Right gaming addiction. Let’s not sugar coat it. I can’t stop. As soon as I take one step, on baby step towards games. I find myself falling down a mountain and spraining my whole body at the bottom. Trapped in a creek of despair. Gaming 4+ hours a day, waking up with stress dreams. Just being a total mess. My game of choice always comes back. I uninstall I put together some days or even weeks before I relapse hard.
Gaming is unavoidable. There is no hiding from its existence. No completed sanitization of the nation. Someone, a friend or co worker will mention their game play. Will invite you to play. Unless you isolate yourself completely and stop living your life. There is no escape from exposure, but there is an escape from addiction. The cycle. Of uninstalling, reinstalling, buying gaming equipment, selling gaming equipment. Doing well in life and being happy. Having a rough traumatic experience and relapsing due to lack of support .
There in lies my answer; support. This forum. Other game quitters. It’s the only answer that’s ever worked for me. See hear read game quitters.
Delete the games, lock away the controllers, hide the key from yourself somehow. Maybe even just throw away the key. You can always break apart the lockbox if you need to someday. It’ll keep it healthier…..let’s try locking them up and writing POST TO GAME QUITTERS on the box to remind you.
When you wake up
I realize how this post sounds as I’m just laying out my honest experiences recently after waking up at five am with nightmares. Also, please don’t worry too much I am in therapy have been for years. I am on medication and working to manage my symptoms I’m safe.
Warnings: It has trauma in it.
Lotta stress these days. I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and I got hit in the back of the head the other day on accident. But that’s kinda been the icing on the stress cake. So I’ve been like having weird dreams, being out of sorts. It’s concerning I’ll be more careful from now on.
I think I’ve always been really arrogant and that’s been my problem. Thinking I could quit games or moderate them on my own. Then falling apart. I’ll try to just focus on being more humble. Reading people’s journals.
I was maybe gonna go to a gaming anonymous group. I’m so tired. It’s 520am. Those groups tend to be really scary sometimes but when I went to one of them the people seemed nice. I could feel that intense feeling where everyone was resisting the urge to game.
I’m……I’m gonna put away the gaming stuff like in a lockbox I think. I’ll try to replace it with anime and manga. I already exercise so that’s good. I’d like to make my own food now too. Or just make it together with Hina so I can manage the calories. I have a really sensitive stomach which sometimes messes with me.
Definitely going to not mess with social media as that’s kind of just a replacement addiction. Not a replacement activity :)
Right, most importantly post here or go to the gaming anon meetings or both. That’ll keep you focused on game quitting. Alright.
I had some bad dreams two nites now. Gonna try to journal them out here. warning
I just remember being really hot and angry feeling. Feeling really mad at my mom. We were on a nice couch in a big fancy house together. Just like we always were. She was on my case about getting more tests, more accolades, more money. I told her I hated that she did that. That she wouldn’t try to help me go live on my own and leave the house for once. That she always kept me down and rained on my parade. I couldn’t ever feel happy or confident for two seconds before she’d criticize me. Bully me. She’d laugh, but it was never funny to me. Ask her to stop and she’d reply, “You’re just being too sensitive and insecure. You got no confidence. Not like your sister, she’s a warrior.”
My sister would chime in telling me, “You’re not a real man.”
Then they’d wonder why I didn’t want to spend time with them.
I wasn’t yelling in the dream. I was just upset. Just mad at her. On the couch, nagging me to work harder when my mental health was falling apart. When adding another hour to the workload was just going to push me further into the depths of insanity. Of insomnia, depression, anxiety, delusions of grandeur, paranoid delusions of persecution.
I don’t know what to do. I like reading and writing…..they’re nice. Sometimes they don’t seem to like me back though. I need strength training in the mornings and mindful minutes. It’s just limiting stressful activities really. I live on ten squares of life. So long as I stay on those squares I am okay. When I leave them I’m in trouble.
Heh
They’re the approved activities. Well that’s enough about me. I’ll try to keep writing out my dreams. It helps me stop the scary dreams. Also just stopping eating by 6 or 7pm. I already cut spicy foods.
I’m just trying just trying . Hina would take care of me. I just hope I can stay mentally healthy and keep my line of work.
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FunnyDreamer · Posted
