I have similar exepriecne with relapsing.... I wasn't playing fro 46 weeks. that was on late July 2023( also docuemtned in my journal here) . Then I somehow convinced myself that I can control gaming. So I went and bought PS5 with Battlefield V. Along the way I told my friends( actually its one friend and my wife) that this whole addiction to gaming is BS and im not addictive and I can control it. Which was true... for the first few months . I was sitll reading attending the gym, reading books, excelling at work. But the numbers don't lie: In 2022 I read 36 books, in 2023: 20, in 2024: 15 and in 2025: 7. Also I have marriage problems ( not bc of gaming) but I genuinely think if I did not play this much, I could proper focus to fix my marriage issues. At work I am on total burn out. Only looking to do my work to acceoptacne level(read poorly ) and quickly so I can play.. jsut one more game..
I also have my personal business idea ( Simulation platform). And I am not working on that with full commitment at all. IT's look like this: I do some tasks ( it's vibe programming) which takes like 10-15m to only give myslef reward: 2h playing.... I also regurarly attended gym, now I barely can make once per 2weeks. As in a free day, instead of going, I am choosing gaming and I am convincing myself that I deserve it as I am going through a lot of lately... and its been like that for almost a year.
Like I said on the beggining of when I decided to relapse( 2023) I thought it is working, I was playing 1h, than done some reading, hit the gym. But this all now soudns like a dream to me. I cannot imagine now just go for gym or reading... no chance when BF V is waiting for me....
My point is it is an illusion that you can control it, gaming drains my life now like never before. Today I decided to again start not playing. I plan to sell my PS5 and all games... This time I am not even telling my friends, there is no point. If they ask, I will tell them only its just not for me.
Keep it up @TheNewMe2.0 . I will be visiting you journal to give yopui support.
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