Food Schedule update (19.6-2.7): Because I bought green beans by accident instead of edamame I may use them interchangeably 1 for 1 with edamame (1g = 1g) I may also eat up to 30g peanut butter throughout the day. (Test in the morning, see how it feels and update here if it's gonna me in the morning for the next two weeks tomorrow. (That is because I want to finish foods and not throw it out or something and I see I'm not using it 🙂 ) The rest remains the same

Not really. I still remember clearly the week-long Summer vacation I was put on at 13, where a sizeable handful of us children/teenagers had (another, for me) spiritual experience. For the 2 years after that (peak habit-forming period, perhaps), I was on my own with (mainly) internet and social exploration - for the most part. I often process slowly now unless stressed, if that even counts. So while my experience outstrips my family and friends' in some ways, in those matters, I am trailing behind - who should reach out first about what? 😮 I have been toying with the idea using other social media more restrictively in terms of what and who I share with. Whatever might get people to be more sincere. ______________ June 18 - Day #4.5 It's keyboard time again, because I would have written or spoken darkly after yesterday, and admitting or even sharing that among you fine ladies and gentlemen may be too cruel. I had a dream last night that my old neighbourhood (or maybe invented a new or even older perspective that way - it used to feel vibrant) was transformed into one big holiday resort. My ex was with her mom, and as usual, she strayed off and bumped into me. I think the statistics would have been 75-80% of the conversation we made (mostly life updates, I think) pleased her, and the rest either made her recoil or nervous. Not bad. I didn't wake up feeling too rested though, so maybe gym in a couple of hours. Gaming: I've had a lot of thoughts about letting the decision of gaming speak for itself with something like a 'screw the lot of you miserable b******s' (offline society/communities). But the thought of not even having recorded 1 week after making what felt like my longest recommitment post here ever, and at least having felt 'at home' whilst at home in the meantime kept me somewhat perked up. I really don't miss having my strained eyes glued to my screen, but I sort of miss all those miniature calculations and stuff. I had a thought this morning about people liking me on my first tighter-knit community on my game because I was so brutally defensive - and honest about it. Really, I was just typing everything that popped into my head as if we were all on stage, while music in my earphones spurred me on, shutting out everything beyond my room. That's probably not going to happen anymore. Erotic material: Not today. _____________ Gratitude: ~ Having made 2 conscious choices not to try and follow through with 'bad energy', and felt 'right' so far ~ Filtered some reading of the news ~ An early cup of ginger (and something else) tea ~ Feeling like I did fulfil needs that gaming often did, without playing Over and out. Matt    

Entry 17.6 ( Written on 18.6) Day 626: No Useless Videos Day 625: Sticking to Food schedule Day 227: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 218: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -finishing grocery purchase in the grocery shop relatively quickly - Overcoming the urge to go to sleep yet again (even though I was indeed dozing off -Quickly letting go of an order which was begun by me and letting another rep make it because I was occupied with another, even though eventually the one I was dealing with ended up not closing and the one he took did 🙂 No matter I could only be in one place  1 Thing I could do better -Ordered from grocery store a week in advance, not just 4 days, since it seems this much in advance is not enough and they seem not to have ordering options in this case.... (Thus I lost about an hour time (1hr 20 min instead of 20 min it usually takes me to order)

12 June - 16 June: I met my friend, spent time with my girlfriend and attended a small high-school reunion. It was nice to see the guys after a while. I also finished the testing of students who had it as a requirement. I also worked on updating my website yesterday, although I am heavily considering consulting a professional. I strongly believe in improving my online presence as much as I believe in improving my actual teaching skills. It's really on the same level and these two must go together. My brother, my girlfriend and I also visited my mom at the spa. The visit was OK, so I hope it helps her mental health. She should come back home the next week. I was also a bit bored yesterday, but I did some things around the flat. It's odd, but necessary to be bored sometimes. I haven't watched porn in almost a month, so hooray for that 😄 

Wow, I can't imagine the nerve of that person. I can imagine happening it once (even though meeting somebody new should likely be top priority), but not twice. I'm certain it's a good thing you won't work there, if that's how it goes there 😄  Do you have any support to help you with that? I started solving my porn problem actively and I've been clean for almost a month now.