DaBest

Day 2 (2 day streak) No gaming or anything gaming-related today. It's usually pretty easy when I stay away from home until 8-9 PM, which is something I've been doing more of recently to combat feelings of depression and loneliness when I get home. I did have some urges today when I left work. I had some annoying and stressful things to deal with at the end of work today, and I wanted to turn inward and just be a kid even though I'm a grown man. I don't truly want to be a kid--I want to be an adult--but it's a sort of an old defense mechanism which is going to die hard. I need to stay vigilant throughout the work week that I'm taking care of myself appropriately and that I don't let negative situations pile up into unnecessary stress. Anyway, I want to get some sleep to be ready for tomorrow. Adios.

Day 1 (1 day streak) Today, I kept true to my word--no gaming, no gaming content. I was at work and had class later at night, so there really wasn't much time for anything else. I am very surprised though about the amount of rationalizations my mind is trying to institute for not doing anything related to gaming for ninety days. My brain needs to chill. These lies are often a trigger to go down the rabbit hole. It offers escape, easy dopamine, and a sense of progression, but I only feel truly good when I'm acting right and taking responsibility for my life. I hope that starting up a meditation habit will reduce this significantly.

Day 0 (0 day streak) Well, it's been a long, long time--and I'm back. Honestly, recently I've been in a bit of a funk, especially with regards to gaming, streams, and technology/the internet in general. 16+ hr gaming binges. I thought I was free and clear, but I guess I'm not. Over the past two years, a lot has changed. I moved on from the last job offer I mentioned to a new job at the same company, which is essentially the dream job I was hoping for. I feel like my discipline took a step back in some areas of my life, and improved in others (it's actually a bit funny to read some of my last posts). My house is WAY cleaner on average now, but my mental health not so much of recent. I keep using the same self-destructive habits I had before, and I've turned inward over the past couple of months. Last week was difficult. With my new job comes a lot more responsibility, and I'm starting to realize that I've been acting as a man-child for quite some time. It's jarring and a wake-up call. In response, I went on a massive LoL/MTGA binge this weekend that didn't help my situation at all. This isn't the first since I've last stopped posting. Gaming, watching streams, and numbing myself on the internet is becoming too common of an occurrence. I think it's about time I do something about it. I really liked journaling here last time as the community is positive and I felt that it provided accountability for my actions. My current goal is to be gaming and gaming-content free for ninety days. I could put a million other goals on this list too, but I'm just going to take this one thing at a time. I'll put my musings and whatever other stuff I'm dealing with here. Oh, and I'm glad to see what Cam has done with the site and how much effort he has poured into this. He's creating a lot of good in the world and for that I'm grateful!

Also, Jocko Podcast is the shiznit! (I'll go now... )

Day 165 Gah, I've been so busy. Holiday travel and work, ay carumba. Haven't really had too much time to sit and reflect on things. Year-over-year, my discipline is way better. My internet usage is down. My apartment is cleaner on average. My mood is better (thanks, job and money!). I was more social. I became slightly more focused on some purposes/goals. However, in all of those areas, I'm still far behind where I want to be. And I feel like there's still something missing. Seemingly mundane tasks are hard and energy-sucking. With a little bit of effort, I can get these done way quicker and feel accomplished and move onto other things. Yet, when I'm home, I'm almost as lazy as I was when I was a kid. Something about my old habits still calls me. But as always, I'll get through it. Hope you all had a good holidays.

Day 137 Holy crap I've been busy. I've just started a new schedule for work, and on my off days I've been looking at securing new housing. I'm considering buying a home, so there's a lot of ground I need to catch up on quickly if I choose to do so. I kept a decent amount of discipline during the work week--my apartment doesn't look nearly as bad as it usually does after a five day work stretch. I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to once I got home though. I've also done much better with focusing on my purpose compared to a few months ago and especially a year ago. It's still not where I want it, but as long as I'm improving I'm happy. As a result of this, my news and overall internet consumption has gone down a bit recently, though I stayed up a little late the other night to watch UFC 206. Today's goals: 1) Meditate on crushing it today, and my purpose. 2) Clean house. 3) Answer emails. 4) Go to gym. 5) Pay bills 6) Figure out living situation for next year. 7) No news or Youtube today.

Day 128 Quick Post I've been real busy the past two weeks. I'm trying to crush it at work. I'm trying to crush it everywhere else in my life. My discipline and internet discipline have yo-yoed the past few weeks. I'm working a lot at home too. Thinking about moving to save money, though I like where I live now, and a lot of the other places I looked at are further from work and/or a bit sketchy. In short, I've been running around like a madman and feel like I'm fighting a war against my old self to get better. I'm doing better, but the personal mental training I'm putting myself through has been real difficult. This might take a while, but the struggle is for the good.

Day 115 After my post yesterday, was out with friends for the night. Nothing too interesting to report there. Goals for today (after hygiene): 1) Finish organizing apartment, from yesterday. 2) Prepare for week. 3) Use laptop only for work purposes. 4) No football watching or news. Have a good one.

Thanks, @WorkInProgress and @Piotr! Day 114 The cool thing about being into self-improvement and being a scientist is that I get to experiment. This week I found out a couple of things from my recent experiments, with regards to work days. 1) I get seriously drained by work, and I need to manage my energy and stress better. I find that the only thing that, as of right now, truly restores my energy is sleep. That said, my experimental naps when I come home are not good, I end up falling asleep on the couch and not doing my chores. FIX: Keep practicing discipline with, chores FIRST, in bed at 9. 2) While the meditation worked for my off days, it did not work on work days. It's still not the essence of my being yet, which is exactly what I need it to be. I need more meditation. I didn't meditate during those days, so if I can find time to shoehorn it in, that'd be awesome. FIX: Keep training with meditation on off days, and meditate at lunch during work, and in my car BEFORE I come home. Anyways, off to hang out with friends tonight. Have a good one y'all.

Day 110 Yesterday was one of the more productive days off I've had in a while. I accomplished all of my goals, with the caveat that I didn't go through a whole chapter of my studies since I went on a bit of a deep dive on the equations. Also, when I went to the bar, I didn't strike up any conversations with strangers--which is the ultimate goal--but I was able to listen in and just observe for a bit. Better than not going. Again, I am pretty darn sure that the reason for this change is the intense meditation I've been doing recently on my goals, and giving up other stuff. Especially with regards to meditating on my goals, I found myself at several points yesterday wanting to fall back into bad habits, but every time I wanted to, I chose an option that was at least somewhat better since I had the thought cross my mind of what I wanted to accomplish. Today's goals: 1) Intensely meditate on my goals (strengthen those neural pathways!) 2) Hike 3) Gym 4) Study one chapter, or at a minimum, for one hour. 5) Finish laundry 6) Email friends about weekend plans.

Thank you, @WorkInProgress and @Nancy S.! And also, to WorkInProgress, woohoo process engineers! Props to you for wanting to move into the simulation side of things--that's really fascinating stuff that's a bit over my head, haha. Day 109 Working this weekend was good. Went out twice during it, and was really dragging my butt around at work on Sunday. Totally worth it though, as I've denied myself all year in similar situations. Won't do that for a while though. I've been a bit more mindful of my goals recently as a result from the work I did Friday. As a result, I planned out one or two goals every day so that over the course of the week I will have improved towards each of those goals by some marginal amount by the end of the week. In addition, it prevents burnout since I spread it out and tailor it to my work schedule. I approve. However, I still want to focus on meditating intensely on those goals and developing those emotions and rationales that stop me in my tracks from doing something dumb. Developing this "WHY?" in a more emotional manner has been more effective for me recently. Today's Goals: 1) Intensely meditate on my goals. 2) Laundry, general clean up 3) Go to library, and study a chapter. 4) Go to happy hour, solo.

Congrats on hitting 90, and even bigger congrats on gaining wisdom!

Day 106 Good news, I got an offer! Just negotiating at this point, but hopefully everything should be finished soon. Woke up early this morning, even though I didn't have work. Went for a walk before sunrise, and contemplated what my next steps would be. For a while my main goal in life was to secure this full-time position, but now that it's done, I felt a bit aimless. In addition, my old goals were kind of crushed when I left grad school, and I've been hesitant to move back in that direction. As of now, I have two sets of goals: personal and professional. My personal goals, which are far more important, are to become better connected and social with my community, as well as to be a better man. My professional goals, to become a process engineer in my current industry, and to work on becoming a biomedical engineer on the side. As such, goals for the rest of today: 1) Meditate on these goals, intensely. 2) Prepare for work. 3) Go to library and study for a bit. Hit up a bar after.

@Cam Adair, perhaps soon. I'm so new, and I'm still bad. If I get anything that seems cool I'll post it. Day 105 Quick update for now. This post is a hype-myself-up post. Past few days have been weird. Did all my goals in the prior post. Been working hard. Stayed up late Tuesday and Wednesday for the election (eek!)/happy hour, respectively. Slept 12 hours today. Woke up. Watched some let's plays. Need to be more dedicated, though this was the first time I watched since giving up streams of some other game. Still have not watched streams of the game I cut from my life, but I did go on Twitter for a bit after Trump won. It was a special occasion, so that's it. I need to get my day going. Goals for the rest of the day. 1) Hygiene before 3. 2) Phone call with HR today at 3--I might've been hired (please please please)? 3) Clean my damn house. 4) Go SOMEWHERE 5) No Youtube, music, or news. Take notes on a podcast or practice something.

Man, @Simon E, you have a great attitude. Keep up the good work!

Thanks @Cam Adair and @Piotr! And to Piotr, I am very well aware of that. I've been working on my Internet habit since February of 2015. It's better but it never ends! Day 101 Check-in/reflection/planning post Past couple of days went well. Saturday was great. Woke up at 6:30, went hiking for an hour at a nearby mountain, and practiced photography. My camera can do a lot more than I thought it could. After, I hung out with friends and had a blast. Played some games and some poker together. It was funny though, I stayed up late the night before brushing up on my online poker skills since it was going to be for real money. Didn't think of it as video gaming at first, but in retrospect it was. I considered gaming to include games like LoL and console games, but not that. I'm not mad at myself since it wasn't catastrophic. I learned. Also, no Twitter or streams. Today I want to: 1) Meditate on Twitter and the game stream I have avoided to reinforce the negative feelings I hold towards them. 2) Stay driven to clean my house quickly by 3 PM (dishes, laundry, pick up, clean kitchen, and clean bathroom sinks). 3) Get groceries, fill out timesheet, and cook dinner by 4:30 PM. 4) Relax in a beneficial manner. *NO FOOTBALL* Peace.

Real Day 99 No Twitter, no watching streams. I had a moment today where I thought I couldn't wait for x game to come out so I could watch the story unfold through a let's play. Fortunately, I had another thought cross my mind, saying that it's actually not that important to me and a waste of my time. In the past, especially recently, I held a lot less power against these thoughts. Seeing this change is nice. I need to get more stuff done though when I get home. Instead of watching game stuff I go to sleep, which I guess is an improvement. Cool. Peace.

Thanks @WorkInProgress! That's the truth. Plan, Do, Study, Act. Iterate as needed. Day 98 (It's really 99 but this counts for yesterday) Another quick check in. No streams, no Twitter. I'm consuming less news, I'm bored with it. As a result I fell asleep early today after listening to a great podcast. I woke up around midnight, procrastinated a bit on a task, and am now going back to bed. This new pattern isn't ideal, but it's better than what I've been doing.

Day 97 Quick check in. I completed all of my goals yesterday. I still have not been on Twitter and I have that gut reaction to not watch this particular stream now. In addition, there might have been carry-over to other streams as well, which would be nice. It's really weird--the thought will cross my mind and get quickly crushed. I think this is working since I am a very emotional and passionate person, and maybe I just respond better to emotion. Today was a mixed bag. Had an interview to get hired full-time from being a temp, but I feel it only went okay. Tonight, I'm just going to lie down for a bit, and try to get some small things done around the house. Peace.

Uh, sort of? The day counter is a journaling thing. I believe that the last time I gamed was October 1st, 2015? However, this was prior to October 27th, 2016, when I gamed. It's been weird. --- Day 96 I've been in a funk recently. It's a mix of stress and being burnt out a bit from work. As a result, I've been watching a TON of streams recently. Like an alcoholic going to the bar, I ultimately caved in for a day, playing for 15 hours straight, from noon to 3 AM. Thankfully, I came to my senses and deleted it after, and kept it to that one day. The last gaming binge I had, in September of 2015, was also due to stress now that I think of it. I had a kind of severe medical condition that I waited on getting checked out, and to ignore it, I played games. Now, it's the stress of taking care of myself, and being an adult. At this point, it's in the past. Today, I'm going to pick myself up and go forward. One day I will get it right for good. I'm not fucking quitting. BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS! I still haven't gone on Twitter. Hells yes. As a result, outside of streaming, I've been consuming less news, and there are times where I'll make healthier choices like going to bed on time as I feel like there's no online options. So, later today I will take my technique I used for that and apply it to the kinds of streams I've been teasing myself with recently. Today's goals: 1) Hygiene 2) Technique 3) Staples 4) Prepare for tomorrow

Day 84 Quick update. Still haven't been on Twitter. Took way more then seven photos yesterday. Now I need to have dinner, take seven more photos and go to bed. Cool. Work was weird today. Peace.

Day 83 Earlier start to today is making me feel positive. Still haven't been on Twitter. I came up with some new one week goals that are interesting, and offer something towards either improving my health, wealth, or social life. Going out every night -> Have one conversation with a random stranger.Going to the gym every night -> Do 300 pushups in a week.Practice photography every night -> Take 7 photos a night.Napping every night -> Take a 30 minute nap when I come home. I would find the most value in being social, but that would stress me the heck out. I'm okay with approaching friends of friends, but total strangers is hard. Surprise, surprise, I'm an introvert and shy. Going to the gym every night would take some effort, but it could be stress relieving. Practicing photography could be relaxing, and force me to develop a cool new habit, that maybe I could make some side money with down the road. And I won't be spending that time on the Internet. Napping every night is good for my health, but shouldn't I be disciplined in the first place and just go to bed earlier? For this week, I will practice photography. I've been putting it off for a while, and it's the most diversionary (RE: easy) of the choices. Baby steps.

Day 82 An interesting couple of days. I've been working like a dog at work. Yesterday was 14 hours. I slept for 13. The reason I didn't post when i got home from work was because I have zero energy when I get home. I need to get healthier if I'm going to work as hard as I do. I have also successfully avoided Twitter since my journal post with relative ease. There are times where I want to go on, and get as far as "www.t...", but I just get sick and think back to wasted time, and stop. An interesting side effect of this though is I've been watching tons of streams, rationalizing with "Oh, I'll get to this when I start next week." This is significant, as this means my fix is a superficial fix and doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is my goal. I'm going to keep picking a new vice every week and doing this pseudo aversion therapy, but I need to dive deeper to what I need to fill the need it replaces. When I'm home exhausted, I don't care about being social, so it's not that. I care about not thinking of the stress of work. In addition, all I have when i come home is thinking of the extra work around the house I need to do. It's an endless boring cycle. There's nothing I'm really working towards. The work at home should be a means to an end, not just an end. Getting rid of my Internet habit ought to be a means to an end, not an end. And it's not like I don't have goals, most just aren't very quantifiable. Today, my only goal is to come up with shorter, quantifiable goals that I can work on when I get home, that fit in the grander scheme of who I want to be. Goals with value. Peace.

Congrats, Reno! I enjoyed your follow up post on the other thread, too. For me, this community as been very useful in helping me work towards the straight and narrow, so I'm glad to hear another success story is sticking around!

Day 79 I'm quite relaxed right now. Listening to more of my Erik Satie Pandora channel. Aw yeah. This is immensely better than my usual habits, and while it does involve the Internet, I actually get relaxed. That is not the case with my other habits. I followed through yesterday on my Twitter journal. As expected, it's already worked very well. I haven't been on since, and when the urge crosses my mind I just feel revulsion and think "Do you really want to waste more of your future on this?" It ends after that. The whole experience reminds me of A Clockwork Orange, but with less torture. If this works, and I can shut down portions of my Internet habit one-by-one, it might be easier than trying to stop everything at once, which hasn't worked so far. My self-discipline is still bad. Better, but still bad. Developing that might take a whole different approach, but getting rid of all my wasted time online will be a good foundation for it. Tonight, after I'm done meditating. I want to check the news for a bit, and then I want to watch an hour of MMA, and clean up a bit while doing so. Catch ya later.