of resources it was going to consume versus the pay off. My thought was that my attention would be taken away from my studies, and I *might* have the chance at getting $10,000. It seemed like a big risk for little reward. A second thought occurred such that doing nothing surely meant not getting that $10,000. My thought was if I could set up a high risk situation, set it and forget it, and then walk away that would be the best outcome. I thought this was the best out come because setting up the high risk strategy would take all of 10 minutes. That 10 minutes win or lose would have 1) not been that big of a loss, and 2) would have made the $10,000 "worth it". So, I went to the site and looked over the details. The way the regulations were set up demanded constant attention to the competition, and thus I was out. #bummer. I think what was great about the above is that I challenged my assumptions. I saw an opportunity, I had a thought about it, I didn't brush it off, I investigated further, and came to a more informed conclusion. Surely there could have been a way for me to rig something up, and hack the rules, but that isn't the way I want to operate. Sure I missed out on potentially getting $10,000 but there are many ways to get money. Normally I would have said "Oh, that's stupid" and then brushed it off. I didn't do that, so I'll chalk it up to a win. Have a great day guys.

Workinprogress: I figure with exams if you've done the work you're golden. For my classes I like to go into the final with an +85% that way I am assured to have passed the course, and then I don't sweat the exam. Ultimately that means being on point for 3 months, but even then it's just doing the work, there's tons of time for slack. Knock it out of the park!

I stopped coffee for 90+ days in the fall. I certainly felt a lack of energy. I didn't find that my energy level, ever really came back up. What I did find though was that over time was that key times for mental engagement shifted from early in the morning to about 5 hours after I woke up. I found generally that my uptake of knowledge was significantly easier, and I preformed well on cognitive tasks even though my perceived state was quite low. I slept a lot in those 90 days. I wen't back to coffee, and am working on simply 2 cups. I have certainly had the pull to ingest more than that, and at time it has been hard to keep that cap. I have managed to keep that cap in effect thus far. Obviously my account of my experiences is anecdotal, but sometimes that's what people are looking for. so, good luck!

work in progress: When you mentioned that: "I like to fokus on things and goals" is related to "i finished after 15min instead half an hour as planned, i came here for distraction". From my perspective if I was trying to get over a feeling, or understand something; a fixed time line isn't going to guarantee the objective. A time line may create an incentive for me to tackle the problem. With the incentive I may even get further by having it than by not having anything. Yet, there is no guarantee. Ultimately if my goal were to get over the objection, I would take as much time as needed to get over it because the process may only take 1 minute which means having a dedicated fixed time would be a waste of the remainder of my time. Consequently the process may take 2 days, but if i had the fixed time I would have never solved the problem. Once I am over that objection though, regardless of the time it takes, I can move forward with greater ease which is the goal.