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Everything posted by AssellusPrimus

  1. Day 6 Today was an absolute win, though I got sloppy near the end. Started the day right by giving away my gaming PC, funny I was happy to see it go as part of me new it unlocked the doors to freedom. I then went to Walmart and bought a external hard drive, some magic cards, a journal, and language learning book. Spent some time at a coffee shop and came home to play a few games of cards with my younger brother. I completely missed a work meeting this morning not because I was addicted but because I have been so caught up in recover mode our weekly Skype debrief completely skipped my mind, forcing me to talk to my employee also my ex-professor as I am a research assistant about my addiction, the universe was kind and she was very supportive, offering me to take what ever time I need and contribute only what I can. I started a Journal with goals, now that I have more time on my hands or feel I will without any consoles I feel liberated, though I have to watch how much netflix I am watching. Current goals include: No Gaming, No Fap, 14 hours of Spanish Practice a Week, 15 mins of daily meditation. No Relapses today, yay!
  2. Looking forward to following your journey JoshD! I heard a great quote yesterday, the decisions we make it in the present determine our future! I love that your goal is to meditate what a great practice to adopt. -S
  3. @dweems Hey Dweems, I think your on the right track being able to recognize your addiction is the number one step. I was very much in the same position as you, as a kid video games served a purpose for me, I had a disfunctional home life and they provide escape and validation. Only problem is 9 years later I was still playing, a big part of my healing was recognizing the uniqueness of your addiction, for example I tried to compare myself to all my friends who could limit there playing, again took me 9 years to come to terms that this wasn't me, I think if your here this might be the case for you too. Second, you have to start thinking like a non-gamer, someone who doesn't play video games, does a non-gamer crave video games? No, he doesn't have any to crave, so I think the next big step though a scary one is to get ride of it, if your a console gamer, sell it, if your a PC gamer like @JustTom said trade it in for a mac. Part of this process has been learning to trust yourself, sure my friends may pressure you into playing, but they don't have to deal with consequences that you will. Good luck, I know you can do it, writing in the journal helps to identify your habits and triggers if you haven't started doing it already. -S
  4. @TheCrystalLake Thanks for sharing that quote, really enjoyed reading it. You are doing great to be getting out, being back on your bike for the first time, and visiting a friend house for a second time, seems like your moving forward and creating new experiences with your free time. Congratulations, on your new job, not only will it provide you with a chance to practice new and different skills but it will help bring in income to pursue new things that you are passionate about. I recently, started listening to podcasts on spotify, and I find them really interesting, there are does of different topics, probably some dedicated just to learning about anxiety. I find not only does listening to a conversation help with my social skills, but I learn new things to implement and feel like i am learning, I used to listen to a lot of rap music, but I find the lyrics while catchy really don't align with any of my values. One podcast that I enjoyed listening to today and I felt was relvent was called Discrediting Feedback does you no favors - by the Personality Hacker Podcast eps. 217. Thanks again for sharing, :)
  5. Day 5 So I was thinking why do I keep repeating the same mistakes, I know what I am need to do yet I have been avoiding really letting go, I am tired of the back and forth, so as we speak I am clearing all the files off my CPU onto my USB and I will be packing it up and giving it to my brother. At first I was hesitant to do such a thing as I don't want to get him hooked either but today I realize he is very much a reflection of me, if I am not gaming he rarley is, he already has a computer and this will be a nice treat for him. Let the real detox begin.
  6. Day -5 Honestly, I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me. I made progress today and sold my PS4, for $300 cash, I gave 50 to my brother cause he had downloaded a game on there and I know money is tight for him. I was a little nervous letting it go but I did, then I started working on my homework and was about to sell my brother my headset but he didn't want it because he doesnt use the mic (hes only 11 and pretends hes older), anyway I told him about voice changers, and next thing you know, I put my homework aside and spend 2 hours creating a Death Note: Kira Voice mod, and Im testing it game, this was at 3pm and nexts think you know its 12:40am. Fuck... The computer has too go, I am going to by an external hard drive this week, and then say goodbye. Slow and steady but I'll get there.
  7. Day 4 Well today, I learned that I simply struggle alot to take myself away from any kind of video game, at first I though I would lean into the challenge, so I set a timer for 2 hrs in morning turned into 4, when I finally decided to "turn of the screen" it was short lived as my brother reminded me there was a tournement in my favourite game today. I have 4 days left of school 1 assignment and 2 exams and I have done anything for it. Thankfully its a bit of a wake up call. and after I played in the tournment, and got my ass kicked I realized what I really enjoy is winning, accomplishing things. This jounery has turned out to be much harder than I orginally thought, but I am determined to succeed, I just posted my PS4 on Kijiji and it sold instantly Yay!!! Feels good, next is my computer I realize if I want to change I have to change my enviorment, I will use the money I get to buy an external Hard drive and then sell my PC, its time. Thank you to everyone who posts their journals, its really inspiring to see you all making progress. It feels like I have an opportunity to create a new me and that I will do. Tomorrow I want to start me detox over aim for the 90 days from the start! Best of luck on your adventures as well. -S
  8. @Bugg Hey Bugg, been following your journal for some time now! Just wanna say I think your doing amazing, regardless of how your feeling, down or up, your are accomplishing what you set out too accomplish! I have been back and forth relasping the last few days, feeling up and down, but you have managed to stick to your resolve which is an incredible feat! I think motivation will come with time, as you explore new things and find purpose, I have a tattoo that says "He who sweats more in training, bleeds less in war", I have always thought of growth as growing pains. Part of addiction is a recognizing the void that it once filled up, the void was always there but now that your growing your next step is healing through it, and you can do it! Look how far you've come! Great job! Any advice you could share with me about how you manage to keep yourself away from the games would be appreciated, I would love to make it to the 30 day mark!
  9. Day 3 Well today was rough, I had thought yesterday playing a single player game would keep me in check but I was definitly wrong, I ended staying home all day and gaming, on this single player game, so I realize now two things, one that single player games are just as easily addictive as multiplayer games for me, and second one of my addictive quaility stem from a completionist mindset. When ever I sit down for something I feel like I have to complete it and hyperfocus on it until its done, it works great with school not so great with gaming. This mindset has caused me a lot of problems and changing from a mind set that I must poor my everything into one thing to enjoying things in moderation and recognizing that somethings take time and can not be accomplished instantly would certainly help improve the quailty of my life. Regardless of this, I realize that while moderation is important, gaming is not something worth moderating or my time. So tomorrow, I will remove my PS4 and try again, on a positive note I refrained from playing multiplayer games on my PC which is notable. This is gonna be more than 90's for my detox but the reflection process is helping naviagte my thought process. Tomorrow we start day 1 again.
  10. Day 2+ So today is Day 2, though I should really say day 1 again, but rather then starting over again I want to look at it as a learning experience because I feel progress was made. Firstly, I woke up and kicked my assignments ass, by 3pm I was finished and wondering what to do with my day, I had left overs night and caught myself in waiting mode as I killed time before visiting my sister. Still excited that I completed what I thought was gonna take me all day, I decide to reward myself by playing a single player PS4, I had given my console to my bro earlier to keep stairs, he didn't have problem letting me use i and I played for an hour and stopped, to be honest I wasnt really interested n that game and new I could turn it off, but I still kinda felt like I was cheating and a bit dissapointed. Later in the evening i met with my bf who just returned from Hawai, we smoked a joint and I ended up playing split screens with him until 2am,, now, and to be honest I am less disapointed about the game, as I think it was the mj that imparied my judgment, oh yeah also ordered a large pizza and fucked up my diet. Anyway, I love my friend but I realize I cant smoke with him anymore, I honestly don't mind playing games with him if their split screen but I have to first evaluate if I can manage it sober. Lastly, I decided to be accountable to my professors this year, while I am normally a 4.0 gpa student, I completely skimmed through this year, I have always taken pride in my academics and even work as a research assistant at my universty but this year, I didn't show up to classes and submited assignments late and will be averaging about 20-30% lower than my average marks, which for me is important cause I need scholarships for school. Anyway, I set up a meeting with my proffess to apologize for my truency and mend any relationships, before starting next semester as being a small field people talk and my reputation has been one of the reasons of my success in my field so I figured I would come clean, and in my career Child and Youth Care, the proffs are generally understanding. Anyway, this all sounded like a good idea yesterday when I was sober for my first day, I was like I can do this I can inform them and put this behind me, but after tonight I realize its gonna be harder then I thought and who wants to say sorry, then do it again. Anyway, if anybody made it this far, you are the real MVP. I meet with her tomorrow and now I realizing owing this is scary as fuck, but I have always found growth after pain, because it makes me uncomfortable I have to dive into it. I'll let you know how it goes. Sheldon
  11. @Dannigan Thanks Dan, for the read, your right I can totally analyze and aware of it, problem is im a really forgetful dude and when your addicted time just stand still and feels like a blur, I never really wrote everything down and refelected on it, I usally just go to sleep and wake up exaughsted. I am glad to be sharing and writiing down my day as it gives a sense of accountability and reflection.
  12. @thehondasc00py I think stress maybe, but I am not really a social person and I don't drive, so in the winter its so easy to just hang out at home, and I have a beautiful PC and monitor just staring at me in my main room. I also guess that I just never really crashed Id always come close pull my shit together to make it by then relapse cause I had more free time again. Good question, the though analyze there helped.
  13. @TheCrystalLake I am just a mirror my friend, thank you very much! Really happy, you read it. Appreciate the love!
  14. Day 1 Felt like a long today, and I am not sure where it began and where it ended. I was really happy to get things done around the house, do groceries and cooked two nice meals, salmon spanich couscous salad and a bok coy stir fry, I forgot how nice it was too cook. I really struggled to wake up for class in the morning and while I deadlines are closing in didnt really manage to get any homework done as planned, though I felt like I needed the day to relax and get everything together. I will have more time to focus on it tomorrow though I worry I am using my recovery as an excuse to not procrastinate on my work instead of school. I watched a lot of netflix today as an alternative, I am going to have to start paying attention to that so I don't just transfer my habit, it occurred to me I really have to start being aware of how I spend my time, but also why I spend my time doing the things I do. What void am I trying to fill and how do I fill it in a healthy way. I am looking forward to this journey but it has been tough, its funny when I listen to specific type of music it reminds me of gaming and makes it harder to resist the urges, so today I download a site blocker and I banned my access to steam for 3 months to avoid relapse feels good to be doing this but a bit nerve racking. Tomorrows goals include going to the gym and hitting the library to get some work done. Sheldon
  15. @TheCrystalLake Hey I am enjoying following your journal, like you I have a problem just one game, stupid gaming companies. I am really glad you have been getting out and having such a great time at the movies and gardening, its nuts how much time passes us by when were stuck in front of the screen numb, we forget how pleasent human interations are. I am really excited for the spring/summer here in Canada, gardening actually sounds like a great way to get back to nature! I noticed you mentioned you had a single player game you were thinking about playing later, if you can do it go for it, I like you don't really feel I have a problem with single player games but I noticed that they cause me to rationalize multiplayer games, I think well if I am going to be gaming anyway why not spend an hour online? Bamn Relaspe! So be careful about that, but its all a learning process, keep up the great work! -S
  16. Really inspiring that you kept up with journal for so long brad, it was awesome to read your first post watch you transition into a business owner, with a load of other accomplishments along the way! keep it up! -S
  17. Hey Jani, thanks for the welcome. It feels good to be doing something with a community all to often, beating this has felt like something that has to be done alone and without support. I have travelled, quite a few times and in December was my first time travelling alone, I did some backpacking through the Dominican, Colombia, and Ecuador, the great thing about solo travelling is your never really alone because you met really cool people along the way. One of the things it taught me was about spontinituty and that you can have an amazing time in the land of the unfamiliar, unlike gaming, a new experience can be equally invigorating. I think its good that your sister, in her own way, provides you with a reason to think twice about gaming, while my brother often encourages me to game (play one with me) or join this tornement with me, I have to think of more creative ways to engage with him. It seems like both of us have are motived to do well in school, good luck in your exams friend, I was reading you daily post and I too think getting out of the house to study on campus is a great idea! Looking forward to following your journey! -Sheldon
  18. Well, its the 5am in the morning, not much of the day has gone by to consider this a day journal more like pre-journal. I have been laying in bed since 3am reading respawn, and it reminded of the forum, so here I am. I am excited to quit, I usally am, I have quit 1000 times, and it always feel good to know that tomorrow, I might actually make a nice breakfast rather than hoping straight on the computer. Except, tomorrow I will have to do groceries first, cause I have none, and I have been eating out for a few days, I also have class tomorrow, which I probably wont go too, because its in 6hrs and I haven't sleep. On top of the no gaming (which I have decided to quit for a month, and evaluate my feelings about it) I have also decided to quit 4 other things, which might be overkill but I think will keep me busy if I am not gaming. 1. Quit Gaming 2. Pescatrian Diet 3. No Fap 4. Quit Smoking (for month) 5. Commit to rising at 6am (yes that is in a hour, I will definitly be napping at some point today) I made these commitments because I think they are good for me and I will increase the quaility of my life. Whether I can honor them, who knows but hell I'll try. Today, is going to be a get organized day. After about 3 weeks of gaming, and no focus on work or school, I gotta get my shit together. Tomorrow, I will clean up my apartment, plan the 3 days worth of meals and go buy them, start moving all my files from my gaming desktop into a easily transferable folder so I can prepare to let it go, and probably most important figure out what I have to do for school and do it, theres only two weeks left and its gonna be shit show. That said throughout the day, I'd like to finish reading respawn and perhaps give a good cleaning out fo my clothes closet, I have been reading alot about minimlism and find that less is more, also its much easier to pick outfits when you only have a few. Gonna try and sleep for an hour... ciao.
  19. Hi everyone, My names Sheldon, I'm 24 (scary how fast time goes by), this is actually my second intro, as I made one about a year ago but relapsed a 2 weeks later and have been pretty addicted every since. I think and have always thought I have to hit rock bottom before I quick, but unlike alcohol, my gaming habits are sutble and discreet. Nobody sees me for a week, I don't reply to email, texts, pretty much drop off the face of the earth. I am currently studying Child and Youth Care in Uni, and I am normally a 4.0 gpa student, but I am finding that I just dont give #$%^ any more because I can just game everything is numb. I play 5-10 hours of Dota a day, and whats worse is I have a younger brother 11 who is now doing the same thing. I feel like shit cause I dont want him to have to deal with this like me but I am too weak to set a good example for him. I decided to travel this summer and will be in Ecuador for 4 months, with no chance of gaming, I have traveled before and gaming has never crossed my mind so I know it has something to do with my environment and me not being satisfied with my current lifestyle, time to make some changes I guess. I started reading respawn again to get some tips which is why I am back on the forum. Unlike last time I plan on logging into the journal. I am really grateful for Cams emails, even if I didnt want to read them at the time. Hoping to get to know some of you, and move past this together, any advice is appreciated.
  20. Hey guys, it's saturday night, 8:30pm and you've I've been going strong all day, but I need a break its so tempting to play a game to break up the study hours. Any ideas for what do as a short filler, something you don't have to think to hard about but enjoy? Like I just wanna play lol it doesn't have to be a game, but i have no idea how to play without gaming? How do you play?
  21. Oh boy its the weekend, probably the most challenging day of the week because I have no set out plans. I have found myself to be quite moody and fatigue been trying to keep the energy up with coffee and been thinking about hitting the gym to get the endorphins going. I am trying hard not to rationallize a game or two in between studying, the only thing holding me back is knowing that one will lead to the entire day of playing. ugh. Happy thanksgiving everyone!
  22. Hey Everyone, So I made the commitment to stop gaming on October 3rd, I am extremely excited about doing so as I have tried many times before but I feel like I finally have the appropriate tools and information to do so. I have been really busy with school and work and the last two days I have managed by having a friend come over and spending time with each other during my normal gaming hours, even though my friend is a gamer he is supportive of me, and sometimes I just watch him while I study. I am not tempted though because I really only play two games, none of which he plays. The reason I am writing in the journal today is because I am hoping to learn more about the fatigue symptoms of withdrawal. While I created a list of things to do and I had significant studying to do I found myself exhausted. I came home from work about 6pm, grabbed some Popeyes (yumm) and when I got home I felt that bored and stress feeling. So I identified my go to activity watch a documentary and watched some Ted Talks (Cams actually) but I realized I was not really in the mood for being stimulated. So for the first time in months I just dozed off on the coach, it was only 7:30pm at this time. I was supposed to meet up with a girl later that evening, but after waking up at 9ish, she told me she wouldnt be able to come over till 10:30 and at this point I told her to reschedule and relocated to my bed and laid their until about 12:00am browsing social media, chat, dating sites, honestly i dont why I dont just talk to her I always feel like I am search for something new and intersting. Anyway, I had lots of homework to do and all I could do was lie in bed and eventually sleep, I did anyone feel this way when they quit, if so how long did it last, she knows about my detox and suggest I just need stimulation. I agreed, but decided Id rather catch up on some sleep. Is this normal. (sorry my question mark button is not working).
  23. Welcome! Thanks for grabbing Respawn, really appreciate it. Only wish I found it earlier!
  24. Hi Everyone, My names Sheldon, I have been a gamer since I was little, its always been an escape and a way to dissociate from a less then ideal childhood, though now I am an adult the behaviour is counter productive. Despite my on and off nature, I have in the last few years managed to put work and school first but recently decided to tend to a full time job and full time school, the stress of both is causing me to game like crazy and I am neglecting all my responsiblities. It has always been one game or another at one point in my life from Fifa, SWTOR, Dota 2 to anything else that I could feel the rush of competition, but I realize its just a band-aid for what I am really missing in my life. I have tried quiting so many times and its never lasted more than a few days, but I ready to go all in. I will be deleting my steam account and selling console, here we go. I did have one question though, I have probably $600 worth of in game DLC on the steam market, so I am tempted to spend the next week doing that instead of deleting right away, I am quite positive that it won't be an issue because I am sure this proccess will work and I think I will enjoy making some money off my old habits as I have always enjoyed investing. Has any have any feedback about this or have done the same it? Looking forward to being part of this community and a big shout out to Cam, I love the guide! I am sure I am gonna have up and down days but those who canno't sacrafice anything can change nothing. Cheers Sheldon
  25. Hey GDT, In the same boat, just got "Respawn" today and excited to give it a shot, it definitley has what I was missing.. a plan to replace the old habit! Looking forward to the future!
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