Hitaru

@Revolutionary Thinker Gonna need more specificness to be able to answer your question fam. What are you talking about exactly? ------- Regular news, I participated in a Holy Week parade, with meh results (I was given a heavy banner to carry and since I'm still in terrible shape it was a bit awkward, but at least no one knew it was me, thanks KKK costumes!). Spanishness intensifying! Good news: Moving from home project approved! Starting on May. So excited! Bad news: There are a fuck ton of problems that come with that, including financial ones. It will be an all or nothing sort of thing, but instead of a two week or month sprint, we're talking about at least 4 months. I've never kept my emotional resilience for that long. BETTER NEWS: Nothing like a rash decision to put me into motion, and what better than another short travel to learn about the current hottest european issue. Next stop, greek islands. I'll be spending some time there in one of those european financed projects, the time between agreeing with my friend and actually moving with him. I hope it will give me the strenght to put me into motion again. Let's go!

Just some hours left. I'm ready to be not ready, regardless of what happens in the end. Today was completely wasted, sleeping and spending last night with my vices. I'm scared to the possibility of not being ready to fix my habits and thus letting down my friend. On the other hand, writing down my fears in this journal is an indirect substitute of telling him directly. After all, he knows of this place. I won't dissapoint you again, P. I found something I was really looking forward to read finally translated into English. I'm leaving it here and most probably I'll do a thread about it. Just in case the link goes down, the name is "The Private Report on My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness" , by Kabi Nagata. https://dynasty-scans.com/series/the_private_report_on_my_lesbian_experience_with_loneliness It's so crushingly relatable, I can barely cope with it. I might collapse under the pressure of all this massive realization, on top of the pressure of future developings. Ahh, I feel like dying, in a pleasurable psychologically masochistic way. But, as I'm now discovering, it's a fairly common sensation. I used to (and implicitly being taught to) laugh derisively at japanese awkwardness, being an oh-so-social southern european. I am truly sorry. The social pressures we're subject to are not so diferent after all, with only subtle differences in work and family ethics. To show my point, I'm just leaving this here. I might start to come back to this book a lot in the future:

Good to see you again, friend! Still waiting for that list of suggested recipes we discussed a year ago, just saying As both a consummate relapser in my addictions and sickly mofo, I sympathize with you man. Take it easy, but be never complacent. One step at a time! You know already, but we have your back. Stay strong!

Please include the ISO code of the main language you'll be using in your journal, following this format: ------ [ISO Code] + Name of your journal Eg. [PL] 1UP - Time to level up ------ So I don't have to edit myself (which would be harmless but a bit invasive, don't you think? ) For reference: LANGUAGECODEAbkhazianABAfarAAAfrikaansAFAlbanianSQAmharicAMArabicARArmenianHYAssameseASAymaraAYAzerbaijaniAZBashkirBABasqueEUBengali, BanglaBNBhutaniDZBihariBHBislamaBIBretonBRBulgarianBGBurmeseMYByelorussianBECambodianKMCatalanCAChineseZHCorsicanCOCroatianHRCzechCSDanishDADutchNLEnglish, AmericanENEsperantoEOEstonianETFaeroeseFOFijiFJFinnishFIFrenchFRFrisianFYGaelic (Scots Gaelic)GDGalicianGLGeorgianKAGermanDEGreekELGreenlandicKLGuaraniGNGujaratiGUHausaHAHebrewIWHindiHIHungarianHUIcelandicISIndonesianINInterlinguaIAInterlingueIEInupiakIKIrishGAItalianITJapaneseJAJavaneseJWKannadaKNKashmiriKSKazakhKKKinyarwandaRWKirghizKYKirundiRNKoreanKOKurdishKULaothianLOLatinLALatvian, LettishLVLingalaLNLithuanianLTMacedonianMKMalagasyMGMalayMSMalayalamMLMalteseMTMaoriMIMarathiMRMoldavianMOMongolianMNNauruNANepaliNENorwegianNOOccitanOCOriyaOROromo, AfanOMPashto, PushtoPSPersianFAPolishPLPortuguesePTPunjabiPAQuechuaQURhaeto-RomanceRMRomanianRORussianRUSamoanSMSangroSGSanskritSASerbianSRSerbo-CroatianSHSesothoSTSetswanaTNShonaSNSindhiSDSinghaleseSISiswatiSSSlovakSKSlovenianSLSomaliSOSpanishESSudaneseSUSwahiliSWSwedishSVTagalogTLTajikTGTamilTATatarTTTeguluTEThaiTHTibetanBOTigrinyaTITongaTOTsongaTSTurkishTRTurkmenTKTwiTWUkrainianUKUrduURUzbekUZVietnameseVIVolapukVOWelshCYWolofWOXhosaXHYiddishJIYorubaYOZuluZU(Source: https://www.sitepoint.com/web-foundations/iso-2-letter-language-codes/) If your language doesn't appear in this list, or the information provided is incorrect, don't hesitate to say. Happy journaling!

"Faith", I used that same word when I first arrived here a year and a half ago. Not necessarily in a deity, but at least an abstract concept of hope in the future and your ability to cope with it the right way. Treasure that feeling, it's very human and usually the first, last and most trusty light in the darkness. That deep connection you share with your gaming friends, as you say, mostly comes from being both like-minded and in a similar situation. That's how friends are made IRL as well: similar context (proximity) and similar values (feelings, issues going on, etc.) all glued by empathy. You kept a level of playing the casual gamer wouldn't usually follow, so your best choice for making long-term connections was other hardcore gamers, people on your same level. You could relate with them. Now, you arrived to another context, a forum, full of people with similar values (trying to quit as well) so you have a new chance of making new, and if you don't mind me saying, healthier connections and friends. (Healthier) in habits and spirit. People whom you will relate with and will serve as source of inspiration, hopefully. I'm not saying you should just say "Fuck off" to your online friends or that people here is morally superior. But you're not inherently responsible for anyone, the same as no one is responsible for living your life (cliché and "parental" as that sounds, I'm aware ). In my experience, the best thing you can do for your friends is lead by example of your actions. Words can come across as accusations and patronizing, and gamers (with an addiction or dependence to gaming) are usually in a position of vulnerability and defensiveness. Think of a mother telling his children to stop playing and do something else with their time, sounds familiar? The first days are going to be a hell of a ride, expect the worst from your brain, tricks and blackmail. Keep strong, mindful of your emotional state, take it easy and if you can, have fun. It's your life, you're allowed to have fun. Especially when you're in the right path, the path of choosing for yourself. Be welcome!

Remember my game dev friend? (check mid-journal for reference, around last year same time) We met again, reconciled and he brought news. Apparently shit is going to hit the fan in his home on Monday, and he's going to leave for good and start living in an apartment inherited by his late father, may he rest in peace. He asked me to be his homie in exchange of a friend-rate rent. Honestly, putting aside helping him in a moment of need, it's a great opportunity. Leaving home but still 10-15 minutes apart, with someone I consider my brother, a driven and motivated individual (even more than last year) and coincidentally very near of where my SO lives. It's almost too good to believe. I could escape my house, the dreaded comfort zone and the procrastination. He knows his way around with computers so he could keep me in check with blocks and cutting my internet, and I could work in peace on my projects without fear of criticism. We even discussed ways to improve Game Quitters! Too good to believe. What should I do? Things will reach critical mass in two days, and I don't think my mother (the current provider and investor of this venture should it happen) would approve. Probably she couldn't afford it even if she does, some math will be required to find out. I could of course look for a job with no skills in the region of most unemployment of Europe. And there's also the matter of our conflicting views towards videogame usage, though I'm much more resilient to cravings and absolutely convinced in my decision to quit. We could have a fight and I'd have to return mom's place, defeated and embarrased. On the other hand, I'm more motivated, far less depressed and desperate, and with my social network stablished, I would be far less dependent on him. It could turn out to be a perfect arrangement, and if I pass my AF entrance exams, it would be far less than permanent. Things look difficult and grim for both of us. Isn't it great!?

During these six days, the rollercoaster went down and up again. I had a huge crisis of the likes I used to have a year ago but it was saved with the help of my SO. That moment of weakness and dependence doesn't make me happy or proud in the slightest, but I thank him and the Universe for putting him in my life anyway. The current lows are related to my pmo addiction. I feel frustrated as all this addiction fighting feels sometimes as setbacks for putting my life on track, but on the other hand they are necessary. It will make me a better being, I must keep reminding myself. About said SO, I still feel I'm spiralling into a heavy commitment I'm not ready for. On the other hand, why not just relax and enjoy the moment? It's key for an assertive mindset to be able to express myself at any given moment. If this uneasiness persist I should be able to tell him and stop seeing each other, if it comes to that. My insecurities towards him are also really shalllow, objectively speaking. I have now 5 months to prepare myself to the challenge of joining the armed forces. Will I be able to make it? Honsetly, no. But I will still try anyway. I'm still a mess right now and I lost the habit and momentum of journaling, but I will fix that as well soon. Good news: I currently have a healthy and stablished social life (besides SO) and it's been 252 days without games.

@Marquess Whoa man, you can't even begin to guess how anxious that thought, the possibility of falling into yet another codependency, makes me feel. I've been stressing myself over it again and again; every little detail adds to the sum. I'll give you the latest example: I spent yesterday with him after a surprise visit the night before to cheer him up (he has a problem managing anxiety and indecisiveness and life has recently put him in a crossroads). We crashed his home with his parents sleeping, cuddled and slept together, and then spent the next day (yesterday) in a really lovey-dovey standard fashion. It left me satisfied but emotionally exhausted. It seems emotional exhaustion it's a thing even for positive emotions, I didn't know. I neglected my responsibilities and he confessed me The mix of putting aside my stuff and potential infatuation on his part made me panic. I don't want to commit, but I don't have any reason, rational or emotional, to fight the flow. The guy is nice, I like him, he likes me and we care for each other. What am I getting so upset about? Beyond ended, and I have a new resolve to keep my stuff going, specially with this newfound emotional support. An improvised flash piece of erotic prose I wrote for a contest was chosen to be published among others. My name in a book for the first time, woo! Guess I found proper inspiration for once...?

Somewhat, sometimes. ------------ "I lost all my momentum", it's a phrase I'm sick of saying. I relapsed on NoFap, I'm slacking in my commitment to the Beyond group when I was most illusioned and motivated, I've been failing on my habits and eating poorly, no one in my closest circles will support my decision to try the military and I've been feeling lost and alone for the most part. I also entered a relationship with a man. Wait, what? Yeah... somehow, some complete idiot I met while doing a test run on Tinder decided that I was charming to his eyes and I had no choice but reciprocate; very intensely. It wasn't something planned in any sort, and "burdening" myself with a serious relationship was certainly not in my short-term goal list. But I was feeling lonely nonetheless so I downloaded said application everyone was talking about and gave it some swipes, for science and whatever else might develop, expecting some cordial fling or, much more probably, nothing at all. A failed 150 km radius search for women was about to confirm my suspicions until, after a whole week, embarrassed but hurt in my ego, I decided to take the leap and try the men's section. My hometown being a bit isolated, 20 km. would do. Of course it blew my mind. Matches were raining down on me and I was completely overwhelmed. Believe me, I didn't swipe right more than 10 people and got 7 matches, all really interesting people (at first glance at least), and all my preconceptions about myself suddenly shattered. I was so used, all of my short life, to get kicked, patronized, and being considered a plain weirdo by the generality of the female gender. Always taking things for granted and treating people as if they were sparing lives or giving audiences in a throne room. Here, they won't even fill out their profiles. And they all looked the same. With men, I didn't have any kind of experience, no one ever hit on me, but again I was also told that I didn't give out the "vibes" or did publicize my liking for them broadly, so that was to be expected. I was simply busy trying to be friends with anyone in my ultimate very own DIY asexual experience. Too straight for guys, too homo or "unmanly" for girls, and a bit weird to boot. Or so I thought. Once I dared to put on myself a big rainbow signal, figuratively, everything changed. And amidst all this confusion, I met him. I will spare you the more sugary details but we connected immediately. It's funny. He's been what I would call much more successful than me, having finished a really hard career and leading a straightforward life so far, and yet we seem to share some elemental fears on what to expect next. And a shared fear of intimacy as well. Whatever worry I have, he understands perfectly and has always the right, most loving and supportive answer. And whatever problem he might be facing, I somehow happen to know the ideal reaction, don't even ask me how I manage to pull off such empathy. With him, it just works. With him, I'm not a mere robot, and that's much more than I could ever say about myself. So of course, I had to go an fall for said idiot since he almost seems blessed with an unnatural knowledge of my inner workings and what makes me tick emotionally when the time calls for it. So, I'm young, healthy, studying (sometimes -_-) and in love. And of course, it's happening. The more I'm getting closer to having a normal life, the more resistance my body is putting. Despair can't work without hope. All this improvement is but a slim speck of hope necessary in order to smite me, utterly and definitely. That's what some that twisted part of me wants to think. But I will have the last laugh, oh yes. Despair and pride are an explosive combination.

In my personal experience, keeping this assumption as a constant in your life is an exaggeration (as you're also realizing), but in the times that it will actually apply, even if much, much fewer than (we) tend to believe, what's the point in being paralyzed with worry and fear? The best you can do is keep your boundaries flexible, but strong in your red flags. Be open to know people and connect with them, but don't allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone whom you have realistic, specific reasons to distrust. It's both a science and art, we're all trying to learn the perfect balance in some way or another. You know I'm not a big fan of white coats too, and yes some things in the therapeutic protocols may seem childish or pointless. As a broad process trying to cater to a broad spectrum of people, the implicit idea is for you to take whatever you find useful for yourself, filter your own tools for recovery and growth. It can be a real pain, but all things considered I believe you're in the right place. Stay safe and take it easy, you're doing awesome man.

Nah man, not yet. I'm busy with the group to keep posting on a regular basis, but I lurk often and generally speaking, I'm making improvements in my routine. Sometimes. One or two good days, two or three bad days, rinse and repeat. At least now I'm aware of the cycle. I need to develop some strategy to counter it.

>gossiping about me in my own journal Welcome back @Marquess!

BEYOND side notes #1: After 3+ weeks of consistent research on my moods (with the help of an app called Daylio) I think I made a first breakthrough. I discovered my natural pattern is a cycle of 2 good days followed by a cycle of 2-3 indifferent days. I'm tempted to say bad days, but I'm currently experiencing my first funk since I started keeping a record, so I discovered the hard way that it can go worse. I'm currently faring just slightly better, slowly. Also, there's been a lot of good little things with the power to brighten me, such as good tasting food or my cat being all lovey-dovey that I wasn't aware of before. I was expecting a terrible result and in fact I discovered I'm much happier, statistically speaking, than I first thought! That's encouraging, to be honest. I'm also more aware of the time, the lot of time I spend doing nothing, but it's the price to pay, and pay it will do in the future. All the emotional work and inner reflection we're doing is also starting to show off. I feel more connected with my friends (my family is probably beyond salvation ) and I'm much more in tune with my feelings. [I'm currently researching something in this regard, something I wasn't expecting when I first started the program, but it's ultra-secret until I have more tangible results. But it involves human interaction. With potentially several test subjects. Thrilling!] It's been a while since I made one of these, so here we go: I'm grateful for: 1. @Mhyrion. Love ya sis! 2. The confidence my theatre background provided me. I want to delve more into that. 3. My family, despite everything. They are not bad, our values are just too different. 4. Being able to eat what I want, whenever I want, with a bad time digesting as my only limit. I might have been binging on obese people documentaries a bit too much. 5. Having commited to go to the gym. I lost my momentum when I felt sick and right after I felt into this funk, but I'm itching to return. 6. A dear friend feeling better about his life lately. 7. The people that, despite my tendency towards isolation, still want to reach to me. 8. The opportunity that @Cam Adair gave me accepting me in Beyond, and his endless support thus far. I'm also grateful and happy for your recent gigs on TV, awesome job man! 8.1. The trust Cam still bestows upon me, despite all my half-promises, my many faults and unreliability and that I'm taking so fucking long to recover and get a life running. The guy must have seen something truly special on me or he must be in awful shortage of spaniards. Probably both. 9. This community, and relishing on the fact that a sort of generational relief happened without everything falling down to pieces... yet. Go new people! 10. Being closer towards reaching my goal of finding my goals, one day at a time. I might sound restless these times, but it's just because I feel I'm grazing it with my nails. Extra: Being able to think on a list of gratefulness without much problem. Normally I couldn't have been able to think about more than 3 items.

He is a Game Quitters Legend, and the Official Game Quitters Ambassador to Spain: @Hitaru ^.^

A steep hill ahead, but surviving. So much to do, habits to be installed. I won't say anything yet to prevent my brain from getting the reward, but things are rolling so far. Vets keep leaving, and since I don't check on the newbies my journal gets lonely, heh. Well, a price to pay for having to put the focus on myself the time being. I just hope to return in full force soon, a new, better, more helping Hitaru. Small steps.

You have to build it amigo, there's no other way. Do you follow your goals everyday and write + if you do this and - when not? I strongly recommend that, because this way my discipline upgraded A LOT, when me and @Piotr started to do this on weekly basis as a sum up of daily basis of checking goals. Greetings, Mad Pharmacist I write down my goals for the day in a list and cross them, but I need more consistency. ------- Not much to tell since these days have been basically failures, but I purchased "A Man's Search for Meaning" and I'm currently reading it. Also, Beyond group call in a bit, it will be good. It's been so, so long since I read anything, and with such enthusiasm. Curiously enough, I feel related not to the examples of success the doctor points out, but the failures. I imagine myself being one of those prisoners in a hostile, unforgiving world, having abandoned all hope and lost in a pointless quest for rationalization and comfort. After all, isn't life a prison? There's no getting out of here alive, and, same as prisoners beaten up by foremans, we will receive the eventual punch, kick or perhaps torture by chaotic, unforeseeable forces. Frankl describes 3 stages in the psyche of a prisoner. I can see myself pictured in an uncanningly accurate way as part of the first mindset. I guess there's only one way forward, advance towards the second. Dull my feelings of dread with short and middle-term purpose. Will liberation come someday? Ah, who knows, that's well beyond my scope. Heh, it's not like no one else ever has ever asked the same thing, right? Welcome to Humanity. Good mood despite the bittersweet realizations. With the positive energy of the call and possibly extra feedback of some professional online counseling I recently entered, I have good expectations for the upcoming week. Let's not jinx it, gents.

Good day yesterday as well. I skipped all the evening sleeping, but made lots of things in the morning. Now I'm procrastinating again, but after this post I should begin my new day. I already ate a healthy breakfast so the most annoying thing of the morning ritual has been dealt with. I also purchased some pills for my anxiety-induced stomach unrest, so that should not be a problem or excuse anymore. I called to a good academy specialised in public service exams. Apparently the next calling for Armed Forces is comming really soon. I don't have any kind of confidence that I could enter this time but there's hope that there will be a second*. Worst case scenario, I wait for next year and meanwhile deploy Plan B, travel the world and get life experience. All this in preparation of turning 25 in 3 years and "make time" until being able to apply for university without high-school. Those psychotechnicals are... dreadful. Or so I though! I did a casual first sample test with real randomized questions and got this results: - Aptitudes: 1. Verbal - 11/15 2. Spatial - 8/15 3. Perceptical - 7/15 4. Numerical - 0/15 (I skipped this part) 5. Mechanical - 6/15 (I don't know the theory, I'm surprised) 6. Memory - 8/15 7. Abstract reasoning - 9/15 (Seriously? These ones didn't make any sense, I was expecting to have like 3 or so) So either I'm really lucky or have some sort of hidden talent . However that's the limit of my skill, I'll need assistance and teachers to help me get this through. Do I want to get this through? I can't help to think it's just a chronicle of a death foretold. I don't see myse No, scratch that. I'm scared to commit. That's the plain truth. I'm foolish enough to think I actually have something to lose. Hah! I mean, if I take the leap, I will have plenty to lose. I don't want to be discharged with dishonor, that wouldn't be a subjective opinion like dropping a course, but an official stain in my profile that would last forever. That's why, if I take the step, it's all or nothing. I think it's time to apply some Cam lessons here: - Do I think this is what I have to do? Yes. My mother doesn't (I tentatively discussed the option), but I do. Come on, me, it's just two years, what's the worst could happen (besides war and a gruesome death, which strangely enough doesn't bother me). Yes yes sure, you have so many alternatives. Come on man, what are you doing with them? I'll tell you what, fucking nothing that's what you're doing. Stop behaving as if you were making a mistake, keep doing nothing is the damn mistake. So this is the plan. Eat well, exercise, study in secret, pass the examinations and one happy day, announce it to my mother with one foot already at the doorstep. Why announce something that might not work at all, only to receive discouragement? Harsh but practical. I can't help but think I'm straying away from my original goal of becoming an actor. But when I was in that I couldn't help but think I was straying from my original goal of being a politician. AND when I was in that I couldn't HELP but THINK that I was straying from my original goal of being a translator/writer. You know my honest opinion? I could do all that in one lifetime. But for fucks sake I need to start with something, ANYTHING. My lack of discipline is disturbing. To Hell with it. I'll begin to listen to that little voice in my head all cocksure crazy and self-assured. Usually when that happens some people start saying things like "arrogant" and stuff. But... they are not me. And look where we ended by trying to make everyone contented. No, no, it simply doesn't work. My mistake was double: trying to make people understand me and trying to live according their expectations. Now I know better. If I don't say anything, I could for all reason have the most selfish motives (if that was true to begin with), but people would only see things getting done. There's a difference between sharing your experience and the feelings that led you there, and mere justification. If someone wants to know, I'll be happy to discuss with them, as I'd wanted to have a helping hand in my times of need. But enough doormat-ing. I wrote this before... Maybe the thousandth time is the charm guys.

@hycniejsy Well well, leave it to the impatient ones...! Here you are mate: "How to Quit Playing Video Games in 60 Seconds" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0DGBfnPpxY (I warn you though, is not a 100% literal transliteration, I'm quite proud of it, I think I was able to grasp the concept without skipping info and keeping with Cam shiny-star-induced speed ) ------- Good day yesterday! I didn't do anything special, just go to an appointment (bad news, my teeth are a mess orthodontically speaking), hang out with a friend and pay the first fee of the gym (now I'm financially committed, gasp). I had my first Beyond-related Skype call with @Mhyrion (a self-confessed reader of this journal, heh), and we reached some useful insights. My mood is not the best, but things seem to be going fine. I should learn to take it easy(er) and let life just flow. It will flow anyway, one way or another. For today, I was (and still am) delaying going to pilates and my first gym session, but I have plenty time to repent, around one hour or so. In a curious example of pasive positive procrastination, I checked on my options for the English exams. I finally learned what IELTS and TOEFL are! (and discarded them for unless I want to study or work big dollar abroad). I decided to buy the official manuals for C2 in a whim and assess my level from that point. The clever decision is to start studying beyond my level *as if* I was preparing for C2 instead of C1, and then see my real options when the time to apply arrives. In other words, being overprepared for the safest option. Geez I'm so cheeky and smart. [I'm-suddenly-spending-so-much-money-omfg.gif]

This section fulfills 2 main purposes: 1. Giving a space to members to be able to fully express themselves in their native language and lexicon as well as opening the opportunity to be answered in that same language in return. This is your chance to connect more deeply with potentially nearby people (or at least enthusiastic about your language), vent using your own swear words from back home (really therapeutic) and avoid that familiar feeling of not being able to properly convey thoughts and (especially) emotions in your "other" journal. (That being said, you really, really, really should have a journal in English, since you'll be able to get support from many people around the world. If your time is limited, prioritize that one). 2. Reach even more people who are struggling with gaming addiction, right now as you read this. Having fully implemented versions of Game Quitters and Game Quitters Forums in many languages seems a bit optimistic in the present time. However, at the end of the day, it's our experience what makes the most significant impact in the fight against videogame addiction. We discuss many things in this forum and the /r/StopGaming/ subreddit. We discuss healthy habits, we discuss hobbies, we discuss living a life of purpose. We discuss unhealthy things too; sometimes we even discuss how to avoid them. But all those topics have their own fields of research, there's information available about them, places to go and get educated, about psychology, nutrition, social skills, all kinds of activities and passions... But our testimonies here are unique. We are the research on videogame addiction. We are the frontline. Let me ask you a question. When you decided to quit, how many fellow quitters did you know in your close circles that you could rely on for guidance and reassurance? According to statistics, you should have known of someone, or the friend of someone. And yet I can safely bet the vast majority of us arrived here by chance, after a tentative google search in the isolation of our rooms. And then, we found Cam. It's not about Cam (putting aside his monstrous efforts to keep all this gig running), but when we heard about Cam and Game Quitters it was not about the man, but his story. He told us a story that resonated within us, in our deepest cores. We all thought: "Damn, this guy is throwing a big chunk of truth and fact in my direction, and it smells". It stirred our insides. Made us leap and take a first action. One single story, our story, is what made possible that we are here together. Lives were fixed. Others were literally saved. No melodrama, just the facts. The hardships some people had to face when they first arrived here and quit games were in some cases brutal. But things will keep getting better for many, if we keep this alive. That's why communication is so important. A single story brought thousands of people together. That's why your story is important. Perhaps this forum and the subreddit look a bit hostile to someone unfamiliar with the language of Shakespeare, but a story can be reshaped. It can be cut, pasted, edited, formatted, translated, summarized, put into a blog, a newspaper, a twit. Wouldn't it be nice if you could take a friend, family member or acquaintance of yours and say: "Look, I know what you are going through. I was in your shoes, and so many people were as well. Here, take a look"? Your story counts.

Hey, which video it is? I'll watch it just to improve my Spanish Greetings, Mad Pharmacist The first of many, my friend! ----- Shitty, checked out week. Enough of the bad news. Today was the first call with Cam in the Beyond program. It's simply amazing. I had heard about most of the things we discussed before, even translated some of them in Respawn, but it's astonishing, the difference in impact that can make things just read or watched in a generic youtube episode than things said directly to YOU. The same things! I always distrusted "coaches" and the sort, and yes many of them are still charlatans, but I think today was a great breakthrough and the beggining of something important, even if I still don't know what it is. But probably, the first step towards that BIG thing I mentioned before. I can't wait to keep going, a sensation I have not felt in a really long time.

Thank you Mario. For having my back and the back of so many others. You honored the community with your dedication, your patience, your passion and optimism. Please drop by from time to time if you can, we are going to miss you!

@hycniejsy Instead of just letting your recommendation sink into the void, I seized the opportunity to make a wish-list in Amazon with the main books that everyone comment here again and again, including this one of course. I expect a shitload of self-help material coming in my direction in the next days. Thank you! ------ I translated a GQ video, and I'll probably translate some more before today ends. Hitaru can into usefulnings. Also made papers from previous travel that will allow me to reimburse a nice sum of money (enough to pay some courses, gym monthly fees, whatever I decide, not much but absolutely welcomed). This productivity compensates my frustration from this morning. I was pissed off because I took Flan to the vet for his surgery and I wasn't there at the supposed hour, which I consider was absolutely not my fault. No, that's not true. It's my fault because I should have called and get the hour right by myself instead of depending on my mother, the one who called to make the appointment after I insisted many times in that she should do it instead of me. Each day that passes she makes more and more clear that she's not here to provide with any kind of commodity, help, service or advantage beyond cold hard cash from her endless work (because emotional support is completely out of the question at this point). Fine enough, time for myself to start stretching those wings and consider seriously the next stage of my life, without her and her financial helping hand. Cold but necessary, this comfort zone is simply unacceptably big. I say this because I find really terrifying the idea of just going outside, even for a walk and not even mention to do things (and I'm also really uncomfortable with phone calls). It takes all of my willpower to step out into the street, and many times I don't make it. Is it because my body refuses to abandon the comfyness of home? Is it because I fear that external movement will lead to internal movement, change, and therefore implicitly the inevitability of the passing of time (which by the way is passing anyway regardless of my actions)? You might see this as stupid. Remember that my biggest fear in life is life itself, so it makes sense to me. Making sense is the first step towards fixing it, but I'm only slightly more sure than before about how. I will consider therapy when there are no more options, but I think I'll come up with something before that. I really hope so, because [insert politically incorrect opinion about therapists]. Note to myself: Schedule when, motherfucker? It's almost a meme now. Almost.

Well well, guess who reached 90 days today! Also, >Spanish and acting

@WorkInProgress Didn't I answer you? Damn, I really procrastinated here. I lost the habit of posting, sorry. But yes, I agree with you. In the end is action and results what define us, specially in the face of others. Since being rejected for going to Ireland I was pretty lost. I think I was a bit depressed despite myself (and my pride).However I've been able to finish small tasks one by one, so it's not a complete stall. Now I just need a BIG LEAP. That means daring to do what I know that I have to do. Uh. But I will in some days. Trust me. I will. I'll bring back good news soon.

A month ago, I applied for an EVS (European Voluntary Service) in Ireland. My job would be to help a youth theatre organization with their activities. For a year. In Ireland. Dude. After some weeks they replied positively, I was interviewed on Skype and today, I received my answer. In a very long letter full of mannerism, compliments and suggestions of other related activities and projects, they kindly refused my services. It's strange. I was never refused in anything work-related before. And yet, as some people in Discord know, I had my more than fair share of doubts on my performance during the interview. From the deconstruction of the compliments I received (which I honestly thank btw), the fact remains there: Despite my oh so charming personality and good disposition, I was not convincing enough. I was not ready enough. It would be a pointless brag or just a lie to say I'm not disappointed. Well, actually I'm kind of fucked since I didn't prepare a Plan B (I have something floating around in my head but nothing specific). The worst case scenario has happened, and I must confront the unpleasant truth I don't really have a set of convincing hard skills to put myself out there, and my more developed soft skills that could even the score are severely hindered by my lack of confidence and moral relativism. --- - What makes you "fitting" for a position? What makes you "better" than someone else for a job, (or a relationship, a scholarship, etc)? Of course I don't know the answer, no one knows. There are millions of people better suited to do whatever I put my sights on. Not just me, everyone faces the same context. You know I hate the concept of "faith", of displaying a confidence in the veracity or suitability of something "just because"; that includes myself. To write some philosophy, it's a legit stance. To find a job and achieve goals, it's simply bullshit. I must learn to develop that unwavering confidence that I'm better suited (suited enough at least) than every possible competitor I'd come across, and support that believe with facts. Both sides of the same coin. I need both in the same degree. --- I am a talented person. Everyone says that. I never tried seriously. If I tried and found out I'm not so talented, I'd actually feel relieved of not having a great responsibility that comes with a great power, you know. My biggest problem then is confidence. With confidence, I'll go anywhere. Or no, but I won't feel guilty about it. Confidence it is. So, I'm determined. I'll focus on attaining that confidence, all my actions will be related to that goal. - My first definition goal: Self-awareness.