It is, and thank you for the validation!  I was just getting so irritated with that game.  And I kept looking at the clock helplessly, as if I were stuck in some vortex.  That's the power of social gaming.  People really pull you in.  I am going to practice a script to tell my sister and her husband if they ask me to game with them again.  Like you mentioned, perhaps we can plan something else like meeting them for dinner outside of the house.  Or a board game at my house?  Or anything unrelated to computer games, we can do elsewhere.  I'm going to find a city website that lists free things to do in my community throughout the winter season. Let me conclude my thoughts about yesterday.  The 'good' thing is that I know video games make me more irritable and angry.  That's a huge red flag telling me that I'm reintroducing something very bad into my mental health.  Therefore, I'm not even ready to reintroduce gaming into my life.  And for that matter, why would I want to reintroduce it anyway because of these irregular irritable reactions after being exposed to them?  In other words, it's like having a food allergy.  Even after long periods of abstinence, the reintroduction of a foreign object into your body, will have an adverse allergic reaction.  Why would I want that for myself?  So, this begs the question about whether or not I want this type of entertainment in my life.  I am leaning heavily towards a 'no'.  I also wonder if single player games will drive me nuts too, especially if there is a timer involved.  Do I really want to risk it?  Again, it's leaning towards a big 'no'.   I've been reflecting about the gaming community and the type of population it engulfs.  The one thing that I hated about the lifestyle of gamers (this is including me when I was a full-time gamer years ago), is how unhealthy many people were.  Many were not physically active.   Ten to sixteen hours of staring at a screen every single day.  Many gamers don't eat properly and their bodies crave high carbs.  The sleep schedules were off the charts.  I think that's what turned me off about the community of gamers.  I thought it was disgusting and honestly I was disgusted with myself for falling into that lifestyle.  I was surrounded by addicts and I wanted to get out.  It was probably ten years ago that I stopped living the gaming lifestyle due to my university studies and putting more emphasis on getting better grades versus gaming.  Instead of being stuck in my dorm gaming all night, I'd go out with my roommate and we'd attend some university artsy events, like watching theatrical performances at the theatre, going out for dinner by the campus, playing pool, attending hockey games,  even ice-skating in the winter-time.  I plunged myself into the university life because I knew I'd never get to experience this ever again.  I deleted all games from my computer at the time.  I had a very good university experience because of my decision to embrace life. I got back into gaming after being hired full-time at a well-paying company.  Because I thought, well, why not reward myself with a game after a long day of work?  It was single player Steam games for a while, sporadically throughout the week.  I did not feel addicted to them, and wouldn't game for several days or even weeks.  Then I joined an mmorpg, and again I did not feel addicted because I was soloing the area and enjoying the exploration of that world.  It was easy to log off after an hour, then take long breaks from the game.  I didn't feel a pull to login.  However, when I joined a guild, things somewhat changed.  I had responsibilities to the guild, I was more engaged with helping my guild level and to accomplish other things.  So I noticed that I was doing more and more and more as I became socially involved.  I regretted joining a guild. I observed that  I was becoming more irritated with people online.  I was irritated reading the guild chat, helping them out with quests, answering their questions, and the list goes on.  It wasn't fun anymore.  It was like another job.  The worst part is that I didn't care about these people.  I hardly knew them, and there was no connection at all.  I was just helping people to fulfill this role in a guild.  Resentment grew.   In conclusion, I'm in this forum not because of addiction to video games, but more about enhancing my life because video games tend to bring out the worst in me, whether I play it occasionally or for longer periods.  I get angrier, irritable, resentful, cynical, and fatigued.  That's my experience with gaming.  I also think it spilled out into life outside the game.  I was snappy with my family and people in general.  Is that who I want to become?  I was sick of myself and how I was reacting and behaving.  It was a total personality change for the worst.  And I noticed that in the behavior of other addicted gamers.  There was a reluctance to change their unhealthy lifestyles (poor sleep, poor diet, no exercise, bad attitudes, cynicism, competitiveness).   From hereon, I want my body and mind to readjust, so that I'm not as irritable to things outside a video game as well.  Again, I think perhaps it's a dopamine malfunction, much like coming down from a high.  There's going to be natural instances of irritability because I'm taking away a stimulant, pretty much cold turkey.   Anyhow, I've rambled on enough about this.  I may ramble again throughout my journey, as thoughts tend to come up spontaneously, and unrelated.  Bear with me as I continue forwards.  It'll be a jumbled mess for a while, I think.  I hope to return to a more regulated train of thought in the future.  Thanks for reading.  Take care. ~ Torch

Anger is a natural emotion, and I think it's very brave of you to recognize how you felt in the moment. So good on you for removing the game off your device. If your sister ever suggests the game again, you always have the option to decline and suggest something else you could do together. Do you have any ideas of what else they'd be up to doing? Something to think about. Cheers!

Jour 4, samedi 9 novembre 45 mn sur smartphone, pas mal d'activités en famille Jour 5, dimanche 10 novembre 35 mn sur smartphone et 1h de jeux vidéos, stage sportif Jour 6, lundi 11 novembre 6mn sur smartphone et 0h de jeux vidéos, activités en famille et sport le soir J'ai ajouté un mot de passe compliqué pour modifier les paramètres de blocage de mon téléphone.

Hi GQ, I haven't been writing in this journal for a few days.  I wanted to limit my digital habits.  Instead I wrote my thoughts by hand in a journal instead.  I haven't been on the computer, except to do banking or respond to work emails.  I picked up another shift yesterday, which helped distract me for the morning and early afternoon.   Unfortunately I started to feel restless at home by the time it was 3:30 pm today.  And I relapsed. My sister plays occasional video games with her husband who is an avid WoW gamer.  They invited me to play a very grindy video game, multi-player.  We set up voice chat through Discord, and they led me step by step into this game, explaining how to do this, and that, and what to craft after acquiring A B C.  After only one hour, I started to get irritable.  Why wasn't I able to learn this new game quicker?  Surely it can't be that hard.  Well, it wasn't the difficulty that was the problem.  It was the multiple steps required to complete just ONE task!  I wanted to throw a shoe at my computer screen, and yell at my sister for rushing me to speed up, and to start questing with them. To make a long story short, I quit after two hours, removed the game from my computer, and took a nap.  I'll continue the story tomorrow. - Torch

Mon 11.11 No mobile games - 202 days No compulsive social media use: 40 days No compulsive research: 40 days No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 43 days The busier it gets, the more tempting it is to shut down. It is how I've been feeling. I can only do so much by just myself. I need to lean in with my partner. This morning I forgot to take my ADHD meds and it affected me badly. I am now feeling the effects of it, about 2h into the workday. No es bueno, but I now know they have to be prioritized in the mornings when I wake up. I'm slamming my head against a problem at work, figuratively speaking. I really dislike the authentication work needed to connect a bunch of stuff together, but I recognize the importance. It's a pain though; I much prefer writing database queries. With permissions there's so many barriers in the way, that even get in the way of my own setup attempts. I have to keep asking someone to do something for me because I literally am blocked from doing it myself. So slow. sigh needed to vent... I know this is just part of learning and growing though, but it still isn't fun to do this work. ----- Things I will do to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - Went to bed at 11:45pm, and woke up at 7am this morning. I am glad I decided to still keep journaling last night, my meditation afterwards did help with sleeping. I still need to get back up, closer to 8h of sleep... I'll be working on that. Consistently being lower than my target is probably what has been adding up here, if I were to guess. Brush teeth + floss - Brushed this morning after waking, am going to do both brush and floss tonight Read a book - I had to do a car appointment in the morning, so while I was waiting in the dealership lobby, I ended doing more 7 habits exercises from the workbook; brought my Kindle, and used my phone to take handwritten notes with the stylus. Meditate + Deep Breaths - This was hugely helpful in the morning. I was experiencing a lot of anger, for having missed something so crucial this morning, a lot of self-doubt too. So I sat down in the middle of the day (I wasn't being very productive) and the meditation on anger (todays topic) was just really helpful to have. Anger is something we all experience, in one way or another; it's not saying that to normalize it or say it's okay to react in it, but just to be aware and observe that anger in others throughout the day, as a way of empathizing and knowing that it's part of what makes us human. Sufficient enough as a grounding exercise for me today. ... my work day was still pretty challenging though, so reflecting now... I think I should lean more on meditation. It is a top line for me after all, and I think it would've helped me after work as I was still a bit irritated from it. Go for walks / Exercise - after my workday was done, I did some push-ups, planks, and used my kids as part of my weight exercises haha. Shower + wash face - Will do that tonight before going to bed. Drink Water - I drank like 3 water bottles on the work day alone Nutrition Breakfast: I had 2 pieces of toast with cheese and jam Lunch: rest of the leftover pizza Dinner: tbd, my mother-in-law is making dinner Talk to my partner - During my lunch break was my plan but instead I helped my wife build an easel for the kids; part of the birthday gift for my oldest, but all kids will be using it. She needed my assistance putting the middle of it together, and I helped her fix the alignment of the legs as well. Instructions were confusing to follow but we got it done. I was a bit irritable after work and tried talking with her, but I'm going to try again tonight... I feel like I can articulate myself better now that I've calmed down and the business of the day isn't there anymore. Talk to my kids + play with them - I involved them as my "weights" for my workout lol, and we celebrated my oldest kids birthday (yes again) with my in-laws this time. They also got to try the easel. Practice French - I still need to practice tonight, will do that later. Journal - Todays work day kinda sucked honestly, I'm actually glad I took the lunch break to build the easel with my wife. It gave me a sense of accomplishment to build that easel. ------ 7 habits - proactivity test - day 24 Commitments yesterday: Review my work plan first thing after I check-in to work tomorrow, and make notes for my future self continue with 7 Habits workbook My notes are all in my calendar, which is private cuz work. As for the 7 Habits... I have notes on my phone, but I am gonna leave posting them for tomorrow. I have other priorities I'm going to work on tonight (hygiene, talking with my partner) Commitments for tomorrow post 7 habits workbook exercises (maybe do more too) Remember to lean on top lines when getting frustrated -- ...Tomorrow is a new day, so I'm not going to let how annoying work was today get me down. Night everyone!