zeke365

Day 35 Something I have been thinking of the other day, is how I somehow want to escape my own reality without expecting it for what it reality, for a very long time I have tried to create this false idea of recreating my childhood back when I was child back in the 90's and somehow trying to replicate that. I think real problem is I actually refused to grow up for so long that it became my truth. This has do with both video games and cartoons which I still enjoy and more calming for me but just looking back on my past, I think of all the missed oppurtunies I had because of my refuals to grow up. Now not having gaming and getting back to reality is really hard to reverse the effect I had done since I have done it for years. Another thing I realized is when I looking for job I seem to have an unconscious and conscious moment in which both do not communicate to each other. Like I want medium past job but all the jobs I want to do is fast paced, kind unsure why or is that what I want to do with out realizing it. Two examples is maybe working in hotel, or movie industry since I studied how to write my own scripts and work hard on my own projects and have more joy in that yet life keeps telling me the opposite and trying to do something different but it seems like every time I try something new I return to either writing or movie projects, Plus I just watch cam video on purpose and that was very good and it something I m trying to figure out but I feel like I m in battle but I do not know who team is the right team or the wrong team. Plus I have conderider getting the challenge to help me but not sure where I go for that. That all for today. hope you all have wonderful day.

Day 34 I m doing okay for today, went to the gym today and I actually having an interview tomorrow with one the church's near me about getting involved with the video/post production. A second reason is that it will cause me to have more social experience by working with everyone rather than come and not speak to everyone. So I really excited about that. Another thing I started thinking about is how I m looking for the perfect job rather than the right job. A perfect job is everything you want to be but without reality the works it takes where is the right job requires the work you need to get where your going. This is something I m thinking of today because I have been chasing the perfect job and rejecting other jobs but even though I do not have the skill sets yet. I m avoiding relapse as much as possible because the other day I tried on gearvr and was wondering why it was not working then realized I need the remote then press the screen hoping to see a movie rather than a game when I realized it was game I took it off and left the store, because I was not gonna go back there. well that it for today hope you all have wonderful day.

Day 33 Some of my goals for this month is to 1.complete animation project by the end of October, have it ready to go and release in 2018 and start the next project. (I have 4 projects all together) 2.Get more fit this month to 3.I have some good news that I will be involved with a church that near it best thing I can find right now to help build social skills and be will like minded people. The reason I want to build in 1 month is to help me keep deadline which sort of new for me so by having that it will help me accomplish some goals, second is I want to complete 4 projects together then upload them to either my movies community or YouTube so that I can have videos upload on monthly basis in 2018. 4.Is to start a YouTube channel by 2018 (revamp the YouTube channel I have) by have videos uploaded on monthly basis. 5.Is something new making a TV or web series on YouTube for 2018. The only reason I choose 2018 over doing it now is to make enough content for it so I will not run out and the YouTube channel wont run dry but I hoping to start that Jan. 1 2018. I should note that I have to say I m in the 2nd phase of the detox which my mind and brain is wanting game console games right, I will resist like last time but this one might take longer since I played them more often. Phase 1 was getting rid of the PC gaming steam era getting that detox off and that has finally died down but sometimes I repeat the game series out of nowhere without thinking of thinking, strange not sure if this happened to you. Phase 2 is getting detox from game consoles mostly Nintendo stuff from everything up to Wii u I use to play. So that where I m at on the detox level right now. Plus I sold one my game consoles on ebay so I m really happy about that. That it for today, hope you have wonderful day.

Day 32 Well I m back and bought some anime stuff and had a lot fun going to all the panels. I'm very tired after the 4 day weekend but today I just washing some clothes and browsing the internet since I did not get to over my 4 days. There was just one instance where I went to a panel about like tabletop gaming but left immediately cause gave my brain a headache, never went to the arcade, console section expect once (did not play just checked it out) and apparently I had no interest in it. so tomorrow I might start working on some more projects but now it my realx day, hope you all have wonderful day.

Day 28 I do not know weather you count this as a relapse or not but I don't. I should explain first when I was gaming I found a recipe guide that takes video game foods and makes them in real life and I have actually made some of them very Delicious and some of them included cake, curry which I have made few times, bread, and something with tea I have been wanting to try. Now I would go buy the ingredients and make them from site called gorument gaming.uk or tumbler now. To help explain there was this tea that required to ingredients that are extremely hard to find where I live and was gonna look up the recipe to make it and for spit second I did before I realize that might be too tempting to do since I m on a detox doing this, mind you this was just a web search and complete erased afterwards but I need your option though I think it bad idea, what do you think cooking food from that site is too tempting is gonna make me play? I just need your advise or just wait till the 90 days are up and then try it? I start my convention tonight anime Atalanta weekend. So that it for today no post will be uploaded for the next few days while at the convention but will return Monday. hope you all have wonderful day.

Day 27 Last night I had another video game dream last night. I seemed to be in some type of house and all my video games seemed packed away somewhere and some friends I did not know came over and asked if we play, I was hesitant first then justify for being a little bit and we ended up playing wii games that I don't even own or made up ones. seems like my dream made up the games I was playing. Then after they left I was trying to move all the video games somewhere they were not in the open, mostly in back room on shelve like game stop has and was packing them in boxes. Then I woke up. What I think is happening is my body is trying to return to normal levels but at the same time it wanting me to play which I refuse to, so the more dreams I have of them means I one step further getting over the addiction. I m not sure how long it will take but I m not giving up, I m tough cookie. I m gonna keep pressing on believe me the tougher it becomes the more likely you are about to get out of the addiction so do not given to temptation no matter how tempting, that can be tough sometimes. My reward right now is my convention has to say job well done. hope you all have wonderful day.

I will and thanks Day 26 I now have a salt lamp to to hopefully natural my energy levels since am I m on the PC a lot, because of project. I think I would like to share with everyone what I have been thinking for sometime and it how in high school we all loved gaming but the only time we could play is on the weekends, this to me is what I called a reward system, it based on you rewarded yourself by gaming on the weekeneds but by the time you do have the money and effort to play games, you will notice that you dont play as much because it not rewarded anymore, it just expectation. There a lie that gone around saying "once I have this freedom after school, I will be able to play all I want to." Unfortunately the opposite is true, you end up not desiring to buy games or even play them once you have that freedom, and that because it not something that being rewarded to you, it was fun because you were limited to it and wanted more but when you finally have what you ask for, you notice that you don't want to spend you money on games or you do but play very little. I noticed this when I was younger and had my old job, I spent gaming but it hardly gaming it was boring yet at the time I did not understand why and it because gaming was the reward I got when dealing with week without it. This is for those following this thread and your still on the verge on whether to quit gaming or not, Now I believe you still need a type of reward system as replacement for gaming so you can say I done this all week now I need reward. For me the I use this reward system YouTube on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (limited on weekends) Cartoons/anime weekends (though been kind bad about this of late.) During the week I have YouTube mostly blocked till Friday plus it gives me something to look forward to without having to much free time and allows me to focus on other things, second is I have most sites that would distract me blocked till 3:00pm as a reward system so I can say I accomplished something that day and this the reward I get after accomplishing task during the day. If you use Firefox you can use leech-block which quite nice but be accountable to yourself on this. This one exception for me since I completed the modules, I watching the YouTube game-quitters but that is the only exception to the rule, the rule will not allow me to look at anything else on YouTube. So I would recommended some type of reward system for yourself saying you did good job or just something that relaxes you and hopefully this will help you be more productive, I know this has helped me a lot doing this way. I think all for today, I m gonna keep pressing on next month is my real challenge since my brain thinks it will get gaming next week when reality it wont, plus I got rid any tech videos involving cpus, gpus, pc building, reviews, game trailers, game reviews, conspeires, movies involving that, cut-scenes, everything this my own cold turkey and I did that at the beginning of this month, so if your on the fence or struggling I suggest getting rid of sites, videos, that remind you of certain to tech that remind you of gaming. That it for today have wonderful day.

Day 25 Nothing really happened on day 24 so tomorrow I will be filling out applications to different jobs, but right now my mind is like tornado does not know the direction it wants, is this normal when you quit gaming? I have few small projects I like to complete to but right now it about money and how to budget right, not that I had problem before it just making sure everything is right. Plus I have the convention this week so I will not post Thursday-Sunday (maybe Thursday)

Day 23 thanks sorry about that it comes from the animo app you can get on iPhone which is where located. Now I have been doing some research on doing a YouTube channel hopefully to make in 2018 but first I want to build some content, since I learned about how to market I think I will apply that to. Though right now my brain wants me to go back to gaming to check up on everything and I have to keep reminding myself I have moved on from it, second is I have the ability to research too much and not do anything, sort like I want to get these dreams to pass but without the work, just get their but I know it requires work to get where I want to go so that I m battling with. I also had to restrict YouTube on weekended during 1-6pm so I m not tempted to do that all day which has been the last weeks. The only thing I m really excited about is anime Atalanta weekend (awa for short) that will be happening this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so I m really excited about that. That it for today.

Day 22 My new shoes are very comfortable. They are Skechers air cooled with memory foam and adiaus neon cloud foam shoes. I also completed a sequence in one projects today which I proud of. Still needs a little tweaks but at least I competed something release date won't be till early 2018 cause it ambitious project based on one my earlier stories I wrote. Im also writer on occasion and have blog series on the animo app in faith based communities if you like to read that, it called The Church Series. Here a link to check it out http://aminoapps.com/p/3orlj I hope you all have good day.

good to see you on your new journey

Yes I did voice act in some of the videos not all the videos. The ones I did play in are The Hallway, TMU Promo, and What your passion? The rest of the movies I got actors/actress to do lines by site called voice acting alliance which now closed. I have a sound card in my pc called sound blaster z with mic and software and I will use that as well audacity program. I have not found work yet but in job training program to get work and would really like to be involved in making movies more on the storyboard, screenwriting and creating concepts and bring those to life rather than directing for now because I do know directing movies is not creating, your just given a script and expected to make it, problem is I do not do well in fast past environments and enjoy seeing these creations come to life, I m always making these movie for myself as well as others asking the question is this something I want to see? What do I mean by faith based, well simply put I m Christian and I walk my faith with God each and everyday and so when I say faith based I mean anything do with christainity like for example I listen to The Bible Experience which has denials Washington, blare Underwood, samual l Jackson, and others as well The Bible and AD the bible contuines to help me come back to my faith. This should hopefully explain it better, I just choose faith based over christian movie because more neutral word. Though I m making an exception to YouTube for game-quitters on YouTube help continue the progress for now, I m not really worried for this month because I have quit video games before for month then returned then the next, it next month that gonna be the real challenge because body will be like where my entertainment. Day 21 I decided to get rid of the modules days because it seems to confusing but 21 days you break the habit not the addiction, plus today I gonna buy some new shoes. So you like the idea of chess as life annagoly thanks.

Day 20 but day 17 from the modules Today I feel kind of fustrated with life in gernal not because I m trying to be lazy or anything like it more like chess and each move I think of of doing is the wrong move. I would like disuses why this is to. It not because I live remote area, or not wanting to participate in anything or even limiting things at it more like there no activies to do in the area I live expect eat and shop expect stars and strikes, sparkle or bowling and that about it. So back when I did I game I did sign up for 4 dating sites to see if I could meet someone each of them a fail particularly due to me not be participate or anything like that it just none of the social groups which by the way is 4 face books singles groups, meetup seem to never meet in the area I live in. I even go to church and try to get engaged their with young people as well but sometimes they seem to reject the idea or getting involved saying you need some type of talent yet they ask for volunteers or the church is people just getting out of high school going to college but their seems to be no group with people with late 20's early 30's expect one group but they meet only once every month. Second is every time I get know anyone and this has happened more than once they either leave as soon as I get to know them or move somewhere else sort like I cant get close to anyone to make friends, I m not overweight or anything like that and family is fun and all but sometimes it too much much when you live with them even if your not participating in everything. It like chess and I'm trying to find the best move to move my pawn but each move seems the wrong move and frankly I do not know what do anymore, sometimes I miss the opportunity and I m trying to avoid that. I will be anime Atalanta weekended next week and trying talking to people there. I have 2 option just leave everything as is or somehow increase my driving distance this only because of my parents sake not mine. So any advice would be helpful.

A bit of history on this when I was I little I all ways enjoyed creating stories, when I get home I would play with my mashbox cars and hotwheel cars, with my little sister would play with me and we always ended up creating charaters for those cars and stories even though I always the bad guy. I got into pokemon and remember it be amazing at the time (90s) and love the adventure it gave off, later in life we did play based on pokemon then I eventually grew out of but even still I have elemenatry stories I wrote when I was little and it something that has not left me. I had pc that was refirbished in 2005 and found games like the movies game and roller coaster tycoon 3 so I could play them and new of the movies online community and even bought the game for my church to help with minstry idea but unliatly failed and the the community fell through in 2008, then In 2010 I think cant remember I got laptop for the first time with internet access and I remember people saying how the wii had bad graphics so I wanted to prove people wrong so I started recording videos of gameplay footage back then then uploaded to youtube but due to copyright I could not keep it up there. It was not until 2012 I found community called TMUnderground which is community who came from the original the movies game community that I got involved in in, so I had to learn alot of stuff but eventually started releasing original ideas to that website which I will post a link here but I have always had passion for storytelling because every time I m at the movies I study the movie like what if the character did this or what about this idea, plus I would love to get involved with it someday, it can be mundane at time but I thoroughly enjoy it because I always thinking of the next idea, it was not until last year I got new software that apparently closed down called muvizu which allowed more control of doing these movies. I ve always enjoyed animation movies over live action because they can take you on these fanastic jourenys that and I watch a bunch of anime (japansese word for cartoon) that helps me develop new ideas, heck I would be willing to take some idea and try to turn into a movie because when I make these these I can picture where it takes place, what camera anglees I need, and music I need. I have yet to hit writers block but I always thinking of what the next movie I want to do when I making the current one. to help descripe this All theses movies are my own original ideas. To help explain this better is what I call backwards animation which simply means the software or game gives you a set tools to use and I use those tools to tell the story visually but all the models and characters are provided, as well the sets, and props it up to you on how you want to tell that story with what provided. With a new one called Muvizu which you will see there I m still learning head, eye, and walking movement. What I did do is use the tools to tell the story, edit it, add music, add sound effects to the movie plus wrote my own scripts plus got actors to and each movie took 1 year to make expect the hallway that took 2 years. Now here a link to all the movies I have created so far and would love to get into the indrusty someday and many more idea, Plus been looking at doing youtube channel of doing things to more based on faith based stuff but I want to build some content for it. It seems like no matter what try to anything else try something new I always seem to return to writing, which I should note that I m trying to improve grammar skills and screenwriting skills in the books I have. so here a link to those movies and it my new passion. http://movies.tmunderground.com/members/3233/videos/ I should note that I worked on some my current production but needed YouTube and some for some of the scenes otherwise I cant do much with how it set up. Day 19 Day 16 from modules.

Thanks it day 18 but Days 13-15 after doing the modules, and doing the YouTube series as well on episode 3 right now. I have learned one thing, I can't handle YouTube during the weekends to many temptations and random stuff to do but I do not block completely and learned my most vulnerable time is when I m home alone with nothing to do, so I add added a block on leech-block from 1:00-6:00pm so I would not be tempted in any way, plus I seem to be fighting 2 addictions since both of them were intertwined together. Since most of YouTube is blocked during the week and I want to have some type of reward system going this is the best I can come up with right now without blocking it out completely. Second is I thought about something the other day and I really dislike this analogy because I don't like it them very much. Video games are very similar to vampires in which game sucks the blood or life from you each time you play but the vampire not drinking all your blood at once it only taking small portions at first but the more you play the more the vampire suckes the blood out of you and the more numbness comes to you until you die completely or look that this way you've transferred your life into the game without realizing it therefore your outside body is numb because all life was sucked away. It quite scary and I m not big fan vampires myself but it was the best analogy for it. The second thing is Life came be the game you want to play but like cam said you may not see your progress as quickly think this way when you level up a character it gets harder to get more EXP think that way your Person the YOU want to be has to have a lot EXP to grow to the next level. I hope this helps and it just something I was thinking the other day.

Day 11-12 Okay yesterday I focused on the movie I wanted to make and it quite fun but did not realize how ambitious the project going to be until I started making it, so now that I have completed all the modules, I m now going to watch the YouTube series based on the same thing then podcast each day. Some you gonna ask why? Well that because if I keep me one motivation and reminding myself why I m doing what I m doing. so that it for today still looking at meet ups and other social groups to be apart of so that my real challenge right now. though technically I done it 16 days now.

The reason I did it is because I was going into two stores best buy and Barnes and noble all the time and thought I did everything, So I invented this game a few months back. I thought about when my family went on vacation how I would like to visit different stores out of the norm than my own town then started applying to my own town. What if I was the new kid in town and I did not knowing anything about it. So I started basically walking a shopping district by parking the furthest and walk the shopping district to the other side, but would not go into any of the stores so I could I see all the stores and see stores that looked interesting to me, on my way back I would go and explore the stores that look interesting to me. This has helped me become more aware of what around me and other things I can do in my town, plus I get little exercise in and it quite enjoyable being outside doing this. Rules 1.You must park (if you drive) at the furthest store and walk to the last store on the other side (don't do this if it to big like half a mile unless you want to but not to small either) 2.Look at all the stores names as you walk without going into any of them. 3.On your way back remember the stores you want to go into then go into them and explore 4.These stores must be out of the norm but you can go into if you like, this game is to find new interesting stores to explore in your own town. 5.Remember your the new kid you don't know any of these stores, this not your town (even if you know your town still play it like this) what do you find interesting? 6.Do do walk in shopping district if makes you feel uncomfortable 7.Be safe and have fun with it. This game I have done of late and it actually quite fun to do and I keeping thinking what other areas can I go to do to use the same method. So I hope this helps you. I have been doing this whne I feel bored or need something to do just to get out of the house.

thanks cam Day 9-10 Well I have had to adjust my schedule again not because I don't want to but this movie keeps popping in my head that I need to do, so today after the gym I worked on some of it getting things set up. One my goals if possible is to finish the movie animation (have the script) by the end of the month, this was goal my mine before I joined here. I will have to say I do have burst of gaming memories but I just remind myself why I m doing this and how much better I feel doing, plus I have not gone out to eat as much, eating healthier, plus getting up earlier to get more stuff during the day, I do watch anime as my break if I tried then get right back into it, That what I did today. so that been my day and I have completed all my modules as well worksheet. So far this had been 14 days which itself is impressive.

I know of meetup and few other social groups I m apart of on Facebook but everyone of them, yes I mean everyone never seems to have an event or something going on in my area. It not like I live in the country or anything but outside of eating and shopping there not much else, I m already go to church and stuff but I mostly looking for people maybe in late 20's early 30's where we can hang out. One thing I can do extend my driving range, second is start my own group within my area but I like to hear your suggestions because it would be nice to hang out with poeople my age.

welcome to the community

Day 8 Just did my new routine today and felt really good to be doing this because I have goal that I working towards though few changes need to be made to keep it consistent. The game quitters will have to be around 10:00am but I m not allowed to do anything else expect watch the modules until later. Today I woke up at 7:00am, went to the gym, came home and then went to Barnes (library was closed otherwise I would have been there) and noble and worked on improving grammar skills was there for about 1 hour doing it then came back home at 3:00pm. It did not occur to me till today that my mediation is at night when I listening or watching my faith based stuff cause it both inspires me and keeps me at peace. Im still thinking of workaround at church and the only days that I do not give curfews are Fridays and Saturday nights other than that I will keep up my my routine up depending on job training program I m in. I'm still looking at meetup but as usual there are no events within in the area I live and it not that I live in country or anything it just not much to do here other than shopping and eating.

Day 6 The Plan As I was thinking of this week, I m thinking what distracts me from accomplishing my goals and part of it do to my own laziness and to wasting to much time browsing not watching YouTube or anything like that but have start doing other things to help keep myself preoccupied. 1.Gym/walk around the neighborhood 9:00-10:00am (though this depends on job training program) 2. Libary/Park 11:00-1:00pm (lunch will be included in that time period) 3.Pc 2:00-8:30pm (this will be script writing, movie making, learning new lang, ect,) 4.Bed by 10:00pm Now some of this may seem alot but I m only focusing on 3 things on this list going to bed early, getting up early, gym Day 7 For the first time since I started this I felt motivated to do something more than just feel unmotivated all the time like my energy has been wiped out when it really has not, So today I decided to edit some my script that I had wrote a few months back and it was really fun to do that again, took me 2 and half hours to do but it done unless I decide to edited more. Now how do game quitters will have to be done a little bit different than usual because since I more motivated to learn or understand something in the morning that what I will be focusing so instead of doing the game quitters module after breakfast, I will be doing it during the gym since I want to reduce the time on my PC this the easy way I know how to do it and then do the worksheet first thing I turn it on to keep what I call these game quitters things devotions.

Day 5 There something I should let you know back when I still gamed I joined many social groups on Facebook, and dating sites in hoping to meet someone (now that not the only reason I quit) but had no luck because one none of the social activities were within the area I lived in. Second I got so burned out on it that I decided not to join anymore but now I ready and have been looking at meetup as way to meet new people but I just don't want this to be another failure because I have gone through this before. Like I said before I don't make friends easy because I have never try to approach someone which I might need to improve on that and by the time I got to know them they either stop hanging out with me or I ignored them (bad on my part) or they move away by the time I was comfortable with them. So if you can give me advise on meetup and at least encourage since I do need it, that an is meetup is good place to go to? This the reason I m so cautious of meetup. 2.With everything done in my room now which I m quite pleased, I will start doing gym and some exercise to hopefully reduce down some weight and build some more muscle. This for myself, and I want to be happy with myself. So the next 2 goals right now are gym (earlier the better by 9:00am or earlier ) and getting to bed by 10:00pm. This way I have some more of my day. Plus I will have to switch the modules up to so while at the gym I will watch module and the come back home and do a worksheet. That it for today.

Thanks and here are a couple of things I have been doing. One is when I visited a town out of state or something like that I always loved to walk around at the different shops so I decided to do the same thing in the town I live in and basically I park at the furthest store then walk down a path of stores but wont go in them at first then on my way back I will enter shops that are interesting to me. Because before I use to only go into two stores and say that I've already done everything. This is for me to become more aware of what around me and I have done this couple times before game quitters while getting a little exercise. It quite fun to do and I notice a lot different shops. I have watch day 4 of respawn because I do each module a day just easier that way. Plus have completed one of my projects cloests clean, clothes are nice and neat and then I will move on to my next goal. Thanks everyone for being supported and eventually I hope to return to my animation software to create movies I had for so long.

I thought I should meation something that many of you may have been wondering and that what happened to everything well pc games are all unistalled, steam to, all iphone game unistalled, and I took most of my pc games and console games and hid them under the house which is not easy to get to and selling on console so that what I did before even starting the fundmentals. THis and I kind feel like 12 year old kid again excited to explore the world and discover new things, I have been going outside more and working on things to improve myself.