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info-gatherer

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Everything posted by info-gatherer

  1. Sorry people for the rant. Expecially sorry for you@Dannigan, I’m the last person in the world that wants to mess up other people’s habits. I really appreciated your words and thanks for taking the time to write them. I agree with most of it. But the part that made me feel uneasy is I said uneasy because I feel I can “backwards relate”. I never manage to let out the stress crying. I sometimes train crying, I think about my grandparents’ old age and the fact that they may die sooner than I’m prepared to face it, and I often manage to cry that way, but it’s artificial tears. I “naturally” cry maybe twice a year and when I do everything gets better. But many other times I’d like to cry and let it out and I just can’t, because I don’t feel anything. I think this applies somehow to friendships too. I’d like to give love to other people (“in giving is when I receive” says the Cam Adair podcast) but I often find I have no love to give. You said you see yourself as an observer, and that’s how I see myself as well. I’d “love” (hehe) to get involved in other people’s lives but I feel stuck in this distance. Maybe I (maybe you) should just have a little more faith in my/ourselves, trust ourselves that everything will be allright and we’ll be less alone if we just accept other people in our lives. I agree with your definition of intimacy. But if we stay distant from others, we won’t develop that intimacy. As my mother used to tell me every time, “if you don’t go to your classmates’ birthday parties how do you expect to know them?” And I was like “but who cares about them”, and I was wrong. And I was wrong yesterday too when I wrote that I don’t care about other people. It’s not true. I care. It’s just that being with others is very difficult, I get tired easily and there’s no “measurable progress” like in videogames. Also, videogames. Where will I be hiding from people now that I don’t have my old escape? I guess I’ll need to meet the people I always tried to escape from. I’m already doing it. Thanks to this community that gives me the strenght to go out everyday and do my best to rewire my messy mind, my desolate social life, my family problems, my school failures, and so on. Day 87 Just writing down the highlights “The conference” 6 PM went to a conference. A dude that used to be my friend was one of the speakers and he invited our “group of friends” (that group doesn’t exists anymore, despite what WhatsApp says) to hear him. So I went and listened to him but left before the end of the conference because I was scared of the post-debate “social moment”. I didn’t want to end up in an awkward situation, I made up a much terrible excuse and left. I went to the conference out of curiosity + support to the person that was speaking but we’re not friends anymore and it’s always embarassing to meet. ”Moderation” remember when many weeks ago I said that I went to often to my gf’s house and decided that I wouldn’t go there anymore except when I was invited? Turned out both my gf and her flatmate kept inviting me almost every day so I just kept going. Tonight my gf said please stop coming just for a few days I really need to study and F. (her flatmate) just talks all the time when you’re there and I always waste my evening. She’s 100% right and I am tired of this situation too. Ok’ after a long day of study I just want to relax and chill with this 2 people I have fun with but I should really moderate myself and think about more important things: my sleep schedule, being open to new experiences (I often decline other invites to go there), learn how to be alone. I won’t spend the evening there for a while, a week or more, and see how it goes. tomorrow no classes thanks god I can study all day long and of course tennis in the evening can’t wait to be there goal: wake up at 8.30
  2. I was commenting on @Dannigan‘s journal but then I deleted everything because I realized I was only talking about me, me, me, me, just me. So I thought I’d write it here instead. She wrote But I can’t relate. I am stuck in my loneliness and even if I feel very much alone, I don’t care about other people. I lived alone for my whole life except for family and “sentimental” relationships (girlfriends), seldom had a group of friends, almost never had friends I honestly loved. I suffer from this thing, I’d “like” to have friends, the idea of having friends, be less alone, be accepted and understood, but I can’t have friends because I can’t love other people. I’m not (that) shy, I know how to build a relationship, but I just don’t want to. I feel protected in my isolation, I don’t want to lose this shelter. It’s not only about the comfort zone thing, it’s that I am seldom if ever interested in other people, I am egocentric, narcissist, everything is just about me, always me, I’m the only one that matters... Maybe it’s just that tonight I’m very tired and should go to bed, but I feel so empty... feel like I have no love to give to other people... they can all go fuck themselves and their happiness for all I care, I’m so detached... Maybe I should just try and meet new people, change the way I see things, but I can’t change this: I don’t care about other people. I can’t feel empathy towards them. I spend time with others because I need the contact, I can (involuntarily) fool people into thinking I care about them (many people make this mistake with me and call me a “friend”), but at the end of the day I am really uninterested whether they are happy or sad, fulfilled or not fulfilled, good or bad, wise or naive, functional or disfunctional, in good health or in a bad shape. This is why I’m alone and I have no friends.
  3. You guys always make my life look like some kind of marvellous existence and I’m grateful for it :) I need to learn to enjoy more the small things. But, this doesn’t mean I must not strive for further improvement. There’s a lot of stuff that need to get better. @BigOlBeartic will we ever overcome our social ineptness? I really hope we will at some point (that’s probably part of the purpose of partecipating to this community as well) Day 86 Woke up at 9, got a shower, then made the terrible mistake of lying down on the bed “for just a moment”, woke up an hour later. Went to the library and spent the day there. Took too many breaks, my productivity was average, so I failed my goal of improving it (I thought that I could do much more today since I had no lessons, but did the usual amount of study). After the library closed I was not satisfied so I went to another study room and stayed another hour there. Then I finally had dinner at 9.30. Spent the evening “mindlessly browsing the net”, as some people like to say here. I actually grabbed my phone with the precise intent of reading other people’s journals but in the end I got lost in the world wide web. Tomorrow class at 11, hope to study at least 1 hour before that (need to wake up at 8 if I want to succeed). Have a nice day everyone.
  4. Day 85 Came back to uni city, attended classes, studied as much as I could but spent the evening playing the guitar and singing together with my gf and a friend. Sad moment when a guy I barely know but talked to a couple times pretended not to see me and didn’t say hi. I know, it’s nothing serious. Now it’s not too late here (half past midnight) so I’m going to bed. Tomorrow I have no classes and I will try to study all day long. I’ll give myself 8 hours of sleep then wake up and get stuff done. Goal for tomorrow: don’t look at the phone before I am out of home.
  5. Thanks @Arch but I usually access from my phone. Nvm tho. Day 84 Let’s be real, I wasted my weekend. I didn’t study nor socialize. A part of me says that I probably shouldn’t have come back to my parents’, the other part of me says that I really need to just chill in the weekend if I don’t want to burn out. And it’s probably true, or at least partially true. The problem is that I can’t afford to stay idle right now. My schedule doesn’t allow it. Next weekend I’ll hit 90 days, I will spend my time better as a mean of celebrating. Highlights of the day: - Watched TV with my dad and sister. This didn’t happen for years, if I want to watch something I just close the door of my room and turn my pc on. There’s no ads and I can choose what to watch. But I really wanted to feel closer to my family and I’m very happy about that hour. - I went in the living room with the purpose of saying goodnight to my dad and did it and he high fived me. May not sound anything special, but that doesn’t happen often (me looking for him; he always tried to be closer to me but I always refused any contact, and playing games was usually the reason why: I did not pay attention to him or I was always too embarassed to try and open myself with him. I hope this is a step towards healing our relationship). Going to bed, alarm in less than 8 hours
  6. So, yesterday I was ashamed to journal, that’s why I didn’t. I’ll do it now. Day 83 Yesterday I woke up at 9.30 and did nothing meaningful (watched my phone, learning more about italian laws about ecigarettes) until 11. At that point I had a craving to go back to my parents’ home. I both wanted to spend time with them, feel less alone, and have decent food for lunch instead of the crap we get at the university canteen. 75 minutes and a bus later I was to my parents’. They waited me for lunch (I arrived at 13.30 and they normally eat at 13.00), it was nice. I didn’t want to eat alone. Then instead of studying I spent the whole afternoon buying materials online for my vape juices. Bought everything: nicotine, vegetal glycerine, propylenic glycol, distilled water, flavours, empty bottles, syringes, needles and so on. Spent 150€. Then in the evening my sister and a friend of her asked me to drive them to a place. I did. While I was driving back home, I noticed the lights in the baseball stadium were on. Now, Italy is not famous for baseball, but my city used to (before bankrupt happened 10 years ago) play the game at quite high level. We also won the european championship or something once. I stopped my car and walked inside. It was the 5th inning already so I just walked past the gates with no one asking me for money. It was my 2nd baseball game ever, I spent 10 minutes looking for the rules online. Then I started to understand. I stayed there 2 hours until the end of the match and had fun. Cool moment. Im trying to upload a photo but can’t do it for some reason. Then went home and stayed up until 3 AM searching the movies tracker. Hence the shame. This morning woke up at 9.30, couldn’t take a shower bc my dad was shaving in the bathroom, went back to bed, woke up again at 12.
  7. @Pierce I don’t like the idea of blocking thoughts in general, I want to think freely without blocks, but gaming thoughts are usually obsessive (repetitive, always identical, over and over) and that’s why I think it’s worth trying to censure them. Conquering habits is important, but conquering the mind is even more important. Also, thanks for reassuring me. Day 82 It’s 2 AM again. I stayed up until late trying to figure out a way to buy nicotine for my vape in an almost-legal way in Italy. I eventually managed to do it, and my numbers say that I will save up to 200€ a month if I do everything correctly (time to play the little chemist). It’s too late for a raging rant against italian politics and culture, so I’m not going for it. Plan for the weekend: I will read the novel that I’m supposed to write about in my next paper. It’s not studying, but not total relax either, and it will save me a bit of time in the coming days. Perfect for the weekend. The book is not very long, around 300 pages, if I finish it tomorrow I’ll make another plan for sunday. Social: I was invited out for dinner by a friend of mine, to a young historian & university professor’s home. I didn’t go because I told myself I was too tired to meet new people. Also, because my gf, who knows him, says that he’s a monster of egocentrism and I didn’t want to deal with the eventuality of an uncomfortable situation. I trusted her judgment instead of going and seeing it with my own eyes. The real reason of my refusal is that I felt like life is too shirt to waste my time doing things I don’t want to do, even if that’s beneficial for my life (and career), but I have to acknowledge that this philosophy never got me anywhere, so I guess I’m just a coward? I should try harder. Also, I was supposed to go visit some old friends but I didn’t do that either. Too tired. I must sleep better. After easter, my sleep schedule never got back to normal. I tried to fix it, but I failed. Today I guess is National Day of Failure in my mind. It was a good day, but it could be much better if I tried.
  8. Day 81 It’s already too late, I’ve been to my gf’s until now, once again. I lost track of time and now it’s 2 AM. Guess I’m not waking up at 8 tomorrow. Or maybe I am. I’ll decide it after the post. ”The shame” The extra lesson this morning was terrible. My belly ached so much because I needed to use the toilet, but I didn’t dare stand up and exit the room because I arrived 5 minutes late & it was my first time in the PhD students private quarters & we were just 7 people including the professor & the environment was very intimate. So I just suffered in silence until I couldn’t hold it anymore and my belly rumbled out loud, I did a half fart and the smell and ahahah it’s so embarassing to just WRITE about this, living it was worse. But hey it happened, can’t change that, I must live with it and it’s nothing serious, just an embarassing moment, no reason to get obsessed about it. I mean please somebody tell me it’s nothing serious bfjskkdhahbabsbsbshoojnm aaaah what a petty human being am I? ”The craving” While I was in the library, at my desk, I suddenly had a very intense craving to play league of legends. I thought about a particular champion, Taliyah - I used to BLOCK my gaming-related thoughts with force of will (with much success) until a month ago, but then I had no more gaming thoughts and so I was caught by surprise by this one and didn’t react immediately. So, the champion: I couldn’t remind its exact skillset. Its abilities. I panicked, and thought I needed to go and play again RIGHT NOW. I was scared I was losing all my skill and if I ever wanted to go back I would be a total newbie, my heart started thumping, my pulse accelerated, I started to sweat. Like a mini panic attack. It lasted for just 30 seconds before I blocked it but was very intense. I’m not sure what to think about it. ”The Roger” Easter holidays’ tennis special training paid off. I played better than ever, almost at the level of the best guy in the course. It was SO SO SO satisfying! Service is fine, right hand is on point, backhand still some problems but I’m working on it. Haven’t had the chance to test volée and smash but they were already good. We played a match and I lost but I gave it my very best and was satisfied by the result. Just need to keep going. ”In search of the wasted time” I really need to improve my sleep schedule. Need that 1 extra hour in the morning. Ok today I failed but I’ll do better tomorrow... but tomorrow is friday... mhhh... The weekend is coming and I need to USE that time, I can’t (only) relax as I usually do. Tomorrow I’ll think about a plan for the weekend. Class at 11-13! I’m going to bed. Love you people
  9. Hello @Natasha, welcome to the community! I really loved your first post, it’s very inspirational and - a word I’ve probably never used in years - touching. I root for you! The first week is usually the hardest and you’ve already overcome that. Wish you all the best. Just a short tip (because I must) I would consider deleting the remaining games from your pc :) (just as I should finally delete my LoL account, so I can relate)
  10. lol Bear no worries, nobody is forced to read my posts! I really appreciate that you (or anybody) take the time to read just a single one (and you do much more than that!). My journal is a free space, people can come and go, just like I don’t feel forced to always read other people’s journal when I’m busy :) Little update: just got out of the tennis lesson and I feel like Roger fkin Federer
  11. Hey :) description is in Monday’s entry. It’s a very long post, the info you want to know is right in the middle of it - - - A couple hours ago I had a very strong craving to game. I’ll elaborate in tonight’s post.
  12. Day 80 Good day. The first half of the italian politics course has ended, now it’ll be less intensive because it’s the students’ turn to speak. I’ll speak on the 30th of may but it’s too early to think about that. Tomorrow at 9 I must attend a class for my extracurricular project. This means I’ll wake up at 8. My goal in the next days will be to always wake up at 8. It’ll be easier after being forced to do it tomorrow. Also, tomorrow is finally thursday and I can’t wait to walk the tennis ground again. I kinda wasted my evening playing 3 hours straight with a bottle of water (lol) together with my gf’s flatmate. The game was throwing it on the table managing to keep it standing. We set many rules and so on. I mean, I wouldn’t say I wasted my time, playing is fun and beneficial, but I need to spend more energy on studying or I won’t have an easy time in the coming month.
  13. Social anxiety is a tough one indeed. I can relate. But at the same time, I find that this detox helped me a ton in the way of overcoming it. Not being absorbed by videogames all the time is a big plus in everyone’s social life, for both friends and relationships :)
  14. Fair enough, I didn’t even know about that :D There’s caffeine in tea though. But maybe you want to quit for another reason. Anyway, good luck! Trying this mysef sooner or later.
  15. Did you try decaffeinated coffee? That’s what I drink in the evening. It’s not as good as “real” coffee but atleast it’s not addictive.
  16. Hey mate. I’m sorry about the xbox thing. I’m happy to read that you’re faring better after that. Also, it’s good that you opened with us about your dating problems. Talking about it can benefit you. I’d like to give you tips about relationships and see if I can help, but the topic is so vast that I can’t say much if you don’t have specific questions. There’s no secret recipe, valid in all situations. Everyone is different, every situation is different. I’ll write a bit anyway, commenting what you wrote. As a general rule, I think that dating and relationships are very different matters. In my opinion, what is generally addressed as dating is mostly a way of validating yourself (or, why not, have sex without further implications. Sex is a basic human need after all), while honest relationships spring from meeting people without a clear intent in mind. Meeting is the important word. You get to know the other person, understand what you like and dislike about him/her, and eventually you start to feel something. In my experience, dating never lead me to a relationship, while meeting people just for the sake of it, almost by chance - because other people are interesting, they really are - often lead me, involuntarily, to start a closer relationship with them that sometimes transformed into something more. It’s not just about “focus on yourself and you’ll meet the right person”. It’s more like “stay close to people you like and you’ll get to know them better”. In her journal, @Dannigan was describing online dating as “(online) shopping”. While I agree with Dani, I also think that “dating” in general, even without the medium of a dating app, can be described that way. My tip is: don’t go to bars with the hope of kissing somebody (expecially if that sounds to you like a remote eventuality). Go there because you want to have a good time, because you like to drink, to dance or to play volleyball, or to meet people in general. If you don’t have real motivation, just don’t go. I never thought I’d say this, because I really dislike this sentence, but just “be yourself”. Hope it helps. Hell, it’s 2.30 AM now, if it doesn’t I’m slipping inside your home while you’re asleep and eat all of your cookies.
  17. Day 79 Had a good day with its pros and cons. I woke up at 9.30 (the latest allowed by my schedule, but still allowed). Right after waking up I failed my goal not to look at my phone before getting dressed, because my flatmate was using the bathroom and I didn’t know what to do while I was waiting for my time to take a shower. And it took a while. Then I arrived to the library very late but kept a positive attitude and by the end of the day I had studied more than usual. That’s because I involuntary did some changes: 1 Since I arrived late, my favourite room was already full and I could not take a seat. Instead of finding another “secundary” room, I went directly to the main room. I used to avoid the main room because it’s totally silent, so silent that it used to feel oppressive. But I guess I changed and now the silence of 100 people around me doesn’t scare me anymore. In fact, it helped me focus more and be more productive. I’ll use the main room again in the future. 2 I took less breaks, even for smoking. Probably due to being more focused. 3 I had conversations during breaks. Just small talk. I found it helps to clear my mind and be ready when I go back to studying. Thanks for reading 5 days without tobacco!
  18. Tips? Me? Come on. I’m not trying to boost your self-esteem or confidence when I say that you’re doing fine. I really mean it. You “just” relapsed, but didn’t totally lose control. This means that you’ll finish your detox a bit later, it’ll take longer. It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t negate all the progress you did. Because you did a lot of progress. Remember when we were two total newbies on this forum? Our first posts, trying to adapt to the new challenge and so on? We both got very far away from our past selves. Not just me. The only “tip” that I can think of is this: reading your posts you seem a bit stressed. Is that so? You’re focusing a lot on your studies and professional life, and also on creativity (btw I like your drawings) but are you paying attention to the other areas of your life? Family, friends, love? Also, it looks like that your favourite way of relaxing is watching anime, but you don’t do that as often as before. I think it’s a very good signal because there are much healthier way to relax. I have the same problem with movies.
  19. It’s become hard to comment on this journal, everything is always too perfect! Good job, you’re really reclaiming your life ;)
  20. @Dannigan Guess what’s left to do (about number of members speculations) is accepting the mistery. I agree with the great majority of your corrections, and still I have a feeling that we are less than we should reasonably expect to be. About your friends... I think that before trying to help other people, we should achieve freedom for ourselves. That means - putting it in oversimplified terms - completing our detox. I see how my brother wastes his life, I see a couple of my friends as well, and I remember how I used to be. They wouldn’t listen. Hell, they DON’T! I had this conversation with one of my best friends who is also my closest gaming buddy ever, and he was like “well if you felt necessary to quit I support you. But I’m not sure that gaming addiction is a real real thing. I’m not addicted, anyway.”. He plays (or at least used to play, I’m not sure about now) 10 hours a day! I mean what the hell? Look at yourself! BUT we can be an example for them. If they see that we have a better life, they will be encouraged to walk the same path! Or at least, that’s what I hope. That’s our best bet anyway :) @Arch This is SO SO IMPORTANT for understanding how a gaming addiction works, I’m very happy you mentioned it. And I add (this is what I think you meant): not only gaming makes it harder to live, but a harder life gets you more into games, that in turn make life even harder, and you escape in games even more, etc... It’s a spiral. I think it is important to understand this part because most addicts wonder “how did I end up like this...”, and I think that what they experienced was NOT a linear process, but more of an exponential one. Gaming addiction doesn’t “add”, but “multiply”. I probably wasn’t very clear, here are the limitations of my english, but I hope you get what I mean. Also, thanks for taking a political view of the situation, it’s much necessary nowdays, and it’s very hearthening to hear somebody speak like that. More awareness and understanding of the problem means more means to fight it. Day 78 This morning I did a very silly thing xxD I volunteered for extra-curricular work that I wasn’t supposed or even required to do. I must research if and how the narrative structure of Joseph Roth’s “Job” takes after the biblical Book of Job and write a 10 pages essay on the subject, then tell the class about my conclusions in a 30 min speech. I mean, it’s good that I am willing to do more than I’m expected to do, it’s part of my plan to (re?)claim a top-tier student status (and hopefully get a PhD scholarship one day), but now my calendar is totally fucked up. 27/4 Exam 12/5 This thing 30/5 Another exam I must pass (almost flawlessly, or it’s not even worth the effort) 3 exams in less than 2 months while attending from 12 up to 24 hours of class every week. The next 2 months will be hard, very hard. Probably the hardest ever, or close to it. I’ll do my best, but will it be enough? I must try tho. I can’t escape. If I succeed I will also regain a lot of self-esteem and confidence & academic validation. I’ll need to use my evening time way better. I must go to bed 1 hour earlier so to gain 1 more hour in the morning, AND I must go back to do some studying in the evening too. P.S. While writing this my “smoke free” app popped the “100 hours free from cigarettes” notification, good stuff.
  21. Where do you live in Italy (if you feel comfortable sharing)? :) & Congrats for your B1. Trust the guys in Brussels. They know their business. They told me I have a B1 in German and I was like “lol are you serious I can barely order kebab” but then I found out they weren’t totally wrong. B1 is exactly what you need for basic stuff like ordering a meal, paying your rent, going to the toilet in public places, etc... And now that you live in this country you’ll improve a lot! I’m happy to hear that you’re doing well for the most part. About time management, I find it easier when it’s not you managing time, but time managing you. I’m not talking about videogames, of course, but having a busy life! Farewell!
  22. Day 77 Last day of nothingness. I cleaned the house and also my own room, though. Just to be more ready for the upcoming days. Tomorrow I’ll be back at it with the real life. I feel prepared for it. Will need to watch my sleep schedule, make drastic changes. Today I woke up at 1 PM. Not ok. I’m fixing it. Tomorrow I’ll wake up at 9 or die trying. And I’ll wake up at around 9 for the whole week. Need to re-establish that good habit. Spring break ended, I didn’t game, I even quit smoking tobacco. It’s not a perfect score, but it’s enough to rejoice. It was hard in the last days to see my girlfriend study the whole time while I was doing nothing, chilling on the armchair, phone in hand the whole time... But if you want to achieve, you also need to know when to relax. Relax is over. I’m back. GOALS FOR THE NEXT WEEK 1 Wake up between 7.30 and 9.30 every day. 2 Watching my phone before getting washed & dressed is FORBIDDEN. Let’s go.
  23. I just asked myself: why is this community so small? I mean, I don’t “want” it to grow, this size fits me perfectly. But we’re just a bunch of people. Where’s the thousands and thousands of people who suffer from a gaming addiction? Right now, if everyone of us decided to play on the same server (let’s say a WoW server), we wouldn’t fill a tenth of it. Are there similar websites? Are the people there? Mind blown. Let’s try to answer: 1 A big part of addicts (let’s estimate 50%) don’t know/don’t want to acknowledge that they have a problem. 2 A big part of addicts (let’s estimate another 50%) doesn’t speak english, or doesn’t know english well enough to contribute here. 3 Most addicts (let’s estimate 90%) are not thinking about quitting anytime soon. Either they don’t think they can succeed, or they don’t want to try right now. This leaves (if my calculations are correct, but I suck at maths, and my estimates are ofc not supported by data) a 2.5% of potential members out there. Cam mentioned that gaming addicts in the world are roughly 10 millions. Let’s accept this figure. This means that today there are 25.000 people potentially interested in this website. It’s very likely that most of them have found this website via google. But let’s assume that only 1/3 of them registered. Even with such pessimistic numbers, we should still see thousands of post every day. But we just see tens of them. I don’t get it.
  24. It’s always hard to let go of your past. I can relate to your gameboy nostalgia. But when I really look into it, I find that what I miss are the sweet childhood memories, playing with friends all together everyone with his own gameboy while talking to each other... Last summer I played Pokemon again after years. I closed myself into my room while all my friends were at the seaside, and finished Pokemon Black in two days. Was I happy? No, I felt like shit. In the end I must acknowledge that what I miss are not the games themselves, but the needs they easily satisfied: easy social interaction, avoiding boredom, measurable progress, meaning, and so on... Pokemons are old friends, like the toy puppy we slept with when we were child. But now we have grown up and we can let them go, even if it is painful. They would understand. They were our friends after all, weren’t they? I don’t know if this applies to you, but I thought I’d share :)
  25. Day 76 Spent the day watching The Young Pope and surfing the net for more information about vapes. I’m not doing anything meaningful but it’s ok, I’ve taken this week of inactivity as a way of recharging my batteries and take it easy while I stop smoking. I found out that the reason why eJuice is so expensive is that laws and regulations about it are very strict in Italy, and taxes are extremely high compared to other countries (500€ of taxes for every liter of product; considering taxes alone, eLiquids are actually more expensive than the best wines). I better start crafting my own eJuice as soon as possible by buying basic materials and mixing them or I’ll run out of money before I realize it. Tonight I went out with friends and had a very good time. Moderate alchohol, interesting conversation, no cigarettes. @Regular Robert Thanks mate. As I said this is not a real quit, I’m still inhaling nicotine. It’s much easier than quitting cold turkey because it is not quitting. This is very clear in my mind. I will need to stop the nicotine addiction sooner or later. But now I’m happy to just transition to a less dangerous alternative for some time. I just want to be sure that I’m not going back to tobacco cigarettes before I try to quit for real. Having an addiction is bad, but killing a little bit of myself every day is even worse. And my gaming detox hasn’t ended yet. That said, I wish you every possible luck for your attempt to get rid of this dangerous habit. But hey, when the commitment will be there, you won’t need any luck! I really hope you can overcome it. —- My entries have been quite lackluster lately because my life isn’t going as well as in the previous weeks. My sleep schedule is always changing, I do nothing the whole day, I don’t always have lunch and dinner at fixed times and so on. I’m confident that everything will go back to normal when I’ll be back at my usual daily routine, starting next monday.