[Paul’s Journal]

I spoke to an academic advisor today. I inquired about the finance major, but after I did some research, I decided I want to study accounting instead of finance. According to the advisor, the major would mostly prepare me to take the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam. But I don't think I'm cut out to be a financial planner/advisor. I started tracking my transactions on a simple budget spreadsheet earlier this month, and I have a lot of work to do, but I'm enjoying keeping track of all my expenditures. It's almost like a game. And while it would be great to optimize my own finances, I wouldn't want the responsibility of overseeing someone else's financial well-being. Furthermore, I watched a few videos about what accounting entails, and I think it would be more up my alley. Since I'm enjoying the process of tracking my financial inflows and outflows, I figured a career in accounting would be a logical end goal. Of course, accounting entails a lot more than just simple bookkeeping (what I'm doing), but I'm prepared to learn whatever else comes with the territory, and hopefully make a lucrative career out of it, all while having fun in the process.

But given my limited success with completing post-secondary education in the past, I wouldn't want to overload myself. That's why I only plan to take 2 classes this upcoming semester, and if I can handle it, I'll move forward with my education. Otherwise, if I don't enjoy myself or if I can't handle it as well as I think I can, I won't have wasted as much time or money. I have enough in my savings to pay for 2 classes, so it's not like I'll be going into debt for an endeavor I may not be able to follow through with. But I'm not too concerned about it. My mental health has improved significantly in the past few months, so I'm sure I'll be able to handle 2 classes, and then some.

I was able to meditate 3 different times today, mostly directing my awareness to the sounds around me. I just find it easier and more enjoyable to do this than to focus on my breath, for some reason. I'm also diving back into my spiritual education. I started reading The Dhammapada, which is a collection of sayings from the Buddha, and it presents some interesting implications for the spiritual seeker. I plan to read a bit of it every day moving forward. All in all, things are on the up and up. Was definitely struggling with a lack of direction recently, but I think I'm feeling a lot more grounded now.

[Journal]

Have you considered discussing these things with a professional? When you’re feeling as lost and overwhelmed as you are, I think it warrants seeking professional counsel. Just something to consider…

[My Journal]

You’re doing great! Good job in recognizing the urges and choosing not to act on them. You made an important realization by acknowledging that you can’t control your gaming behavior. As hard as it might be to admit to yourself, it seems you’re handling it well. That shows strength and maturity on your end. Keep it up!

[The One Year Challenge]

Welcome back! We all slip up from time to time, but you demonstrated great strength in not only pausing, but taking time to evaluate what your compulsive gaming had resulted in. It doesn’t matter how many times we fall, because we all slip up and fall. What matters is how many times we get back up, and you got back up splendidly. And bravo for choosing to discuss the issue with your management team. That takes a lot of courage to open up to them. I’m sure they’ll be an added layer of support for you.

[Paul’s Journal]

I’m diving back into the world of mindfulness and meditation. I’ve been struggling with meditation for a while now, but after watching a few videos about it, I think I get the gist of it. Meditation isn’t about trying to “clear the mind”, or about attaining enlightenment, or anything fancy like that. Meditation is simply about awareness. A lot of people like to focus on the breath, but you can be aware of a lot of different things, such as thoughts, bodily sensations, sounds, etc. Building this practice of awareness in meditation allows us to bring more awareness and presence into our daily lives, and live happier, more fulfilled lives as a result. I think that about sums it up. I intend to start meditating several times a day like I used to, not because of any goals or expectations I’ve placed on myself, but simply because I enjoy it and I want to. I used to have a lot of fun meditating, and I want to return to that place of blissful enjoyment.

Still thinking about going back to school. I told my parents that I want to go back, but haven’t done much beyond that. I’m about 70% sure that I want to study finance, but I want to explore my options, too. The article @Ikar linked me was really helpful; what stood out to me is that college degrees are indeed a guaranteed gateway to earning more money, provided you pick a good major. Otherwise, a bad major can squash your earnings potential. So I want to explore what majors are most lucrative. Of course, I want to do something I’ll enjoy, which is why I’m gravitating towards finance, but if there’s something out there that can make me more money, why not look into it? I’ll do some more research and talk to my parents after I complete this entry.

[My Journal - Doug S - Heroic Growth]

A huge part of gaming is the escapism aspect. Even after we quit, there’s still a powerful tendency to want to escape difficult emotions and experiences. Quitting games opens up an avenue for us to be able to tackle this issue, but simply quitting by itself is not enough. We’ll have to learn how tackle that tendency towards escapism in other ways, whether through seeking professional counsel or through taking another route. It’s a battle we’re all fighting, myself included. But you’re on the right track! Be sure to keep us posted

[Paul’s Journal]

I tried something interesting last night. I took some time to just sit around and do nothing. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. I realized that I'm so afraid of boredom that I drive myself into it while trying to avoid it. Not sure if that makes any sense, but basically, I get bored by trying so hard NOT to be bored. Weird rationale, I know. But I noticed that when I took the time to do nothing, I could actually just sit with my thoughts for a while, and then find something else to do after some time. Now I'm trying to strike the right balance of doing nothing and doing something in order to capitalize on my discovery. Hopefully it leads to feeling less bored on the whole.

Uneventful Saturday today. Went to work, came home, took a nap, ordered food, watched anime, read a bit (which I haven't done in a while, admittedly), and now I'm about to retire for the night. The reading was a nice change of pace, though. It was slow-paced and relaxing. I'm reading The 360° Leader by John C. Maxwell. For the duration of my tenure at my place of employment, I'm gonna attempt to hone my leadership ability. I believe leaders just enjoy a life of more opportunity than the average person. So, I'm gonna try and seize that life for myself.

[Luny's Ledger]

Welcome back!

It’s not about how badly you fall, but about how many times you get back up (definitely paraphrased that from somewhere, but I digress).

The fact that you’ve come back after all this time makes all the difference. Doesn’t matter how much you slip up, because we all slip up! You’re human, not perfect. I wish you the best of luck as you’re looking to downsize and move to a more urban area. Keep us posted!

[Day 0]

On 12/10/2022 at 8:12 AM, Lemynaded said:

Part time jobs, I live with my mother....

I don't really like talking about that, it's humiliating

No shame in that, friend! Life is not a race, we’re all moving through life at a different pace. You don’t have to feel humiliated that you still live with your mom. If you ask me, that just means you’re in a great position to save money and plan for the future! Keep your head up, you’re doing great!

[Paul’s Journal]

Thanks @Yan for the words of encouragement.

I went to work this morning as intended, even though I was off. I ended up leaving earlier than planned, solely because it was so slow. I work at a furniture store, and we’re going through a phase of particularly slow traffic, likely because the Black Friday sales are over. The whole “keeping busy” methodology kinda backfired on me because there was really nothing to keep myself busy with. It’s also hard to keep yourself busy when the work you’re doing to occupy yourself is thoroughly uninteresting. I went through some training modules earlier this morning but I quickly got bored of that, because the information I was being presented with was largely irrelevant to my everyday work. So keeping busy proved a challenge.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been watching Netflix and napping. Not a very productive use of time. As well, the whole “no phone” thing has kind of fallen through. I’m gonna try and pick it back up starting tomorrow, though. In other news, I think I’m gonna go back to school. I’ve tried the whole school route a few times at this point, but I’m never able to finish, usually due to my mental health. But I think my mental health has stabilized enough to where I’ll be able to take a few credits. I’m thinking about studying finance, but it’s not set in stone. I still have to think about how I’m paying for tuition. I have a bit of money saved up, but I’m not sure how much of a dent school will put it in. But I think it’ll be worthwhile.

Funny enough, I was watching a Netflix documentary about money, and one of the episodes was about student loan debt. The statistics that were presented suggested that high school grads make significantly less than college grads, which makes perfect sense. Right now, I only have a HS diploma, and I’m earning less than $2k a month. If I can get my degree, my earning potential can skyrocket. Without that degree, my earning potential is very limited. Plus, I think going back to school will give me something to do; to keep myself busy, if you will. It’ll give me a goal to pursue, and give me a sense of purpose in life that I’m lacking at the moment. I’ll talk to my parents more about my intentions.

[Paul’s Journal]

Feeling a bit stuck in life. I just feel as if I’m not making any forward progress in my life. I’m not doing well at work, I’m not in school, and I’ve tried and failed to quit video games several times. Not a very impressive track record. Not to mention, I’m struggling to pick up new hobbies. On my off days, I’m either watching Netflix or sleeping. Not the most productive use of my time, I know. Just goes to show how much of my life was being consumed by gaming. Problem is, I don’t know how to fill that void. I spent some time following a drawing tutorial this evening, which was a little fun, but I don’t see myself doing it very often. Granted, I really only tried it once, so I’ll have to try it again to draw a more reasonable conclusion. Other than that, it’s a desperate struggle to ward off boredom day after day. Hopefully with time I can pick up more meaningful hobbies.

The solution I’ve come up with for the time being is just to keep busy. I figure that if I’m busy all the time, I won’t have time to be bored. I’m gonna start going in to work even on off days, and I’m considering picking up some online classes. I know it’s not good to overwork myself and that drowning myself in work is not the healthiest coping strategy, but to me it’s better than the alternative of not having enough going on in my life - the perfect scenario for me to start feeling discontent and dissatisfied with my life. The way I see it, the busier I am, the less time I have to be bored or dissatisfied. I’m going in to work tomorrow morning even though I’m not scheduled to work, and I plan to stay all day. Let’s see how that goes.

[Paul’s Journal]

I’m now a few days into quitting games, and a day without porn. So far so good. No major cravings for games. I relapsed with porn but I’m back on the wagon now. As far as going without the phone, that’s going fairly well. I managed to stay off of it for a good portion of the day before I got to work. Once at work, it became a bit more of a challenge. I kept the phone on to watch some NBA basketball while it was slow. I still loathe the feeling of being bored with nothing to do, and I think I always will; hence putting on the game. Pretty much watched the game and fooled around with some coworkers until it was time to go home. Pretty uneventful day, all things considered.

In other news, I created a preliminary budget. I went grocery shopping, and after that, I was inspired to start budgeting from a Netflix documentary about money management. My dad already gets half of my paycheck to save, but I want to do better with the half that I receive. So, I’m using the monthly budget template on Google Sheets to budget the money I have left over from my paycheck. I plan to do the same with every check I receive from now on. So far so good!

I’ve also gotten back into meditation. There was a point in time where I was heavily focused on spirituality, and I meditated several times a day. I want to get back to that way of life. I was a lot more tranquil back then, and I feel like I was happier, too. But, I no longer enjoy meditating as much as I used to. So, I’m trying to ease my way back into it. I can’t meditate with my eyes closed anymore, but I can with my eyes open, so I’m doing that for the time being. It’s actually somewhat enjoyable this way, with my eyes open. Granted, I’m pretty much just staring blankly at whatever is directly in front of me, but I feel like I’m better able to focus on my breath with eyes open, as opposed to eyes closed. Kinda weird, I know. Anyways, I meditated twice today, which is cool. Gonna try for the same tomorrow.

[Day 0 of living for progress.]

Welcome Lance! Thanks for sharing your story with us. You've already taken the first step in the right direction by deciding to quit gaming. Well done! The next 90 days will prove challenging, but just remember the reason why you decided to quit video games in the first place. Think about all the potential you have to improve your life for the better, and use it as fuel to keep moving forward. You've already proven to yourself that you have what it takes. Now prove it to yourself again. I'll be keeping up with your progress along the way. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!

[Paul’s Journal]

Yesterday I dealt with a bit of boredom, likely because I was staring at my phone screen a bit too much. I notice when I have my phone on, I’ll keep swiping through it looking for things to do on there, whether scrolling through YouTube or opening up social media apps. So from now on, I’m gonna try to keep my phone off as much as possible. This is definitely something I’ve tried to do in the past, but have been unable to be consistent with. But, I think it’s worth giving another shot. I started today with my phone off, which was a nice change of pace. I felt relaxed and at ease throughout the morning. I took a shower and even caught the first half of the Morocco vs. Spain match before I got tired and went back to sleep. In other news, Morocco won! I’m super excited about that since they’re the last African nation still remaining in the World Cup. I’ll be rooting for them in their upcoming matches.

Anyways, I digress. Having my phone off just allows me to be more in the present moment, instead of constantly looking for quick-fix entertainment. So I think it’s worth trying to go without it for a while. Not sure how I plan to spend the rest of the day, but I think I’ll manage.

[My Journal - Doug S - Heroic Growth]

Hey Doug,

Welcome to the forum! First off, thanks for sharing your story with us. I was touched by the story of your late cousin, and how you’re devoting these 90 days to him. Keep at it! As well, I can resonate with you about the struggle with replacement activities. I’ve also kind of thrown myself into sports as a way to fill time, at the expense of more creative outlets. I’m sure we’ll figure out better alternatives as time goes on. At any rate, I’ll be keeping posted with your journal and I’ll be here to offer a word or two when I feel so compelled. Feel free to reach out for anything. You got this!

[Paul’s Journal]

I’m gonna quit watching porn.

[Paul’s Journal]

Today was the last day of my workweek, meaning I have two days off starting tomorrow (well, today at the time of this writing). Super slow day at work, partially because of poor traffic and partially because I spent a good chunk of the day watching sports instead of actually working. Senegal lost to England; a disappointing result. As a child of Ghanaian immigrants, I have a lot of love for both my country and continent of origin. But since Ghana got knocked out of the World Cup, I shifted my allegiance to Senegal, one of the few remaining African teams still in the tournament. But with their loss today, they’ve been eliminated from the World Cup, leaving Morocco as the sole African country remaining. I’ll be watching Morocco face off against Spain intently on Tuesday. Hopefully they don’t let me down.

Anyway, I got to go home early, after which I spent the remainder of the night watching NFL football. All in all I’d say it’s been a relaxing day. I’m looking forward to enjoying my two days off.

[Paul’s Journal]

I’ve started watching sports, and I have to say, they’re a lot more interesting now than they used to be. I never used to enjoy watching sports, but last night, I randomly decided to watch a basketball game, and I was hooked. Today at work, I watched two World Cup matches, a boxing match, and a college football game. Even my coworkers noticed my unusual interest in these matches, a few of them poking fun at me for it. I never would’ve developed this interest while I was gaming. And since sports are such a big deal in the US, there’s almost always something to watch. I’ve already signed up for a ESPN subscription so I can watch sports wherever I go, and I think watching sports will quickly become my leisure activity of choice. That’s not to say I’ll abandon my other hobbies; I still enjoy making music and watching anime. But, I think watching sports will be my go-to. They’re just so entertaining, and they bring people together like nothing else. I spent a lot of time today watching and discussing sports with my coworkers, and stronger bonds were built as a result. I’m just glad I was able to find a way to fill time so quickly after quitting video games, unlike my other attempts. I’m excited to move forward with my new, game-free life. And tomorrow Senegal plays England in the World Cup, which should be an exciting match.

[Paul’s Journal]

Roblox account successfully deleted! Now that I no longer have an account to go back to, it should be easier to abstain from gaming. Hopefully I’m not tempted to make a new one.

I spent today with my family. We grabbed some Thai food for dinner then we went to go see the new Black Panther movie (it was fire). Also got to work on some music before we left the house. Just a fun, relaxing day.

Turns out we have to postpone going to the studio. My engineer’s all booked up for the weekend, so we have to plan for another day. Sucks that I have to wait another week or so before I get to record my verse, but it won’t kill me. I still have my own version though, which I’m pretty proud of. But it’ll be great to get into the studio again.

[Paul’s Journal]

Roblox account still pending deletion… support reached out to me last night, sent them another email, now I’m waiting to hear back from them again….

Several of my coworkers and I are planning to hit the studio this weekend to record a song. I was able to complete my verse yesterday and I even recorded a preliminary version that I think turned out really well. I’m excited to hear what everyone else has come up with on Sunday, and to see the finished product come together.

[Paul’s Journal]

Fairly uneventful day today. Woke up, made a beat, went to work, and came home. Work has become more fun recently bc I have great coworkers, and we like to have a good time. We spend time freestyling over beats and joking around. We’re even planning to go to a recording studio this weekend to record a song together. Anyway, my Roblox account is still pending deletion. I’m waiting to hear back from customer support, it’s been over 24 hours and still no word from them. Either way, I didn’t touch the game at all today, which is a win. I’m gonna practice my freestyling a bit more before I go to bed.

[Paul’s Journal]

Thank you @Faroe Islander! I appreciate the words of encouragement

[My Journal]

Well done! Keep on keeping on - you got this!

[A Day at a Time]

Great advice!

[Real Life Respawn]

Welcome man!

Glad to see you're taking steps in the right direction. Use all the negative emotions and the mess you find yourself in as fuel to improve your life and quit games for good! We'll here to support and encourage you along the way