Entry 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 182: No Useless Videos Day 1014: Sticking to Food schedule Day 617: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 165: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Afternon workout - 4 pomodoros - Making yet another lesson summary 1 Thing I could do better - Schedule blood test Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 184

Entry 15.7 written on 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 181: No Useless Videos Day 1013: Sticking to Food schedule Day 616: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 164: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - 75% effort run - Fixed ublock origin - Having made a decision to take a few more classes to raise my chances of approval 1 Thing I could do better - Make time to call regarding the apartment Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 183

Still going strong(ish) Haven't played at all in 3 years. I still think about playing every single day. I still try to convince myself it'd be fine to break my streak. In the end, I stick to my guns and I'm much happier for it.

Thank you @Ikar and @Yan for your words.    I did realize my struggle to gain good habits and be less on my phone was not because of my toxic living situation. It was because of myself, essentially using it as an excuse to not do anything. I was so afraid of being judged or ridiculed for messing up or experimenting, that I just didn't. The reality is as toxic as some of my relationships are at the moment, their judgement wasn't stopping me from doing things i enjoy or trying new hobbies. And if they do judge, that shouldn't stop me from enjoying it, and it says more about them than me. I don't know what it was, but I was so afraid of what I enjoy being discovered for some reason, that I just didn't do hobbies. I think social media still has a bit of impact on me because showing too much passion for something, or enjoying anything is seen as "weird" or "cringe".    I am passed this feeling of hesitation though, and I'm already starting to see progress in terms of my sleep getting better, and increased reading.

Tuesday morning, day 7: Even though there's been a lot less ruminating, a third night (out of only seven) where I spent an hour awake, somewhere between 12-3am could now be considered a trend. I've been recently tired enough to want to fall asleep between as early as 6-9pm, which when gaming (aside from its effects) made for a reasonable 8 hours average, normally from 9pm to 5am; this week it's been 10-12 hours. I'm pretty sure that experiencing a series of positive emotions in a regular activity, that is cared about not only by me, would see me keeping better sleep hygiene, but part of me is very hard to convince of such care on an average day. Some regard has been given to a community centre by a peer and I about 20 minutes' walk away, but I never had the best suspicions about its location and members. It was still a 'maybe' for this Friday.  I dreamt that I was in a new kitchen, run by a heated boss/manager - who, as the stories go, had a soft side. I bluffed my way through food preparation and then shone when it came time for cleaning - as everyone else seemed to be in a hurry to leave and did a poor job. Pleasant enough was when I was praised for my imaginary duties, but I woke up as though the bossiness and work was real. There was a hot-headed manager in my book as well, otherwise I can't see where the traits would have come from, other than my dormant side or from long-past-viewed TV shows. On the plus, the month that has just passed since seeing my therapist has gone quickly upon reflection, unlike this week. That was a major reason for grinding my historic game; slowing life down/appreciating time more. I still have to work on the appreciation bit. So even if I didn't feel like it 30% of the time, with reasonably-comfortable gym sessions/walks/chores, I have been 'winning'. I have a bit of a motive today though, in addition to thinking yesterday how great it would be to have gaming completely validated by my therapist and everyone else as being a part of my life, but I also know how strongly the guilt/shame comes out in my voice when I talk about my using them to get by (and the difficulties caused), when I'm there. Maybe the talk will be more of a check-up; what I mean is, I think I know what I'll say - which usually means few epiphanies to share. Well, that's all for now. Peace, ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ Mild shock followed by reassurance that I didn't wake up a second time at 4am; it's just grey outside. ~ Tea before cocoa - besides suffering, I didn't need the 'hit' straight away! ~ At least remembering to drink some water before sleeping the second block of hours ~ A second dream where my room was chaotically messy - it's only actually 2 or 3 out of 10 on that scale right now