NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
BooksandTrees
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Posts posted by BooksandTrees
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Today's been so productive. My wife and I have been pretty burnt out so last night I had us do an arts and crafts night where we create a handmade card to each other and write something kind in it. We spent like 2 hours making the cards and gave them to each other. It really lifted our mood.
Today started with a warmth and happiness that we needed. I think it was from those cards. We ate breakfast, watched a show, then did a ton of house projects that we'd been putting off for months. After that we ate lunch and played street hockey for an hour to get some exercise.
I feel so much better overall. Refreshed. Funny thing is, after all that there's still 8 hours before bed lol. I think we're gonna order a fun dinner, watch the hockey game, and relax a bit.
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18 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
Take care of yourself if you get triggered this way. Put yourself first. Definitely not a loser with how much you keep fighting for your well being and for victims of addiction.
Thanks, I appreciate it. I ended up getting a lot of support and I had a good virtual presentation. I feel very relieved. I think this also shows that even though I don't work at my old company that I still fear what my old boss would say or do. Just another example of how long abuse stays with someone, no matter how minor or major we think the abuse was.
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I was supposed to drive to the city tomorrow and give a presentation. But I asked my boss if I could give it from home and remote in. I get severe anxiety and panic attacks going to the city. I used to work there for years and had a lot of bad things happen to me along with bad health issues from the 4 hours of commuting.
My bosses were supportive and said I could work from home. I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I can't do the drives. It's just so stressful. I had several panic attacks this weekend and this morning over it. I had to sleep for hours since it was so exhausting. I'm better now but still feel like a loser. I'm trying to forgive myself and accept that nobody is upset with me.
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On 10/16/2023 at 4:56 PM, Pochatok said:
Another hard point, following a blissful weekend. Perhaps it is my physical and emotional fatigues kicking in full gear. But on the surface, I simply am not following the advice of my wiser self: I did not journal enough in the morning, I did not journal at all in the afternoon, and I didn't time most of my efforts or generate goals preceding any time-consuming activities.
Feeling guilty, and there is a lot of shame within my physical posture and in the back of my head. I know I will get better; I already am, simply by writing this.
Current struggle is that of learning vs. creating grand things. Learning feel like a waste of time, especially so right now, where so much of my learning feels rather aimless. But at the same time, it seems that I have a hard time committing to big projects for the opposite reason: they require longer-term thinking, for which I tend to lose patience. And so I've been stuck dilating between learning/practice that does not make a significant impact on my bigger projects, and bigger projects that flop due to uninformed practice.
Dear tomorrow me, how do I go about this catch-22?
I think it's what you mentioned in my diary. You're tired. This doesn't mean give up on willpower and start gaming. It just means you're allowed to write a small journal entry or none for a week. You're probably needing rest.
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54 minutes ago, Ikar said:
Another tough day during the latter half. I think I'm feeling very directionless at work. I've been put on this project by myself and over the course of my time at this company, have received very little oversight from management. I'm usually left to just figure it out on my own and, even if I do reach out for help, half the time I spend is just explaining context because the person isn't on the ground with me. I'm growing tired of it and really in need of a change. I hope to hear back from the job I applied to soon. The waiting is killing me... it is still within the window of their 1–to-2-week response time, so I'll just need to continue being patient. It has certainly been distracting, even just in the back of my mind. I need to be better about leaving my phone downstairs so I don't incessantly refresh my email, looking for that response.
Once work was over, things were a little better. I'm always cheered up by my wife, and taking the dog for a walk together was good for my spirits. Still, even on that walk I had trouble shutting out my anxiety about work. I have this impending sense of doom that I'm not doing something right or I'm missing something, and it will suddenly come back to bite me out of nowhere. I suppose I'm caring a little too much. At the very least, my work ethic is enough to push me to care about doing a good job, but the lack of clarity on my role and responsibilities is making me increasingly trepidatious. I'll endeavor today to return to the basic frameworks I have at my disposal to try to progress on a few fronts.
I think you need to make this a priority to fix. After reading your diary and seeing the format you use, you clearly crave a structured environment with fluid communication. So you're not overthinking it. I think if it doesn't get better, you should look for another job if that's possible.
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1 hour ago, Ikar said:
Just to give my two cents, I normally don't have (remember) any dreams, but I remember them more after drinking alcohol. I hardly ever drink enough of it to make it happen nowadays though.
I hear you. I think I drink 1 beer a month at this rate lol. I'm glad I don't have that issue on top of the gaming and porn and stuff.
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5 hours ago, FDRx7 said:
Just a thought, but double check to see if you've made any dietary changes before or close to bed. A friend of mine told me to take glycine before bed for a more restful sleep but I swear every night I took it, I had the strangest, most vivid nightmares. Normally, I can think of the last time I remembered a dream, let alone a nightmare. Stopped taking it and it went away. Mine is more obvious but look back to see if there's a pattern. Cheese can do it to you, and I've heard some people say wine as well. Everyone's different.
I stopped eating food within 3 hours of bed recently. Maybe my stomach is mad and I'm picking up the anger in my dreams lol.
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I've had violent dreams every night this week. It's very odd. I normally don't have those. I won't describe them since they bother me, but I'm just unsure where it's coming from since I don't feel upset during the day and my relationships with friends and family keep improving and improving.
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19 hours ago, Pochatok said:
Remind this to myself every day! I am someone who prefers to pull through the burnout for the sake of persistence, but it's important to have expectations that match my current state wellbeing! Thank you for sharing this :heart
It's really important. I was frustrated for not wanting to do anything but I think there's a reason for everything in life. If you don't want to do anything at all you could just be tired.
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You might also be among people who can moderate gaming. Not many can do this, but you'll have to keep tabs on it because it still seems like this is your main coping mechanism for stress and loneliness.
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On 10/17/2023 at 7:00 AM, Ikar said:
12th October - 17th October:
Went to a networking event to meet some new people. Finished reading "World Order" by Kissinger and started a new book about freelancing. Attended a table football tournament and finished second. Worked out a shared table/system in Google Sheets to help my students and myself with orientation in their learning. Went for a trip with my girlfriend and her sister. Attended other fun events as well.
Nice job at the tournament. Make any new friends there or know anyone?
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I'm starting to recover mentally from all of the overtime I've been working. Last night I read for a while, played a boardgame, and drew some meaningless sketches. Tonight I left work early and get to relax. I'm gonna use the time to shop for food and do some meal planning. I'm excited for this.
If anyone has hobbies but struggles to do them some nights, just remember that you might be tired and need to do something restorative. Be patient with yourself even if it's hard.
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I had a triggering event for the first time in years. I got an email about my old runescape account getting banned and logged into the website to see what happened. Someone hacked my account, botted, and got my account banned.
I haven't played it since 2018 but I still disputed the offense and the company who runs the game, jagex, said it was indisputable and my account is permanently banned.
Although I haven't played in 5 years, it still represents a lot of time invested and the account was max level. I was triggered because it made me want to keep visiting the website to check the account and that brought back memories.
I didn't relapse though. I realize I don't want to spend 5 years maximizing another account and I'm too busy to play now with my new life. Most importantly, who would make the decision to commit to a game where it's player safety and management are so uneducated and poor at communication. I'm sure they just gave me automated responses. I'm frustrated by their incompetence, but I'm not tempted to play games.
I think it goes to show that it's more rewarding long term to put that effort into your own life and have real accomplishments. Not fake ones that can be lost due to people who don't care about you and never did.
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1 hour ago, Pochatok said:
Wohoo!!!! I'm so glad you're continuing to move forward with your passions, this is so amazing!
Thanks! I'm gonna try to get chapter 11 done this week.
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18 hours ago, FDRx7 said:
Do you think it's hanging out with people in general? Or perhaps not hanging out with the right people? I have some friends who really energize me when I see them, but there are some others in the past who I would feel drained after seeing them. The right people can make a difference. Still, even after seeing energizing friends, I have a point where I'm tired and done. We all have our limit before we need to recharge individually.
I agree with this. I find that I can hang out with quiet people and doing activities with them and I'm fine. If I hang out with someone new and it's just talking, I need a nap after it.
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I did so much overtime the past few weeks. I'm so tired lol. I took today off and I'm going to rest on this long weekend. I'm enjoying the work at least so that's nice.
I think I'm getting a promotion soon and I'm really proud of that. I'm hoping to eventually be a project manager in a few years.
I got some cool things on Amazon prime day for relaxation and a couple new books. I've also lost 5 lbs. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm hoping to lose about 15 more in the next few months, but slowly is fine. I rushed it before and gained it back. Doing a healthier method now.
Hockey season started so I'm watching a lot of hockey again and that's taking pressure off of feeling the need to be productive at night.
I'm almost on chapter 11 of the book I'm writing.
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6 hours ago, Bagradain said:
There's always a place for you in this century. Sometimes it just takes patience and an evolving outlook. Plus, previous centuries didn't have bathrooms. I couldn't do it lol.
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8 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:
Oh that sounds like a really fun concept. I like how his life is just so isolative and miserable. But then gets solved by getting abducted by aliens. Creative solution. Makes me feel like it's a good metaphor for finding a new group of people to belong to. Or maybe I literally need to get abducted by aliens. *Plans next vacation to Rosewell, NM*.
Yeah that thing is operating at like 10% capacity it probably thinks this is the easy life if it could think.
Yeah I'm gonna make it a fun journey where he builds as a person and understands how to be a friend and what love is. I enjoy those growth stories. Lol don't get abducted by aliens down there.
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8 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:
Keep at those hobbies man. Just read IKIGAI and it made me a believer in doing something you love
Definitely. I ended up writing 600 words for my book, drawing, and doing yoga after that. I felt better.
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18 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:
Sounds like a plan to me. Thanks for the welcome back 🙂
I was cool with a couple people on here before but they just kept relapsing and left heh. Yea I was keeping my mousepad but it’s time to toss it. I gave my gaming comp to my mom and she just uses it to check email and watch Chinese YouTube hahah. Oh well hopefully the powerful computer will last her a long time. I don’t like being around it tbh.
What’s your book about?
Lol she'll have that computer for 20 years. My book is about an engineer working on a space station. He doesn't like his job and has no friends in space. He plans to return to earth but has no friends there either. Through a crazy turn of events he gets abducted by aliens and becomes life long friends with them through a series of adventures.
It's gonna be a bad book but I am enjoying writing at least lol.
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5 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
Week 2
Cannot memorize well because of my work interfering with my exam revision. I have to take time off to make sure I pass these exams. I have not attended basketball for the past week because of all the work assignments. Hope to win this week three.
It will pass. Prioritize your education. You got this. It's only temporary right now, but lasts forever after with your degree.
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2 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:
I’m Probably gonna toss my old gaming mousepad and get a normal one just to generate more barriers to entry
Welcome back. I hope you're doing well. I hear you with making friends. It's tough on this forum because people come and go and although we want to talk to others, it's super important to work on yourself too. I took a break from here for about a year or two and have been posting more. It happens. I saw @MuMuMeloncame back as well. People fluctuate. It happens. No right or wrong.
I ended up getting rid of my gaming computer and accessories. I had saved it for my animation goals but now I just write my book on a tablet. It was taking up space and kept serving as a reminder of my past. I don't need that anymore.
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It was @amchowwho built with brick link studios.
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On 8/6/2020 at 9:59 PM, amchow said:
Hey. I apologize for this being late. I didn't see it until now.
The software is Studio 2.0. It's completely free and has full functionality. Has Windows support. Has both existing bricks and even bricks from retired sets. The rendering engine (PhotoReal) is absolutely fantastic (as you can see in the renders I have posted). It's quite fun. You can build your own models or rebuild models off of existing building instructions.
Studio 2.0 download Link: https://www.bricklink.com/v3/studio/download.page
LEGO Official Website Building Instructions: https://www.lego.com/en-us/service/buildinginstructions/search?q=&sort=relevance
I just started doing this, 3 years later. Thank you very much. If you ever read this, thank you lol.
Dear Diary...
in Daily Journals
Posted
Today's been a strange day in terms of deciphering my emotions. I slept in and was tired. I read a lot of my book and enjoyed it. I then took a nap and just relaxed with my wife.
I haven't wanted to do anything. Not out of depression or boredom. I just didn't feel like drawing, writing, playing the drums, building legos, playing sports, or watching TV.
I just wanted some quiet today. It's been so busy at work and in life with family stuff. I got some funny ideas for future stories but all I really want to do today is be cozy in a blanket and exist without effort lol.
Back to my first sentence about it being strange and trying to decipher it: I can't tell if it's good or bad. I have adopted a mindset of accepting boredom because I think it's my mind telling me it's tired. I used to spend years trying to do all these thought intensive hobbies on weekends after long work weeks and it just set me up for more exhaustion.
The good thing is eventually I naturally develop more energy and interest in doing thoughtful hobbies and just do them without thinking. So I'm just gonna roll with it. I feel better overall. Sometimes it's ok to be bored. I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I guess 5 years into quitting video games I still have the anxiety that I need to always be making progress or gains in an active and passive way. Just gonna take some time to heal still is all.