FunnyDreamer
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Post three things you’re grateful for. Grateful for: deep breaths Sunlight Trees
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Hey Matt. I delete stuff al the time. I feel ashamed I relapsed after four years and all that. Meh. It’s rough but fuck it. We gotta just get up stay positive and keep going. No excuses. I’m only on day two of a detox rn. And I’m pissed. I was so delusional thinking gaming was alright in moderation when really. It was just full numbing the eff out and 20+ hours of gaming per week until it was obvious again I needed to stop if I wanted a life. So don’t beat yourself up too much. You’re straight. It doesn’t matter anymore, the past is over we can’t change that. Work your ass off today to make it awesome. Don’t play around with your life with fire with addiction. Just throw yourself headlong into your dreams your passion your replacement behaviors. One day at a time posting here building momentum. That’s what’s up!
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Om Just staying off it. Staying off it. I chatted with Erik the other day. He said he’s been spotty at MMA just weed and gaming taking him back out. I might refer him to this site if he keeps giving into his demons. Told him I just journal anime manga and read now. As well as of course mma and fitness which happily take up lots of time. Anyways if I’m being honest I don’t love being on this site posting. It just don’t feel good to me for some reason. On the plus side tho I love how it makes it easy for me to stop gaming. So, I guess I’ll just post as much as I have to to stay off that shit. Otherwise I’m fucked. Gaming = fucked for me. There’s no fixing it. There’s no fixing the part of my brain that gets addicted to gaming soon as I start. So, whatever. May it get easier for me to post here
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I realized today that in the Jack Dempsey book championship boxing. He said alcohol and cigarettes and late nights out weren’t considered bad. They weren’t scientifically researched then. He felt in his gut they weren’t good for him so he abstained. What I wonder is, are video games the same way? Are video games much like deep fried food and alcohol. Actually bad for people in ANY amount? Recent research indicates alcohol and deep fried food are bad for your health in any amount. Video games definitely have an overall harmful effect on me. Social media is something that also distracts, makes me lazy. But also makes me work harder sometimes so it’s maybe a neutral effect I am not sure. Maybe a slight negative is social media tbh. Detox is going well. I’m posting here, I’m putting games away with the intention that it be for good this time. Everything’s getting better. Things are hard and I feel that my mind must keep learning for optimal health. Just like my body needs consistent exercise and good nutrition. The negative effects on self esteem from social media feel kinda not worth it lol. Maybe we stay off that. Lots of good things to watch and read for me thankfully. Now things are calm enough in my life I can finally take naps. Calm down. I’d love to hit mma tonight but I’ve been tired. The right balance for me is, get 2-4 classes a week in. Keep trying for four per week. Eventually you’ll probably want to get from 4 to 6. Right now it’s 2-4. Yeah. Conserve some energy for it Ommmm The workouts are going good considering I’ve been draining myself for games recently. In a day or two I think I’ll start feeling more gas in the tank to go for it again. I had a mistake at work. I didn’t follow up via text for an appointment. Maybe I can type something generic like, “Hello Name, I have us down for 11am today. Is that accurate on your schedule?” Yes let’s just say that. It’s perfect. My swearings slowing down a lot now I’m not gaming. Fuck I’m so tired I need to rest
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@Adrian I did read respawn. It was really useful and I found anything by Cam to be helpful for me in my journey. Even his YouTube videos when I wasn’t actively trying to stop YouTube use. YouTube is good harm reduction. You’re under some stress as we all experience stress. The outlet was gaming, now it’s YouTube. If you’re posting here it’s highly likely gaming isn’t a healthy outlet for you. If YouTube’s out of control for you. That’s the new behavior to replace. Replace it with something that’s furthering harm reduction. I mostly just watch anime and read manga and journal a lot. I try sometimes to read and write fiction but it tends to just stress me out so idk if that’s a good outlet for me. May we find our best outlets and replacement behaviors.
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Ya man, keep at it, it’s good to see other people trying to get off the games here. People will tell you it’s fine in moderation. Google will tell you the same. Don’t listen to them. It’s not fine for us. It’s not fine for people who get addicted to gaming. Just like Amazon is fine for people who don’t have severe shopping addictions, but those who have with Amazon need to stay off it.
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Right gaming addiction. Let’s not sugar coat it. I can’t stop. As soon as I take one step, on baby step towards games. I find myself falling down a mountain and spraining my whole body at the bottom. Trapped in a creek of despair. Gaming 4+ hours a day, waking up with stress dreams. Just being a total mess. My game of choice always comes back. I uninstall I put together some days or even weeks before I relapse hard. Gaming is unavoidable. There is no hiding from its existence. No completed sanitization of the nation. Someone, a friend or co worker will mention their game play. Will invite you to play. Unless you isolate yourself completely and stop living your life. There is no escape from exposure, but there is an escape from addiction. The cycle. Of uninstalling, reinstalling, buying gaming equipment, selling gaming equipment. Doing well in life and being happy. Having a rough traumatic experience and relapsing due to lack of support . There in lies my answer; support. This forum. Other game quitters. It’s the only answer that’s ever worked for me. See hear read game quitters. Delete the games, lock away the controllers, hide the key from yourself somehow. Maybe even just throw away the key. You can always break apart the lockbox if you need to someday. It’ll keep it healthier…..let’s try locking them up and writing POST TO GAME QUITTERS on the box to remind you. When you wake up I realize how this post sounds as I’m just laying out my honest experiences recently after waking up at five am with nightmares. Also, please don’t worry too much I am in therapy have been for years. I am on medication and working to manage my symptoms I’m safe. Warnings: It has trauma in it. Lotta stress these days. I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and I got hit in the back of the head the other day on accident. But that’s kinda been the icing on the stress cake. So I’ve been like having weird dreams, being out of sorts. It’s concerning I’ll be more careful from now on. I think I’ve always been really arrogant and that’s been my problem. Thinking I could quit games or moderate them on my own. Then falling apart. I’ll try to just focus on being more humble. Reading people’s journals. I was maybe gonna go to a gaming anonymous group. I’m so tired. It’s 520am. Those groups tend to be really scary sometimes but when I went to one of them the people seemed nice. I could feel that intense feeling where everyone was resisting the urge to game. I’m……I’m gonna put away the gaming stuff like in a lockbox I think. I’ll try to replace it with anime and manga. I already exercise so that’s good. I’d like to make my own food now too. Or just make it together with Hina so I can manage the calories. I have a really sensitive stomach which sometimes messes with me. Definitely going to not mess with social media as that’s kind of just a replacement addiction. Not a replacement activity :) Right, most importantly post here or go to the gaming anon meetings or both. That’ll keep you focused on game quitting. Alright. I had some bad dreams two nites now. Gonna try to journal them out here. warning I just remember being really hot and angry feeling. Feeling really mad at my mom. We were on a nice couch in a big fancy house together. Just like we always were. She was on my case about getting more tests, more accolades, more money. I told her I hated that she did that. That she wouldn’t try to help me go live on my own and leave the house for once. That she always kept me down and rained on my parade. I couldn’t ever feel happy or confident for two seconds before she’d criticize me. Bully me. She’d laugh, but it was never funny to me. Ask her to stop and she’d reply, “You’re just being too sensitive and insecure. You got no confidence. Not like your sister, she’s a warrior.” My sister would chime in telling me, “You’re not a real man.” Then they’d wonder why I didn’t want to spend time with them. I wasn’t yelling in the dream. I was just upset. Just mad at her. On the couch, nagging me to work harder when my mental health was falling apart. When adding another hour to the workload was just going to push me further into the depths of insanity. Of insomnia, depression, anxiety, delusions of grandeur, paranoid delusions of persecution. I don’t know what to do. I like reading and writing…..they’re nice. Sometimes they don’t seem to like me back though. I need strength training in the mornings and mindful minutes. It’s just limiting stressful activities really. I live on ten squares of life. So long as I stay on those squares I am okay. When I leave them I’m in trouble. Heh They’re the approved activities. Well that’s enough about me. I’ll try to keep writing out my dreams. It helps me stop the scary dreams. Also just stopping eating by 6 or 7pm. I already cut spicy foods. I’m just trying just trying . Hina would take care of me. I just hope I can stay mentally healthy and keep my line of work.
