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  2. katsudo19

    Onlysoul

    I'm sick and had a lot time for thinking. I need to start writing my own story because this one, which I created with my own decision is not quite good. I saw anime movies Your Name, 5 Centimeters per Second and A Silent Voice. It almost rip my heart from my chest. I'm alone with no friends or love. So it touch me like anybody else. I felt enormous sadness and I cry a lot. So what now my friend? I choose to create person which is very clever and have good ideas to start bussiness. Which can handle physical and mental pain or harassment. Is disciplined in every aspect of his life. Years 2019 will be year of healing myself and creating the new person. I will use my past, good and bad things to create this badass katsudo19. It's gonna be a ride! You will not even trust your eyes when you look at the mirror at the end of 2019. I fix you I promise.
  3. Today
  4. Phoenixking

    Dear Diary...

    Good luck. It's indeed harder to quit than games. Holy hell.. I've totally underestimated it...
  5. katsudo19

    Onlysoul

    41/90 I'm grateful for my body, mind, eyes, ears, job, hands, technology, relatives, feet and home.
  6. Deku

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    Amen! All this stuff you've typed about what you've learned reminds me of the following verse from Hosea 4:6 Those without the knowledge of the scriptures can't become children of God, and I'm so glad you are taking the necessary steps to bring yourself closer to Him. Your detailed post really shows how focused you were on taking in the words of your pastor. Speaking of which, kudos to him for pointing out so many good nuggets in the bible--how the leper disease is meant to be a symbol for sin, and how Jesus tells us to place our faith above the worldly concerns of life through the let the dead bury their own dead verse. I wish I could've been there!
  7. pizzacake678

    Restarting After Relapse

    Day 1 After relapsing a week ago, I've decided to uninstall my only two games that I have been playing in order to get back into the 90-day detox phase. I wasn't exactly proud after playing games for a week after the relapse so yesterday I decided to cut off and go again with the detox. So far I haven't watched any gameplay videos on youtube or Twitch so that's not a bad start, but I haven't gone outside at all today which may be an issue. The only mode of transportation for me is the bus as I don't have a car, and the only time I really need to go anywhere is if I have to go to work (It's not far away from my house but I still hate working there -- I work a desk job). Also it was raining for most of the day so there wasn't any reason for me to go outside. All I did was review videos for the dropshipping course that I bought and made minor adjustments to my store. I haven't started the store and I've only realized that I am starting out with more products to test than I needed to for the focus of a general store -- no specific audience yet. Pomodoro sessions so far: 7/10 with 25 minutes per session and 5 minute breaks. Don't know if I should count watching the instructional video as work time or if work time should count if I'm working on the website itself. I'll figure this out soon. Tomorrow I'll plan on starting a gym membership plan provided by Kaiser Permanente. To describe it, you enter the program by paying $200 to start a year-long gym membership (until the end of 2019) and if you successfully visit the gym for 30-minute workout sessions then you will be rewarded the $200 that you've spent. I already have a gym in our home garage but I've been neglecting it as I felt that it was digging into my time for working on the online business (that turned out to be a mistake as I ended up not working on the online business as much). I just have to call tomorrow morning and ask for the enrollment, pay the $200, and begin the plan. There was also a 15-day challenge that I was supposed to do for Facebook chatbots but I've been neglecting that as well. Will be going over the videos day-by-day until I go to bed tonight. Too often I reflect on how often I've neglected on everything out of laziness or out of wanting to play games -- school, personal projects, personal fitness, etc. Right now I want to make a difference from the past that I'm leaving behind, even though it's going to be difficult along the way. In order to hold myself accountable, I'll make sure that I use this forum as a diary input. No longer will my journal entries be restricted to my notebook -- I'll be open for constructive feedback if anyone chooses to read this and future posts.
  8. Average_Guy

    Journey to a Different Life

    Day 9 - 2/17/19 Actually had a productive Sunday today. Talked to a friend after church, who low and behold, is also having issues with video games. With the way games are made these days, it's difficult for almost anyone to manage their gaming habits. Either way, I did some video editing and socializing, and I'm going to practice my Japanese in a few minutes in between Netflix episodes. Not a bad day. I like this advice and I was probably using the gaming videos as a reward and excuse for my 'good behavior'. I'm definitely going to be wary of this in the future.
  9. ArcadianChild

    What to do with a gaming PC now?

    Thanks for the advice. I’ve also heard that there are some very hardware intensive engineering software, do you know any? Thanks again.
  10. zeke365

    What to do with a gaming PC now?

    I think the best thing is to learn how to make 3D models realistically and render them in video using blender, I think that would help push you to the limit but without gaming because your learning how to compare a photo of real photo and how to mimic to another, or you could try to learn animation like I do to help push the animation software to limit with your own stories by learning how to animate, write, direct, voice act, etc. The choice is up to you. Ask yourself this what do you want to learn?
  11. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I had a good day today with taking my class, writing more of my cartoon, and then cooking 8 meals for myself. The only annoying thing was that I made fish for dinner and I just really hate fish and seafood in general. I don't know why I keep going back to it to try and eat. Restaurants, family, friends, myself and any other method of cooking I just don't like seafood or sushi. I get so much crap for it, but I don't care. At the end of the day you just don't like something. I'm proud of myself for the day, though. On another note, I think it's time for me to quit porn. This is going to include me not doing non-pmo either for about 30-90 days. This is going to be an extreme challenge, but I'm no longer even caring about video games anymore and I just think this is for the best. I know it's an addiction and I know it's harder to quit than video games. I just am getting tired of the "need" to watch.
  12. zeke365

    Zeke Journel Round 2

    Top Tap detox days 9-17 minus 4 =12 So this week has not been as successful as like it to be and I did not accomplish much may be due to weather but it seemed like my old habits resurfaced again this week. You may be wondering why I have minus 4 to the days well that because I m taking 4 days that were not successful this week off since I did not accomplish what I wanted to. I think when we mess up we constantly blame ourselves for messing up and then puts us in more shame and makes us relapse or we start over so many times because we feel we need to restart. It's not that we need to restart each and everytime, what we should be looking at what went wrong and how can we learn from it? Instead of saying "I messed up better start at day one again." Now if you have to do it do it but I just do it bit different. Reflection time: To help explain this I will say this, I m fighting 4 addictions, not just one addiction. Think of this way a wheel Internet Anime Gaming So what happened here is I have always relied on one for the other so if I fasted one, I replaced with the other never ending the cycle. Porn This wheel helps explain it a little better so you see when I took gaming away I replaced with anime so I never really changed only the content I consumed changed. So gaming addiction I freed myself from that and now I m dealing with anime addiction which seems to be much harder addiction that first I did not think I had but then realized I did. Anime and animation more on the anime side then animation but I think they're both improtant. So Anime and animation and gaming is taken out what there left porn and internet so when I fast I seem to try to find a replacement like it but that not what its about here (no this not about moderation in gaming) but what means it should be balanced between the activities we do never going overboard with an addiction but still have enough variety to satisfy your needs. There are times I almost do not want internet at all and be in rehab away from tech for awhile just so I could see life with a new lens. There one person I have never forgiven and it shocked me that I have never forgiven this person but have as others to forgive this person and the person I need to forgive the most is myself, yes you need to learn to forgive yourself for the wrongs you did and be healed from that and that is not easy. So I m thinking of buying a new journal that would do just that forgiving myself that won't be shared here but for my sake. Plus I noticed something odd there no support for anime addiction which kinda shocked me but if you know me to let me know. The good news is I will finally get everything transferred to the new Pc while finish one more review on my old pc of anime and then I start using the new Pc more often which I m really excited about. Plus I created a new rule called Tutorial sundays this means on Sundays while I m allowed youtube I can learn some tutorials about my animation software, PowerDirector, audacity, etc. to help improve my content on youtube. The second thing I m not why it works this way but does is I have my phone play faith-based music as I worked on a project but if I did directly through the Pc I would not pay attention to it but neat trick yes I could stop and stuff but the phone seems harder to stop than say inside the pc. So that neat little trick I will still have rest days like Friday and Saturday and I did subscribe to a youtube channel and the reason is I got so involved with it that I need to support them and commenting on their videos and stuff. The youtube channel is called Glove and boots, plus they make they make me laugh so hard and sometimes we just need a good laugh once in awhile. I hope this does not break my animation fast or anything oh, by the way, I did see Lego movie 2 and really liked it I m still planning on getting to see few more movie this year but that about it. That it for today have a wonderful day Grateful: 1.God 2.Family 3.Church 4.Bible 5.Life 6.Food 7.water 8.job 9.Car 10.communites I m part of
  13. ArcadianChild

    What to do with a gaming PC now?

    I have a gaming PC with very good hardware that I dont wanna get rid of. What activities can you do that pushes the hardware to its limits that are not Video Games?
  14. Yesterday
  15. dwalk77

    dwalk77 Journal

    Last time to game was on Monday, 2/11. I gamed after my last post on here. It was a Sunday afternoon. I had just had some lunch with my Dad and the rest of my day was wide open. The game was still lingering on my mind, and I went for it. I beat the "challenge" I had struggled so long with, but it came with a price. I texted into work on Monday morning to play the game some more. That's 3 unplanned PTO days I've used already this year. Just doesn't look good. I also started another map in the game after I finished that game, but I quit mid-game b/c I was just sick and bored of the game. Tuesday came, and I made some efforts to improve my life again. I actually worked for a few hours, which isn't the ideal amount, but it's a hell of a lot better than 0 hours. I took some initiative to get some car repairs done that I had put off for quite some time. And maybe more importantly, I moved my damn computer from my bedroom to the living room again. Since I made that move, I've not watched Twitch or played any games. I've also tried something new where I keep my phone outside my bedroom when I go to bed at night. I'm using an alarm clock to wake up now instead of my phone. So far it's been great. Unplugging at night has ensured I get to bed at a decent hour, and it gives me a reason to read. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I worked more than a 8-hour full shift at work. In my 8-year career at my company, I've never done that. I don't feel I'm owed anything. Rather, I feel as much as I've slacked off, I owe my company. Work has been stressful lately as I've had more than I can handle in a day and I feel I'm always trying to catch up. I also feel concerned my company doesn't think through some of its decisions and am seeing some of the ramifications of that. But at the end of the day, if I can say I put in 8 hours of hard work, I feel a sense of pride and okay about myself. If I treat work like I did the first 2 days of the week, I can't have much confidence I'll be able to keep my job. But if I continue to treat work like I did the last 3 days of the week, it's reasonable to think management has my back and will want to keep me around. My best approach is for me to put my head down and grind away, trusting that God is with me, even in the lowest of lows. So today is Day 6. I'm counting days again and my ultimate goal is 90. I won't say the game didn't come to mind throughout this weekend. Or that I don't have this other huge issue of lust that I've really got to get some help with. But...six days without gaming is the best I've done for quite some time, and it feels good to be unplugged from it for a while.
  16. BooksandTrees

    mattso's late journal

    Keep up the good work. Don't get discouraged if you spend a day or two here or there feeling unproductive. It also takes time to heal your mind from constant gaming usage.
  17. Mouxine

    Daily journal of a nervous father

    @Vera I'm kindly surprised ! I was actually thinking that my story was boring because I have a lot of daily routine and I'm mostly sharing my thoughts and emotions on so simple events of the day. I wonder what you do find interesting in my simple story. Also I have loads of colored paper for the children as you figured, I never tought of using them for me ! Day 12 A too short night to start. I was awoke from 3 A.M to 6 A.M. Staying 1h30m in bed I couldn't sleep. I started to read the first book of Lone Wolf. I didn't the hour and half pass ! At least there's something way better with paper or board games than video games : you can change the rules according to what you feel is funny very easely and that is great ! My wife cooked for a little charity group for lonely and poor people. I had to deliver the meal. We played a board game with my wife and my oldest child, she's finally grown enough to play with us ! I read to the same child a part of an adapted Bible for kids. I took a little nap, made 1,5 kg of pancakes, then we went to the mass at 6P.M. at the Cathedrale of Chartres, I could pray because the children were calm (thank God for the miracle ! during these 4 last years praying at the mass on Sundays is difficult because of the children moving, screaming, whining...). Then it was diner time and I was exhausted after. When I'm nervous and tired, my eyes hurt and usually I start getting angry, but this evening it's great, I didn't scream : it's because of a fruitful communion and gaming abstinence. I'm always enthusiastic about this, only someone who experiences it knows how you get better doing almost nothing except giving all your heart to the Christ during communion. What is really sad, it's when you read the memories of saints who had the grace to see the Christ after his resurrection (Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Theresa of Avila, Saint Faustine Kowalska, Saint Padre Pio...), Our Lord is always saying His love is not taken seriously, especially during communion. I'm seriously thinking going to the mass on Wednesday also, I should already have taken this resolution long time before to get better.
  18. WuqingDi

    Life changing journey

    @mattso thx for sharing your opinion (and for the video, didn't know there was an youtube channel) and also for encouraging. I came to the same conclusion: if I don't want to do anything because I think games are an better option then moreso I just HAVE TO do something. DAY 6 Today I bought some new courses on udemy, it's always fun to learn new things (at least at the start :D). Also, it feels great because being busy had me not thinking about games. Oh, and I watched pilot of Prison Break (which my friend called the best tv show ever). I found it interesting, but usually I can't watch more than one episode per day, because it becomes boring somehow, which is sad because I won't have time for at least next 2-3 days (have a test at wednesday, need to prepare). Good monday to you guys, hope you'll cope with it (wish it never started T_T)
  19. Mouxine

    TSL's Journal

    That's not a relapse ! If you set up a chess game and do not make a move, you didn't play it. You didn't relapse, you kept control. That's something, I would have surely relapse in your place. I'm being curious and it would be interesting for your detox : why did you open that game ?
  20. mattso

    Life changing journey

    I also experience this feeling of wanting to lay down, think of nothing and do nothing. I can recommend that, whenever you find yourself feeling that way, you think of anything to do, and no matter how boring and pointless it seems to be, you start doing it. Worst thing that can happen is you'll find it boring, but there's a chance that you'll get hooked and forget about your wearyness. It doesn't have to be anything extraordinary, for instance, I usually read in those moments. It's normal that sometimes you want to rest- it's one of your needs, Cam talks about it in this video. Remember, noone said this was going to be easy. But I believe that you'll find strength to get through.
  21. pizzacake678

    Setting things straight

    I'll keep that in mind. Thank you
  22. mattso

    Journey to a Different Life

    Don't think of gaming as a reward for good behaviour, you know that after today. When I feel an urge to just look at the website of my game and catch up on some news, I always tell myself "Your satisfaction will be short, but misery will linger." I'm glad to hear that you resisted, be proud of yourself.
  23. pizzacake678

    Setting things straight

    As much as I don't want to admit it, I ended up relapsing after detoxing for a month (started detox on January 6th, relapsed on February 10th). Ended up having trouble falling asleep on the tenth and ended up downloading a BR game (Apex Legends) for which I ended up binge gaming from 2 am to 8 pm. That ruined my track record for keeping up with my drop shipping store for the past week so I plan to restart the detox today. I didn't restart the detox during the week after the day of relapse since I lost motivation to keep with my online store, but during this weekend I was able to uninstall Apex and the Origin software. During the detox phase it didn't help that I would watch Twitch/Youtube videos while working full time (office desk worker gig) so I feel that is one problem area that I have to address. As for the activities that I could be engaging in besides online business, there is more to fill in that void besides attempting to run an online store. Volunteering has come to mind and I do plan to see my DVR counselor for college in the upcoming Fall Semester. I just have to remember to review the training modules and fill in my time with more social activities. Also my full time job is depriving me of any social contact with other people since all I do is work at a desk. Will have to look for restaurant jobs as a busser. UPDATE: To track the amount of time that I spend on Twitch/Youtube, I downloaded a Chrome extension that records the amount of time use on the internet and it into divides types of productivity categories ranging from very distracting to very productive. I'll be using this to keep myself from lingering on distracting contact for more than an hour per day (may even reduce the time to 30 minutes per day). This means that Twitch/Youtube will be tracked for usage.
  24. mattso

    mattso's late journal

    Day 17 Meditated in the morning, I feel more and more comfortable with doing it. Still getting distracted by sounds around me, but that's normal from what I've heard. Did schoolwork after that, and then for the rest of my day I was reading "The Power of Habit". Finished the Basics series on Headspace. That wasn't much, but I made some progress on something, and that's good.
  25. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    Thank you. I agree. It opened my eyes to writing and I really enjoy it now. I just want to take this brief script writing class online so I understand how to write a little better and then it will help me transfer it to Celtx.
  26. Phoenixking

    Dear Diary...

    Celtx is sooooooo useful omfg. Good luck! Good move there!
  27. Phoenixking

    Journey to my white coat

    Much respect for being able to commit so hard! 😮 Watch your energy levels, buddy! Wouldn't want you burning out. But other than that, crazy amounts of balls you got there, you working bee!
  28. Phoenixking

    Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

    17/02/19 - 9 pm - Days without games & porn: 0 I still haven't listened to the feedback on my writing. But I did open up to my mom about it despite our complicated relationship. She's good at lingual stuff. I'm about to listen to it and process the notes on the writing. The acting yesterday was amazing. Incredible. I received a véry warm welcome and some gentle hazing. It was challenging but my director had my back. I learned a lot. I met a boatload of new freelancers. It's crazy. I really feel like this was a good step in the right direction. This kind of stuff is why I was put on this planet, honestly. I had to leave home at 6 am to come back at 11 pm. Rough day in terms of working hours. But it's such a passionate community and such a fun gig, I do that with a smile. Compared to the office, it's a welcome change of pace. Needless to say I crashed into my bed as soon as I came home. But I woke up with a big smile. Today I finished a casting tape for a commercial about a tv-chef. I hope I get the gig, it's a 1000 bucks for wage. That's a pretty big deal. If I could get that tax-free, I'm set for the next couple of months, I feel. I also went out for drinks with Elien (she was my camera buddy for the tape). We were supposed to buy food and not spend too much money but the supermarket was closed so we ended up at a Mexican bar drinking Mezcal and eating tacos. We are completely head over heels with each other that such random amazingly fun nights are possible. Our relationship is only getting deeper. Sadly, I relapsed. I woke up and after an episode on Netflix, I started to feel a little lost. I had had breakfast, I had stuff to do, but it just ... My computer was still at Elien's so I was arranging everything on my phone. I ended up giving into an urge and browsed Reddit for a bit. I acknowledge my addiction to stuff that gives me instant gratification and endorphine rushes. I try not to look at actual porn and attempt to bridge the gap temporarily with pornographic images, as some sort of nicotine patch. But I slipped. I figured that if I'm going to have to reset the timer, I might as well go all out. So I watched porn. I knew I'd feel bad and I knew I had a choice. I could just as well be honest with myself and reset the timer because of the pornographic images but also not go to the porn site I had in mind and be a tad more proud despite the reset and not go through with the urge I was having. But I caved in. Sadly. There's still a long ways to go. Recent highlight: The acting gig was amazing and the date with Elien both had us over the moon. Budget status: It'd be great if I land the commercial. My one goal for tomorrow: I have a date with Elien, we're going to see a movie. My one goal tomorrow is to try and make sure I do something productive, so clean up, dishes, something like that...
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