Natelovesboardgames

Personally I just use craigslist for getting rid of stuff in the free category or listing a yard sale. There's a lot of flakes here. I've gotten rid of mostly furniture this way and say something in the ad like "first one here who can haul it away gets to!" People message me asking if I can hold it and I say no. I will tell them things like "nobody's messaged in an hour and you say you can't be here for another hour? I'll message you if it goes before you can get here". I've sold on Ebay since 2002. Amazon and Ebay have become more and more like each other anymore. Main thing is to offer a return policy and be sure to package very well. Use a sturdy cardboard box and lots of good packing material (styrofoam, bubble wrap, newspaper). Make sure that it immobilizes what's inside the box. Print off a packing slip and have that inside the box. If you can write the address to ship to on the box with a sharpie great but if you print an address label then be sure to tape it with plenty of tape so it won't get torn if at all possible. If the label is too big to put on one flap and has to go part way across the gap between the flaps on the box then make sure none of the delivery address is on the gap. That way if the box is crushed or torn somehow the delivery address should still be intact. Get insurance and delivery confirmation on the package and have it priced into your sale price or shipping cost. If you do all this you will likely never have an issue with a buyer.

Day 17 & 18 Found a good job to apply for in Vancouver WA which would be great. It took about two hours to complete and submit the application. Driving I-5 from Portland to Vancouver every day might suck but at least it would be opposite of rush hour traffic. Hiked to New Seasons market to get hot wok from the deli because the day was so gorgeous. I pile so many vegetables in the bowl (broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, carrots, ginger), order the hot wok with double meat, and can usually get two great meals out of it for $10. Talked a lot to my roommate yesterday. Cleaned up my whole contact list in my phone which took an hour. I'm still procrastinating a lot though. I told my roommate I'm writing a book. He insists that I should come with him to PSU campus on the weekends to find a quiet place to just crank out more. I really should. I'm over half done with the rough draft. It's sort of a memoir but not linear. I'm writing about a lot of the difficult lessons I've had to learn in life through good decisions and bad. It's about taking risks in life and having things work out fabulously as well as having things blow up in my face. Coming out was not easy for me and took a long time but being able to live a life of integrity without having to lie to anyone or hide who I am is very freeing and much of the book is about that. I wasn't very productive all day Friday. Friends came over for game night and we had a great time playing Isla Dorada and Terraforming Mars. Tomorrow I'm going to yoga at 10:30 I'm not going to skip it again. Going to my friends' BBQ at 5:30 that my brain thought was last weekend for some reason. It'll be a great time with good food, drink, hot tub, and getting to see a lot of friends - maybe 20 people coming? Okay my bed is calling... goodnight!

I've been telling a few friends here and there when we've been hanging out or over the phone :) it's definitely helpful to have people in our corner supporting us! Some of the best advice I ever got was to remember that the company and hiring manager have a problem. There is a job that needs to be done. You are there to be the solution they need and help them solve their problem. Going in with that attitude really helped my confidence. Also remember that the interview is not just about presenting your best self but to also check out your potential employer and make sure that it really is a boss and company you want to work for. My last job I didn't feel out the hiring manager enough or ask around at my company about her. She was a big question mark. I know better now what kinds of clues I need to look for and additional questions I need to ask to help identify a toxic person before I work for them such as "what kinds of things are you doing to continue to learn and grow and become a better manager?"

Day 16 I was inactive most of the morning. After lunch found a great job to apply for in the Seattle area so I spent a good hour creating the cover letter, uploading and editing the resume, researching on linkedin to see whose name to put on the cover letter, and creating the application and described to my new prospective employer how I know that I can do the math needed to do the job well. We'll call this dream job #3. I got a rejection email from one of the jobs in the Seattle area I applied for but not dream job #1 or #2. They worded it so nicely - "we have decided to move forward with other applicants for this particular role. We remain interested in your skill set and think there may be another role at [company] that is a better match for you." Usually after a rejection email I get really down. I hadn't gotten my hopes up high on this one it just seemed like a great company worth applying at. I'll keep an eye on them. A friend of mine who is a flight attendant had a long layover in Portland today so we went to dinner and ate a ridiculous amount of sushi at Saburo's. We ordered too much food and I'll have a huge lunch of it tomorrow. It was good to hang out with him and catch up. We went out for a drink at one of the local gay bars and ran into a couple of my friends there and hung out. It was a really nice time. I'm still full! I have been thinking about telling my friends on Facebook about my detox. Some friends of mine have been very open about their struggles with depression, health issues, alcoholism, smoking cessation, weight, bratty children, divorce, and other things. I don't often share things that are that personal on there. When I announced on Facebook my sudden departure from my former employer the sheer number of friends who reacted in shock and who gave me encouragement was unexpected and I was really grateful for it. Alright, goodnight!

The best games are with people who are already friends. Get the 5th edition starter set and invite your friends to get together and try it out. Read about how to run the game and do it. It's a bit scary and keeps you on your toes but if you like to think on your feet and improvise when needed you'll do well. I personally think it's more fun to play than to run it but you get to be really creative if you're the one who is DMing. If you'd rather a board game then Descent Journeys in the Dark is a good dungeon crawl game for a group of players. Castle Ravenloft or Wrath of Ashardalon might be good too. Wiz War is fun. A lot of people like Talisman but I thought it got old fast. All the newer editions have been out a few years so shouldn't be too hard to find a used copy at a cheaper price like on Ebay or Amazon.

Find board game or D&D meetups on meetup.com. They're cheaper than Magic the Gathering.

Day 15 complete My job interview went alright. I really hate phone interviews done by HR people and not the hiring manager. I try to stand so I sound more confident but for some reason I start getting out of breath like I forget to breathe or something. Interviews in person I'm so much better at because I'm good at reading body language and it's easier to figure out when to inject some humor. The lady doing the interview this morning spoke so fast. I think I did good answering her questions. I wish I could have thought of more to ask her. We were done after about 22 minutes. I did figure out what to say about why I left my previous job. I decided to just say I worked with my boss for three years but she was treating me unfairly. I tried to challenge her assertions the last year I worked there but didn't know the best way to do so. I made mistakes that worsened our relationship. The company was getting ready to downsize due to the merger in 2016 and I recognized that my position was likely to be eliminated. I started looking for another job outside the company last Summer but my confidence had taken a beating. I wasn't able to find something before my job ended. I've done a lot of reflection these last few months and recognized changes that I need to make in my life. I realized I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and do better. I don't know how well it will fly. We will see. At least I got an interview I've had a dry spell lately. After the interview I went to my favorite thrift store. They're closed Sundays so Tuesday is usually the day they get all the donations out on the floor that they got over the weekend. I first started thrifting back in 2002 when I was looking for board games to buy and sell on Ebay. I found this store when I used to hit several in a week and found that they got lots of great clothing donations from nearby affluent suburbs. I often find lots of Banana Republic, Brooks Brothers, Polo, Buffalo, Izod, Levis, CK, and others there. I didn't have any luck today finding any clothing I liked but I did find a blu-ray of Transformers for $1.95. I have the DVD already so I'll probably put it on swapadvd.com for trade. Went to the gym this afternoon after a short power nap. Ran into my old trainer Chris there. He doesn't work for the gym anymore but he was a great mentor for me. He's like 15 years younger than I am but was really great to work with because he was genuinely interested in helping the people he trained to succeed. I told him I quit video games two weeks ago and am making some great life changes and he was very encouraging. Watched the first two episodes of Lost in Space on Netflix then turned on Hurricane Bianca which is a fun crappy movie.

Day 14 Weird day. My head was foggy for much of it. I didn't sleep good the night before. Got to bed about midnight and skipped the blog entry until this morning. I have a job interview in 1.5 hours over the phone. Wish me luck!

Day 13 Hey @Arch I took the HSP test and got 13 which is less than the 14 or more the test says would indicate I'm probably highly sensitive I read a lot today. I use swapaDVD.com a lot which I highly recommend if anyone has a lot of DVDs sitting around collecting dust and you want some new ones. I picked up the tv series Sliders there and watched a couple episodes. Season four of How to Get Away With Murder which is an absolutely ridiculous and fun show is now on Netflix along with season six of New Girl so I watched a bunch of those. I also updated my resume on Linkedin and Indeed as I liked the changes I did to it for dream job#2. Then I found an interesting sounding job on indeed and applied for it. I am meeting tomorrow with the agent from Worksource Oregon and have a phone interview on Tuesday. Talked on the phone to Matthew again. Even if we don't end up dating it feels like a good friendship has formed. When I think about him I just smile

Go on the trip! Take a notebook with you and write a little every day in it about your thoughts and what you're doing. Make a habit of writing a little here and there especially if you're riding on a train or plane or bus. Your website looks good. Just gotta get some more life experiences to put in it and you'll be off and running I think ;)

I think I got a copy of my employee file when I hired an attorney and considered suing based on my boss retaliating against me for complaining about her. I haven't really looked through since November though. The attorney I hired sent a letter outlining my complaint. The response created by the company's attorney made me sound like a most awful person who refused to learn how to do his job. While I had compiled a lot of documentation and evidence I didn't have anything that would counter the lies in the response. Having coworkers testify could counter the lies but you can't ask people to do so while they are still working for the company. While all this was happening my unemployment claim sailed through without a response in writing from my former employer. I figured any case against my former employer would boil down to my word against theirs. So with the unemployment benefits secured I could move on with my life and forget about a lawsuit. Part of the reason I hired an attorney was so many people over the years told me that the company always settles cases filed by former employees out of court. Maybe because they have had this reputation they made some changes like outsourcing employee verification and severely limiting anything former managers could say if someone did get in touch with them. I think the part that hurts the most is that she was able to turn others against me. I will forgive them all eventually. I'm getting to a point of acceptance and forgiving myself first. I'm pretty sure once I have a new career started I'll shortly be able to completely move on and let it all go. I'm feeling a lot better now than I did in November.

Day 12 I had gotten to thinking today about how I can often feel strong emotions from others. I wonder if others here are affected by the emotional states of others like I am? Then I read @Arch journal entry today where he mentioned some HSP podcasts he's been listening to. I don't think I'm HSP but I really don't know a lot about it. I just know that if someone is sad or angry I can feel it readily. Anger has always bothered me while feeling someone's sadness has always prompted a desire in me to comfort. I think this comes from my father's anger and my mother's sadness that they have been having to deal with their whole lives. I stayed up late last night writing, deleting a huge part of, and rewriting my last blog entry and didn't get to sleep until about 2am. I slept in and skipped yoga class this morning that starts at 10:30 so I went to the gym in the afternoon instead. For some reason I mixed up the dates that friends of mine are having a BBQ on I wrote it correctly on my calendar that it's next week Saturday but I was thinking it was today. Fortunately nobody was home when I got there and I figured out why. I was embarrassed and fortunately nobody saw me. So I left and ordered a pizza and took it home. I watched Netflix and chatted on the phone with Matthew - the guy from the dating app - and browsed here and elsewhere online.

I'm pretty sure traveling helps with overall quality of life. Seeing new sights, meeting new people, getting new perspectives, eating new food all give me so much joy!

Day eleven done I had an informational interview this morning with a guy I met through the boardgame hobby at the Boardgamegeek con in 2006. We hung out at several of the cons we attended in years after that. He happened to work at the company where dream job #2 is and gave me some really good information and insight from the 15 years he worked there. It was good to catch up with him. I then read some forum entries here, went to an eye doctor appointment, and the store. Talked to my brother a little bit on the phone as well. My nephews asked when I was going to come over and play video games with them again. I do need to spend some quality time with them again soon but I'll probably have them play and explain to me what they're doing rather than play myself. They really love Lego Dimensions. I went to the gym and then game night at my friends' house this evening. Driving home I started thinking about my problem that I have with my job search and how in the hell I'm going to answer the question about why I left my former job. I'm going to need to seek out some good advice on that. I don't know if I can get that here but I'm going to ask because it's agonizing trying to explain what happened without making myself sound like I was the problem employee. I worked at my previous company for 15 years. I temped there for two years then was hired on permanent at the end of 2004. I was promoted six times during my career there including twice by my previous boss - once into the position end of 2014 and then to a level 2 in the position in 2016. I worked with the branch of the company I came from doing quality review and was paid through that side. I was managed through a different division which my boss and the other quality review specialist came from. My problem is I was fired. My former boss is a narcissist who was gaslighting me. I tried to complain and challenge her. She created a narrative where I was the problem. I didn't know how to counter what was going on and defend myself. It became clear that my job was going to be eliminated. I tried to transfer internally to other jobs but was unsuccessful. I started looking outside the company in Summer of 2017 but was so defeated and depressed I didn't do very well at the few I tried for. I played so much Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri in 2017 it was ridiculous! Sometimes I played it while I was working from home. I have been fired three times in my life. First time was when I was 19 it was a retail job that I didn't take seriously and was late all the time. They rightly fired me. I learned my lesson, owned it, and became a better person because of it. The second time was in 2001 when I was an assistant manager at a bank. I did something really stupid one day when we were goofing around that someone said was sexual harassment. It was. I was fired for that. I owned it, learned from it, and was always careful not to risk saying or doing something stupid that could get me in that kind of trouble again. I became a better person for it. The third time though felt out of my control. I've been stressed out and depressed these last five months. I felt cheated and I feel like I can't get over it. Then it dawned on me recently that I'd been stuck feeling like a victim. When I used the word victim then I knew I needed to change. I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep trying to make a better life for myself. That's when I started my 90 day detox. I worry that my job search has been unsuccessful because when companies call to verify my employment they can't get information directly. They can ask if I'm eligible for rehire. I need to call and pretend to be a company so I can find out how exactly they are answering questions. I suspect when asked if I'm eligible for rehire they say "no" or "cannot answer" which is not a yes. If I do manage to get an interview I'm really at a loss about what to say about my last job ending. I figure saying too much will work against me and make it sound like I was the problem. Maybe I should have quit before getting the axe? Then I wouldn't have gotten a severance which is what I was hoping would happen if I was downsized. All I know is I need to be humble, teachable, and willing to work my ass off. I'll get something. I just really have a hard time feeling hopeful sometimes. And so many emotions come into play when I think about my situation - anger, sadness, fear, humiliation. I'm done feeling sorry for myself though. I want to be ready for the next part of my life. It's going to be amazing! The guy I met on the dating app and have been talking to a lot is coming to visit Portland on the 22nd. I'm excited for that!

I'm so sorry Natasha that you're going through this with your father. You don't deserve it. Remember that we cannot change other people we can only change ourselves. So it's really important to take care of yourself. Don't clean his place and if he doesn't want to engage with you then spend less time trying to engage with him if it hurts you. Sometimes people like us and your father who are struggling need to experience loss (such as people disengaging from their lives) in order to realize the true costs of what the habit is doing. Keep letting him know you love him and set healthy boundaries with him such as refusing to talk to him while he is playing a game.

To anyone who has experienced an abusive relationship as an adult or in their childhood I recommend the book Broken Children, Grown Up Pain by Paul Hegstrom. It's a great resource for learning about why we learned to cope the way we did and what we can do to overcome and not just survive what happened.

Day ten was fine I took my friend to the airport then I went to Costco and got a haircut. My friend Kristie has been cutting my hair for the last 19 years so it's always good to see her and talk to her. We've supported each other through a lot of life changes especially relationship ones so we know each other really well. She's very supportive of my video game detox. Spoke on the phone twice with the guy I've been talking to for over an hour each time. It's so weird I haven't talked on the phone this much with someone I haven't met face to face in about five years. He's going to come down to Portland from the Seattle area on the 22nd. The conversation flows easily. I've definitely got a little crush going. I think he does too. I've told him about my detox as well. He's trying to quit smoking which I understand is a lot harder.

My current favorites include Agricola, Tales of the Arabian Nights, Mega Civilization, Traders of Genoa, 1830, 1856, 2038, Concordia, Star Realms, Container, Terraforming Mars, Cosmic Encounter, and Air Baron. What about you Natasha?

Day nine It's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. It's like I want to avoid my life. My morning routine has been to play video games for at least an hour after waking up. Now I try to read or go on facebook for a bit before starting the day's job searching. I got a call this morning about meeting with a state work person thing I can't remember her title about a workshop that will start April 30. i got an email survey yesterday which prompted her call so I signed up for the class. It's three times a week for two hours for about four weeks. I figured any help wouldn't hurt. It's been six months now. It's flown by so fast. Last time I was unemployed back in 2001-2002 it was for ten months and I swore I would do better. I found one good job to apply for today and it too is in the Seattle area. I realized this morning that I'd been holding in a bunch of emotions and needed to cry a little. It felt good to get it out. Late afternoon on went better. Cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry. A friend called and asked if he could crash here tonight as he lives 1.5 hours out of town and going to the airport in the morning. We've been hanging out and are watching a crappy movie now. The last game I was playing was an idle game. I keep feeling this temptation to just go mess with it for 10 minutes. I know it would end up not just being 10 minutes though. Tomorrow will be better. Goodnight.

I've encountered so many gay men over the years who struggle a lot with anxiety just like you and I have. The majority have not done any of the work needed to overcome traumatic experiences from early childhood. The fact that you are working on yourself and making a huge effort to improve your life is going to pay off in many ways a lot of which will not be evident until much later.

As far as relationship goals just meet new people and make new friends. Ask people about things they say they are interested in. They will think you're cool for paying attention and listening. If you find you have to fap do it without porn. I think porn is damaging but masturbation not necessarily so. You know yourself best though so do what helps you the most.

I started drinking coffee daily when I tried quitting coke and pepsi back in 2003. I would get these massive cravings! I had to find a substitute so coffee was it. I just drink it with cream and I get a headache if I don't get it within an hour of waking up. So if it helps you then good for you! I now have a cola maybe once or twice a month.

Day eight I felt so weary this morning. Got my resume updated and online application submitted for dream job #2. I just need to keep finding and applying for jobs while waiting to hear back. I hope I hear back... I ran into a former coworker/buddy this last weekend at the game convention who is also unemployed. We went and saw Love, Simon at a matinee this afternoon then went and got tacos. I think he's lonely and depressed. I'm not interested in dating him but I tolerate the hugs that last just a little bit too long. I know he plays video games a lot and I told him about my quitting cold turkey about a week ago. We had a fun time and will get together again soon. Talked to the guy I spoke to a week ago on the phone this evening. We spoke for 1.5 hours last week and 2 hours this evening. Even if we don't end up being romantic or dating I feel like a good solid friendship is being formed. Dating guys is odd. Sometimes you have sex when you barely know them then get to know them after. Then you become friends or realize you made a mistake or start dating. Sometimes you bond for the strangest reasons. It doesn't hurt to slow down and take things slowly. I've not always been good at that but realize that hookups in general are another form of settling. I have to admit though I do have a little crush on him at this time. I haven't done any real planning for cooking for friends on Friday so I don't think I'm going to do it this week. Goodnight all

Day seven So far one week in. I feel in some ways like I didn't get much done today but in other ways I feel like I did. I'm beat though. I've been thinking about my routine. I used to go every day to the coffee stand two blocks away in the mornings. At the beginning of this year I decided to start making a pot of coffee every day instead to save money. But I stopped jumping in the shower immediately after waking up which meant I was sitting on my ass on the couch all morning playing games and I'm still doing the sitting and wasting time part. So I gotta start showering first thing in the morning again as part of my wake up routine. I've got to redo my resume for dream job #2 in Seattle I'm applying for. I wish this process was easier. I feel like you have to get good at looking for and finding a job to be able to find a job this day and age. I never really learned how to be a great job hunter so I'm having to do so now. I did make it to the gym today and I cooked dinner this evening. I learned about 10 years ago how to cut up a chicken into the traditional 10 pieces from a youtube video. So if you want an idea for something new to try then do that. It's then really easy to bake. Then I just put some barbecue sauce and garlic chili sauce on it and baked it. Sometimes I'll put salsa & barbecue sauce on it. Other times I'll put garlic, olive oil, salt, rosemary, thyme, and oregano and bake it. I cook rice in a rice cooker and broccoli in boiling water for about six minutes and I get probably four meals out of all of it. Wow I'm tired. I watched a silly movie and goofed around on Facebook this evening. Lots to do tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

Days five and six Yesterday played a five player game of Mega Civilization which was a lot more relaxing than Friday's game. Went to dinner with my friend Kenny who I originally met at the convention back in 2009 and we had a great time talking and hanging out. I told him about my 90 day detox and that I've been applying for jobs in Seattle and he's very supportive. I was going to write a journal entry last night but got busy chatting with a friend about some relationship troubles he's having. Got to bed late. Today was the last day of the convention. Overall it was a great weekend. Played Twilight Imperium 4th edition which is a magnificent game. Got home around 6pm. Talked to my roommate for a bit and relaxed with some goofy movies on Netflix I told my roommate as well about the detox and about applying for jobs in Seattle. I told him that if I moved I'd ask the landlords to just make a new lease with him since he's just been subletting. Later I listened to a voicemail a friend had left me earlier who was asking if I knew anyone who would have a place for a friend to live who needed a place this next Summer. Coincidence? I have a hard time believing everything could work out perfectly like this for me. I've gotten my hopes up so many times in the past and been disappointed I find it hard to be confident that all the pieces will fall into place. I've decided to invite a few friends over next Friday and cook dinner. It's been a long time since I've done that. Goodnight everyone!