Reset

Well you guys probably remember me from awhile ago. I am restarting the whole game quitters process again so I figured I would make it whole again and come back and reintroduce myself. Well my name is Jordan and I am 18 years old. I am a senior in high school who is about to get ready for college to get into psychology. I have had gaming issues ever since I was little. I would play all night and day, procrastinate on everything, I don't have friends, I am depressed because I can't get a girlfriend which I have been trying for the past 2 years and here recently a couple months ago I had a girl who finally said she liked me but then 6hrs after telling me she blocked me on instagram so that has had me down for the past couple months and I am still very depressed and now I am still letting gaming consume me. See the only reason I want to quit gaming is to work on my success to get her back or something, but then I tell myself what is the point of working on my life if I am not going to get her back or any girlfriend for the that matter so guess what I do? I continue to game. I want to break this vicious cycle and start working on my life but it is hard to motivate myself if a girlfriend is the only reason I am working on myself but I am trying it anyways and hoping maybe something will come up and work or I will find other reasons to continue working on my life. I am just very depressed and I have ptsd and a few other things. I think I am ugly and have low self-esteem, my social skills suck, I think my ugliness is what contributes to not having a girlfriend which makes me feel hopeless because I can't change my looks. I feel like a zombie and an outsider in any activity or things I do in school or out of school. Since I don't really have friends or anything I just sit in my room all day scrolling on my phone and laying in bed. Occasionally I will have plans to do something some days but mostly just sitting in my room by myself which makes me feel more like a zombie and robotic type of person. Today I played video games for half the day and this other half I am working on starting this new chapter of quitting games. Tomorrow will officially be my first day of my detox. But when I was cleaning and preparing and reading today I realized my mind is everywhere like I have to do this and this. Like I have to control how everything in my life works down to a T. This makes me feel so overwhelmed and more like a zombie and tired and fatigued and a sense of hopelessness and depression all the time. I have written enough. I just hope this program can help me break all these vicious cycles and thought loops and not feel fatigued and depressed all the time. I want friends and happiness and things to do and overall feel really good about life and where it is going and not like this anymore. I have felt this way for the past 10 years. Enough is enough!