Damiano

Day 47. Saturday. Habits completed counter: 26 I am thankful for the opportunity help others. Nothing much happening today. I am not a gamer.

Day 46. Friday. Habits completed counter: 25 I am thankful for the improvements in my life since I quit being a gamer. It is very satisfying and incredibly empowering to notice changes in my thought patters to the positive. Every day I feel more positive, and every day negative thoughts are less invasive and its easier to justify positive action than to justify laziness and procrastination. I love it, I cant wait to get even better at this. A few days ago I decided to quit masturbation and porn. At least for now, as I want to see if this new will power can help me quit those bad habits as well as later boost me even farther. Lately my sexual libido has been really low for some reason, I want it, but don't crave it. Strange stuff. I am not a gamer.

Day 45. Thursday. Habits completed counter: 24 I am thankful for a new day. I am seeing improvement in my every day thoughts. I think mostly on how to improve my current situation, what action should be next in order to improve overall. But I see myself looking for structure, a framework in which to operate with meaning and not just improve for the sake of improving, because I have no idea what I am doing. I try my best to be who I am and improve toward who I want to be, and that's it. I WANT clear direction, so that I can stop wondering if this is the right way, or should I choose another.........wait a second.. It just came to me that i want to move the responsibility of choice away from me. Hmmm. This is also my point. I don't know what I am doing, but I am doing the best I can. Maybe some day I will understand this stuff. Until then... I am not a gamer.

I disagree. I had a lot of fun gaming. Had some great adventures alongside the characters I played with. Experienced epic stories, and hilarious moments. It was great at the time, and I don't regret it. I don't think we should compare the value of it with our current understanding and use of games. Back then, it sure was worth it, back then it meant the world to us. We shouldn't devalue our past, because its our past that gives value to us today.

Day 44. Wednesday. Habits completed counter: 23 I am thankful for hardship. It is hard for me to be the man I want to be. I constantly see myself doing things differently, but when the moment to act comes, I do what I always did. I coward out. Why is it so hard for me to stand up straight and make myself known? Why does someones attention weights so heavy upon me? I want to improve myself, and I work on it every day, but still, I am afraid to confront a reality where it is not enough, and might never be enough. How can I measure this progress? I also know that facing our most dreaded fear will bring the most meaningful positive change to our lives, but also might destroy us. Am I a coward? I know a day is coming when all my fears will come true, and the fear that I might not be ready is the worst. I am not a gamer.

To me its all about personal context and personal history with games. Its exactly the same than with drugs. What defines a drug? Is alcohol a drug? is cannabis a drug? are cigarettes? they all have very similar effects on our reward systems. But it all depends on the person using them. I think you should ask yourself a different question. How does interacting in a VR chat affect my life? Is it improving my life? Is it just another way to tune down reality? From my experience, those are more important questions.

Very true @seriousjay You actually learned a great wisdom from your experience. The key now is to constantly make yourself remember it, I do this with the journal. My morning coffee has become my moment of insight into my own mindset, and I read some of my previous posts in order to catch a bit of my own wisdom, before it fades away. As to answer your question, I don't have turning point, its a process for me. Every decision, every action is a vote, for the kind of person you want to be. And one action doesn't matter much if the overall trend in your life is improvement. I love this approach because then the "wrong" action is not as important as the "right" action, as one bas choice will not ruin your progress and one good choice will ALWAYS improve your life. This removes the feeling of guilt for skipping gym or anything like that, instead you focus on doing it tomorrow.

Day 43. Tuesday. Habits completed counter: 23 I am thankful for change. I feel on edge at this crossroads in my life. Somehow stressed, but also excited that the view is changing, excited for the new challenges. Also a bit sad for leaving behind the happiest period in my life so far. This is allowing me to build a better one, so I will make that sacrifice gladly. The key is to keep on improving, and never stop, remembering to love as strong as possible, because time is short. I am not a gamer.

Congratulations! If you can take the responsibility for changing, then I say go for it!! Enjoy the excitement, and uncertainty!! Make your life amazing!! And remember the things that helped you get here, and keep doing them as not to stop your advance. Good luck!

Day 42. Monday. Habits completed counter: 22 I am thankful for surprises. Yesterday afternoon was a bit extreme in the stress department, and it triggered my cravings in a way where I craved the absence of stress and responsibility and not just games. Its is this bliss of lack of responsibility that makes gaming attractive to me. Gaming represented my childhood world, a world where I could do whatever I wanted and no one could intervene. I took my first bigger loan. Which means i am in debt, and this is one of my greatest fears in life, because when my father went under, he created a dept that almost destroyed our family, and so I developed a caution when it came to borrowing money. But this time, I am taking responsibility in my own hands, and it will be awesome. I am committed to owning this stage in my life. I am not a gamer.

Day 41. Sunday. Habits completed counter: 21 I am thankful for today. I am starting to feel pride because it has been over 40 days. This is a dangerous feeling for me as it might lead to "celebration cravings". Or the all time favorite excuse ""I made it this far, I can do it again no problem". I have to be aware of all the changes in my state of mind. That is why a Journal is priceless. it keeps your conscious mind in the loop of whatever is happening below in the deep dark ocean of the unconscious. I am not a gamer.

Day 40. Saturday. Habits completed counter: 20 Nothing much happening. I think i caught a cold from my gf, starting to feel it. The weekend will be social. I really like writing this on the mornings, while drinking coffee. It makes for a perfect start of the day, remembering what it is I should be doing, and what I should avoid. I am not a gamer.

Day 39. Friday. Habits completed counter: 20 Yesterday I had a thought "What if I play browser game?" An my body went crazy with dopamine!! holy shit, my cravings went through the roof. Very scary stuff. I had a laugh about it, and went on with my day, realizing that this gaming craving will be with me for a very long time. And I had to get used to that idea, and move on, because the fact that I crave something does not mean I have to get it, I have learned not to be enslaved by my impulses. Small steps forward, always forward. I am not a gamer.

Day 38. Thursday. Habits completed counter: 19 I am thankful for my ability to be amazed. Yesterday was an interesting day. I had an idea the night before, and yesterday I implemented that idea into code, and it worked!! It got me all excited by the possibilities of this new concept, I was making exciting noises and smiling like a crazy person :D, good times As with all things that seem too good to be true, this was no exception, it needs a lot more work before I can get any real use out of this, still it was very nice to feel that rush of accomplishment. I am not a gamer.

Its a progress bar, the more progress you make the bigger the counter. Its here because this is a place I see every morning. I add one if I did an action that I want to become a habit the day before. I also mark an X on my calendar at home. The more reminders I have of what I am supposed to be doing the better for me. I tend to forget things a lot. Also, this reminds me of all the effort I have been putting into myself, and it motivates me to keep going and see how far can I go.

I am not a gamer!!

Day 37. Wednesday. Habits completed counter: 18 I am grateful for sleepless nights. Games are fading away. I will be selling my gaming graphics card on Monday and replacing it with my older graphics card. This will make it even harder to come back to games even if some day I get broken. I would rather buy a non gaming pc, but I don't have money to spare. I am not a gamer.

Hey man. You are here, that is a big step in the right direction. One thing at a time, start a journal in this forum, and write daily what you are thinking and feeling. It is very important to understand your own addiction. Good luck.

Day 36. Tuesday. Habits completed counter: 17 I am grateful for life. I am losing my connection with gaming, more every day. Total isolation from that world is the best option to overcome gaming habit. I would say that isolation from any environment that triggers addictive behavior, is the way to get rid of that behavior. My everyday life is gaining meaning, and I am getting more and more satisfaction from it, as if my mind is learning to live again. I am not a gamer.

A very curious question come to me today, and I don't understand why is this even a question but I am certain there is a very important concept in between the lines. Why does my mind focuses and anticipates instant pleasure rather than focus and anticipate meaningful action? The thing is today I had an hour free at home, and I knew this since yesterday, and my mind instantly put the pieces together that that will be a really nice time to have a porn sessions. And it came with excitement. This stupid action of watching images make my brain go into this "can't wait" mode, in which all else gets tuned down, and every other thought is about that expectation. The truth is consciously I know this is shit, and I wont give in, but this stupid way the brain prioritize future action is really fucked. Maybe I am missing something here, probably. But how do I tone down this drive towards incompetence and instant senseless gratification? Are these questions relevant? Am I tackling the problem from a wrong angle? What am I missing here? Why don't I feel the same drive and focus on things that really matter to me? Why doesn't my reality narrows towards me making progress in the direction my heart is? Why do I stay enslaved in this mind hole even If I have the will and abilities to get out?

Day 35. Monday. Habits completed counter: 17 I am grateful for small adventures. My cravings are getting more dissolved, less focused on specific games, but more on playing anything. A desperate cry to be entertained. Also I am noticing more an more of my focus is concentrating on daily life. Its easier to remember things, and my actions become more deliberate, no longer zombie moves to do before gaming. Also I feel my mind freeing space and moving gaming memories deeper, like if my hard drive was defragmenting. I am not a gamer.

Day 32. Friday. Habits completed counter: 15 I am grateful for the opportunities to better myself. I have noticed that my cravings have become desperate. Trying to get me to play even the mobile games, web browser games, or any games. Also I got a notice on youtube that someone I used to follow uploaded a lets play of a game that just came out that I wanted to try before quitting, I did what I do with everything related to gaming now, close it. I am not a gamer.

Day 31. Thursday. Habits completed counter: 14 I am grateful for my faults. Not much is happening lately, just the old daily grind. We are going for a wedding on the weekend, near the mountains, and we will spend 2 nights there. Damn long wedding lol. I am not a gamer.

Hey man. I agree that Jordan Peterson has some great stuff out there, I also spend far too much time listening to his stuff ? During my struggles I have found that too much change at once is doomed to fail, always, except maybe if you move to a different country, than maybe its possible, but if your life stays the same, then your habits will most likely come back if you try to get rid of them at the same time. I recommend "Atomic Habits", amazing book about the "how" to change ones habits. You seem to have a good grasp on life already, so you will succeed sooner or later, so don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that success comes from consistency in the small things not from huge decisions. Good luck.

I used to write "No games today", as defining a fact about a given day. I changed it to I am not a gamer, because I want to define my identity as a non gamer, because I don't want to come back to games ever. I see the daily affirmation of this part of my identity as a simple reminder. Remember who I want to be and what I want to do, instead of indulging into daily whims of my subconscious. I am currently fighting cravings related to free time after I already did everything I set to do for today, because I don't consider myself a gamer anymore, I will not play, as it is not in align with who I am. This is why a solid identity is very helpful on the long run. For now its a sweet struggle. ? Cheers.