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Today (23.8) I'm still allowed to eat all things that are left + try to get the same things I did in alicante in the shop, however if I don't find something make a decision on place and include it in the weekly/bi-weekly plan afterwards, according to what my apt. owner allows. (If I may use 2 fridges or not, if not I might need to buy for 1 week or something like this.

Entry 22.8 (Written on 23.8) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2764 (80th birthday)  Day 219: No Useless Videos Day 1051: Sticking to Food schedule Day 654: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 32: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Afternoon workout - Having asked a restaurant to keep my food again so that it doesn't spoil in the middle of the night. This time the other workers agreed. - Having asked my new host to take me from the airport which ended up saving some time. Sometimes when other people may help it's worth to ask it without having to fear I'll need to reciprocate. I would love to reciprocate if I may. As a saying goes that I heard in my highschool years "If you want to go fast - Go alone, If you want to go far - Go together" 1 Thing I could do better - Having held a little longer without dozing off at 20 00 and missing the teethbrushing. Also, no need for 2 showers in the plan any longer as I'm unlikely to sweat after the first one here in Munich (For that reason keep the workouts and showers at mid-day, not to have the whole day in between the morning shower and sleep, so that I save 1 shower.) However, I'd still like a day with two showers, because yesterday I avoided the second shower because of lack of discipline, although It was written in the schedule Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 220

Entry 21.8 (Written on 23.8) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2764 (80th birthday)  Day 218: No Useless Videos Day 1050: Sticking to Food schedule Day 653: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 31: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - 1 pomodoro at the very least - Having done many things at the airport from my regular routine despite having my bike box bag and about 7 other items . (Things like go to poop, brush teeth, dental floss, dry food so it doesn't spoil, eat dinner, etc.) - Packing all my earthly belongings relatively on time (Eventually left home 45 minutes late, but it could've been a lot worse) 1 Thing I could do better - Having planned for an additional suitcase. I was charged 30 euros. Maybe I could bring a bigger one and already take more things with me like my food and my food storage boxes. IT would be worth the additional 15 euros which a big suitcase costs. However, I'd need to find a big suitcase if that were the case... Maybe my apartment mate had one *Wondering emoji* Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 219

Saturday afternoon: I just read one of this weekend's insightful news pieces on the substantial percentage of people employed during night hours.  Since my medication changed, and I gave up my long-term evening job to make my personal balancing act easier (for awhile), I've all but forgotten what it was like to enjoy being awake regularly until midnight (or sometimes, 'worse'). I felt slightly disoriented after finishing the article using my phone. I quickly told myself that I'd been transported to a place where I really felt for those interviewed people, and my own experiences. For some reason, today I started to reflect on the length of my relapses. I wouldn't know that they were relapses at all, if it weren't for the vibes (albeit short) I get each time from downloading those game files, which I know means that I'm likely going to sink some time into, as opposed to propelling my life into a positive-looking future, like good music can. As an eventually internet-unruly teenager, I definitely downloaded my share of music - but that was because I was fascinated with the idea of how people of the 70s/80s/90s enjoyed particular rock/metal sounds. Again, I was transported. ^-> Anyway, since around May 2023, it was 5 months off games, and 5 months on - then down to a few months on and off. That has since decreased to 1 month, into a few weeks, and one week, of late. Yesterday, I both met a self-imposed, idle-game-quota by this same time in the afternoon, and easily opened two books and a magazine. I have been 'chilling' in a few areas that are for those playing without a paid subscription. What I've hoped is that I am returning to sessions that are easily parted from, regardless of how few away from high-levelled 'bragging rights'. I would like to truly take measure of the community value(s) held by those players remaining in the game But as I say, and we should all know; none of that is mandatory. The most important part of signing in to 'play' for me has been the privilege to observe, largely without being pestered for doing so, even with an advanced profile or two.  It's tough being me, but maybe everyone can say that. Whether we should have to is another matter. I could echo @DanielG in that I almost sensed a certain divine presence earlier today, at a supposedly low ebb. I thought in terms of perceived teamwork, as opposed to believing that I stood alone. I just don't believe in constant conflict/battles/warring attitudes like I used to think were how people got by. _________ All that as it's been, this morning was one that for me, I absolutely would wish on anyone to experience as well. I brought my flat shoes as extra to the park, and did a few different leg exercises while playing the first lengthy album I had the freedom to listen to as a kid. It was like forming a good as any memory from a similar time - unforced, and yet effortful.  But I was also reminded again of the possibility of seeing a planned/scheduled life as a valuable safety net, both during and after the fantastic-feeling morning workout. It may shame me to admit that individuals trying to remain strong enough not to need systems in place for them, sometimes have to admit that they aren't. The key could be having others we can admit it to. Thanks for reading, etc ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ The sun rose, and eventually came out, helping me to decide not to hole myself up within the walls of the gym today ~ Visitors came to my building, but not my Dad, as expected - it turned out not to be about me at all. The value in that was a shift in focus to someone else's problems, and even an apology for a disturbance two nights ago, which offered some explanation.  ~ My basic maths improved slightly, perhaps for last weekend's brief, curious dabbling ~ Choosing what kind of hot drinks to make, and at what time  

Hey everyone. I ended up relapsing a couple times since last writing in this public journal. A grand experiment to see if I could game moderately, which (surprise!) didn't really pan out. As I type this, I only have one sleep between the last time I gamed and now, despite the session lasting less than half an hour. Being shoved into a steep depression after being heavily medicated for a manic episode. A lack of diligence in maintaining my spiritual condition. A longing for community and a sense of purpose, progression in life. A lack of serious consideration to the long-term repercussions to gaming. Recognizing all these things, I believe I have a rough idea of the circumstances that lead up to my relapsing. This past week, gaming's lost a lot of its appeal and lustre. It feels like some of the ground work I've been working on with an addictions counselor has started to yield results. I've been following her suggestions to expand the daily activities in my life. Connecting with friends, going to AA meetings, and getting more physically active. When I was working with Cam, he had me do much of the same thing, as well as trying out new things to broaden my interests, get out of my shell. When I take the time to connect with God, He's still there. I have been finding more time to do so as a result of gaming less, and making it a priority in my life. His presence provides great solace and comfort. I am glad that my relapse did not sever my awareness of my connection with Him. It's a subtle thing these days. A quiet assurance in my heart. I have a Japan trip planned for October with some friends. I am looking forward to eating lots of delicious food and making memories with the gang. And maybe buying a new knife 😄. I have been revisiting some Pimsleur lessons to learn Japanese; I hope to have at least basic phrases for getting around when we get there. I'm not sure how frequent I will be with these journal entries. I'd like to get it going again, and perhaps keep to it a little longer this time. I think part of why I relapsed was lack of community around recovery from gaming specifically. Hopefully as time goes on I won't lose sight of that. Glad to see some familiar users are still active on the forums. Later days!