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  2. Day 5: No gaming I am on track again :) Going to go for the 90-day detox :) I feel the energy
  3. I'm 43 weeks free of gaming and I feel like it has really opened my eyes about people, life, lifestyles, and purpose. One of the issues I'd like to highlight this week is that I've constantly been complaining about fake people. I think I have multiple "friends" who put zero effort into any friendships. These people are the introverted, meek, shut ins who do not socialize with others, don't talk to others about their problems, and don't talk to you about yours. Zero effort and pathetic altogether. I have so many friends who are addicted to video games who just work 8 hours a day, play video games 8-10 hours a day, and sleep the remainder. They make no effort to socialize, mate, or improve their lives or fix their problems. They just escape into this cesspool called the internet where they can hide from everything instead of face their problems. I'm fucking tired of being involved with people who have no social skills whatsoever. Just garbage. I'm going to highlight an example of this. I accepted being the best man at my acquaintance's wedding this November. I want to highlight that I used the word "acquaintance" and not "friend". I have known this person for 9 years now. We have had 10 phone conversations this year, 0 in 2018, 0 in 2017, 3 in 2016, less than 5 from 2013-2015. We only hang out at giant barbecues and holiday parties myself or friends have thrown and hosted. He doesn't communicate or put any effort into his other friends either. Nobody talks to him. He makes no effort to reach out and doesn't tell you anything in his life. The consequences of this is that he hasn't received any acceptance RSVPs for the wedding. Only 3 people accepted. His own cousin, who he wanted in his groom party, asked me if I was a real person because the groom "has no friends and he didn't believe we were real". Who says that? Who does that? This weekend was a disaster because my other friend and I were stuck planning his bachelor party. We planned an amazing 4 day spread. We camp on Thursday night, morning hike to see the sunrise on a beautiful and easily hike-able mountain, brewery tour on a tour bus for 4 breweries including dinner at a top notch restaurant, sky diving, camping, nice restaurant, a harbor cruise at sunset, dinner at a 5 star restaurant in the city overlooking the skyline, and ending with a nice toast to a future. The weekend was ruined. He and his sister canceled the hike, the harbor cruise, the camping, the eating at restaurants, and the skydiving was canceled due to inclement weather. All we did was a fantastic brewery tour that my friend organized, a shitty indoor skydiving trip, and lunch at the wrong restaurant. And the funny thing was that the other people in the wedding party kept asking "What are we doing next?". HAAHAHAAHA.........!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are doing nothing because they were fucking canceled! I don't want to be the best man anymore. I did it out of pity because he has no friends. On top of that, his wife to be is A FUCKING FAT CUNT. Complete piece of shit. She forced him to move almost 1,000 miles away from home. He settled with her and she's just a trash heap. Controlling personality, a bully to him to get what she wants, and has cheated on him. He has given up and won't try dating anyone because he can't communicate. I'm tired of being associated with meek losers who hide behind the computer and can't communicate. These people who don't care about making friends or living life. Just what their guild, character, gaming community, favorite streamer, or subreddit is up to. Nothing else. Stop fucking hiding and live your fucking life no matter how hard or easy it is. I've had to deal with this revelation that most of the people I met from college are these personality types. My goal over the next couple years is finding the handful of real friends who listen to you, share their life with you, and value you. Social media and the internet have turned friendship into a numbers game and not a valued service. People care about followers, likes, friends list sizes, and influence. This has resulted into people becoming selfish and unaware of how to communicate with others. Friendship has diminished and I'm tired of being around it. I now have to wrestle with the decision of canceling my role as best man for someone I've talked to less than 30 times in the past 5 years. Should be a no brainer, but is it? His life is miserable and he's lost. A real friend would help him through it. That's the struggle. I also don't want to hear about someone being offended that I criticized them for being a reddit and gaming lark.
  4. Day 111 No VG - 111 day streak, No SAH - 7 day streak, NF - 3 day streak I've been on fire the past 48 hours. Woke up this morning, had to help a bit with someone responding to something at work. That was ok. Had a date today in the afternoon. It went a bit longer than I expected, but we were both hungry so I ordered food. I was pretty at ease though I had the spotlight on myself when I was getting ready. I realized that this is for me to screen people, and I can say no too. It was empowering. I am looking for something more casual, and they want more of relationship. Seemed nice, but I didn't really feel too much that would make me want to change my direction. Afterwards, since I was in the area, I decided to hit up an improv practice. The coach didn't show up, so a group of us got drinks and chilled. It was beautiful out, and it was at a cool but mellow rooftop bar. Really enjoyed myself. As we were about ready to leave, someone suggested we go to a local park and do improv. It was myself, and four people brand new to improv. And while I'm still really new and bad, I assumed a coaching role of sorts, and I actually learned some from doing so. It was kind of weird doing that in public, but that's good practice for getting through inhibitions. We got some stares, but it's all good. Now I have to make a decision about if I'm going out tonight. The thing I've been running from for months. I do have a show tomorrow morning too. All improv all the time, baby. If I go for a bit, I can leave at 11:30. Get home by midnight, full night's sleep. All good. I'm not going to a club, but I'll go to a bar that seems like a club that's not too far away. My heart's pounding. I can't stop. I have to go.
  5. Day 71 | Work: 9p | Music: 0p | Misc: social Day 72 | Work: 0p | Music: 14p | Misc: CGAA
  6. RB1

    Journal

    The cravings finally gone from earlier... Realized how guilty and disappointed I would have been in myself if I relapsed. Made me realize how far I've come. Before I would've given in and felt guilty for a bit and told myself its ok and, "tomorrow will be the day I fix myself" and ended back in that self destructive loop I'm too familiar with. This also made me realize that it's time for me to take this detox to its next level. I've got to get rid of youtube. I've somehow convinced myself all this time I can still use youtube as long as I stay away from gaming, but I've spend a lotttttt of time on it in the last month without gaming channels. Once I'm back from my break on day 42, I've gotta cut that shit out... Gotta go right now, I'll continue this post later.
  7. TTT

    90 days

    Day 57 (fri): Good effort for most things. No games. Some erotic stuff. Finally did one of the procrastinating things, went down to 22 a day. Tons of good stuff today, yet total falls still. I like the direction of things, though. Habit Tracker: Good habits: 132; Procrastination: -712; Addictions: -68; Other bad habits: -20; Identity total: -668 Tomorrow: Do two more of the procrastinating list.
  8. Yesterday
  9. Days 32, 33, 34, and now 35 (5 weeks!) Starting with school definitely is the most challenging part of the year, and I noticed myself beginning a pattern in every beginning. While this beginning was simpler than others, I still found myself shaken to my core and searching for what my next job/degree, etc. would be. There wasn't anything overall challenging that day, but it definitely consumed me on the inside a bit. Definitely a reminder to speak to the people around you and not to keep things bottled up, even if it is just to get it in the open. In learning about the emotional self I am still working to prepare myself for what will happen in the work place. There is so much emotional baggage when it comes to teaching 300 elementary students. The bag gets more and more filled every year, especially noticeable as I began to go through my safety expectations with students and remind them that we have three men, myself included, who are either marines or have extensive training in defense and will not allow any bad people to harm them so their right to learn and enjoy school can be protected and is something that they don't need to worry. Their questions have certainly become more specific about "What Ifs" -- What if I'm out of the room? What if the bad guy uses me? -- All I can say is "Let me play the what if game. I need you to trust me on this." Then you also have a majority of students that are easy going but it is really challenging, even as an adult, to treat the challenging students the same. I still have emotions and still react internally, like knowing a student was talking about me behind my back. Really had to say no to the ego and think about how it is expected that not everyone will like you or be kind to you, there will be people (kids and adults alike) that betray our trust, and as the adult in the room it is my duty to show them a better way. From a human perspective, both of us being human, I am frustrated that a person would say things behind my back. But, the stoic self inside of me knows a few things. These kids, human, are still a fraction of my age. And even if an adult insulted me, that means I am doing something important and I have nothing to prove. I am going to enjoy the rest of the weekend and do non-work related things in the mean time! -Kris
  10. Thank you for the shoutout, @Tzen1 and I hope that your next plan will go well for you. When I received my first degree in music I was unable to teach and wound up being a substitute teacher for the first 5 years of my career. These were some of the most challenging, world-shaking years of my life. I believe that we each have several paths to take in our lives and that we can feel fulfilled in. I am looking forward to reading and hearing what your thoughts are along your current path and how it unfolds for you.
  11. RB1

    Journal

    Day 35: Week 5/13. Nearly half way Holllly shit I almost relapsed today without even really noticing. I've just been bored and in bed today and haven't had much energy to go do anything. Without really thinking about it, I got on youtube and typed in the name of a gaming channel I used to go to all the time. I just sat there scrolling through the channel looking at what new videos were out without clicking on any of them. All of a sudden, I remembered I'm on a detox and can't watch any of them. I exited out of the screen and just sat there thinking about what happened. Just visiting that page for 20-30 seconds had me heavily consider if I should just say, "screw it" and relapse and deal with the consequences later. I literally spent two hours craving heavily until I fell asleep. Took a nap and just woke up. Feeling like shit and still kind of want to go back to the page, but I'm in a little bit more of control now. I'm so glad I didn't relapse. Honestly didn't do anything today. I'll take not relapsing as enough of an accomplishment for the day though. Edit: Made it to the gym for a workout! Was a quick one, but at least I went 🙂
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 119: In the morning, I cooked and did the laundry, wrote, meditated for a few and was napping/thinking until lunch. After lunch I went outside for a walk. I was exploring an area I have never been to and halted for a nice snack too, so I came back 4 hours later. In the evening, I felt tired from the long walk, so I just did things to keep myself awake, though I still managed to listen to the Life Unlocked podcast #2. One thing I got from it was that I want to write my monthly summary again and perhaps prepare some small speech/showing of photos to my family and some friends. I got a lot out of these 4 months and I think it might be worth sharing my experience with others, though it will take some time to write. Tomorrow: Jobs, monthly, 4 months, short walk, cook (money invest)
  13. Day 146 17.08.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for finally having the time and willpower to study for real. Today I am grateful for a great day. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1)was doing sport twice, studied quite a bit and mediated a lot it felt great to do a day like this before going on vacation 😉 Workout/run more than 20k steps 13km running 2h workout at the gym Meditation 83min (morning and lunch time) Visualisation and daily affirmation did a lot visualisation during my run and in the shower Reading (4hours of studying for the exam today) had enough time for some spanish and was only able to study 4 hours my wake-up time around 8:15 (the worker in the house do not allow me to sleep longer 😞 with their noise) Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 2 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NF:1/NW:0/NS:0/NC:62) did some spanisch and a lot of meditation, studied finally more than 1 hour again What I could have done to make my day better forgot about Tai-chi till now 😞 (but there will be enough time during my vacation) and was the whole day sugar free but I ate too less for the amount of sport I did and so in the evening I became weak and bought an icecream 😞 What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, prepare for the vacation and be happy, do some meditation and Tai-Chi Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future during my vacation from sunday to thursday night/friday I will take notes but I am not sure if there is a wlan at our apartment and I can post here, worst case I will write it down and reconstruct a summary when I am back or will wirte only a few sentences each day we will see^^
  14. Today guys is my 7th day and I’m getting super bad cravings and my brain keeps justifying playing video games but I’m trying to fight back and it is super hard. What do I do?
  15. Hey, Just a quick little post to get this thing started. Finally managed to decide I have to make some changes, this just isn't working anymore. Anyway, will write more later. Going for 90 days at least, starting tomorrow.
  16. Hi, my name is Edoardo I'm 20 from Italy. I have finally admitted to myself that my gaming addiction is a big problem, and want to take control of my life. I want to experience everything I have missed because of this and more. For years I have fallen into various addictions such as drugs, smoking, alcohol and of course, gaming. This has lead to a vicious cycle where I let these things, my emotions, and others take control in my place. Now I am ready to let all these things go, and while I know it will be hard I think I am ready to do so. I wanted to start with quitting gaming as it is the longest addiction I've had and one I relapse to the most. I have never tried joining a community though, and I hope this helps. Already admitting this to myself and to others makes me feel a little 'lighter'. Hope I can get out of this mess, and hopefully give a hand to someone else.
  17. Hello, thank you for clicking on my post. I was wondering if anyone could guide me in the right direction; I have successfully manged to eliminate my gaming addiction but I have replaced it with something equally as wasteful of my time: mindless web browsing and hours of TV watching.
  18. Day 145 16.08.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for the great but not hot weather Today I am grateful for already feeling better. One amazing thing that happened/I did today ---- Workout/run more than 16k steps 2h workout at the gym Meditation 10min in the morning Visualisation and daily affirmation this time it is affirmation in the morning again 🙂 Reading (1hour of studying for the exam today) had enough time for learning spanish with podcasts while lying in bed and feeling sick but was only able to study one measly hour 😞 my wake-up time around 8:15 Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 2 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NF:0/NW:0/NS:1/NC:61) had so much time for spanish and a bit for meditation but because I had stomach problems nearly all day my studying fell really short 😞 What I could have done to make my day better still no Tai-Chi 😞 and not much studying 😞 but that will change on the day before I go on vacation! What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, study at least 4 hours,do some Tai-Chi!!, o running and go to the gym with a friend, prepare for the vacation, clean the flat and think about the short-term changes for diary while I am on vacation Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future ---- 
  19. Congratz on the record! Keep it goin :)
  20. I am 61 days into my detox, I just want to try and see what it's like without gaming. So far it seems that I am much more productive and less stressed out about obligations. I have much more disciple as well and can stick to be good habits better. I am not sure if I will continue gaming after 90 days, although I wasn't addicted I sometimes go addicted and had to catch myself, I usually did, but by that point I had suffered in parts of my life.
  21. Day 12 - Rainy Road In the morning went to a meeting. After that my father asked me for help driving a truck on highway. We went to another state loaded some grass (that apparently only grows there) and got back. Which was all day. Had no time for cigarrete craves or gaming. Now I'm just home and ready to sleep. Easy day hehe. Wish all of them where like this.
  22. Hey! First of all, big props to being a med student. I respect that so much man! I'm with you and your problems. I haven't actually had a heavy gaming problem in the last few years. I used to play an insane amount of League and Smash Brothers Melee, but quit league like 4 years ago and cut melee out significantly. However, after quitting league I discovered the world of Twitch, youtube gaming channels, and gaming social media following on twitter. I quit gaming for the most part, but began to binge watch gaming content for insane amount of hours each day. I thought I was moving forward by cutting gaming and didn't draw the correlation between gaming itself and watching gaming content for a while. I think it's even possible to argue binge watching gaming content could be worse for you than gaming itself. I'm currently studying Computer Science, so I can relate to you when you say you spend 5-6 hours a day staring at a computer screen for school related purposes. I too didn't want to be in front of a computer screen after my studies due to eye and mental strain and what felt like isolation from the normal world. The crazy thing is that I got used to it after a while and when you're addicted to gaming and watching gaming content, it just becomes easy to go from studying on your computer straight to those activities. My life became being in front of a screen for 5-6 hours programming or studying, then spending the rest of my time in front of a screen again gaming or watching gaming content. I'm a month into my detox and the experience feels like it has really, 'refreshed my dopamine' substantially and feels like I've limited myself from that, 'information overload' you'd mentioned. You're not alone man and I hope we can keep it up! You're doing great man! Also, thanks for the comment you made in my journal the other day at a rough time for me. Meant a lot man.
  23. Day 110 No VG - 110 day streak, No SAH - 6 day streak (did see some at a bar though...I won't make the same mistake though), NF - 2 day streak Today went pretty well actually. Started off with a sense of dread and lack of desire to go to work. I went anyway and had a good 1:1 with my boss. He seems to think I'm doing well. That makes one of us, but at least it means I won't get fired soon. We also talked about the overload I have right now and he seems to know what's going on, which is also a relief. He's a good boss. I'd be happy if I good be as good an engineer as he is. Had to go into the city to review my MRI results. Not that bad, no surgery needed. In a way though, it is a bit of a bummer though since that means the problem isn't getting fixed, so no running for me. Maybe I can crush some PT somehow. I don't know. Afterwards, I spent a good amount of time texting and catching up with old friends who are away. I also went to a bar in the city I could never visit when I was poor in grad school--not as exciting as I'd hoped. A little too bougie. Afterwards, I walked my meal off for an hour to the venue where I had my show. Honestly, it was in a bit of a sketchy area. I got there super early and went into a run down bookstore. It was sad really. There were three people reading awkward slam poetry on an amp--which is weird because they were their own audience. The show was REALLY BAD. We bombed big time. In a way though, I appreciated the experience since we all survived and learned from it (I SHOULD DO THIS MORE IN REAL LIFE). We grabbed drinks after and I got to know them a little bit better. We all laughed it off, and I weirdly felt better about myself. Beforehand, I felt like I was worthless, and if I bombed, that was affirmation of that, but instead I felt better after because I faced the fear. Now I should do this with women. Speaking of! In the middle of my train ride home, I hit up Tinder, and I worked out a date tomorrow! Really changed my approach with this, and I felt much better and more congruent with my conversation. What a weird week.
  24. RB1

    Journal

    Day 34: Past one month! Been on vacation for a few days. Been having a great time, but it's a little hard to avoid the cravings during times where I'm just relaxing. Don't feel like posting much here while I'm on break. Been doing good though! I download the Kindle app on my phone and have been reading two books. The main one is, "How the Internet is Changing out Brains" by Nicholas Carr and the side one is, "Animal Farm" by George Orwell of course. I really need to make a post about Nicholas Carrs book when I'm done with it. It's been confirming many suspicions I've had in the past couple of years with how my mind is starting to feel regularly due to increased use of the internet and video games. It's absolutely worth a read, especially for people in our position. It's just another reminder for me to stay away from video games and to decrease my time on the internet as well as the way I utilize it. I'll talk about this soon when I'm through with the book. Went to the gym for the first time in I think a month yesterday. Damn I'm sore! It's the good kind of sore though! The kind that reminds you, you need to get back to work and want to get back to work. I'm going to go again tomorrow! Hopefully I keep this up. I can't believe it's been more than a month into my detox! I've only felt better since beginning this program and I know things will only continue to get better. A few of the things I've been trying to forcefully implement into my life have been coming a bit more naturally, which is my dream come true. This method of avoiding gaming and just letting the rest of my life be, is certainly working better for me as of now. Trying to force activities and exercise just wasn't working for me. I'm just gonna go with the flow till I hit a wall, then I'll start making changes. Loving life at the moment 🙂 If you're reading this, please let me know what you think about the below!!! On day 1 or 2, when I decided to commit to the detox, I said that I'd stay away from gaming alone (including online gaming) and gaming content like youtube gaming channels, twitch, and twitter for 90 days. However, I also said once I get back to my normal life, (I've been away from home, staying with my family for about two months to do an internship. I'm currently on vacation before going back to my regular life next week.) on day 42, I'd allow myself to play video games with friends as long as I'm in the same room with them, side by side. I've been contemplating whether to actually allow myself to do this or not, and I've decided I would. I just miss hanging out with my friends back home and playing some games together when we do get to hang out. I've made it clear that my main issue is staying away from gaming content more than playing video games throughout my detox, so I think this is ok for me. HOWEVER, I've decided if this causes my cravings for binge watching gaming content to surge, I will explain to my friends what I've been going through with this gaming detox and avoid hanging out with them at least till the 90 days is up.
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