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Hitaru

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    305
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    Spain

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About Hitaru

  • Rank
    Old Timer
  • Birthday 09/09/1994

Hitaru's Activity

  1. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   


    Officially happening. More pics soon.
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  2. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Quick update: I'm in Greece! We arrived yesterday after some 40 hours of traveling. My mates are fun and the foreigners look interesting... if I can keep up with the names  Today we're supposed to begin the real stuff. Looking forward to it. 
    I'll be probably writing in my NoFap journal more since I'm currently battling that and there will be far more emotional shifts than news these days (besides "we did this and that" and I'll tell you about that in detail later). Link is in my signature, but you know that already  If you just want the gist, it's being Hell but I have good chances of reaching a week and that fills me with good energy, the very few times I forget about how hellish it is. But being in control feels awesome.
    I sincerely hope you have a great week, I'll try my best on my part!
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  3. Hitaru added a post in a topic [KO] Tom's journal   

    @Cam Adair I am really happy to see this is not spam  (we're truly reaching the world!)
    Also, the first @Tom set the bar high, I wonder where your journey will lead you? Looking forward to it! (sorry for using Eng btw, I just had to say it) 
    See you!
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  4. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    VICTORY! Despite all the procrastination and anxiety, I was able to prepare all the stuff for my imminent next trip. The only thing I regret is my bad temper when I get into "Serious business mode". When something finally makes my snap out of my normal apathy, which is not exactly a frequent happening, it becomes too important to be left alone, unchecked. My perfectionism and sense of duty, once triggered, gets the better of me. I truly need some yoga sometimes, but I guess I could make for a decent sargeant...!
    I'm starting to become involved in volunteer humanitarian work again. If my Army dream meets a premature end (and it could, I still haven't checked my eyesight), that could become another path for me. I won't let it distract me from my current goals however. At most, I will only do some courses on the side to learn useful skills. 
    I also set up a still precarious freelance scheme to be able to provide for myself. I won't cross my fingers, but it's my best shot for the time being. The feeling of impending doom doesn't fade, but oh please, things are going acceptably fine. Is acceptably fine acceptable enough? Nah. But it's progress. 
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  5. Hitaru added a post in a topic If Game Quitters had ads, what would you like to see?   

    Wouldn't hurt to ask, maybe? Not sure how they work.
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  6. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Thanks for the suggestion, I will.
    @Revolutionary Thinker Ah, I went to Algeria. I want to write about how traveling can be a liberating experience during the quitting process (because it is), but I never find the time or the words. But don't give up on me, I will, someday in the middle run!
    @Shine Magical HAH, see?  Oh man so many potential jokes here.
    Speaking of gay stuff (hooray!)... things... happened between me and my SO. Funny, considering how I had already accepted to take our relationship really slow in that field. Guess I underestimated his determination to make things work in our relationship. It was a pleasant surprise. Heh. Pleasant. Ahem. Still a bit dopey and silly, sorry.
    Discoveries! Love and happiness! Way to go for my 300th post! But of course anxiety settled in. Life's still a hard thing to cope with. I'm kinda procrastinating right now, writing this. The more "normal" I become, the less reason I have to stay at home all day, musing and with all these dark clouds of existential depression looming over my head. And of course the less reason I have, the more it tries to cling to me to avoid being removed. It's a fucking disease, that's what it is. 
    However, I feel I now have much more weapons to fight and am far less hopeless than, say, a year ago. My family finances are currently a mess, I sincerely don't know how am I going to pay for my tuition and assorted activities. I'm positively scared and don't know any way to consider it in a more positive light. Real world problems, huh. 
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  7. Hitaru added a post in a topic Thinking about proposing to girlfriend but worried that I may not have enough groomsmen   

    Man, after following this story for almost a year, I think we should totally rally and go to this guys wedding just for the hell of it. Absolutely not joking, if I find a cheap flight I'd go. Canada, right? 
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  8. Hitaru added a post in a topic Do your Parents help or hurt your video game addiction?   

    I feel you sir, my family history is the same but with genders changed (dad alcoholic, mom workaholic), no drugs, no siblings and lots of passive-agressive doting (my mother would pay for every activity I fancied after making me feel terrible about it, then I would drop it after the curiosity/new thing hype and a lot of passive-agressive flak would ensue, to this day still). In our case, there was no project (though my mother tried to keep my father around as long as possible for the sake of me "having a family"). She had always a huge dysthymic streak (shared with me, "From the tree comes the bark", was it?) and really needy of affection, tried to settle with the asshole of the week (namely my father) and of course was a disaster in the long run. Seriously people, sunk cost fallacy, keep it always in mind. Oh boy, I sometimes wonder how I ended up here, odds being so low. Makes you think about life purpose, you know? Yeah, I'm sure you do.
    In my experience (both personal and from what I've seen in many others), parents tend to react very passively to problems, as norm. May be a generational thing, but consider that previous generations of parents dealt with problems with a literal stick (and some still do) so we can be thankful of the nagging in some way. I know, "Could be worse" argument is not really an argument, but I still think we should give it some thought.
    Secondly, parents act both as an echo chamber and magnifier. For instance, if your parents (I'm using second person impersonally here, as in "someone") are really involved with your detox, you will notice how they apparently take much worse a relapse than you (or try to play it down if they see you're having a bad time, which ironically can also be annoying). In the end I think that's just a mix of ignorance and mild desperation. They want to reach out but don't know how. Duh, opening up and being vulnerable with you on a one-on-one real dialogue, yes, but they are in this mindset/social role of "strongman", providers, protectors. Showing vulnerability and raw honesty would be approaching as an equal and "Parents ain't no equals to children". And also there's the feeling of distrust, scorn and defensiveness of the addict. It's hard to come back with a smile when you're told to scram several times and the best of your intentions. 
    There are many kinds of parents but those are some common issues I've observed. 
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  9. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    I know right? But I don't know man, I can't even get a steady routine going. Things went to shit after Beyond, it was such a dissapointment with myself. And the Squad (even if it would be a bit of a crutch, considering my situation and reactions) is still a bit too far on the expensive side (It's not that expensive, especially for US standards, I'm just broke). To handle my economic issues (issues being start generating income, basically) I'll need to be strong of mind and focused and... shit. On the other hand, I realized just how dependent I am in all aspects, so I need to get away from my mother, asap. It just gotta happen. Life's laws as well, it has to happen eventually anyway.
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  10. Hitaru added a post in a topic If Game Quitters had ads, what would you like to see?   

    @28_yrs_of_gaming Yeah, they can be a real pain sometimes, especially if they are pop-ups or AdSense sort of thing. I'd hate seeing those here too. But a simple banner at the top/bottom of the index shouldn't be that hard to handle, no? Kinda like in NoFap forums.
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  11. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    @Revolutionary Thinker Gonna need more specificness to be able to answer your question fam. What are you talking about exactly?
    -------
    Regular news, I participated in a Holy Week parade, with meh results (I was given a heavy banner to carry and since I'm still in terrible shape it was a bit awkward, but at least no one knew it was me, thanks KKK costumes!). Spanishness intensifying!
    Good news: Moving from home project approved! Starting on May. So excited!
    Bad news: There are a fuck ton of problems that come with that, including financial ones. It will be an all or nothing sort of thing, but instead of a two week or month sprint, we're talking about at least 4 months. I've never kept my emotional resilience for that long.
    BETTER NEWS: Nothing like a rash decision to put me into motion, and what better than another short travel to learn about the current hottest european issue. Next stop, greek islands. I'll be spending some time there in one of those european financed projects, the time between agreeing with my friend and actually moving with him. I hope it will give me the strenght to put me into motion again. Let's go!
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  12. Hitaru added a topic in Suggestions   

    If Game Quitters had ads, what would you like to see?
    Don't worry, this is not a stealth way of informing you that ads are going to be implemented in the near future, and I haven't talked with @Cam Adair about this before posting, it's a personal suggestion (from a friend, to be fair).
    It looks good to me as a way of creating revenue for the self-sustenance of this whole endeavor that is Game Quitters. We have the niche, but since we would be the target it should provide a service to us as well. So instead of launching a random load of generic advertisement in your direction (which could even contain games), what kind of specific content would interest you, community-wise? Personally, I'd like suggestions about new activities I could do to fill the void of games, ideally near my area. What about you?
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    • 71 views
  13. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Just some hours left. I'm ready to be not ready, regardless of what happens in the end. Today was completely wasted, sleeping and spending last night with my vices. I'm scared to the possibility of not being ready to fix my habits and thus letting down my friend. On the other hand, writing down my fears in this journal is an indirect substitute of telling him directly. After all, he knows of this place. I won't dissapoint you again, P.
    I found something I was really looking forward to read finally translated into English. I'm leaving it here and most probably I'll do a thread about it. Just in case the link goes down, the name is "The Private Report on My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness" , by Kabi Nagata.
    https://dynasty-scans.com/series/the_private_report_on_my_lesbian_experience_with_loneliness
    It's so crushingly relatable, I can barely cope with it. I might collapse under the pressure of all this massive realization, on top of the pressure of future developings. Ahh, I feel like dying, in a pleasurable psychologically masochistic way. But, as I'm now discovering, it's a fairly common sensation. I used to (and implicitly being taught to) laugh derisively at japanese awkwardness, being an oh-so-social southern european. I am truly sorry. The social pressures we're subject to are not so diferent after all, with only subtle differences in work and family ethics. 
     
    To show my point, I'm just leaving this here. I might start to come back to this book a lot in the future: 

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  14. Hitaru added a post in a topic Watermelon's Second Attempt at the 90 Day Detox   

    Good to see you again, friend! Still waiting for that list of suggested recipes we discussed a year ago, just saying 
    As both a consummate relapser in my addictions and sickly mofo, I sympathize with you man. Take it easy, but be never complacent. One step at a time!
    You know already, but we have your back. Stay strong!
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  15. Hitaru added a topic in Non-English Language Journals   

    Before posting a journal... (ISO Codes)
    Please include the ISO code of the main language you'll be using in your journal, following this format:
    ------
    [ISO Code] + Name of your journal
    Eg. [PL] 1UP - Time to level up
    ------
    So I don't have to edit myself (which would be harmless but a bit invasive, don't you think? )
    For reference:
    LANGUAGECODEAbkhazianABAfarAAAfrikaansAFAlbanianSQAmharicAMArabicARArmenianHYAssameseASAymaraAYAzerbaijaniAZBashkirBABasqueEUBengali, BanglaBNBhutaniDZBihariBHBislamaBIBretonBRBulgarianBGBurmeseMYByelorussianBECambodianKMCatalanCAChineseZHCorsicanCOCroatianHRCzechCSDanishDADutchNLEnglish, AmericanENEsperantoEOEstonianETFaeroeseFOFijiFJFinnishFIFrenchFRFrisianFYGaelic (Scots Gaelic)GDGalicianGLGeorgianKAGermanDEGreekELGreenlandicKLGuaraniGNGujaratiGUHausaHAHebrewIWHindiHIHungarianHUIcelandicISIndonesianINInterlinguaIAInterlingueIEInupiakIKIrishGAItalianITJapaneseJAJavaneseJWKannadaKNKashmiriKSKazakhKKKinyarwandaRWKirghizKYKirundiRNKoreanKOKurdishKULaothianLOLatinLALatvian, LettishLVLingalaLNLithuanianLTMacedonianMKMalagasyMGMalayMSMalayalamMLMalteseMTMaoriMIMarathiMRMoldavianMOMongolianMNNauruNANepaliNENorwegianNOOccitanOCOriyaOROromo, AfanOMPashto, PushtoPSPersianFAPolishPLPortuguesePTPunjabiPAQuechuaQURhaeto-RomanceRMRomanianRORussianRUSamoanSMSangroSGSanskritSASerbianSRSerbo-CroatianSHSesothoSTSetswanaTNShonaSNSindhiSDSinghaleseSISiswatiSSSlovakSKSlovenianSLSomaliSOSpanishESSudaneseSUSwahiliSWSwedishSVTagalogTLTajikTGTamilTATatarTTTeguluTEThaiTHTibetanBOTigrinyaTITongaTOTsongaTSTurkishTRTurkmenTKTwiTWUkrainianUKUrduURUzbekUZVietnameseVIVolapukVOWelshCYWolofWOXhosaXHYiddishJIYorubaYOZuluZU(Source: https://www.sitepoint.com/web-foundations/iso-2-letter-language-codes/)
     
    If your language doesn't appear in this list, or the information provided is incorrect, don't hesitate to say.
     
    Happy journaling!
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    • 43 views