Imagining scenarios you could be in is stupid and a waste of time. That's what social media does it makes you imagine where you could be by looking at influencers and people with all these mansions and money at the beach. They do that so you either feel like shit or you just keep imagining what that would be like without putting in the actual work to get there. Cause work and effort sucks. That's the main message of social media and gaming. We don't want to face the hardships of life so we turn to screens.   i am done with it I am so done with it.  from now on im going to journal weekly with a list of accomplishments i got done based on what my actual goals and aspirations are (which i still have to map out). This way i can steer clear of screens as much as possible.    Fuck gaming, fuck social media

Still treat work as a game have thinking patterns related to winning at games. Looking to talk to people more to keep myself grounded and strong.

Entry 30.5 Day 135: No Useless Videos Day 967: Sticking to Food schedule Day 570: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 118: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  -10 Concentrated work units -1 Hour of practical studies -1 hour of german studies 1 Thing I could do better -Eat and do concentrated units separatly Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 136

I learned I have a lot of anxiety. My anxiety is can be categorized into 3 different worries. These 3 worries is when my mind makes a catastrophe out of one small action. For example if I leave a charging cord plugged in overnight. I know it won't cause the house to burn down or start a fire, as I've kept my phone charging overnight multiple times. But my brain creates this huge what if scenario of the house burning down because I left my charger in. My brain will explicitly show me in my room with the house on fire as I try to escape.   My brain does this with two other sections too, that being health and if I'm going to get in trouble / disappointing people.   I have no idea where I picked up this anxiety because I've always believed people who make catastrophes out of small actions or small situations to be toxic attention seekers. I'm not that, but through learning this about myself, I notice how much work I still need to do in regards to thinking about others. I've never been egocentric, I've always cared about others. But I think being on social media as much as I have has silently influenced me to only worry about what will happen to me, or what others will think. Even though I've always thought that behavior was detestable and the people doing it were toxic and egocentric.    The reality is, no one in the real world has to care what I think. Most of the population doesn't care what I do or what I think. The reason it seems otherwise is because social media blows up about people's thoughts and how it's not the same as theirs. The other reality is, in terms of my three fears, all of them are rare. Me doing every day things is not going to cause them.    im so tired and I hate so much that i picked up this gross way of thinking. The thinking that one small thing will ruin my day. I honestly hate myself for it. And I hate how much I have been complaining and focusing on negativity and the flaws of others without realizing it.    I want to worry less, focus on the positives and think about others rather than worrying what's going to happen to me. Most of the time stuff doesn't happen to you personally. I again picked up the way of thinking from social media who will complain how one consequence of an action, or one situation will ruin their entire life.   im so sick of it

Great job, Hosser. My instinct is to suggest that when you feel tired of the mentally challenging stuff for the day, consider whether even following a drawing tutorial is also mentally taxing at all -- and if so, consider simply drawing in concordance with your feelings, your physical body, letting your mind rest. Let it be a free, happy activity, with your own rules or lack of rules. That could also help with your boredom and youtube scrolling, since it would more precisely address what your system is looking for. Incorporate mental activity into the task only as it feels natural, and flows organically into the process, even if the thoughts are negative or chaotic -- let it be refuge for yourself, where all is safe and good.