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Everything posted by info-gatherer

  1. Fair enough, I didn’t even know about that :D There’s caffeine in tea though. But maybe you want to quit for another reason. Anyway, good luck! Trying this mysef sooner or later.
  2. Did you try decaffeinated coffee? That’s what I drink in the evening. It’s not as good as “real” coffee but atleast it’s not addictive.
  3. Hey mate. I’m sorry about the xbox thing. I’m happy to read that you’re faring better after that. Also, it’s good that you opened with us about your dating problems. Talking about it can benefit you. I’d like to give you tips about relationships and see if I can help, but the topic is so vast that I can’t say much if you don’t have specific questions. There’s no secret recipe, valid in all situations. Everyone is different, every situation is different. I’ll write a bit anyway, commenting what you wrote. As a general rule, I think that dating and relationships are very different matters. In my opinion, what is generally addressed as dating is mostly a way of validating yourself (or, why not, have sex without further implications. Sex is a basic human need after all), while honest relationships spring from meeting people without a clear intent in mind. Meeting is the important word. You get to know the other person, understand what you like and dislike about him/her, and eventually you start to feel something. In my experience, dating never lead me to a relationship, while meeting people just for the sake of it, almost by chance - because other people are interesting, they really are - often lead me, involuntarily, to start a closer relationship with them that sometimes transformed into something more. It’s not just about “focus on yourself and you’ll meet the right person”. It’s more like “stay close to people you like and you’ll get to know them better”. In her journal, @Dannigan was describing online dating as “(online) shopping”. While I agree with Dani, I also think that “dating” in general, even without the medium of a dating app, can be described that way. My tip is: don’t go to bars with the hope of kissing somebody (expecially if that sounds to you like a remote eventuality). Go there because you want to have a good time, because you like to drink, to dance or to play volleyball, or to meet people in general. If you don’t have real motivation, just don’t go. I never thought I’d say this, because I really dislike this sentence, but just “be yourself”. Hope it helps. Hell, it’s 2.30 AM now, if it doesn’t I’m slipping inside your home while you’re asleep and eat all of your cookies.
  4. Day 79 Had a good day with its pros and cons. I woke up at 9.30 (the latest allowed by my schedule, but still allowed). Right after waking up I failed my goal not to look at my phone before getting dressed, because my flatmate was using the bathroom and I didn’t know what to do while I was waiting for my time to take a shower. And it took a while. Then I arrived to the library very late but kept a positive attitude and by the end of the day I had studied more than usual. That’s because I involuntary did some changes: 1 Since I arrived late, my favourite room was already full and I could not take a seat. Instead of finding another “secundary” room, I went directly to the main room. I used to avoid the main room because it’s totally silent, so silent that it used to feel oppressive. But I guess I changed and now the silence of 100 people around me doesn’t scare me anymore. In fact, it helped me focus more and be more productive. I’ll use the main room again in the future. 2 I took less breaks, even for smoking. Probably due to being more focused. 3 I had conversations during breaks. Just small talk. I found it helps to clear my mind and be ready when I go back to studying. Thanks for reading 5 days without tobacco!
  5. Tips? Me? Come on. I’m not trying to boost your self-esteem or confidence when I say that you’re doing fine. I really mean it. You “just” relapsed, but didn’t totally lose control. This means that you’ll finish your detox a bit later, it’ll take longer. It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t negate all the progress you did. Because you did a lot of progress. Remember when we were two total newbies on this forum? Our first posts, trying to adapt to the new challenge and so on? We both got very far away from our past selves. Not just me. The only “tip” that I can think of is this: reading your posts you seem a bit stressed. Is that so? You’re focusing a lot on your studies and professional life, and also on creativity (btw I like your drawings) but are you paying attention to the other areas of your life? Family, friends, love? Also, it looks like that your favourite way of relaxing is watching anime, but you don’t do that as often as before. I think it’s a very good signal because there are much healthier way to relax. I have the same problem with movies.
  6. It’s become hard to comment on this journal, everything is always too perfect! Good job, you’re really reclaiming your life ;)
  7. @Dannigan Guess what’s left to do (about number of members speculations) is accepting the mistery. I agree with the great majority of your corrections, and still I have a feeling that we are less than we should reasonably expect to be. About your friends... I think that before trying to help other people, we should achieve freedom for ourselves. That means - putting it in oversimplified terms - completing our detox. I see how my brother wastes his life, I see a couple of my friends as well, and I remember how I used to be. They wouldn’t listen. Hell, they DON’T! I had this conversation with one of my best friends who is also my closest gaming buddy ever, and he was like “well if you felt necessary to quit I support you. But I’m not sure that gaming addiction is a real real thing. I’m not addicted, anyway.”. He plays (or at least used to play, I’m not sure about now) 10 hours a day! I mean what the hell? Look at yourself! BUT we can be an example for them. If they see that we have a better life, they will be encouraged to walk the same path! Or at least, that’s what I hope. That’s our best bet anyway :) @Arch This is SO SO IMPORTANT for understanding how a gaming addiction works, I’m very happy you mentioned it. And I add (this is what I think you meant): not only gaming makes it harder to live, but a harder life gets you more into games, that in turn make life even harder, and you escape in games even more, etc... It’s a spiral. I think it is important to understand this part because most addicts wonder “how did I end up like this...”, and I think that what they experienced was NOT a linear process, but more of an exponential one. Gaming addiction doesn’t “add”, but “multiply”. I probably wasn’t very clear, here are the limitations of my english, but I hope you get what I mean. Also, thanks for taking a political view of the situation, it’s much necessary nowdays, and it’s very hearthening to hear somebody speak like that. More awareness and understanding of the problem means more means to fight it. Day 78 This morning I did a very silly thing xxD I volunteered for extra-curricular work that I wasn’t supposed or even required to do. I must research if and how the narrative structure of Joseph Roth’s “Job” takes after the biblical Book of Job and write a 10 pages essay on the subject, then tell the class about my conclusions in a 30 min speech. I mean, it’s good that I am willing to do more than I’m expected to do, it’s part of my plan to (re?)claim a top-tier student status (and hopefully get a PhD scholarship one day), but now my calendar is totally fucked up. 27/4 Exam 12/5 This thing 30/5 Another exam I must pass (almost flawlessly, or it’s not even worth the effort) 3 exams in less than 2 months while attending from 12 up to 24 hours of class every week. The next 2 months will be hard, very hard. Probably the hardest ever, or close to it. I’ll do my best, but will it be enough? I must try tho. I can’t escape. If I succeed I will also regain a lot of self-esteem and confidence & academic validation. I’ll need to use my evening time way better. I must go to bed 1 hour earlier so to gain 1 more hour in the morning, AND I must go back to do some studying in the evening too. P.S. While writing this my “smoke free” app popped the “100 hours free from cigarettes” notification, good stuff.
  8. Where do you live in Italy (if you feel comfortable sharing)? :) & Congrats for your B1. Trust the guys in Brussels. They know their business. They told me I have a B1 in German and I was like “lol are you serious I can barely order kebab” but then I found out they weren’t totally wrong. B1 is exactly what you need for basic stuff like ordering a meal, paying your rent, going to the toilet in public places, etc... And now that you live in this country you’ll improve a lot! I’m happy to hear that you’re doing well for the most part. About time management, I find it easier when it’s not you managing time, but time managing you. I’m not talking about videogames, of course, but having a busy life! Farewell!
  9. Day 77 Last day of nothingness. I cleaned the house and also my own room, though. Just to be more ready for the upcoming days. Tomorrow I’ll be back at it with the real life. I feel prepared for it. Will need to watch my sleep schedule, make drastic changes. Today I woke up at 1 PM. Not ok. I’m fixing it. Tomorrow I’ll wake up at 9 or die trying. And I’ll wake up at around 9 for the whole week. Need to re-establish that good habit. Spring break ended, I didn’t game, I even quit smoking tobacco. It’s not a perfect score, but it’s enough to rejoice. It was hard in the last days to see my girlfriend study the whole time while I was doing nothing, chilling on the armchair, phone in hand the whole time... But if you want to achieve, you also need to know when to relax. Relax is over. I’m back. GOALS FOR THE NEXT WEEK 1 Wake up between 7.30 and 9.30 every day. 2 Watching my phone before getting washed & dressed is FORBIDDEN. Let’s go.
  10. I just asked myself: why is this community so small? I mean, I don’t “want” it to grow, this size fits me perfectly. But we’re just a bunch of people. Where’s the thousands and thousands of people who suffer from a gaming addiction? Right now, if everyone of us decided to play on the same server (let’s say a WoW server), we wouldn’t fill a tenth of it. Are there similar websites? Are the people there? Mind blown. Let’s try to answer: 1 A big part of addicts (let’s estimate 50%) don’t know/don’t want to acknowledge that they have a problem. 2 A big part of addicts (let’s estimate another 50%) doesn’t speak english, or doesn’t know english well enough to contribute here. 3 Most addicts (let’s estimate 90%) are not thinking about quitting anytime soon. Either they don’t think they can succeed, or they don’t want to try right now. This leaves (if my calculations are correct, but I suck at maths, and my estimates are ofc not supported by data) a 2.5% of potential members out there. Cam mentioned that gaming addicts in the world are roughly 10 millions. Let’s accept this figure. This means that today there are 25.000 people potentially interested in this website. It’s very likely that most of them have found this website via google. But let’s assume that only 1/3 of them registered. Even with such pessimistic numbers, we should still see thousands of post every day. But we just see tens of them. I don’t get it.
  11. It’s always hard to let go of your past. I can relate to your gameboy nostalgia. But when I really look into it, I find that what I miss are the sweet childhood memories, playing with friends all together everyone with his own gameboy while talking to each other... Last summer I played Pokemon again after years. I closed myself into my room while all my friends were at the seaside, and finished Pokemon Black in two days. Was I happy? No, I felt like shit. In the end I must acknowledge that what I miss are not the games themselves, but the needs they easily satisfied: easy social interaction, avoiding boredom, measurable progress, meaning, and so on... Pokemons are old friends, like the toy puppy we slept with when we were child. But now we have grown up and we can let them go, even if it is painful. They would understand. They were our friends after all, weren’t they? I don’t know if this applies to you, but I thought I’d share :)
  12. Day 76 Spent the day watching The Young Pope and surfing the net for more information about vapes. I’m not doing anything meaningful but it’s ok, I’ve taken this week of inactivity as a way of recharging my batteries and take it easy while I stop smoking. I found out that the reason why eJuice is so expensive is that laws and regulations about it are very strict in Italy, and taxes are extremely high compared to other countries (500€ of taxes for every liter of product; considering taxes alone, eLiquids are actually more expensive than the best wines). I better start crafting my own eJuice as soon as possible by buying basic materials and mixing them or I’ll run out of money before I realize it. Tonight I went out with friends and had a very good time. Moderate alchohol, interesting conversation, no cigarettes. @Regular Robert Thanks mate. As I said this is not a real quit, I’m still inhaling nicotine. It’s much easier than quitting cold turkey because it is not quitting. This is very clear in my mind. I will need to stop the nicotine addiction sooner or later. But now I’m happy to just transition to a less dangerous alternative for some time. I just want to be sure that I’m not going back to tobacco cigarettes before I try to quit for real. Having an addiction is bad, but killing a little bit of myself every day is even worse. And my gaming detox hasn’t ended yet. That said, I wish you every possible luck for your attempt to get rid of this dangerous habit. But hey, when the commitment will be there, you won’t need any luck! I really hope you can overcome it. —- My entries have been quite lackluster lately because my life isn’t going as well as in the previous weeks. My sleep schedule is always changing, I do nothing the whole day, I don’t always have lunch and dinner at fixed times and so on. I’m confident that everything will go back to normal when I’ll be back at my usual daily routine, starting next monday.
  13. Day 75 Woke up and went to uni city. Realized I forgot my keys and so I’ve been locked out of home for the whole day. No big deal, my parents are coming to uni city tomorrow (not because of me, they would come anyway) and they’ll bring me the keys. I’m sleeping to my gf’s. Attended class from 11 to 13, then my gf wanted to go eating sushi so we ate a ton and slept half the afternoon afterwards. In the evening for dinner I made the “Summer salad”, one of my signature recipes: -Iceberg salad -Cucumber -Carrot -Red radishes -Sunflower seeds -Green apple -Salt & Corn oil (Optional: walnuts, pear) Then a friend came to visit us and he and my gf smoked cigarettes and weed next to me but I was happy to just smoke my eCig. I’m quitting cigarettes without even trying, I went from 1 pack a day to 0 with almost no cravings, this thing looks like a miracle! But I know it’s early to say that it worked. Hopefully next month I’ll post here and say that I’m a non-(cigarette)smoker. Only thing that bothers me is that I’m probably spending more than before. 1 bottle of eJuice sells for 8€ and lasts 2 days. I previously spent 2€/day because I rolled my own cigarettes. If my calculations are correct I’m going to spend twice as much as before. But it’s for my health and I’m happy to do it. Also, maybe in internet I can find ejuice at lower prices :) It’s been a week since I last opened a book, I should go back on studying asap. Not sure if I’ll wait for monday or start tomorrow. Checking out Edit: @Pierce and everyone else: don’t be scared to offend me and please correct my english mistakes when I do them! I want to improve and I’ll be grateful!
  14. Day 74 A lot of stuff happened. This morning started in the worst way possible. I ignored the alarm and slept until 11. Then I surfed the net before gettinng out of bed and when I finally got up I immediately went to smoke a cigarette, with the sun heating my head. 5 min after getting out of bed I already had an headache and I knew the day was going down the drain. My grandma came cooking at my home and I had lunch with her and my siblings. Then instead of packing my stuff and going to uni city I watched TV for the whole afternoon. This way I missed the tennis lesson (is “missing” the correct verb? Skip maybe?) and I wasted my day. But at 6 PM I had this phone call with my GF, explained that I didn’t do anything the whole day. She said: “I think that in the last few months you learned that it’s never too late to live a meaningful day”. And I realized that she was speaking the truth. So I moved my ass and went out. What to do, what to do? I went to the vape shop and bought an eCigarette. Spent 120€. I tried it before buying it and I was surprised of how similar to smoking a real cigarette it felt. Really, amazing. I didn’t really mean to stop smoking, I wanted to buy it for future use, but I haven’t smoked a cigarette yet and I’m super happy of this new thing. It’s a very similar sensation. Also, I know that I’m not really quitting, there’s still nicotine inside this product, but I’m removing the great majority of the negative effects of smoking. I’ll quit completely in the future. As of now, I’m so so happy. Looks like magic. We’ll see if it will still look like magic even tomorrow morning, at breakfast xD I’ll re-evaluate in tomorrow’s entry. After dinner I texted one of my oldest friends. He came back in my city for the holidays, now he lives in Belgium and he’s finishing his master in engineering. We went out and got a hot chocolate. I told him about the detox and he was like “wow we’ve known each other for so long and I never suspected a thing. Did you really had a gaming addiction? Is gaming addiction a real thing anyway?”. Yes, I always hid so well. For some reason I felt proud of it. We ended up talking about politics. He’s a right wing liberal, and he’s getting involved in european politics. He’s meeting with european parlament deputates and so on. I’m a left wing social democratic, my ideas are almost opposite than his. We talked about immigration politics in Italy and oh man it was a hard talk. We couldn’t find common ground. Anyway, it was good seeing him. He also said it, “was good seeing you”, right before slamming the car door in my face without giving me the possibility of replying. tomorrow I have class at 11. This means waking up at 7.30. For gods sake. oh I almost forgot: MY REQUEST FOR STUDYING IN PARIS GOT APPROVED! Not at the most prestigious university, my first choice, but I was accepted at another university, one good enough, that I selected as a backup choice. Gonna spend 9 months there! It starts in september! @BigOlBeartic good seeing you again, and good to read (in your journal) that you’re faring well :) My brother knows but we haven’t talked about it. I will think about your suggestion next time I come back home.
  15. The sun doesn’t smile at me, but apart from that I really enjoyed reading your post. I was raised with the utmost severity. since when I was a kid I was taught the importance of behaving appropriately, which meant for the most part being always damn serious and respecting the rules. Never taking it easy. And I was taught shame whenever I failed, never forgiveness. I can remember when I was a child and I always tried to hide my emotions to hurt my parents. I wanted them to know that I didn’t care about their authority. Yes, I did as they wanted, but I wanted them to understand that I hated them for it. As a price they had to pay for my obedience. So I suppressed my emotions, always hiding them: because of the reason I mentioned with my parents, because of shame with other people. I was never taught to show emotions, I always had to pretend. Like my father, who almost never showed his deep emotions. Now I understand that my parents were just trying to protect and mentor me, but back then it was hella hard. And it took its toll. I never developed a functional personality. In the last few years things got better, but I still am the usual edgy asshole unable to express his true feelings. I always have to wear some kind of metaphorical mask. thanks for what you wrote.
  16. @Pierce I'm not sure whether you're talking about smoking or binge-watching videos. I will assume that you're comparing the two. Sadly, for smoking (and any substance-related addiction) you don't need a trigger. Even in the most wonderful days, every 40 min you get the urge of lighting up a cigarette. There's a source, though: I had a girlfriend that was a smoker, and I started because I wanted to emulate her. That's all. The more you smoke, the more you want to smoke. Both the psychology and the physiology behind the phenomenon are quite simple. As usual thanks for the kind words :) @Dannigan Thanks for the tips. I'll probably do as you suggest and won't try to quit smoking before the detox is over. Also, I know that smoking is bad. I always knew. But as Allen Carr puts it, "we don't smoke for the reasons why we shouldn't". Day 73 Woke up early, spent the morning on the Gamequitters website. I had neglected it lately, so I catched up with some journals. In the afternoon I went to pick up my brother after his basketball course. I noticed he was very impatient to go back home and play PS4. I’m very worried about him. He spends all his free time playing videogames with his friends or alone. He rushes homework because he wants to play more. When he’s not playing, he is watching some fucking youtube video from a fucking idiotic italian streamer, two hours or more every night before going to bed. He is 12, he has a social life, his school marks are very good, he does sports, he’s even had a girlfriend for almost one year now, he has a good relationship with the family, but I can’t help but feel scared for him. I know where he’s heading to. I walked his same steps. He has no interest for reading anymore, not even for watching tv with my parents. He prefers to use the evening for playing online with the xbox. My mum and dad don’t realize it, they didn’t learn much from me. They always prefered to just scream at me, without trying to understand. And they still don’t understand. My dad is a bank director, my mum a university professor. And they look so helpless when confronted with this thing they don’t understand. I don’t know how I can help my brother. We are not very close. When I try to talk to him, he always nods and pretends to understand. He respects me a bit, but he’s mostly scared. He knows that I don’t talk much, but when I do, I mean it, and I can get very depressed or very crazy. Anyway, I asked him if it was ok if we went to visit our grandparents before going back home. He said ok. We went and after 5 min he insisted for leaving. He couldn’t wait. It was good seeing my gp anyway. In the afternoon I received a call from a friend I didn’t see since october. He graduated in archeology in the meantime, and he came to my city because he’s got to take an exam here for the abilitation to be a tour guide. He’s taken a break from university, he says he’ll start studying again next year. We spent the afternoon together, and then he invited me to have dinner in the apartment he has rented. I accepted. We talked a bit. Not much confidence, a bit of suspiciousness, but pleasant evening overall. Tomorrow I should go back to uni city but I don’t want to. I barely spent any time with my parents in the whole week. I was always out or in front of my pc. Maybe I’ll wait for friday. P.S. My grandma broke her ring finger. Both bone and muscle are gone. She doesn’t want to have surgery, and she won’t be able to use that finger anymore. She said “who cares, I still have the other 9 fingers”. I thought she meant “I’m so old that it’s not worth fixing me”. I love my grandma, and I don’t want her to die, even if she’s very old and lived a happy life.
  17. I feel you. When I started university and I went living on my own for the first time I was happy to have this freedom. I could decide whether I would go to class or not, whether I would study or not. I thought I could judge better than my university, I skipped a lot of classes because they were “boring”, “low-level” and such, and I only went to the best classes. Fast forward a couple years: I had impossible sleep schedules, I almost didn’t go to classes anymore, I spent all my days and nights watching movies or surfing gaming websites, I had no more friends because I never got out of home. It was terrible. Freedom is precious, but it is also a burden. It’s very easy to fail. Having someone telling you what to do, like respecting a class schedule and time structure decided by your university is much easier. A cowardly choice? “Freedom is too much for me”? I don’t know, but I can judge results, and freedom seldom got me anywhere.
  18. When I started to detox I experienced the same feeling: everything is boring except playing games. Give yourself a couple weeks and you’ll start to enjoy life again. The reason why everything seems boring is that - as you already noticed - gaming is a huge stimulant, and everything looks flat in comparison. But this is just the addiction mechanism at work, the same process that got you addicted in the first place. Beat it and you’ll not regret it. About social life, well, I pretty much suck at it, but anyway I’ve noticed huge improvements in the last couple months. Not thinking about games all the time means your life gets more interesting and if you spend a lot of time out of your house you’ll automatically get to know new people. You may like them or not, but I advice you to always spend time with them, even for a short chat. It’s a good training exercise for honing your numbed social skills.
  19. Hey @Dannigan :) Thanks for the kind words. The friends I’m hanging out with in this days are my oldest friends, we’ve been together for years and since we live in different cities we seldom see each other. We are also very different, diverse characters, not many interest in common and so on. If we met today for the first time we would probably hate each other lol. But we’ve been together for a long time and they’re very dear to me. Apart from them, I barely have friends. And most of my friends, old and new, are very different from me anyway. I like spending time with them, but I rarely feel real empathy towards them. I mostly feel like I’m alone, even when I’m with other people. Yes, I don’t get bored, but I’m not fulfilled either. Day 72 (spoiler: high level of negativity) The person with the best social life on the planet spent litterally the whole day on the movies tracker. I want to explain why, and what are the consequences. The movies tracker requires me to leave my pc on as much as I can. This means that as soon as I wake up in the morning, my pc is there, and I can’t help but sit down and check it to see if everything is running smoothly. Then what happens? I see the opportunity of filling a request or uploading a file. I sit down and do it. One, two hours pass. Then another, and yet another one. The more I upload/fill requests, the more my rank levels up. Tonight I made it to VIP. Sounds like a video game, right? The feeling is indeed similar. I have my little xp bar and all I have to do is make it to the next step. But I really don’t care about my rank, nor about the leveling feeling. I do it out of fear of being banned. I could log in just once a month, but even this minuscule quantity of gamification manages to get me hooked. I want to show them that I am a good user, I can contribute, so they don’t ban me and I can download everything I want.... even if I don’t watch movies anymore because I spend all my time hunting the rarest release.... How stupid I am? How worthless? I downloaded 3 TB of stuff, I watch 2 movies every week, I don’t need to download anymore for atleast 2 years. But hey, what if I really want to watch that specific movie that is obviously impossible to find in public trackers and that I can’t even buy because the industry is so god damn greedy and copyright laws are so fucking outdated that they would be obsolete in the VHS era? But I am better than this. I can ask more to myself. I need and want to respect all the efforts that started more than 2 months ago and lead me where I am now: in a much better spot in my life. I’ll seed the last movie that I uploaded and then I’ll log out of that account and I’m not using it until the end of this spring break. My mom likes to use my pc, she’ll do the seeding when I’ll be in uni city. I’ll download a single movie a month, deciding the title BEFORE I login, just to keep my account active. I’m done with this rankup bullshit, and I’m done with wasting my time. To be more clear: GOAL: Don’t use the movies tracker until the end of the spring break. Not even logging in will be allowed. Tomorrow I will go out early, have a good walk and stay away from my room. End of the rant. But not end of the entry. Next topic: smoking. Today on the StopSmoking subreddit there was the picture of a guy that spat blood in a cup. He’s in his thirties, just been diagnosed with 3rd stage lung cancer. HOW MUCH FUCKIN STUPIDITY DOES IT TAKE TO SMOKE THOSE CANCER STICKS? I really don’t know how I ended up like this. (Yes, I know, but still it seems a dream.) I said so many times in this journal that as soon as I finish this detox I want to quit smoking, but I don’t even feel prepared. I don’t know if I must buy a vape or quit cold turkey, for example. I don’t know if I will get fat, or whether I’ll be able to focus on my books or I’ll think about cigarettes all the time and fail my exams. If I will go back to it one day. I don’t know anything, except that I want to be free. I feel very isolated and in danger, and I don’t see the way out. I will rely on sheer willpower for surviving the day tomorrow.
  20. I apologise, I’ve been quite lazy in the last few days and I didn’t read other people’s journals. I’m just very busy. Day 71 Went with friends to an amusement park, spent the whole day there. I met the new gf of one of my best friends and she’s ok. In the evening we roasted some meat and had dinner all together. Then we played Trivial Pursuit but we didn’t manage to finish the game bc it was getting a bit late and people wanted to go home. Holidays are just like this, a bit of it is very healthy but after a couple days I get tired and I want to get back to “work”. A pleasant day anyway. Had no time to surf anything.
  21. Day 70 This morning I surprised myself and decided to go hearing Mass at the church. I’m something like an agnostic and certainly not a christian, but I didn’t go for so long and it’s been a huge part of my childhood, so I went. Then I had lunch with my whole family. In the afternoon I decided to go and play tennis again. I was so tired: last night I slept 5-6 hours, I ate like crazy at lunch, chainsmoked the whole day, the muscles behind my neck still ached because of yesterday’s afternoon... after 10 minutes I was already exhausted, after 40 minutes I gave up and went back home. I spent the whole evening surfing the movies tracker, even if I knew I should not. I’m not happy about it, but it’s spring break and I don’t feel too much guilty. Maybe I should... who knows?
  22. Day 69 This morning I went out with a friend and we talked a bit. We didn’t see each other since november. In the afternoon I played tennis again with my friends. I played VERY GOOD and everyone was “wtf yesterday you were terrible what happened”... One of them litterally ragequitted after I beat her twice in a row. I think it’s also because I tried a new racket and I feel way more comfortable with it, so I’m bringing it to uni city and replace the previous one. I won most games and it felt very good because I’ve finally seen some progress after so many (<15? Lol) lessons. And so the whole afternoon went by. In the evening I watched a movie. Then I made the terrible mistake of wasting 3 hours on the movies tracker. I actually spend more time uploading stuff and partecipating to the community than watching what I download... This is not ok and I’ll fix it. Goal for tomorrow: log in no more than 2 times into the movies tracker. Tomorrow I’m going out for lunch with my whole family and I’ll eat many tasty things. My dad says that I’m getting fat and that’s probably true to an extent. I’ve never been fat. Well when I will quit smoking I will do more exercise, but for now I’ll just try to watch my diet.
  23. Day 68 So... Came back to parents’ home. Spent a couple hours uploading some movies on the movie tracker. Then I got out and went to play tennis with some friends. It started to rain so we waited an hour in the car and when it stopped we played for half an hour. I was the worst player indeed but I had fun. We’re probably going again in the next days. In the evening I went out with the same friends and my sister. We had dinner, then we went to play Bingo (it’s gambling, but not a strategy game, so I get bored. I spent 3€ and my friends 8 or so). Then we went to play bowling and I won (hehe) and finally, the last game, we played pool. Before going back home we went to eat again, we had italian bakery products. Overall I spent quite a lot of money tonight but it’s ok, I had a good time. Now it’s 4 AM and I apologise, I’m so tired and my english probably sucks. Gaming-related thing of the day: I played bowling and pool while being literally surrounded by arcade videogames and I didn’t watch a screen once. But it’s getting natural, I don’t need anymore to force myself to look away. I didn’t have the slightest craving. Goodnight
  24. :) I’ve already been there. Not a real alcoholic, but a problematic drinker indeed. And then I just stopped drinking. Now I’m mostly sober even in social situations. I very seldom drink, and when I do, not as much as I used to. I think that the difference between a problematic and a non-problematic drinker is that the first gets drunk not only when he hangs out with friends, but also alone in his room. I don’t do that anymore.
  25. When I started this detox, I knew for sure that the week I’m going to face would be the hardest one. The real test. I learned a lot in this 2 months and I am now confident I will not game. I will keep myself busy, go out with friends whenever possible, try to study, spend time with my parents. There will be downtime for sure, but I’m here because I want to re-state my commitment. I did fine until now and I will be successful at the end of the holidays week. I will probably journal more often in the coming days. My bus leaves in 10, I better get ready.
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