Thursday morning, day 9: Basically spent Wednesday finishing reading that fiction novel. A lot of it revolves around music, but also the characters getting through ~50 years of life (1960s to 2010s), speeding up the years near its end. I don't really know its target audience, but I'm probably included; the author was born in 1950, so the timeline should have suited him at least. I'm now interested in what other people my age, as pre-adults, may have gone for in terms of entertainment that may have been too mature for them. I went for music and movies, while sticking to Harry Potter etc. at the same time. I had one moment where I considered the feeling of playing my first main profile on the problem game's re-release, almost to the point of my second, which should soon, too, be snug and boring in free-to-play status. The only thing a 'main' profile did was give a small sense of invulnerability: 'easy mode'. It would have reminded me of how I 'knew what I was doing' on the game, but had little real method or 'grit/patience'. But I shook my head after a couple of minutes - the thought occurring while washing up.  No real bad news, though early abstinence seems to be a fragile state of affairs sometimes. Relatedly, today I was waking myself up and hoping to get to the gym, but who should start text-monologuing me but Wheatbiscuit Senior? If I thought that making 'how are you' a mandatory conversational starting point every day would help, I would, but it seems all I can realistically try to do is put it from my mind until a reaction/response is no longer interesting. I've had to start psyching myself up again from zero for the day, after the demoralisation of that. On the plus, I swapped for a new book, something a bit humorous I think. I should probably be less hard on myself for the time being - everyone outside of my family tells me that, at least. ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ The book I just read was from a 'take one, leave one' park library; might check it out again and leave what I didn't the first time, plus this book, before trying to select another ~ Sun warmth ~ Checking my first main profile's statistics for memories, and a reminder of what playing it meant ~ I listened to myself this morning, unlike when going for yesterday's afternoon walk; that I shouldn't have forced myself onto popular streets while feeling anti-social

Entry 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 182: No Useless Videos Day 1014: Sticking to Food schedule Day 617: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 165: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Afternon workout - 4 pomodoros - Making yet another lesson summary 1 Thing I could do better - Schedule blood test Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 184

Entry 15.7 written on 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 181: No Useless Videos Day 1013: Sticking to Food schedule Day 616: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 164: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - 75% effort run - Fixed ublock origin - Having made a decision to take a few more classes to raise my chances of approval 1 Thing I could do better - Make time to call regarding the apartment Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 183

Still going strong(ish) Haven't played at all in 3 years. I still think about playing every single day. I still try to convince myself it'd be fine to break my streak. In the end, I stick to my guns and I'm much happier for it.

Thank you @Ikar and @Yan for your words.    I did realize my struggle to gain good habits and be less on my phone was not because of my toxic living situation. It was because of myself, essentially using it as an excuse to not do anything. I was so afraid of being judged or ridiculed for messing up or experimenting, that I just didn't. The reality is as toxic as some of my relationships are at the moment, their judgement wasn't stopping me from doing things i enjoy or trying new hobbies. And if they do judge, that shouldn't stop me from enjoying it, and it says more about them than me. I don't know what it was, but I was so afraid of what I enjoy being discovered for some reason, that I just didn't do hobbies. I think social media still has a bit of impact on me because showing too much passion for something, or enjoying anything is seen as "weird" or "cringe".    I am passed this feeling of hesitation though, and I'm already starting to see progress in terms of my sleep getting better, and increased reading.