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Thank you very much. I'm grateful for your support and I hope you're doing well too. I'll be back eventually more longterm. I started work again and just had tons of family drama. Very overwhelmed lol. But it's gonna be ok.

Entry 16.05 Day 595: No Useless Videos Day 5921: Sticking to Food schedule Day 196: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 187: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Going to an interview -4 hrs of physical activity -8 pomodoros even though i got delayed in interview 1 Thing I could do better -Try avoid dozing off, or limit it more

i'm still going well - no formal relapse. from time to time, negative exposure to remind myself why i quit- but i know what i want. porn is just unappealing at this point- it doesn't cover any needs, and my cravings, too, are now channeled elsewhere (talking to real people, yay). so, day 16ish. longest i've had in awhile. let's keep moving. -- personal reflection: been feeling down a lot. it takes a conscious effort of letting myself reflect and rest, but i don't always do those in the correct sequence- like now, when i really should clean up my space, journal about what's bugging me, and then get here. the reason this is my response to stress, i think, is b/c i've conditioned myself to go to GQ when i don't feel well. maybe it does help, but certainly, journaling should come first as the most steadfast and reliable way of moving through my feelings! beyond that, exciting changes to my life coming to place- i'm quitting my job, moving a different city, and solidifying my long-term plans into concrete visions. a slow process, but i've learned that i'm not someone who can ever do it overnight. just persist, and i will get there.

wow, thank you for this- i'm realizing how much more closed off i've been w/ a lot of people around me. i'm not making that effort of reaching across, and i've been making plenty of my relationships superficial. i really should give people more of a chance! glad the book resonated w/ you; perhaps i should revisit it myself haha

Hey! It seems like we both took a pause from being here. Just wanted to say that I care and think of you- thank you for all your vulnerability and persistence. It means a lot to see you trying to live your best. You're an incredible person!

I still remember to work on my body, too. I'm going to start by riding a bike to work. I also want to introduce strength training into my routine. It's hard at first, but I'm not going to stop. Thank you for help!

Entry 15.05 (Written on 16.05) Day 594: No Useless Videos Day 591: Sticking to Food schedule Day 195: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 186: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -about 22 hr fast -4 hrs of physical activity -cutting deliveries short so that I arrive to pickup the groceries from my apartment mate and get it to home on time. 1 Thing I could do better -Such a small thing - 5 minutes that I need to designate in the evening to journaling, and i do not do even that.... If I do not accomplish such a small thing how may I expect to accomplish the big ones? Get it done!

May 15-16 So I wrote the next paragraph down by hand yesterday - I want to show the difference between more artistic posts at the keyboard and the following; it feels more frantic and desperate, which is why I never liked it much. It may improve if I keep it up, but yesterday I scared myself with something like 100 words written without remembering to blink. -> "I've done almost as much self-motivation as possible in silence, without 'excessive' stimulation, and alone. My earphones stopped working 2 weeks ago. Whoever were responsible for realising society, I thank, for it led to the creation (eventually) of my favourite music. This existence - 🤕 - of mine flourished at a time when so much good music had already been made, and was readily available, so I didn't have to do much detailed creation. What I did do, alongside my natural imagination, strengthened certain pathways that I must now nurture, at least in significant enough part, to continue to move 'forward'. So, I shall seek out new earphones and replay music accordingly, and with peaceful intent." ^ It doesn't help that I've reviewed too much of my left-handed writing and compared it occasionally with others' in the past, - deciding who and what our 'styles' may reflect - that's partly why I like web posts. I think I'd like to keep them separate, but since that entry was about earphone/personally chosen music use, I want to ask everyone whether it's something that should be avoided unless brought up in conversation/for appropriate, shared listening - you know, for social/personal development reasons. That's all. ___________ Gratitude: ~ I might actually finish reading 'The 100 year old man who, etc' ~ Doing almost nothing yesterday except buying low-price earphones, which might explain today's first, energetic walk ~ Having something and deciding to write felt like brain exercise ~ It is kind of sad, but I was grateful for being able to avoid a few people when I felt I was just walking around like an open wound Huzzah! ~ Matt

Entry 14.05 (Written on 15.05) Day 593: No Useless Videos Day 590: Sticking to Food schedule Day 194: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 185: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -8 pomodoros and I would've finished the analysis post and started the video script, but it wouldn' allow me to add a form so I 've had to tinker with it. I do feel I'm making much more progress now with a sense of urgency, after the post of two days ago -4 hrs of physical activity -1.5 hrs job search 1 Thing I could do better -Still look for a way to journal in the evening. I did leave the time for it in this case but I decided to use it to masturbate. Which is also not so bad, I think it was the right choice. I haven't done that for a long time and it's a great practice for health, especially with the frequency I do it

I felt I had to suggest at least something, so it is weightlifting again. It is like playing, but warm up first! Have you ever played tug-of-war (two opposite teams pulling a rope) as a kid or found something way too heavy to pick up? Right there are my 2 favourite moves, all this time. I think people can learn about their bodies just like their minds, and it might help.

Day 25 to 39 Wow, I didn't realise how long it has been until now! I haven't played games any further, even though I have been a little tempted in the last week. I went on holiday last week (though still in the UK) with some friends. Two of them spent most of the holiday indoors playing games, which I found sad considering we were somewhere new and the weather was mostly lovely. It did tempt me a little, and I imagined excusing myself with the idea of "Oh, I could just play on his console, that's not the same thing...". I also ended up talking about games a bit - both to them and to a stranger I met while I was on a walk. I was pleased that I pushed myself to do a couple of long walks alone along the coast, rather than just stick with those friends, who tend to be even more stationary than I am. I also went on a very short walk with one of them, but she wasn't fit enough to go further. Then I spent the weekend with another friend, which was amazing. She has never gamed and when I'm with her I forget games even exist. She's one of the few people I know who are really into nature and exercise, so we went for a long walk on Saturday, then a swim and a walk on Sunday. Admittedly, I pushed myself past my energy limits, but I don't regret it. Self-management Routine - I didn't manage to keep to any routine while on holiday, and my mood the week before was low so I couldn't care enough about it. Eating - I've been eating just about enough while on holiday, although it hasn't been structured. Leaving the house - I pushed myself to leave the house every day of the holiday, and I feel really good about the amount of walking I've been doing.

Yesterday and the day before yesterday I played until 11 p.m. (it was worse, but still bad). I don't play to play. I play to talk to someone, to have fun with someone. Similarly, I go to twitch.tv because I know there is someone on the other side. I don't know if it's an addiction or a feeling of loneliness. I have people around me who love me and whom I love. Maybe I'd like to meet someone new. I don't know. I didn't follow any of my rules during those days, but I tried to stick to them. I didn't let go completely. Well, two days in a row it didn't work out, but nothing happened, I continue my journey.

May 14 Gaming/games in general fascinate me now as an idea. Our shared social failings as gamers on my chosen RPGs were glaring for years before my 2023 detox. Also that there are new games coming out all of the time surely demonstrates some sort of common need to conquer new challenges without leaving a seated position. Take even soccer, my childhood sport, as a game. Until we as teenagers became too moody even to accept a team-building exercise of rugby one night (using the oval-shaped ball), the best part of being in the team was actually the training, for me. Representing a relatively well-off suburb in the Winter probably added to our sense of having 'made it' in terms of food/clothing/shelter. The year we disbanded was actually the most stable for me, as I'd started grinding my RPG in a very repetitive, 'nooby', yet 'structured' way. That combined with emotional music was enough for me. Funny. ^ But last year, I read the near-conclusion of a book that 'poverty of the soul' was one 'part' of society's actual problem. That phrase returns several google results as well. Another book, recommended by the same person, detailed one tough-but-rewarding day in a forced labour camp last century. I'm wondering what my beneficial struggle ought to be and at what point in-between offline and online it will be at. If spirituality is just cyclical, say, would I do almost exactly the same things again but not expect different results - except perhaps increased raw knowledge? AND alot of ^ that is an attempt to justify going back to those first gaming habits. On the weekend I asked the mate I was with to confirm what someone who's transcended all of their life's challenges looks like - whether they sit back in a chair (complacently?) and just watch/listen to the rest of us until they are asked to give advice or something, or what? He said 'yeah'. My parents wanted me to have their actual and verbose answers to most of my questions, I think. So I was never satisfied online when people put them too simply. That also led me to believe that, when among most of my peers, my answers were the best - and that I had them all. I don't think that's done all the good it was meant to, put simply. :') So I say to the ether, 'Your move, chief.' ~ Matt Edit: 2 songs to evoke emotion = Fisherman's Blues (The Waterboys) + The Black Swan (Story of the Year)

Wow, that was lightning speed of a read. Awesome! I don't think I actually wrote the exercises down, but because I re-listened to the book several times, when it came to difficult situations I changed y perspective, doing the best in the moment etc. Again way to go! Stay awesome!

Entry 13.05 (Written on 14.05) Day 592: No Useless Videos Day 589: Sticking to Food schedule Day 193: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 184: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -8 pomodoros and i feel I've done some progress more than earlier -27 deliveries, 7 hours of deliveries coompensating for yesterday -a 1hr and 45 min workout compensating for yesterday' lack 1 Thing I could do better -Finish shower a tad bit earlier. ' cause I did start writing the journal yesterday but I only had about one minute left and I decided to watch messages during this one minute (Instead of thinking about 1 thing I could do better, 'cause I wrote all the rest already.

One of my favourite things to do/feel of late has been showering and walking to the supermarket nearby. I would have been doing this the first thing in the morning, but it feels like an ordeal - until after exercise, when I know I need to clean myself up and can also tolerate the hot/cold water and the scrubbing/rinsing (my apologies if that's TMI). --> To the point, when I've been walking out of the door onto the street after another almost-whole day without gaming, I haven't even been half as happy/able to really check out my surroundings - people/drivers/bicycles, basically movements - before lumbering through the doors of the supermarket. Now, I am convinced that this might be a small price to pay for not spending ~5 hours a day being hyper-vigilant on my game, which messed with me even more, but I still lament the long-term ability it seemed I had to take care of my surroundings. Has anyone else felt this ability falling by the wayside? To compound that loss, I recall my Dad solemnly saying that 'most people are only looking out for themselves.' I don't know how he, or even my brother, perhaps achieved the means to keep their heads held high, not reflecting or thinking too hard in public, so that they could keep an eye on everything whilst remembering why they were outside in the first place. I tend to think that with my own head held up, I am more liable to form proud, snap-judgments of people not doing/saying/feeling what I am - so I think and reflect at almost all times. Maybe it has to do with purpose and responsibility - my loose and comfortable 'uniform' and out-of-practice commanding tone I used to use with my 2 pet dogs on walks. I still have a trained eye, but I don't know what I'm looking out for much. I am still hopeful, but I'd like to know what everyone else here thinks, and whether I should just be standing up straighter, or stiffening up my upper-lip, etcetera. I just don't want to take things for granted. Peace, ~ Matt

~ The Little Book of Stoicism, by Jonas Salzjeber ~ Book #2 recommended here (that I read) by @Yan: So there were 5 chapters, the 5th and final one comprised of fifty-five (55) stoic practices, which I paid the most attention to. I noticed while googling that someone on Reddit tried to live one of them for that many consecutive days. Creative! _____________ Before I just get lost in thought at the keyboard, I'll list my favourite of the practices, some with a note or quote (some might simply have to be read in the book to appreciate): Practice 33 - ‘Other-ise’ - Treat/speak to yourself as you would your best friend, or vice versa if you already treat/speak to yourself well. Practice 34 - ‘Take the Bird’s Eye View’ Practice 36 - ‘Meat is Dead Animal; Observe Objectively’ Practice 41 - Find Your Own Faults - I would not deny others the same benefits from a similar journey nor condemn them for the same mistakes I made; still, I ask questions about those things for both of our benefits Practice 45 - How to Deal With Insults - CRUCIAL Practice 49 - Put Yourself in Other People’s Shoes - ‘Maybe you would do the same if you were in their situation; who knows?’ Practice 54 - Listen With the Intent to Understand - “Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue.” _____________ I've also gone back quickly to recommend some more of the practices important to me before #30, in the first half of my reading yesterday. But I've decided it's probably easier to list those I half-ignored, because everything pre-#30 are mostly enlightening as well. So, with caution, consider: Practice 12 - Stoic Aphorisms: Keep Your "Weapons" Ready at Hand (maybe it's because people had those 'weapons' that they achieved some great successes and I admired them in the first place, but I soon grew tired when they (aphorisms) were repeated without memory, lol) Practice 17 - Take Back Your Time: Cut Out News and Other Timewasters (I can really focus sometimes for long periods, so taking a break to skim the news (or 'doomscroll') nevertheless helps me to be somewhat up to date) Practice 20 - What Do You Have to Show for Your Years? (in short, my memories) ^--> I've added my short reservation to each of the above, and even though I would now happily share discussions on them online here, it's probably more stoic to just open the book/file on odd days for a daily reflection like that Redditor to post in journals. Not sure. ____________ Finally, it has always been a cool moment to see the 5 most recent posts on the right side of the forum's homepage being from 5 different authors - you know, for variety or even fairness. So for anyone a bit shyer on the internet, bump up or start some addiction-healing topics of your own, I say. ✌️

May 13 (Monday evening) Gratitude: ~ determination from IDK-where to get a workout done without whining to myself ~ finally available ripe avocados :X ~ (more edible items) - frozen vegetables ~ the knitting-together of people Summary: You know, if I didn't say evening, I could still be with the majority(?) of the world (00:00 a.m.- now) sitting on just 'Monday'. But I wanted to highlight that it's been basically 2 days since I summarised activities. Reading this 2nd book online this year about stoicism made me feel OK to 'check in' on one version of my game. I didn't perform any regular tasks or click toward any points. I even gave away a few shields/weapons. Unfortunately, I think I may have been 'paid back' by way of not being responded to on Mother's day about a trip to my nan's. After considering that briefly, I thought about how amusing it is that I've had the stoicism book to read at the time. My mom told me that my dad is retiring, and I did think that I would rather have heard it from him - but based on my experience, he would probably have admitted it quietly in a mock-shy manner whilst busy with something other task at the same time. I don't feel unhappy about this, but it does reflect his much more unimpressive and occasionally kind of aggressive/violent side. ________________ On the positive, well, I weighed myself at the gym, and I'm beginning to understand that I really need a lot (and even more) of vigorous physical activity if I am to maintain what I still think are normal eating habits for the most part. I am willing to do this in more creative ways. The stoicism book has repeated the term 'warrior philosophers' many times, and while I think that is somewhat grandiose, it appeals to the side of me that wishes to be able to defend my sensitivity - lol, speaking of red flags. So I dunno. I'm also ready to pick up almost any physical book at bedtime again after several days of falling straight to sleep once in bed. 'The 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared' hasn't quite 'done it' for me, for which I'm disappointed in myself because it would mark 3 books read from my nan's library. Maybe it's good that the choice of returning it almost vanished yesterday. That's all. Peace, ~ Matt

Entry 12.05 (Written on 13.05) Day 591: No Useless Videos Day 588: Sticking to Food schedule Day 192: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 183: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -8 pomodoros once more which is cool as a basis Day 10, now lets see if I can nail the goal of tonight's post 🙂 -No deliveries once I saw the app is closed -Writing the nightly post even though it was at the expense of two hours of sleep. It's a red flag that had to be raised. However, I probably shouldn't allow it to happen very often or I'll harm my sleep and as a result health and well being 1 Thing I could do better -Evening journal before sleep before whatsapp mail (Finish shower a tad bit earlier)

So it is the middle of the night and I thought I'd just write sporadically to take the load off my thoughts. I have just woke up because I've peed myself. Physically it happened likely because I drank the usual amount of water I'm used to but did half the exercise ( I did the bare minimum of half an hour of main set (+about 15 minutes of warmup and cooldown together while usually I'm used to doing at least 55 minutes of main set + in the last week and a half at least 3 hours on the bike ) But why did I do so little? The courier app didn't work today because of a holiday (Day of remembering the fallen soldiers of Israel in the history of our conflicts) so in contrast to the last day when it happened (The holocaust day) where I decided to just keep riding for a few hours without deliveries, I decided to return home as soon as I saw the app doesn't work. Last time after I've been biking for 3 hours without deliveries I wrote an entry here that this is what I would rather do, return home once I discovered the app doesn't work, so that I ay instead do more deliveries the next day. And meanwhile do some activity I was supposed o do the next day which I may do even if the courier app doesn't work, So this is something I deserve a pat on the back about as of itself (Returning home) I decided to do about 3 hours of job search now, which I had scheduled for tomorrow and then tomorrow do 3 more hours of deliveries instead of the job search (Plus do a 30 minute jog to maintain some calory balance and do some heart activity) The trouble is that as you probably know momentum is a strong thing, and it was already evening. So I pooped and thus lost some time, then I dd do an hour of job search, and then... I don't know if it was really because of physical tiredness because I slept for 5-6 hours the last two days, or it was just because of trying to escape reality, but what happened is I dozed off for 2 hours. Thank god when I woke up I decided to do the minimal workout before the eventual 23:15 being in bed deadline. And i even managed to squeeze a 25 minute cold shower. But still I did allow myself to doze off as I often do. (By the way in the afternoon I dozed off for an hour too. I think some of it has to do with me seeing my apartment mate who is 53 years old doing that all the time. Another part though is because I do not see progress in my marketing efforts. I have now for a few WEEKS! been just blankly staring at my blog posts with barely any progress. I'm writing some text then erasing it, and researching every little assumption further and further, instead of writing a general outline, writing some Ideas and going to the next post. I end up with a huge amount of data which is probably not something anyone will read, and also confuses myself. But evenif they will read it and it is something interesting, still it is better to concentrate on one thing every post, this will help me gather momentum and get more things done, whereas when I have no commitment to post I just write and rewrite things forever, and really test less things and assumptions. Because the testing really only occurs when the content piece sees the world. You see the reason I'm really writing all this is that as I've been cleaning myself up and washing my underwear from the pee A very, very strong urge to play games was present, and I've been trying to understand why it happened. As I wrote in the diary of Dark a few days earlier, this aging urge is not something that just came today it is likely something that has been gathering up over some time and the current events are just sort of triggers to make this urge stronger. So I felt I must raise a red flag and change something before it's too late. Because eventually if this urge continues, again and again - It will win most likely. Self-discipline is not infinite. And as Benjamin Hardy's book title says "Willpower Doesn't Work" I must find a way to make my environment provide me with the necessary feelings and fulfillment of needs not to have this urge arise as it has been happening for quite some time for me now. And this is likely due to the fact that I'm stepping in one place. I mean lets be real here. My goal was to publish a blog post and video every week. I have not done so for almost 4 months now (some blog posts are published but I haven't finished the cycle that's what I mean) There's nothing more honest than that. Shouldn't lie to myself. It's great that I'm eating and staring blankly at the screen thinking how I should progress my blog and I call that "pomodoro time" even though I actually accomplish nothing. But it is NOT enough. I must come up with some sort of compensation system for results - Which is actually publishing the content, not just the amount I put in. Because Imagine what would happen if salesmen were paid only for calls they make. They could then make 1,000 calls in 3 months and make no sales. Who would benefit? Nobody... This time would be lost and in the end of the day the salesman didn't help the company or any of the clients by helping them reach a decision and use the product which may improve their lives. So it is with my marketing efforts. I do not want to be compensated for calls any longer. Of course the minimum of time devoted to it must remain that - This time still has to be devoted to it. Back to the salesman case - If he didn't make any calls of course he wouldn't make any sales... But the reward should be for the sales, not for the calls. Here's what I want to do: The current minimum of 8 pomodoros is cool and should remain that. I also want to continue writing about it in my general journal entries - documenting the length of the streak. BUT, on top of that I want to have an overall goal of a weekly content cycle. granted I will probably not nail it from the first time, and that's cool because I do not want to set goals that I'm 100 percent sure I will make, because then I'm not learning anything. Then I will have gathered some points if I complete it within one week, less points if I do it within two and even less if i do it within 3 Once more thinking out loud the trouble is that I have two god damn goals. One is moving abroad which requires me to do job search and earn more money while the other is becoming financially free which is for a little more long term. But It shouldn't hinder eachother. I may do both. It is just about feeling urgency. I do have an urgency in my "finding job" and moving abroad goal because I've set a mental deadline of 21.7 for the move. I don't even remember why any longer, but that's the date. Even though I am starting to doubt that date since I still haven't gathered the amount of money necessary for the move After a brief pause to look at my bank account and think how much more money I need, it seems possible that within two months I'll have the amount. The only question is whether there will be enough time to get a visa and find an accommodation and order flight tickets and find a solution for how to move my items abroad... That's what I want to focus on now. First stop is a meeting at the embassy to ask them if we may start the process to speed it up and within 2 months time when I'll have the full sum, finish it. After yet another pause I'm back after sending a mail to the embassy to ask them the same question, also would like to call them on their working schedule between 9 and 13 tomorrow (Hopefully they work despite the Mamory day.) Anyway, back to my marketing goals. I think I found a reward system that might suit me without any indulgences as a reward. Here´s the plan: If I publish both content types including the ads from end to end within 1 week, and it doesn't matter if it's flawed - I get 200 ₪ (About 60$) into my "Helping my brother learn how to bike lessons" reward fund. (Just sent an e-mail to find out how much it will cost generally) If I do the same within two weeks - 100₪ If three weeks - 50₪ Anything after that gets no reward. Today I'm about half-way there in my current content piece. So let's say the current 1 week goal mark will be to finish all the content cycle by 16.05 mid-day. Starting 1 minute after that and till mid-day in 23.05 it's the two weeks reward 1 minute after that and till 30.05 mid-day it's the 3-week reward. 1 minute after that - none. I think that sums up my nightly rant. Gotta' go get some sleep

That was a good post! My 'nemesis' for 2 years gaming was just someone also playing for free, whose mining movements (clicks) were unpredictable and often disruptive to my pattern. Heh. Otherwise, there were simply the people I worked with who chose bad times (for me) to offer critiques. The worst response I had to those was a firm/slightly louder 'that's not helpful', during which I accidentally toppled the metal pizza spade from its leaning position to crash to the floor whilst cleaning - and my workmate theatrically stepped back in silence, perhaps hoping to convey to the boss, 'wow, see? what a loose cannon!' I still laugh to myself about it, knowing how untrue that would have been back then. My favourite song for a few months literally sang those words - 'me against the world'. I suddenly stopped playing it the next new year. For me, I guess it was the anthem of one of several phases on my game - or until I got the latest Sum 41 album for Christmas 😆. Somewhat relatedly, my brother (he having developed mostly healthily) once said that my game 'wrecked' me. Not poetically stated, but I would now say in reply that people like me sort of need a choice between two 'worlds' at many times. What I wouldn't underestimate either would be the design/layout discussions over the game's creation; the hours of brainstorming and debating, and the like. The same as fiction authors (e.g. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings). My second world would be raw numbers, by choice, but ever since I was really alerted to the notion of 'acceptable' human interactions years ago by my ex, I've been paying attention to emotions and stuff. Maybe that's just as well, who knows?

I also remember the time I envied people, for example a girlfriend, but that's luckily been a few years. The last "enemy" I've had was maybe 2-3 years ago. He's a financial adviser. The main quarrel I had with him was that he tried to manipulate me to believe him (invest with him), while I had clearly better investment offers on the table. He kept ignoring my objective (number) questions/suggestions, because he a) didn't know and hadn't done the math himself or b) did know, but wanted to keep me as a client because of the fees going to him through the products. Maybe wearing a nice suit and talking about a money future (without half the important numbers) works well on most people, but I am not most people 😄 The "us against the world" is a flawed mechanic, but I wouldn't underestimate the number of people who actually believe it. It's also the main policy of many countries and religions. If people could just "snap out of it", it'd be great, but alas they don't. It's true that gamers are not the masters of relationships, but stopping contact after quitting a shared hobby is quite normal. There have been many people I have met during the last 5 years. They were fun, interesting and everything, but there's just not enough time to meet everybody, people live far etc.

U da best 😉 Don't forget to let me know how it was, I'd love to hear that!!!

Entry 11.05 (Written on 12.05) Day 590: No Useless Videos Day 587: Sticking to Food schedule Day 191: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 182: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -8 pomodoros! !! Day 9 and I placed it over 10 hours of deliveries and just barely did 7 instead -7 hours of deliveries thus completing 40 overall on the weekend despite celebrating brother's birthday and devoting to it something like 7 hours yesterday -Cleaning kitchen flor within 50 minutes or so 1 Thing I could do better -Write weekly schedule first, then look at jobs etc. if needed... it caused me to be about 20 minutes late from this task.. (The fact that I go a bit distrated

May 12 Summary: I did fall out of the habit of just typing a summary post - you know, events only. However, when emotions such as joy or sadness built up unexpressed in the past, I usually gave in to unpredictable releases of them - here, texting, calling or other means. I think that's why I've been posting so frequently. Today, I woke up feeling neutral to the beginning sounds of the morning. That's OK, and better than disturbed or manic. I did try to do dishes, clothes and tea all at once though. Yesterday was a weighted walk, time spent (including a game on my lego chess set - I slowly sacrificed my pieces and eventually lost to make it more fun) with one of the mates, and then squeezed a successful lifting session in right before closing time. It's Mother's Day, and I may have an invitation to a trip to my grandma's. Gratitude (for yesterday): ~ found a copy of the book @Yan put forward ~ maybe my mate's commitment to not 'oversharing' as much as me ~ feeling like 'one of the guys' just trying to get a workout in last night ~ tea (shared during the chess game) Peace, ~ Matt