Entry 12.3 Day 56: No Useless Videos Day 888: Sticking to Food schedule Day 491: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 39: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -Staying in the room a lot to avoid unnecessary itneractions with apartment mate -Finishing my small (Apparently not so small because it took me till last pomodoro) commitment to my mastermind to finish the first draft of the script -Afternoon workout   1 Thing I could do better -That's actually sort of regarding yesterday: I feel I'd better reduce the heating advice usage and open the window a bi more to reduce dryness in the room and dozeing off prematurely in the evening. That is because I then woke up accidentally in the middle of the night,, and in the middle f the night my thoughts were a lot more clouded and somehow the evening routine took me 3 hours instead of 50 minutes, which of course affected my next day because of reduced sleep amount Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5  Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 57

So long as you're not complacent, all is good in the neighborhood 😉     U da beast 

Well of course, losing focus on the goal / getting complacent puts you at a higher risk of relapse. On the other hand, being confident and really seeing a vision for the end goal (like I described) is not losing focus or being complacent! Day 64/90 going well. Just got done with a run and a cold shower, feels fantastic

Having read Cameron’s letter, I have to concede that gamers avoid unfamiliar tasks and problems, conflict situations where control is limited, or giving a bit more in terms of effort and charity. Addicts may second guess people that they encounter, and usually sabotage themselves before they can be offered a great prospect to learn something useful.

I never outright asked to be medicated. I agreed to it starting around a decade ago when people inside and outside of the family (finally) started showing concern. I would now have to be desperate to increase what I take, like I had become back then. I mean, today I was pretty sure that someone was about to walk past me on the popular trail, decided I looked funny and kicked something in my direction dramatically. I dismissed that with one or two thoughts without reaction. Back then was way worse for control issues. A former game-buddy that I used to mention told me that 'drugs are never the answer' and that getting off of my medication should be my 'first step' to being healthy/happy/satisfied/whatever he thought I meant. His ideals were mainly in the first half of the 1900s though. I did my best to keep up and still inform him of how things were for me, but we never reached the point of saying 'let's really slow down and talk things through', you know? - As a side note, he also told me that all of my 'interests' were in fact 'hobbies', and I picked away at the past for awhile before saying that I was interested in close human relationships, shortly before I was deemed 'too incoherent' and his needing a break from me or something. I blocked him instead of trying to argue on that. Don't think it has left my mind, but medication has pretty much stopped me from trying to break things whenever I saw 'fit' to. 😐 But hey, maybe I shouldn't have minded all of the people trying to force me to be more like their kind of 'man'. Maybe even at my size, I should be throwing my hands over shoulders and spending minutes of every first introduction trying to size people up. I'd sooner forget all of the arguing I used to do to try and get people onto my wavelength, which I did in order avoid those primitive minutes. I'd be okay with being a 'nobody' forever, but 'doing my thing' for longer and longer on games would basically make me appreciate less what I do have offline. Hence, this and my other habits.