Rivers' journal

[rivers]

It has been 2 weeks since I quit video games, and while I have been more productive, I still have some more bad habits to break. I have been drawing/painting more which is good, but I have also been watching too many movies in place of playing games. I don't even like movies as much as games so it doesn't really make sense for me to be doing this. I quit games so that I could accomplish more, not just sit around and watch movies.

I am setting a limit for myself of watching only one movie on days that i have off and no movies on work days. I am allowing myself to watch one episode of a show per day while I eat dinner but no more after that. I can't just put my computer in my closet like I did with my games so it's a lot easier to fall off the wagon with watching movies, but I am going to do my best.

Also I decided to quit drinking coffee. I have about half a bag left of it in the pantry and I am weaning myself off of it. Once it's gone, I'm done with caffeine.

Another thing- porn... I haven't completely decided on this one yet... I haven't been masturbating nearly as much as I usually do lately... but I feel like it should stop completely. It leaves me feeling empty inside afterwords, plus it is another time waster. 

I am tired of working dead end jobs and living at my mom's house and I am willing to do anything and everything it takes to get out of this situation and make a better life for myself. I have already made a lot of sacrifices but I still have a long road ahead of me. Anyway, one day at a time of course. Thanks to anyone for reading.

[rivers]

Thanks for the comment James. 

I actually haven't had much trouble with Youtube (except for sometimes- read next paragraph) since I quit games because pretty much all I watched on there was gaming stuff. I still watch music videos but I don't feel bad about that. What gets me is binge watching tv shows... I recently got good internet which is a blessing and a curse. It can be hard to tell myself I am only going to watch one or two episodes and actually follow through but I am working on it. 

I decided for sure that I am going to try the no-fap thing for 90 days and see what happens. Whenever I masturbate I always get the urge  afterwords to read random articles or watch videos...I think it's because it causes me to crave social interaction. Also I can see how it might decrease motivation. Anyway that's it for today. Gotta wake up early for work tomorrow. 

[rivers]

I'm a little over a month without games now. Honestly I don't even miss them that much. I have become much more focused on achieving my goals. I'm not really watching movies anymore either. I did have a relapse into drugs and porn for a few days but I feel that I learned from it. One thing I am realizing is that I am the most important person in my life. It seems silly to write it, like it should be obvious, but I think that for a long time I was way too nice to others when I should have been nicer to myself. I do sort of have one old friend- used to be my best friend back in the day. Sometimes he texts me and wants me to come over for dinner but he has a wife and kid now and is just not the same person I once enjoyed being with. I decided to stop wasting my time going over there when it's not something I really want to do. I am trying to live my life like it is near the end- attempting to get the most out of my time and accomplish as much as I can. 

[Ikar]

16 hours ago, rivers said:

One thing I am realizing is that I am the most important person in my life. It seems silly to write it, like it should be obvious, but I think that for a long time I was way too nice to others when I should have been nicer to myself.

Great observation, 100% correct though. Keep going! ?