Quitting.. For Good

[pbaby]

Day 1 (23rd October 2019)

It's odd that playing one of those idle clicker game actually spurred me to see the pattern of how so far been spending my time ineffectively.

Having been moved here, cooped up in my room is definitely not healthy.

I missed two of my classes and I felt terrible.

I would love to start and pick up books again, especially related o my studies.

Today I am grateful: finding this community.

[pbaby]

Day 2 (29 October 2019)

This proved A LOT harder than I expected.

As soon as I made this though commitment to myself, I fell into a deep hard relapse mode.

Binging hard on games and internet and everything else like there's no tomorrow.

I feel so shitty although I managed to drag myself out to attend an interview.

I am now back because I need to beat this sucker down.

So day 2 here I am back and starting again,,,

[pbaby]

Day 3 (31st October 2019)

Wow, I cant believe it is already the end of October

Yesterday a bunch of my friends messaged me on Facebook

It was good and sad talking from different people, it seems that that part of my life has truly ended

Starting over is scary and a little isolating

Howver I am grateful for this time that I am able on focus on things that has been on my crutches

Today I decided to face the challenges that caused me to go into gaming and browsing, my clutter.

I am currently setting up a goal for myself to start 15 minutes, nay 5 minutes at a time

on the other hand, I am trying to learn to be okay with boredom, not engaging and trying to distract it.

learn to be okay with the restlessness

another thing I will try is to eat outside of my room, this can go on forver, this isolation,

I will get better and get out of this

[Self made miracle]

I hear you on starting over. I just hard reset my life as well and it's incredibly terrifying. But it's also your opportunity to become the person that you've always wanted yourself to be. That's kind of exciting.

Small steps is good. It's going to be a marathon and you can't run a marathon without going one step at a time. (Even if you're that freak of nature that ran it in under 2 hours). You also can't run a marathon if you sprint too fast at the start and burn out. Go slow and be kind to yourself. We can do this together.

Edited October 31, 2019 by Self made miracle