NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Moe Smith
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Posts posted by Moe Smith
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Haha. Yeah I could see why they said that. I like it a lot, I've just let me skills erode quite a bit is all. I've gone through a Python course before. It was one of those, "Holy shit! Just try to keep up!" classes that made you wonder if you actually learned anything besides hard work. Now, that being said. I know Python can be AWESOME for connecting different technologies together. All I know about Ruby is that it's good for scripting. And that's where my knowledge ends. Haha. If things start to get a little less crazy, I want to start picking up some new languages on Pluralsight. Python & Ruby are high up on my list. I also need to work on my web languages and beef up those skills.
Level Up: Game Free Day 15
So as I mentioned briefly yesterday, my landlord is an idiot. She is insisting on an inspection and bringing people over to see the apartment a full month before we are planned on moving out. WTF? Who does that? She's also a moron on top of being an idiot. Reads an email, and interprets the exact opposite of what I clearly said... uggg... Because of this nonsense, my wife and I have spent the last two days cleaning the house for this way-too-far-in-advance inspection. Why are we doing it this soon?! It's just gonna get messy again and then I'll have to do another deep clean. Bah!
Now that all my grumbling is out of the way.... Suck it landlord!!!! I finished the house today. Spent five hours on it today alone! Bring on the inspection crazy lady! I do have to say though, having a perfectly clean house is very nice... and rare when you have a 6 year old. Lol.
Since this is now over, as far as effort goes, maybe I'll be able to take a bit of time in the next few days to work on my book, do an art project, sleep until I want to wake up. That all would be very nice. Also @Cam Adair and @giblets, I know I have messages from you both. I will be able to get to those once my little girl goes to sleep tonight.
NOW! Time for more coding in "The language of the future." -
I feel the same way sometimes. How in the world did I fit in hours of gaming into an already crowded day? Then I realized that gaming never "fit in". It took over and crowded everything else out.
Right? It's ridiculous to think that I used to just game all the time and that all this other stuff didn't ever get done. Now I'm crazy busy trying to make all these different things in my life happen. Last couple of days I've had about 15 minutes of reading before bed, and that was the only "me" time I had. After today, I'll get a chance to go back to writing.
What languages are you programming in? I really want to write some scripts.
Working in C# right now. I took classes for C# for two years, but that was probably about 8 years ago. I have virtually no skills left after the rust has had its fill. So I'm kind of starting out from the basics.
I might end up writing some scripts for my current class. I'm guessing there might be some exposure to Ruby since I'm currently going through a QA & Testing course.
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Level Up: Game Free Day 14
Who the fuck has time to play video games? Not me!
Long day. Productive day. Running day. Hardworking day. Meetings day. Cleaning day. School day. Family day. Stupid landlord day. Programming day. Did my homework ahead of time day. Good day. Good night.... sleep...
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Ah, @giblets was right, I did miss my post yesterday. It was probably because I pasted to Facebook instead. I figured I should let friends and family know I was still alive. Lol.
Level Up: Game Free 13 Days (I'm on mobile today, so I can't make this green lol)
So today was my first day back in classes in about 6 weeks. My last classes ended about 4 weeks ago so that should show how badly I was giving into my addiction during my last relapse.
I have been super excited to get back into the grind of school and make use of my better self. I only had one night class that stated at 6 p.m., but I was at the school from about 10-3 today just to be productive.
I made lots of meetings with the faculty that made my appeal go through. I apologized to a professor from last quarter who was desperately trying to help me. He and I actually ended up bonding a bit and he told me about his old addiction. I also studied from a textbook that I happen to have, which is supporting material for a class I have in 5 weeks. Who the hell studies for a class they're not even taking yet?! :-P Nerds like me I guess. Ha ha.
When I finally got to class, my new teacher and I started a sarcasm war throughout class. It ended with him calling me a smart-ass. A few minutes later he told me to stop answering questions because I was already over qualified for the class. Lol. I'll take that as a definite win :-D He also gave my group more advanced steps for this week's project because my group was so far ahead of everyone else. There was also a moment when he said, "I have the highest hope for your project, the others are worrying me." Ha ha ha. This guy was rude, sarcastic, a realist, and I like his teaching method. This is gonna be fun. I thought QA & Testing might be a boring subject. Nope!
Oh, speaking of not boring... my laptop's power cord is fried. It decided to blow up and smoke when I plugged it in... which is largely what caused the sarcasm war with my professor. This is hence why I'm on a mobile device and I can't change my title to green.
Lol. See what I did there? Full circle. Ha ha
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Ha ha ha! I'm here, we're good. I'm not in the weeds or anything. Did I post yesterday? Can't remember.
Today was my first day back in my university classes in like 6 weeks. So I spent most of my day just wrangling that. What kind of degree are you going for? Information Systems is what I'm guessing since you've been active on your Pis lately. Congratulations on kicking ass on a mega project. Sometimes I think us tech folk get brutalized by professors beyond reasonable measure, but somehow we keep breathing. Lol
I'm about 5 quarters away from my bachelor's in Technology Management. It's been a long time coming, but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
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Oh cool! Looks like the app is available in English too!
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Yo Corvus!
Man I wish I would have done what you are doing at 21! There's a lot of us who didn't find this amazing resource until much much later in life. I am 28! So way to go on that.
I'm a writer too! What kind of material do you like? Got any favorite authors?
Anyways, welcome to the group, happy to you have you!
Best,
Moe
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Yeah this time around is going great! And yes I know exactly what you mean, I was on the two highest academic lists in my school for about a year straight, then I got back into gaming and it just went down, down, down. So yeah, I just get to blame myself and Riot Games
And there is good news! The committee accepted my appeal about 45 minutes after I submitted it! HELL YEAH! I get to go back to school on Monday and put my new self to the test. I can't tell you how long i'ts been since I was actually excited to step back into a classroom and learn some new things.And yeah, they're physical classes that happen to be about a 30 minute walk away from my house. So when i have the chance, I hope I get to drive instead of walk. And yeah, my school has a standing study session on Wednesday evenings that I plan to take part in, but that's a good idea. I'm new to the current student body, since I took a break not too long ago and all my old classmates have already graduated. That being said, I need to find some new mates that I can hang out with and train my brain with. It's a little hard to do with a family and a much younger group of people, but I'll get myself there eventually.
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It's probably a relief to be able to communicate your struggles with the school and also some pride in the major work you're doing for yourself. They're probably happy to have the chance to help a student in trouble. It sounds like that situation turned out well, all things considered.
Yeah not bad! You know if I had that phone call a month ago, I probably would have just accepted it and said, "Yeah they're right, I need another break." But not this time. I WANT this. I want to be back in school. I want to learn, and do homework, and bond with my classmates. This is the time that I intend to give my everything, since I'm not distracted anymore!
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Hey Dylan,
Welcome to Game Quitters. If you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up and let me know what you're going through. I'm happy to chat and help my fellow gamers. This place really is like magic that's changed my life around in only 10 days. It's incredible here and I'll advocate for it forever.
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Hey Tom,
I can't speak Korean, so I have no idea what your posts say
However, your daily graphs of how you spend your time are awesome. What program are you using for that? -
Level Up: Game Free Day 10
So yesterday I had something happen that was pretty great. A representative from my university called me, and she told me that there was a Student Progress Board within the school that had deliberated and they wanted me to take a leave of absence and return to school in 3 months from now for the new quarter. She was basing this on some past performance of mine. They were completely right to make that call in my own opinion. Last quarter I was a shit student, and there's not other way to describe it.
I let her explain what was happening and why they made those decisions, then I asked her if I could appeal the decision. Initially she said no, then I told her why. I told her that I was in Cam's program (she's familiar with it), and that in addition to gaming I had also removed all the other vices from my life as well. I was also able to tell her about the results I was already having on day 9, and that they were HUGE!
It felt fucking awesome to stand up for myself because I just knew I was a better person than the one they saw last quarter. After explaining what was going on, she granted me the option to make my appeal. She said I had to write an appeal essay for why I felt I was ready to come back to school, what's different from my past struggles, and why I think the current program I'm in was still a correct fit. She said I had to have it turned into her by 4 p.m. and she apologized for the short amount of time. I told her it was no problem and that I'd get it done. And I meant it! Here I was, with an impromptu assignment for school, with less than 24 hours to complete it, and I was good with that. Also, for the record, I finished that essay about 30 minutes ago, 3 hours before my deadline
. I'm here on Game Quitters for my break between writing and editing sessions. In a few minutes, I'll get back to it, make sure the essay is as good as it can possible be, then submit it early and go the University to see her in person and hand deliver the essay. So yeah, kind of a shitty situation, she's asking me to leave and delay my graduation even further than it already is, but I wrote a damned good essay in my opinion, and even if I don't get back in, I'll just have a ton more to show them in 3 months from now. But I like my chances
A big thanks and shoutout to @Cam Adair for providing me with the information I needed to start making changes to my life.
Oh also, I made a new post explaining why I chose to quit everything in the general discussion area. I'm hoping some people who were struggling like I did check it out and use it for themselves if they need that sort of help. Check it out here if you want to: https://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/4225-quit-it-all-gaming-wasnt-enough/
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Hello everyone!
So I thought I would share this, because it's been so fantastic for me thus far. I'm on my 10th day of the 90 day detox. Woo!! 1/9 the way there!!! That's not the point of this post though. I found my magic bullet 10.5 days ago when I decided to quit all of my vices.
I've been a gamer since I was 3. I'm almost 29 now so that's 26 years of gaming. Since I was in high school, about 14 years ago, I've struggled with motivation and quitting games, and making my life work the way I wanted it to. I haven't had a horrible life by any means, but I always had this idea in my mind that I was meant for more than I was doing. At times I have been depressed and down right loathed myself because of how I was. This has been happening for almost 1.5 decades! That's a lot of time for self hate.
I had an internal conversation with myself ten and a half days ago, where I realized that even though I had quit gaming innumerable times before, I still fell back into the old traps, and I always relapsed. I figured out that my problem wasn't only my primary addiction, it was also my secondary, tertiary, or even quaternary or further addictions. Video games was certainly main addiction, but every single time that I left gaming, I would just pick up the dopamine highs somewhere else. Anime, Netflix, porn, movies, online comics & manga, browsing the internet, researching games instead of playing, or Youtube would become the new gaming in a "Green is the new red," sort of way. When I realized that these alternate activities felt the exact same way as gaming did, I figured out that they were drugging me on dopamine just like gaming was. There was no difference at all!
At that moment, I decided that I needed to get rid of all my vices for my 90 day detox. I've quit gaming, porn, t.v. shows, access comics, game researching, and even alcohol. Drinking hasn't ever been a problem for me, but I wanted to cut it out anyways just so I didn't have anything mucking with my brain. Drugs and smoking have never been a thing for me, but I would have done it if they were.
The results have been AMAZING! I am happy, I can actually FEEL emotions in my life again, and I'm not some dumb robot imitating what I should feel on my face. I'm excited to be productive, I want to do my homework and succeed in school, I'm looking forward to planning activities with my friends. And maybe best of all, I'm not ashamed of myself anymore. I'm happy with who I am, and who I'm about to be come tomorrow, then the day after that, etc.
This is honestly the best I've felt in my entire adult life.
So! With that being said, if you're having some struggles with the 90 day challenge and you aren't feeling accomplished or like enough has changed for you, I would recommend taking out more of your vices. Start stripping away more of the things that make you feel like you're lazy and anything that makes that inner little voice say "You're a piece of shit." I'm not saying everyone needs to do this, but if you're like me, and NOTHING else was working no matter what you tried, maybe this can be your magic bullet too. I hope it helps any of you out there!
Best,
Moe
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I finally got around to making my list of activities from the video for day #2. Here it is... subject to change
Active: Swimming, Running, Calisthenics, Dancing, Hiking, Camping
Resting: Reading, Board Games, Meditation, Yard Work
Creative: Visual Art, Writing, Cooking, Learning Saxaphone
Social: Dancing, Writing Group, Farmer's Market
Skill: Technology/Business University, Duolingo,Bonus: Part-time job (looking next week)
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Lol. I'm trying. Finally starting to see some results. I'm starting to get an inkling that I can't feel things on my own. I have to get out of the house, and be near other people to feel. Maybe that's because my real passion is working with others... That has a ring of truth to it for me.
In an unrelated topic, I read @Cam Adair's instructions on an accountability partner and made a couple of posts to people who were looking for someone. In Cam's post, he said that accountability partners were supposed to help others not play video games. When I read that it was like I got hit in the face. This is all about quitting video games, but the last couple of days haven't been that at all for me, it's been about just improving my life in every way I can. Video Games was like an old and out of date topic in my head. That was a pretty awesome moment
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Level Up: Game Free Day 9
Today... is good
I started off the day thinking I would go to my university and start getting in the mindset for Monday when my classes start. Instead, I took a tour of a new building on a nearby campus that's all about entrepreneurship. IT WAS AWESOME! So freaking cool to finally see this building that I've been looking forward to for years. It was everything that I had expected from following it and more! I didn't even know I was going to go, but my wife told me that it's what they were doing for her work before their board meeting. No clue she was going, but last second I drove her to work and piggy backed on the tour. It was absolutely wonderful. I FELT awake and excited for the first time in a very long time. My god, it was so nice to actually feel something again. I think part of it was because it was something I was really interested in, but also the fact that it was in the morning, with other people I knew and respected, and I didn't lie to myself about what was exciting to me. I started making some great scenarios in my head when the tour lady said "designers". I threw up about 6 different scenarios in my head of how I might be able to integrate myself into this entrepreneurial process.
Later, when I got home. I worked on the conceptual design for a multi-peace art project I'm working on, took a nap, called a friend, set up a volunteer opportunity for myself in the weekend, and I took a run! I haven't exercised in months, but it was very nice, and my body feels great now. Now lunch and this forum. Later make a few phone calls for adulting (boo adulting), later later looking at apartments to move to and hopefully make some appointments for my family to see them tonight.
Overall, seems like a pretty kick ass day to me! WOOOO!!!!! First breakthrough, HELL YEAH!
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I know what you mean, Moe. My life hasn't gotten magically better when I withdrew the gaming, porn, and fast food. What I think it does is strip away my masks hiding me from my real problems. I still have to do the work but at least I know what I have to work on.
Here here man. Since I don't have my masks anymore, I feel like I'm kind of a blank slate. That is both terrifying and exciting! Since there's nothing there, I'm having to re-engineer my personality and create foundations for the rest of myself to be built on. That's the scary part. But the part that makes me eager is the part where I get to create myself as I see fit without exterior influences that I was unaware of when I did this growing up naturally.
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Level Up: Game Free Day 7
So I am feeling a little lazy today for several different reasons. I won't post about Days 5 and 6, but they happened, and they were decent days. Father's Day was actually pretty great. Lots of family, and my wife got me a gravy boat as a gift
She's so sweet! (It might sound odd, but I'm a foodie and a home chef, so it was a great gift!)Part of the reason that I decided to remove all of my vices at the same time, was for discipline, and the other part was because I thought they were all holding me back emotionally. I wasn't feeling anything. A week in without my vices, of being productive, and more engaged with my family, and I still feel nearly nothing. I was hoping for some better results, but perhaps it just hasn't been enough time yet. I'm struggling with temptations to game, to watch porn, to binge on T.V., and I'm not sure if it's getting easier or harder to deal with. Today is a rough one. hopefully I'll see my desired improvement soon.
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Oh man, a crazy couple of days have just flown by. I'll try to be brief (mostly because I just woke up and only have 4 hours of sleep).
Level Up: Day 3 Game Free
On Thursday I had decided to work on my book. Several things happened in the day that I prioritized for instead. However, I spent almost all day on Friday working on my book! I haven't developed anything new for my book since I got fired from my job in late January this year... holy shit that's five months. I woke up with my family, did the morning routine, dropped my wife off at work and my daughter off at a water park with her gymnastics class. Then I came home and started crunching numbers for the sports system that I'm creating for my book. Before I knew it, it was 5 p.m. and I had to go pick up my darling wife from work, who was having a hard day. I took a quick lunch break, and read the latest chapter of a few mangas, but besides that, there weren't really any gaps in my work. I threw 7 hours at working on my book like it was nothing! Holy cow that's awesome!
I even created a decently complex Excel document to help me keep track of sample data I needed to generate to verify that my scoring system was working. Then my wife and I snuggled, talked about our growing daughter, and played board games with each other for the rest of the night. She went to bed around 10:30 I think, and I stayed up for about an hours afterwords reading a manga. But overall, it was a really good day.
Level Up: Day 4 Game Free
Behold my day of madness! Mwahahahahaha! Lol... Not that kind of madness. Yesterday was my daughter's birthday! My wife and I woke up, we probably cleaned the house a tiny bit, and maybe even played a board game together, I'm not sure. I can't really remember the morning. But! We made a plan for things that needed to happen before 3 when her party started. We left the house, and WE WERE THE SHIT! We did so well on our time estimations and we went around to everywhere we needed to go in order to make an awesome party for our little girl happen. And it was awesome
Not as many of her friends had shown up as we had RSVP's for, but that was totally the only thing that went wrong. There was sidewalk painting, frisbees, playgrounds, ice cream cakes, wonderful presents, dance parties, healthy delicious snacks, fun decorations, sprinkle hats, feeding of ducks, and great conversation among the parents. It was just excellent. Then, our daughter went home with her bio dad.
After that, we went home as well and cleaned up a little bit, got a melty cake into the freezer, and kicked our feet up for a bit. It was wonderful! After recovering/snacking for a bit, we started to play a new house-rule version of Lord of the Rings Deck Building (Fellowship of the Ring version). The game is not a cooperative game by default, but we love co-ops, and we've mastered the competitive side of that game. So we're modifying the rules to allow for a team version that you play against the game. We played a couple of times, came to the last boss before we lost, and the second time we only made it to the 3rd boss out of 13. Haha. So then we pulled out all the bosses and modified the order the come in for the co-op, since the gameplay is highly different.
After that, we went out dancing with a friend who happens to share a birthday with our daughter. The DJ played the most amazingly perfect set of music that we've ever heard at the club, and it was epic! Incredibly tiring because we didn't have a chance to take a breather anywhere, but it was so much fun. Sang "Happy Birthday" for the second time of the day, had cake, kept dancing until 2, then talked in the parking lot with some friends for another 2 hours almost. Then came home... we were passed out with in 5 minutes of touching the door to our house.
Day of madness, but it was a great day!
And today is Father's Day with a lot of family activities planned. This should also be a good fun day. Haha. -
@Mettermrck Oh wow, I didn't know there were specifically called out symptoms of gaming withdrawal. Do you happen to have a link to anything like that so I could read up on them and prep myself?
Level Up: Day 2 Exercise - Why do I game?
So this is something I've thought about over the years, and Cam's "4 reasons why you game" are pretty accurate to what I've thought of before. So today I'll go into some detail in my biggest reasons for gaming.
1: Temporary Escape: This one has been HUGE for me. I definitely use gaming as an escape to get rid of stresses. It doesn't help me to fix anything, but when I've got taxes to file, bills to pay, homework to do, a kitchen to clean, etc., etc., gaming helps me to forget. In gaming, I don't have to be a freaking stressball, I can just be a character trying to accomplish something. All the other pieces kind of fade away and they're not important at that time. When I can't handle the factors in my life, I would turn to games.
I find that whenever I'm without games, I'm forced to handle the things in my life that stress me out. And when I do, I realize that it doesn't take a ton of effort to take care of these needs and get them off my plate completely.
2: Social Interaction: The social aspect of gaming is certainly strong with me too. A few years ago, I moved back east to New Hampshire for a summer. When I was out there I was working in a Bed & Breakfast inn and I was busting my ass every day. I woke up at about 6:30 to work as a breakfast cook, then I helped with reservations in the office, then I would have a break for a couple hours, then I was the lead server & wine manager for the evening dinner scene. I would get off work around 10-11 every night and play games with my friends back in Utah and Arizona. That time gaming online was about 90% of non-work related social interaction for those 6 months that I was out there. I made some really good friends during that time, and it helped me close the gap and not feel so isolated across the country.
There are other examples for me as well. I used the president of a League of Legends club, and I was even on a school sponsored team that went around and did a few local tournaments. I also used to have a standing Saturday play session for a bunch of older gamers (26-42 years old) where we could jam with others like us and not feel bad about our skill levels being a lower than 18 year old pros. I've had LAN parties, tournaments, mini gaming cons, and many other events that were socially related.
As I'm not using games, I'm finding that if I can't do other things with these friends besides gaming, that they're not the kind of friends that I want to be around anyways. Friends who are willing to meet in person, go dancing with, go on hikes, play board games, etc., are the friends that I actually like having around.
3: Constant Measurable Growth: I've always found numbers, math, and statistics to be highly entertaining. So having games that spit out statistics for me is always highly motivating. Match that up with my tendency in games to be a collector and a completionist, and I fight tooth and nail to get those numbers to improve.
I'm hoping that I can use this same mentality and start tracking real world statistics for myself, and that I'll be just as fierce in trying to accomplish those as I used to in games.
4: Challenge: When I'm not escaping the stress related challenges in my life, I do love being tested. I want to prove myself to the world. It's really simple for me to look at these games that have a very clear laid out path of how to get from Point A to Point B, and do the steps to make progress towards a certain goal. That tends to blend itself with the measurable growth category above.
My most poisonous game in my life has been League of Legends, which is a PVP game. I absolutely loved going up against an opposing team and crushing them because I read the map better, I chose better items, I made a better play, or my game mechanics were sharper. Additionally, I felt wrath when I got stomped on, and I wanted to be the one to do it to them instead. I climbed up to a place where I was within about the top 8% of all players in the world and I was damned proud of that. Eventually I lost the will to go any higher because I knew to dedicate myself to the game that much, would come at too high of a cost to the rest of my life.
I'm hoping that I can give myself productive challenges in my life and I can use those as a trail of breadcrumbs to see where I've come from. Also, I want to pick up basketball again. That will count as my PVP
. 5: Worlds & Lore: So this one might be counted as a subcategory of Temporary Escape, but for me it's so strong that I have to state it separately. As stated in the name of this journal, I'm a writer. I'm working on a book, have been for a while. As a writer, I gush and ooze when I find a great story, with an amazing world, dynamic characters, and seemingly unconquerable obstacles that the heroes have to move through. Games are one of the absolutely best mediums for storytelling that has ever existed. You can see what the writers want you to see, because they have influence on how the 3D models turn out. You get to make decision in the story instead of being told what events happen. You can use your dexterous fingers to make split second changes while in a battle to see who comes out on top. Games are absolutely phenomenal for roping in someone's heart into a new environment that they wouldn't be able to experience otherwise.
There are times I play a game or series just because I like the humor, the lore, the world, the characters, the villain, and many other reasons. To be honest, I'm hoping that someday I'll get myself to a place where I have a safe, and healthy relationship with gaming, so that I can still experience this mindblowing medium for storytelling. That day is a long long long way off before I'll trust myself again, but I do hope it comes to that. ... maybe it will be like how I treat alcohol. I drink for taste and social enjoyment. Maybe someday I can game for stories and social enjoyment. If a drink doesn't provide me with a liquid gourmet experience, I don't drink it. If a game doesn't supply me with a digital storytelling experience, I don't play it.
I've never thought about that before, but it's worth pondering I think.
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Hey Giblets,
59 days! Hell yeah man! That's super cool! I'm on my new Day 2, so I'm a little envious. But, I'm also excited to reach that space for myself as well. It sounds like there are a lot of great things going for you right now as you're settling into the new routine for yourself. This time around, I've decided to give up all of my vices gaming, t.v., porn, and alcohol. By removing all of those for myself, I'm finding that I've been feeling a little naked and slightly without purpose for the last 2.5 days. That being said, however, it's nice to see what I'm truly dealing with without any of those things influencing my life. It's been a pretty short time since I started up again, but I feel like I've got the best chance that I've ever had in my life to see this through to the end now.
So! Long story short, I think it's a great idea to pull alcohol out of the equation as well. I hope it goes well for you!
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Level Up: Day 2 Game Free
Today, unlike yesterday, I don't feel like I'm reeling from having nothing to do. Early in the morning I decided that I was going to do some writing today. I haven't done it yet, but I'll start on it after I'm done posting here. I also knew that I wanted to do some more work on the living room project. While I was working on the living room, I had a conversation with our landlord about us moving out of the house in 30 days. So now I have to start looking at some apartments today as well. So writing, living room, apartments. My day filled up pretty quickly I would say, but it's all productive good material to work on. I'm happy about that.
I've already completed (100%) my work on the living room, and it has NEVER looked better
. I feel like I should feel proud of my accomplishment, but I currently don't. I'm not feeling pissed at myself for wasting my time gaming, so even the lack of self loathing is an improvement on the feeling radar I would say. Hopefully more of this same kind of thing will help improve my emotional response to things. I have proud thoughts about the living room, and I really like how it turned out, I'm just not having an emotional reaction to it at this time. Additionally, I spent 3 partial days working on this project to completion. Previously, it has been very rare for me to finish anything that wasn't gaming related. So the fact that I spent about 12 hours in 72 hours on this project that I felt like doing is awesome. And, I didn't take lazy and unnecessary breaks. I worked on it until I was done with a solid portion for the day, or until I had to leave to do something else. There were no excuses, compromises, or workarounds to the project. I just did it until completion. Sweet . I'm going to do some good research on houses, and get my momentum in writing started back up today. If I can do that, plus what I've already accomplished, it will be a good day. A day where I can honestly say that I behaved like a good person and did the things I wanted and needed to do.
Today I don't feel like I'm going through withdrawals very much. I think my mood is fine, but I've got a little headache and I've been slightly dizzy. Maybe that's because I haven't had much good food or water yet. But hey, it's lunchtime. Let's do that now. As always, thanks for reading!
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I feel the same way. When I quit gaming, porn, and soda/fast food, it was if an old bandage had been yanked off. For the first 3 days I was sleepless and crying a lot. I suspect a lot of my emotions was hidden with pus underneath that bandage of.addictions. i think that's what killed my marriage.
Yeah that's a pretty good way to put it. I'm trying to make sure that my marriage stays in tact. We're pretty good right now, but I'm trying to ensure forever with my wonderful wife. I'm not sure that forever could happen if I kept gaming the way that I was. Thanks for sharing Mettermrck, it's nice to see posts that let me know I'm not the only one going through this kind of feeling.
Level Up: Day 1 Game FreeSo yesterday, I ended up being quite busy with a lot of family things and didn't get a chance to post. So I'll post for yesterday as well as today.
Typically in the past, when I have quit gaming, I will simply supplant one habit for another. I'll go from gaming, to lots of t.v. shows/Netflix instead, or I'll start binging manga chapters instead, or I'll increase the amount that I watch porn, or sometimes it's all three. This time around, I am not doing any of those. Music is the form of digital media that I'm allowing myself right now, and I'm even limiting the amount that I listen to music as well. I'm making sure that I'm giving myself plenty of quiet time to simply think to myself. So, that's what I'm doing differently this time that's never happened before. Now for the effects.
For my Day 0, the day I was gaming and decided to stop, I found myself looking for something to do. So I wandered around the house a bit, and reminded myself that I wanted to move some furniture around. Specifically I wanted to put my desk in a new spot that it's never been before. So it would be in a new place, that I have zero memories of gaming in. Same room, just new layout for a fresh start. When I started doing that, I discovered a couple of other projects that I wanted to do in our living room as well. So I started working on those as well. About four hours later, I had to stop to go pickup my daughter and wife from school and work. So after I stopped gaming, I found something to do with myself and it was productive.
Now for yesterday, Day 1, I had a bit of the same situation happen. My project in the living room wasn't quite finished, so I knew I wanted to keep going on some of that. So I did. By about 12 I was finished with the portion that I wanted to do, and I was ready to do something else with my day. My mind went frantic trying to find suitable ways to pass the time. It kept going back to gaming, t.v., and heavily on watching porn. I continually had to remind myself of why I was doing this, that I was trying to get my emotions back in my life. Eventually I decided to take a nap since I didn't have any plans. My 2 hour nap turned into a 4 hour nap instead. Then I went and picked up my wife, and we went to dinner.
I was pretty fresh from waking up from a 2/3rd's night sleep for me, so I was a little groggy and cranky. Then when I picked up my wife, I found myself making sharp and nasty remarks all over the place. Things that I saw the opportunity to say, and I just want for it, regardless of what the impact would be. That's not me at all! I'm usually pretty considerate about how I talk to people, especially my wife and especially right now while my wife is going through some personal things on her side as well! What the fuck man?! Why are you saying these things?
Then I had an epiphany... I'm going through withdrawals!!!!
Never before in my life have I treated gaming, t.v., porn, and alcohol as the same addiction to get over all at once. (FYI, I'm not an alcoholic, I've actually got a very healthy relationship with alcohol and I only have a couple of drinks about one night in every two weeks. I'm removing all things mind-altering in my life right now, so alcohol got included in the package. I don't do drugs or smoke, so there's no reason to group those in here.) Every time I've tried to quit before, I had another vice to fall back on and continually get the dopamine high I needed (@Cam Adair is that the right chemical that gaming/t.v./porn produces?). Now that all of my vices are included in the cold turkey package, I'm finding myself to be irritable for no reason at all. I don't think I've ever actually gone through chemical withdrawals before, but I have to say... I don't like it.
I'm not going to give up, I'm going to push through and make sure that I'm never dependent on a substance or chemical like this ever again. But for today, it sucks, and I suck. Grrr....
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Hello everyone. I've had my fun and now I'm back. Today will be my new start for my re-entrance into the Game Quitter community. I've been playing games since I left, which was about three weeks, which includes today. So today is day zero, tomorrow shall be day one.
Lately I've been realizing that I've become numb as a person. I'm not trying to be Emo here by any means, but what I mean is that I don't feel any emotions these days. I understand when certain emotions are appropriate, and I have thoughts that correspond appropriately with emotions that should be there, but I'm not actually experiencing the feeling of things. There are some exceptions where I do feel a little something. When I hug my wife and I can feel her heartbeat against mine, when I play a board game that's fun and well engineered, when I chaperoned my daughter's school trip to a water park last week. But feeling anything has become the exception, rather than the norm. I want to change that.
For most of my life, my passion in the things that I do has been the driving force, the fuel that I have used to get things done. Currently, as described above, I have no passion. I'm not excited by the prospects of things, and I have failed, failed, failed, and failed again in my life and my endeavors, while trying to operate without passion. So starting today, I'm going to practice my passion, and get that fuel back inside of me.
Part of what I think has made me this way is video games, T.V., porn, and the wrong kind of work. These have all been contributors that make me think, or just sit and observe, instead of feel. I'm going to remove all of those aspects, and replace them with things that should invoke passion in me. Writing, exercise, board games, dancing, journaling, and art are a few things that come to mind at the moment. So today, I'm going to start doing some of those items, and hopefully soon I'll get my soulfire back!
Thanks for reading! Cheers!
Quit it all! Gaming wasn't enough.
in Celebrate
Posted
Thanks guys! Things aren't as bad as you might think. Obtaining the knowledge that I was low on willpower because of the overdose of dopamine was like an honest to goodness miracle for me. I had spent so many years searching for a way to get past that. Once I had the answer, "Stop doping on dopamine and your willpower will come back," and I was suddenly hooked on HAVING willpower. It's been such an incredible new high to act like the man I want to be, instead of the screen zombie I was.
That's not to say that things have been easy. I was in a grocery store a couple of days ago with my wife, and I saw a gift card for WoW with a Night Elf on the front of it. Suddenly my mind and heart sprung to the prospect that I wanted to play that. I caught myself and recognized the trigger and told my wife about it. She said she loved me and believe in me, and the urge was gone. But for a few seconds there, I felt like I was back to being an addict. Threw me for a loop pretty bad.
The most prevalent addiction has been porn. I haven't imbibed in porn throughout this whole process. I've come across a couple of annoying sexy adds that I shouldn't have clicked on, but I decided to stay true to my detox and I backed out quickly. But porn is like the sneaky brain ninja of addictions. There are SO many triggers out there. Commercials, anime, sexy ads, attractive women on the street, my attractive wife, my physiology just feeling horny because Man, I got flashed at a party over the weekend, etc. I think that one will be my biggest nemesis overall. Changing my mindset about women, and eventually losing all these involuntary dirty thoughts is going to be a long slow process unfortunately. I'm still working on it though. Just keeping myself stupid busy right now, hopefully that will help get me through the hump.... uggg... accidental porn pun unintended.