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Everything posted by Suritus

  1. Hey guys, I was just wondering if you guys know about any good books/podcasts/Youtube channels aimed at social skills/friendships/relationships? Preferably podcasts/youtube, since I don't think books work as well. So far, I got: https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand For books the classic is how to win friends and influence people. Right now, I'm also reading the six pillars of self esteem, which I think is up there as well, because it all starts in your head. Also, Neil Straus' The Truth. Not The Game. I'm not looking for that kind of material. Thanks! Have a great day! Also, you should check out my journal
  2. Days 61 and 62 Well Sunday was just bad. I dragged myself to the library and tried to write the essay, but my head and my stomach refused to cooperate. It was painful, but I got quite a bit of work done, so it counts. I'll probably consider not drinking next time I'm at a party, but I know this is what everyone says I didn't relapse or anything, it was just quite easy to get distracted. In any case, this Sunday was one of the better ones I had this semester, so I'm not complaining. It's good to see progress and still know there's room for improvement. In any case, this week was one of the best I had so far this year, and I'm really glad it's been this way. It all started with the decision to commit to stop playing video games. Game Quitters, this journal, books, some of which I mentioned, therapy - all of these obviously helped but that all came after I decided to commit. Monday Today was again good. Assignments are starting to pile on top of each other, and I'm not burning through them quickly enough. This means I'm procrastinating less, but it also means I'm kinda putting aside long-term important things like looking for a flat. I'll go do that later today... I had a therapy session today, which wasn't as helpful as the previous ones, but it was still pretty good. I only have one left I feel like I'm in a much better place though, so there isn't really a big need for more. In any case, I know what to do. I'll stop there, because I still have some things to do before I go to bed. What I've learned: Again, I think I posted this before, but: Be patient and don't overthink things. Take it one day at the time. Thanks for reading
  3. Days 59 and 60 I'm getting really bad at updating this journal, but that is because I'm spending so much time off the computer which is really good. Friday was good. School, gym, library and a night out. I think I've stayed a little longer than I wanted to, and when I came home I didn't go immediately to bed as I should've, but watched an episode of TV. I don't have a problem with that, but I have a problem with waking late (as I did the next day ). Saturday the same friends (Maths Squad) and me went to see Deadpool. I found it quite good, but a friend fell asleep halfway through , so it's not for everyone. After the movie I returned to the library to study and then went to a huge flat party. I've never been at one of those while at the university, and it's been almost two years. However, the next morning I got a reminder why I don't go to these parties I drank a little too much and it's gonna be hard to study today (Sunday), but I'm okay with this tradeoff, since I want to do better in my social life and I'm doing okay in school. It's also keeping me off the computer in the evening, which is also good. There was an Elliott Hulse video which explains how I think about this: https://youtu.be/U3SJxhGRfi8 What I've learned: Every decision is a tradeoff. Try to make the tradeoffs which are most advantageous all the time. "Whatever you choose creates you." Thanks for reading
  4. Day 58 A great day. I started the day strong and the momentum carried me through. I did some studying, although not as much I'd like to, because I have an essay due in a week. But I'm steadily progressing, it's just a matter of typing that bad boy up. I finally got to chat up that cute girl in my math class turns out it's not as big of a deal as it was in my head. Who would've thought I'm really glad I'm making progress in this area, and one of the biggest reasons was Brene Brown's Daring Greatly. It all starts in your head, and if you unconsciously think you're not worth something, then it's really difficult to obtain and keep it. This may sound obvious, but it's really not. The weekend is coming up, and that means another challenge to work hard. I've been getting better week by week, so I'm ready to continue that trend. There's always a lot of stuff to do, which makes it a little dreading, especially when the external deadline of lectures is pulled out, and only the internal deadline of your own discipline carries you throughout the day. Gonna be tough, but I have tactics from weeks past, so I'll use those to carry me through What I've learned: It all starts in your head. Mindset, inner game, no matter what you call it, it's the set of premises that leads into everything else. Therefore, it's really important to use a mindset which is empowering and makes things possible. Self-fulfilling prophecies are real. Thanks for reading
  5. I think it depends on what kind of issues you face and how much time/energy are you both willing to put into it. There's a lot of factors that might play into this. Also, I'm glad you enjoyed PWD as well! What festival was this btw? Days 56-57 I was out again yesterday, so I didn't post. I notice myself having cravings after I go out, as if I were on a leash, and the more I pull myself out, the more the leash tugs me back. It's strange. At least I'm aware of it, and won't be turning on my laptop when I return late at night. I've been applying myself to different societies around the university, so that I can keep myself busy. Right now, I find myself with nothing to do in the evening sometimes, as I'm not good at studying in the evening. On the other hand, this feels like an excuse. I've been rather lax on myself lately, and I don't think that this was particularly useful. Like the Slight Edge said, there are things that can improve the quality of your life, but you have to keep doing them. It's like a medicine, you don't stop taking it when you feel better. I've been to a talk about suicide today as well. It was interesting, but I feel that this kind of psychology is more suited for others. I should go to more technology-based talks and events, since this is an area I'm actually interested in the most. I don't regret going tonight though. Suicide is an area that deserves to be understood and people who suffer from mental health issues deserve to be helped. I've been in a strange mood the past few days. Things kind of faded into the background and it wasn't difficult to get excited about anything. I'm not sure why this is, but I believe it will pass soon. What I've learned: The psychologist today said that a lot of suicide-related behavior is driven by faulty cognition, mental prisons and loops which ultimately drive the person to such a tragic end. I believe this extends to life in general. Biases and mental frameworks distort our opinion on what is possible and on how to live. We can do well by striving to think clearly about our problems. Thanks for reading
  6. Days 54-55 I was at a concert last night, so I didn't update. It was a fairly uneventful day anyway, I was studying during the day, or trying to at least I felt really burned out from the daily grind, so I didn't perform as well as I'd like to, but I still feel like I'm making progress from week to week. Saturday was really good, so I have that to be proud of. Next week is another chance to do well, so I'll be diligent about it! Oh, the concert. The band was Parkway Drive, and they were amazing. It's been a while since I was to a concert, and these guys were well worth it. I still feel the ringing noise in one of my ears I had another therapy session today, and I have to say they're working! My therapist is really good at pulling negative thoughts, behaviors and habits out of my subconscious, and by letting them come to the light of awareness, they often lose much of their power. For example, I described a behavior loop I was stuck in, and she asked me: "What's stopping you from breaking through this?" In that moment, I realized that there was nothing stopping me It sounds stupid, but there are things we only realize by talking through them, and this was definitely one such thing. I have three events lined up for this week, and I'm excited for getting out there more and meeting people. This semester is, although not ideal, definitely the best I've had since I arrived here What I've learned: Give yourself permission to do whatever you fear. If you've been in a certain way, that often doesn't mean you have to stay that way. Human brains are malleable to a great extent, even as we get older. Give yourself the permission to change your habits, to be happy, to leave things that aren't useful behind. Thanks for reading
  7. Days 52-53 I was out with friends yesterday, and quite tired, so I didn't write post. Today was better, so I'll just roll them together. Today was a studying day. I'm getting better and better at identifying distractions and working through them, and I'm quite proud of that! Baby steps will get you there eventually! I've also experienced cravings in the past few days. I'm missing excitement again, my days are mostly spent in the library or the gym, and the social events I go to are not quite there yet, so that's one reason for it. I also think I feel constrained by the daily micromanagement I perform on myself, so I'll have to refine my time-management methods a little bit. Though overall, I feel like I'm making progress so I can't complain much. i don't have much else to say, and I think that's the part of the problem. It's just a daily grind for me at this point, and I think my mind wants a way out, wants to do something exciting, something to raise its dopamine levels. Do you guys have any suggestions what to do in a situation like this? What I've learned: A quote from Naval Ravikant's podcast. "When the student is ready, the master shows up." It made me pause and think when I first heard it, so it might be useful to you too! Thanks for reading
  8. 51 I've started listening to the Naval Ravikant podcast, what a gem! Really good for cooking/doing dishes/other chores. There are so many resources he mentions that I want to consume, but there is WAY too much stuff out there. I did my usual routine today, lectures, library, gym. I'm starting to manage my time a little better, day by day. I'm also looking forward to the weekend, I'm gonna crush the work! We'll also have a night out with a couple of friends from class tomorrow. I see this as a great opportunity to unwind after the week and have a little fun. I'm really proud to say that through a combination of therapy, reading on the topic and trial and error, I'm starting to see improvements in my inner state, self-esteem and how I present myself socially. I still have a long road to go, but I feel that a younger me would be proud Once I started paying attention, I found opportunities everywhere, since there's a lot of people on campus to interact with. What I've learned: 'Studying' is not a fine-grained enough task. Clarity is key. Practicing concepts from X, reading lecture slides from Y is much better. Outsource as much of your thinking to the to-do list as you can. Thanks for reading
  9. I'm currently starting to read six pillars of self-esteem, so that might be one, although I'm not very far just yet
  10. I'm going to be a devil's advocate here, but I'm speaking from experience. I think that it's important to create time to rest and recuperate. This shouldn't be games, but stuff like social events, reading less demanding books, hell, even TV from time to time. I'm saying this mostly because whenever I raised my expectations too much, I couldn't sustain the level of performance and got burned out. I'm not saying don't raise your expectations, the opposite actually, but on the other hand, expectations can be realistic or unrealistic. Just something to think about. Maybe your experience will be the opposite and if it is, great! If less so, then there's this post Good luck!
  11. The main podcast is legendary. I was blown away that he was so vocal about our community. Made my day! That settles it! Hopefully I can get to it in the next few days. Day 50 A busy Wednesday. There was a lot of stuff to get through school wise, so I don't have much to say. On the other side, tomorrow is going to be great, because I'll have plenty of time for work, which I'm actually looking forward to! After university I went to the gym and then to a social event organized by our society. In the past few days, I was thinking of joining one more society, so I might do that, to force myself to be more efficient and get stuff done on time. There was a line I read somewhere that the best way to be disciplined is to take on too many responsibilities, which might be a good strategy. I tend to work quite well with external deadlines anyway I have a concert on Sunday, the Valentine's day. I feel that the Valentine's day is better experienced alone There's no expectations, no pressure and you can spend the day taking care of yourself. I also have a writing group meeting on Sunday, so plenty of stuff. It's actually quite late speaking on my terms, so I'm going to cut this a little short. Today I've learned that a gym performance might vary greatly within a week, so that I should make the most of my workouts, but don't expect greatness all the time. Also, not being on Facebook between sets helps :D: Thanks for reading!
  12. Oh my god, that's amazing! I have to listen to the main podcast with him as well
  13. Day 49 A great day today. It was actually sunny here, which made the day a lot better by default I've spent some time studying, but I also got to hang out with a couple of friends, figuring out flats for next year. I'd like to improve my conversation skills, and opportunities like this are a goldmine for doing so. I feel that I'm getting practice, which is simply invaluable. Since it was sunny, I decided to take a walk around the campus as my daily form of exercise. it was SO refreshing after all the sessions in the crowded university gym I wish we had more sunny days, but what can you do I've listened to a podcast episode which was one of the best things I've heard in a while. I recommend to everyone! The guy talks about habits, something which is really crucial moving forward from games into a fulfilled life. I also want to find more time for reading (which I WILL be doing more of, since there are so many books to read.) I realized my attention span is rather short and I'm going to try and push myself so that I can persevere a little bit longer. It's a little easier than it was a couple months before, because I notice my brain seeking immediate rewards more than I used to. What I've learned: From the podcast: Use your life as a search function, look for the people who you can be around 24/7, for the work which fulfills you, and when you do, zoom in on it and give it 100%. Thanks for reading
  14. These are all really good things! You're on the right track! Can you get out of the flat more? Can you shift your schedule around a little bit, so that you're not there when he does VoIP? Can you move out of the flat? Can you talk to someone about this in person? Do you have other friends who you can hang out with? My uni has therapy sessions, I talk about that a little bit in my journal. Does your uni have a similar structure out there? I know you wanted answers, and I just gave you more questions, sorry if it's not helpful. One thing I can tell you is that you can always embrace the changes. Growth is not always comfortable, quite the opposite actually, and you'll experience a lot of negative feelings that didn't happen before. Hang in there But if your roommate is draining you, the first step you can take is to find ways how to be around him less. Don't try to change him, as that doesn't always work, try to set an example for him. Go to the library, look for clubs to join, go to a cafe and read a book, try a new sport. I'm also 20, also at university, so I'm also just figuring these things out Something that might be useful: How to get out of the house more often Good luck!
  15. Day 48 A tiring day. I spending a lot of time on math, because I don't understand everything we're going through and I want to get a good grade in the class. It's not fun, but I'll thank myself by the time the exams arrive I also had a therapy session today, which was similar to last week. The sessions always leave me feeling that something has changed, like a tangled knot which is being untangled. I'm really grateful the university offers those services. I have some work that needs to get done sometimes soon, but I didn't get through it today. I believe I can get through it tomorrow though, which is good. I also have a few events coming up this week, which I'm excited about. I'm also going to look for a flat for next year with a couple of friends, so I hope we'll find something What I've learned: Fatigue and hunger influence your mood A LOT. Don't trust everything you think when you're tired and hungry coming from the gym Thanks for reading!
  16. Cheers! Day 47 Another study day. I went to the library as I planned, but I got sidetracked frequently again. I'm not sure why, but for next week, I'll try some sort of a reward for a successful session, to make it easier to stay on track. It wasn't a complete disaster like last week, so progress is progress I've started seeing more results in the gym recently, which is great! It's a long road ahead, but as the Chinese saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I've been in long-term thinking mode a lot recently, and I'm really happy about that. Seems that now when I'm not investing in a Hearthstone collection or a LoL ranking, I can invest in things that actually matter. And the good thing is, once you put in enough time, energy and effort, the results will start compounding and pulling you up by themselves. Yes, I've read the Slight Edge What I've learned: this is a quote from a podcast, I hope I didn't post it here before: "People overestimate what they can do in a day, and underestimate what they can do in a year." I can really relate to this quote right now, cramming a lot of work into one study session all the time I think that's it for today. Thanks for reading!
  17. Day 46 Studying day. I've scheduled a huge math assignment for today, and it turned out to be pretty difficult. I was successful in going to the library first thing in the morning, but doing the assignment was so difficult I found myself alt-tabbing to less consuming tasks frequently. I'm not satisfied with this, but it's still an improvement over past weeks. Tomorrow will feature a similar task, but this time I'm going to use what I've learned today to make that process as smooth as possible. I think a part of this is conscious practice of putting in the hours and delaying gratification, which means becoming aware of the urge to detach and holding that urge for as long as possible. I've read a book called How to be Remarkable. The book was, funnily enough, not very remarkable I also found out my partner for a presentation switched courses, so I'm doing a 7 minute presentation by myself. Looking forward to it What I've learned: Be more diligent about your breaks. Don't push until you crack, work for an hour and recuperate for a few minutes. Saves time in the long run. Thanks for reading!
  18. Day 45 I finished Gorilla Mindset, and if you haven't read much self-help literature and want to, this is really the place to start in my opinion. Very well put together! In other news, I've been busy with university. If I'm not at a lecture then I'm programming, reading, doing assignments, in the gym or cooking. I still have time, but I tend to use this time to unwind and relax. I think this actually works pretty well, the only thing I'd like to see more in my life is being out with friends. Otherwise it's a grind. At least it's Friday, that means a little breathing room in the form of the weekend, but not too much, since I still have assignments to take care of. I'm not complaining though, rather busy than with nothing to do! I also found some roommates for next year, which is really exciting! nothing set in stone just yet, but things might click and I might be roommates with people who are similar to me, inspiring and awesome! It couldn't be better! I'm really happy right now, and GQ is a big part of it. This forum is (most of the time ) a powerful source of inspiration, so good job everyone! I can't wait to see what Game Quitters will become in 2016. What I've learned: Put in the work, show up, educate yourself, make notes and the results will show. Thanks for reading!
  19. I REALLY wish this comes to fruition, as the Netherlands isn't that far from where I live too!
  20. Yeah, I think it's the ultimate one stop shop for self-improvement, it covers so many bases. Thanks for the recommendation Days 43 and 44 (3,4) I'm double posting again, I know! I arrived home really late yesterday and didn't want to turn on the laptop because of the artificial light. Yesterday was awesome. Wednesdays are my busiest, but I was enjoying all of the schoolwork required. I had a pretty strict schedule but then I gained an hour thanks to an easy assignment which took me half the expected time. Cheers for first year university! At least math balances that out, so I'm not coasting along. In the evening I went out to a q/a event organized by the university. It was rather boring to be honest, but I'm glad I did it, because I learned a few things. Afterwards I went out with a couple of friends, hence the late arrival home. I've been in a very good mood lately but I'm trying not to identify with it. Experience taught me that moods can fluctuate wildly, sometimes even without any apparent cause, and It's important to recognize it for what it is and keep showing up. Today was also good. I'm having more fun with people from my classes, and I think a part of it is reflecting my inner state. The therapy sessions I've had are really helping! The weekend is slowly coming up and I'm a little worried about that, because I tend to be less productive over the weekend and it's rather easy to stay home and don't do much. I'll combat this by going to the library as soon as possible and stay there until I get done what I planned. What I've learned: Focus on the positive. If you go beyond your comfort zone and screw up, at least you tried, and that is something to be celebrated. Thanks for reading
  21. Day 42 (2) Today was good. I worked on a project for university for a while, went to the gym, cooked, studied and been on track for the most of the day. I'm reading Gorilla Mindset and there are a few really good exercises in the book which I've started doing and they help with performance and outlook on life. GM is a good supplement to the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, although I like GM more, because it's less oriented on academia and more on life in general. Also, it has worksheets, which are great! I'm a little frustrated because there there are two events tomorrow, and I want to go to both, but they happen at the same time. I'll try to make it work somehow. Speaking of events and relationships in general, I saw a few things that I perhaps wasn't as much aware of until now, so that will be my focus right now. What I've learned: I knew this before, but I want to repeat this, since I saw a video talking about this - gathering information isn't doing. Find the balance between those two. Plan and execute. Thanks for reading :)
  22. Hey man. I've seen you mention this a few times. Do you believe the attitude of "Oh well" is truly serving your highest potential? Remember, there's a difference between holding yourself to the standard you desire for yourself and being hard on yourself. Make sure you identify whether "oh well" is you being easy on yourself or whether it's you accepting lower standards you don't truly want. Hey, I didn't even realize this! I'm actually not sure which of these of it is, it's probably a combination of both. Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep this in mind. It's actually something I've discussed today in a therapy appointment, and I'll say a bit more on it. Day 42 (1?) I had a therapy appointment today, and we've discussed a few topics. One of them was habitual, unconscious thoughts which keep us in certain patterns of behavior, and when we become more aware of them, we might be more aware and break the chain. We've also discussed the standard-setting and underperformance, with her opinion being we should focus on the things we've accomplished, where we've been successful. I have mixed feelings about this, I want to have high standards for myself and use my present state as a force to pull me forward, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel that this is a factor that leads to weekends like the last one. I'm seriously on the fence here Otherwise, this day was really good. Went through a lot of schoolwork, went to the gym and was on top of procrastination for a long time. I'm going to give myself space to unwind now. I've also read about the 90 day detox challenge. Sign me up! I think I'm going to return back to day 1, it's going to work better with the challenge, and also easier to track, since today is the first of February What I've learned: Perfectionism paralyses. Things are never going to be perfect, and if I don't feel good enough now, I probably won't even after circumstances change. Thanks for reading
  23. Oh man, this is so real. You've mentioned sharing your addiction with a friend, and how good it felt. I'd recommend doing the same for your girlfriend. My ex didn't understand, but since it feels like your girlfriend is giving you a lot of chances, despite you saying you neglected her, I'd bet she's willing to help you through this. Being ashamed loses a lot of its power once you allow yourself to let out the thoughts
  24. Days 40 and 41 I've coupled these together, because not much has happened. I went to the gym, studied, read. I wasn't very disciplined, so I spent a lot of time on the internet. Oh well. I've noticed that weekends are really unproductive for me, and I'm going to keep this in mind next week. I don't really have anything else to say, so this is just a check-in more than a journal entry. We'll see what happens next week. What I've learned: A late morning can mess up the whole day - be more vigilant about your sleep time Thanks for reading
  25. Day 39 I'm writing this the morning after, because I was at the party last night. It was actually a lot smoother than I thought it would I had a few drinks just to help me with dancing, since I'm unable to do it sober, and it worked. I came home really late, and I have a lot to do today, but I'm really happy I went. I was out of my comfort zone at the beginning, but I realized I don't have to take myself so seriously all the time, and it helped. A trap I fell into a lot in the past was overthinking, and it can be really paralyzing to be in that loop. As I said, I have a lot of schoolwork to get through today, so I won't make this long. I'm just really happy for the way things turned out. What I learned: Don't take yourself so seriously all the time. Life's too short for that. Thanks for reading