AssellusPrimus

@BooksandTrees Hey Matt, I recently joined the forum again and have only had a chance to read through some of your most recent posts, but I think a change in your environment would be beneficial to you. I say this because like you, I have also lived with my mother who has caused me a lot of pain and I still struggle with a lot of emotions from the past which hinder my ability to focus on me. I think our environment plays a large role in our thoughts and behaviors, think of yourself as a flower for example if you are planted in a soil which is full of weeds and not conductive to your growth, you will find it a lot more difficult to grow than if you removed yourself to an environment in which you feel safe and secure. Often times new experiences are about learning and growing so even if you didn't like it you could change something.

I've been here before... Three times before but this time it's different. On the third time, you begin to see the foolishness and painfully must admit that you have a problem, not just any problem... a serious a problem. I am a addict. It took me a many years to be able to say it, and truly understand what it means, after years of trying to rationalize and moderate myself unsuccessfully if it meant countiningon a cycle that would finally lead to my dsstruction. Yet, while I am here now, the scariest thing is I have been here before. More than once.. so what makes this time any different? I am not doing it alone, I will be receiving counseling, I'm in love, and I'm living in what could be the best times of my life. My name is Sheldon and this will be my story, for anyone choosing to read it please share what works for you, and let's help each other succeed. "It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness." - Seneca I'll also be sharing some of my favourite quotes.

Day 18 Today was a busy day, I spend the morning doing some reorganizing, then went to treat myself to a massage and spent some time at a coffee making preparations for my upcoming travels. No gaming today! Woot. There´s more but I am watching a movie :P, but didn't want to leave the journal incomplete again.

@JaniP Hey happy to be following your journal and see you doing so well! I also relapsed, but relapsing while journaling your experiences provides so much need clarity and reflection into the why of the behavior. Your guy habits are really motivating as well, something that so important to healthy growth, keep it up!

@Confuse Man Hey Brother thanks for sharing your predicament. I can also strongly support the 90-day detox. It sounds to me that you are describing an addiction, in that you would recognize a behavior is harmful to you, want to stop, but are having trouble resisting the instant gratification that gaming provides, long enough to participate fully in other aspects of your life.You are obviously motivated to quit, because you are asking to quit, but it sounds likes you have decided whether to quit play for ever or try for moderation, another good reason to try the detox, and for additional support purchase Cam´s book called Respawn which really helped me identify some of the psychology and come up with a plan to replace my addictive behaviors. There is a great community of people hear to help, take advantage of it! Cheers -S

Day 17 @Arch Hey Arch, I actually traveled through Ecuador in December and really enjoyed it! I would totally reccomend for a trip to South America, such a friendly country with a beautiful and giving culture and community! Itś actually be rated the #1 retirement country in the world! I saw lots of older westerners living their during my 3 week travels. To report to my journal, Day 17 is not an honest caption of the number of days without gaming, more like measurement of time from which I started to really monitor and evaluate my behaviour. I have noticed that gaming is trying to seep into my life using fitness, creeping into my phone, through card games like Hearth Stone, or onto with computer with a 2hr Sim creation, before an install, and most of all, though not video games, Netflix. Heard and interesting approach to Re-creation when reading Scrambled Minds (an incredible book exploring Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD) by Dr. Gabor Máte, recreation or ¨re-creation¨ should be a process in which you are nourishing your mind and resting your body, it should be a process of growth. This has made me think more carfully about how I am spending my recreational time, and whether the activities I participate in actually contribute to my development, Netflix is a good example. Just some thoughts to share with you, if anyone is interested in ADD and would love to share approaches to life management, the floor is yours. -S

Day 14 So I made my way up to Niagara Falls to visit my family for the weekend. We are finally getting some beautiful weather. I have managed to avoid my main sources of addiction but have found myself gaming on the phone and on my laptop for a few hours a day and I dont want to make a habit of it. I will be leaving in 20 days for Ecuador so I dont see it being to much of a problem. I just finished my last exam so I am done for the summer and looking forward to enjoying the beautiful weather :) S

Day 12 Had a few minor relapses where I download a new game but I am finding I don´t play more than 30 minutes because 1) I can´t run the software well on my laptop, this was done intentionally as a safeguard mechanism and 2) I am simply, not as motivated to play the same way I used too. Yesterday was 420, so I went out with my best friend and we celebrated over a nice dinner, we ordered a few appetizers and shared food discussed thoughts, I noticed the uniqueness and benefits of sharing food, and I don´t mean just allow friends to try something on your plate, but ordering a meal to be shared, between two people. It was very calming and special, I realized I need to get out a bit more and work on my social skills. Sheldon

@Natelovesboardgames Really appreciate the recommendations, I will look into them, I am currently having a lot of fun playing pandemic with friends but I have to look into the expansion pack.

@Natasha I have a younger brother, so we usually play a game or too a day. I agree, playing with real people is much more beneficial than playing online, I find if its just me and my brother its not as competitive and their is no need to spend huge amounts of money on cards because the decks are relatively balanced and we can always switch.

Day 10 Had a very productive day, woke up with love in my heart and a renewed determination. Spent a lot of time being productive but also reflecting on the nature of productivity verse being content and acceptance of yourself in the moment. I recently joined an app called Habitica, its kinda like a game, but you set goals, and tasks and when you complete them your hero improves, its a cool concept and I helps me manage my task list. I have my last exam tomorrow and I am so excited to be finished school! Thank the lord, looking forward to heading up to Niagara Falls for the weekend. @Natelovesboardgames Hey Nate, great idea, I was starting to realize MTG was a play to win. I think I am gonna invest in a D&D board game, unfortunately there are not to many public D&D meet ups in my city, so maybe I can find a more private one.

Day 9 Great day, spent some time at the library studying, been playing a card game online, but I don't believe it is contributing to my development or meeting my competitive needs in good way so I will look at replacing that behavior with a better one, but I am not sure at this moment what that habit is.

Day 8 Haven't blogged in a while but all is well, focusing on wrapping up the last of the exams, occasionally playing a game of online the magic gathering a card game. I am realizing that I miss the competetive nature of the gaming community so I am going to look into joining some form of competetive sports or activity to help sharpen my mind and find new activities. -S

Day 4 Its amazing that is only day 4, it feels like weeks. I feel good, and I am really enjoying the extraordinary amount of additional time I have in my life to work on things that are important to me. A big part of my life now is learning to manage all this extra time to not only be productivity but also to cultivate spirituality and relationships.I got out yesterday, had a long overdue haircut and got in touch with some old friends. Been listening to a lot of podcasts which have been so enjoyable and continuing to journal my goals.

Hey @Ech0, I think starting the journal was the right move, its gonna take some time for your dopamine receptors, what makes you feel motivated and excited, like about playing games to become stable and start responding to other stimuli, gaming provides a hard and fast dose which is why you probably feel like a drone right now, because your recptors are used the high levels that gaming provides. One thing that has been working for me is changing the way I think about things and working to make them fun in my mind. For example, like you gaming was an escape for me, mainly responsibliites, I could game and the dopemine made feel good regardless if my life was going to shit, not healthy. Now I try to reframe and change my perspective on activities to create excitment, I ask myself why do I want this, I imagine myself feeling excellent when its done, I imagine that it has greater purpose, for example I have to develop a program and write a proposal for it, I have been imagining that this was not for school but real and is going to impact millions of people, this helps create, dopamine for me and makes it less burdensome. Hope this helps, im looking forward to following your journal and hearing more about your novel! Good Luck! -S

@Ech0 Hey appreciate the advice, I agree, gaming has always took up all my free time so this next little while will give me an opportunity to explore other things and find out what hobbies and activities I enjoy. Thanks for the support :)

Day 3 I feel accomplished today but exhausted, I woke up at 6am today and made my way to the gym. Attended classes and completed various errands that I was planned to do this morning. Around 6pm, I felt overly exhausted and laid down for a few hours, I am starting to feel a bit of a void that used to be video games and feel it important to now find an activity that I enjoy and have fun doing as I am having an urge for meaningful entertainment. Looking forward to having a tea tonight, and catching up on my sleep! Sheldon

Hey @JSmith, I really enjoyed that book, it was one of the first books I have read that introduce the concept. I can, attest to it with my own experiences, I find not only have more energy, but in a strange way attract polar energies into my life. The Way of the Superior Man, speaks about this idea as well, and while for men the whole idea of orgasm is release, letting go, to be complete. There are ways and books that talk about reverse orgasm, much like how women can have multiple and stack them, with training men can orgasm internally as energy, which flows up their spine to there brain creating a euphoric experience, which allows one to keep the essence of that desire and energy. I loved Think and Grow Rich, its in my Hall of Fame library.

@Natelovesboardgames Thanks for that relationship tip, often the simplest tips are the most overlooked. I have never tried fapping without porn, but there is some research on the art of sexual transmutation, which explores the idea of sexual energy being something that is contained and can be released via ejaculation, we often see it with pro athletes who refrain from having sex before competing. It is my intention, to learn how to translate late this sexual desire into other medians, creativity, relationships, habit transformation, I actually heard Ghandi sleep next to two virgins but never laid a finger on them to cultivate and harness this energy. Love your recommendation though, if find myself having to in moment, I will use my imagination.

Day 2 Hey everyone so I decided to reset the counter, and start my 90's again, while it is actually day 7 and I want to acknowledge my achievements honestly and evaluate my progress, and feels right for me. Today has been day two since I have last gamed, I have accomplished much in this time and created a journal with numerous goals in which I am going to accomplish over the next 30 - 90 days. While I have freed up a large amount of time since I stopped gaming its time to rebuild the life and person I have always dreamed of becoming. I have decided to also really challenge myself by taking on some numerous goals, that I think support personal growth and development and I will share them with you. Firstly, I think it is important to create healthy categories of goals, otherwise I find I set all behavior based goals and neglect various aspects of my life: Habits, Relationships, Career, Spirituality, Beliefs and Values, New Learning, Exploration (goals to try new experiences), Travel, Love, Health and Wellbeing, Community Contributions. If anyone can think of any other areas that they set goals in I would love for you to share. Habits and Wellbeing My first goal is obviously the 90 day detox, but concurrently I am doing the 90 day No Fap Challenge, I have found porn and masturbation to interfering with sex drive, and my desire to flirt, or seek intimate relationships, also I find myself with more energy when refraining, and naturally attract more intimacy into my life. (Does anyone else feel the same way?) New Learning My second 6 Month goal is spending 14 hours studying Spanish a week, I love traveling and really desire to pick up the language so I can work abroad. Health and Wellbeing (90 Days) I think diet is often an overlooked component to health and wellbeing, for the next 90 days I will be adopting a pescatrian diet, I am in the process of coming up with goals that revolve around eating out limits. Meditaiton - 10 -15minutes a day Exercise 3 - 4 times a week. and waking up at 6am on a regular basis as I am veteran snooze master, I found moving my alarm across the apartment gives me little choice but to get up, and turn on the lights before it wakes up the neighborhood. I have also found it is important to have a routine in the morning other wise it is easy to crawl back in bed which is why I will be exercising in the morning, this is a 30 day goal for me. I am very aware that this is pretty ambitious but I love a challenge and my greatest competition is myself, looking forward to the adventure. If anyone has any good relationship goals, I would love to hear them as I am lacking and have no idea where to start or what would be a good goal.

@JoshD Thanks Josh, it did feel like a big step, I have two laptops so I am not living like a hermit but I my laptops don't have the processing power to run games. So it seemed to be like the right move at the time. It was certainly a leap, but sometimes you have to jump to learn how to swim. I enjoyed connecting with you as well, looking forward to learning, reflecting and growing together. :)

Hey Josh, great question, today I spent some time sitting by a local river and just listening to the water and the birds, spirituality seems to be defined differently in various cultures for me its connecting with nature, having my skin against the grass, and taking a moment to be grateful for all the beautiful people and things that often appear in our life exactly when we need them! Spirtuatliy could almost be defined as something you feel/do while in a state of conscious awareness, some people would call it mindfulness.

Hey Bugg, thanks for sharing your experiences I think you hit the nail on the head by acknowledging you are ready to move past this stage of your life and removing the source of the addiction. I did manage to recognize what went wrong, I hadn't fully committed to moving on because I still held on to the things that caused the addiction, the consoles it was so accessible causing me to relapse regularly. After removing this, I found it much easier to avoid gaming and I am successfully on Day 2, with no sign of looking back. I think this really highlights the importance of planning and preparation which I found more helpful then exercising will power in the moment!!!! Thanks for your insights!

@TheCrystalLake Hey I think traveling is great idea, I did a solo trip in December to South America and it was one of the most influential experiences of my life. I am a host for coach surfers so when you make the trip be sure to send me a message I can show you around Toronto. Traveling to Europe and North America is more expensive then some of the southern countries, but their is lots of ways to travel on a budget on sites like Work Away or WOOFing, which provide you with accomidations and meals for 4-6 hours work 5 days a week, its great if your interested in learning a new language!

Day 6 Today was an absolute win, though I got sloppy near the end. Started the day right by giving away my gaming PC, funny I was happy to see it go as part of me new it unlocked the doors to freedom. I then went to Walmart and bought a external hard drive, some magic cards, a journal, and language learning book. Spent some time at a coffee shop and came home to play a few games of cards with my younger brother. I completely missed a work meeting this morning not because I was addicted but because I have been so caught up in recover mode our weekly Skype debrief completely skipped my mind, forcing me to talk to my employee also my ex-professor as I am a research assistant about my addiction, the universe was kind and she was very supportive, offering me to take what ever time I need and contribute only what I can. I started a Journal with goals, now that I have more time on my hands or feel I will without any consoles I feel liberated, though I have to watch how much netflix I am watching. Current goals include: No Gaming, No Fap, 14 hours of Spanish Practice a Week, 15 mins of daily meditation. No Relapses today, yay!