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rivers

Rivers' journal

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It has been 2 weeks since I quit video games, and while I have been more productive, I still have some more bad habits to break. I have been drawing/painting more which is good, but I have also been watching too many movies in place of playing games. I don't even like movies as much as games so it doesn't really make sense for me to be doing this. I quit games so that I could accomplish more, not just sit around and watch movies.

I am setting a limit for myself of watching only one movie on days that i have off and no movies on work days. I am allowing myself to watch one episode of a show per day while I eat dinner but no more after that. I can't just put my computer in my closet like I did with my games so it's a lot easier to fall off the wagon with watching movies, but I am going to do my best.

Also I decided to quit drinking coffee. I have about half a bag left of it in the pantry and I am weaning myself off of it. Once it's gone, I'm done with caffeine.

Another thing- porn... I haven't completely decided on this one yet... I haven't been masturbating nearly as much as I usually do lately... but I feel like it should stop completely. It leaves me feeling empty inside afterwords, plus it is another time waster. 

I am tired of working dead end jobs and living at my mom's house and I am willing to do anything and everything it takes to get out of this situation and make a better life for myself. I have already made a lot of sacrifices but I still have a long road ahead of me. Anyway, one day at a time of course. Thanks to anyone for reading.

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Congrats on being 2 weeks game free already, that's a great start.

I can resonate with the movie issue. After I quit I watched countless hours of Twitch and YouTube. Eventually, I had to install a website blocker on my devices in order to control it. I don't know what it is about online media that just seems to draw people in and not let them escape, but it's some powerful stuff.

WIshing you all the best on your journey!

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Thanks for the comment James. 

I actually haven't had much trouble with Youtube (except for sometimes- read next paragraph) since I quit games because pretty much all I watched on there was gaming stuff. I still watch music videos but I don't feel bad about that. What gets me is binge watching tv shows... I recently got good internet which is a blessing and a curse. It can be hard to tell myself I am only going to watch one or two episodes and actually follow through but I am working on it. 

I decided for sure that I am going to try the no-fap thing for 90 days and see what happens. Whenever I masturbate I always get the urge  afterwords to read random articles or watch videos...I think it's because it causes me to crave social interaction. Also I can see how it might decrease motivation. Anyway that's it for today. Gotta wake up early for work tomorrow. 

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I'm a little over a month without games now. Honestly I don't even miss them that much. I have become much more focused on achieving my goals. I'm not really watching movies anymore either. I did have a relapse into drugs and porn for a few days but I feel that I learned from it. One thing I am realizing is that I am the most important person in my life. It seems silly to write it, like it should be obvious, but I think that for a long time I was way too nice to others when I should have been nicer to myself. I do sort of have one old friend- used to be my best friend back in the day. Sometimes he texts me and wants me to come over for dinner but he has a wife and kid now and is just not the same person I once enjoyed being with. I decided to stop wasting my time going over there when it's not something I really want to do. I am trying to live my life like it is near the end- attempting to get the most out of my time and accomplish as much as I can. 

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16 hours ago, rivers said:

One thing I am realizing is that I am the most important person in my life. It seems silly to write it, like it should be obvious, but I think that for a long time I was way too nice to others when I should have been nicer to myself.

Great observation, 100% correct though. Keep going! 🙂

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